12 best double entendres of all time

keltoms

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is

Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was

amazing!"



2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves

it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'



3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a

lovely horse. I once rode her mother."



4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 -

"Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the

Cox of the Oxford crew."



5. US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold

Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes

out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god!! What have I just said??"





6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on

'Time Team Live' said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."



7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed

to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob,

where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE

have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were

laughing so hard!



8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt

much better today after a 69 yesterday."



9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North

said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night

like this."



10. Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky

Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he

gets."



11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up

to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage

remarked:



"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's

only come in his shorts."



12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his

caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks

Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.":D

AlmightyCushion

Sweet I love double entendres. Ha they're brilliant. Love the eight inches one.:D

Kazooie

An interview with Michael scumacher after a race..

Interviewer: "So Michael how did it feel to have Barrichello ramming you from behind?"

drunk_monk

Ha ha very good, here's a few more:

The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away..."My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."
Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."

Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

'Winning Post's' Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."

Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

Oliverdog

A great thread, lads !

And of course David Coleman's classic at the Olympics - "Juantarena opens his legs down the back straight and shows his true class" ...

Finbar Saunders, where are you ??

Sinfonia

In college library atm trying to stifle the laughter, so so funny

Surely there's been a few about David Seaman?

"Seaman's covered the post"
"Seaman's all over the box"

Something to that effect?

AlmightyCushion

You have it bad sumguy. I was reading these at work earlier. I nearly fuppin' pissed myself. Ah who am I kidding of course I did but only a little.

dulpit

Kazooie wrote:

An interview with Michael scumacher after a race..

Interviewer: "So Michael how did it feel to have Barrichello ramming you from behind?"

Brilliant, haha...

drunk_monk wrote:

Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."

Also brilliant... More haha!

The Hill Billy

During a Test cricket match between the West Indies and England, the commentator - Brian Johnston - described a change of players as "The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willey".


Michael Holding being the batsman & Peter Willey being the bowler.

Oliverdog

keltoms wrote:

5. US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold

Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes

out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god!! What have I just said??":D

Classic collection, keltoms. But the way I heard this one was -

"Arnie's wife always kisses his balls for luck before every tournament ..... his golf balls, that is !"

If he hadn't said the last words, he wouldn't have been fired. As it was ....

A great quote, all the same.

Kojak

Kazooie wrote:

An interview with Michael scumacher after a race..

Interviewer: "So Michael how did it feel to have Barrichello ramming you from behind?"

Haha, classic

stipey

In theory (I'm not sure if it was ever said or not) there could have been something like "and Seamen's dribbled out of the box just in front of the Bell End " (at Maine Rd)

Slow Motion

Not a quote but....

A woman walks into a bar and asks the barman to make her a double entendre...so he gives her one

Mossin

I love them...
Here's another..

"And there goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class."
(David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics)

kittenkiller

Slow Motion wrote:

Not a quote but....

A woman walks into a bar and asks the barman to make her a double entendre...so he gives her one

Nice none the less!

tolosenc

I remember hearing one during a cricket match. The fifth(second last) ball of the over gets bowled and hits the batsman in his crotch. He falls to the ground in agony. Eventually after a few minutes he's deemed fit to continue, and the commentator says:
"Right, we're ready to continue. Only one ball left..."

FrCrilly

Here are some real life one’s that I’ve come across.

An male accountant in my office was not sure what exactly to do with a certain book keeping entry, so he shouts across the office to another male accountant “Where do you want me to stick it in?????”

My brother was practicing driving around our house with his girlfriend in the car. While driving, he drove over a bag of a white industrial powder that was laying on the ground, causing it to spread around. When they came back into the house, his girlfriend said “Michael left a load of white stuff all over the driveway!!!!”

In both cases, I hit the floor.

darkskol

This thread is great

Dord

lmfao! no.7 is priceless :D