The Ray D'Arcy Show Thread - Mod note Post # 1 Updated

BaZmO*

HooohRaaah wrote: »

It puts the lotion in the basket...

Horse84

If I could thank that last post twice, I would. PMSL

Michael Weston

wnolan1992 wrote: »

Really enjoyed the organ donation piece this morning.

And Ray asked the question of the year during the interview with the man with all the kids: "And will you be impregnating any women this week?" :pac:

He made a good point when he said driving licences should have an opt out box instead of opt in for organ donation.

BaZmO*

Michael Weston wrote: »

He made a good point when he said driving licences should have an opt out box instead of opt in for organ donation.

In fairness though, that suggestion has been proposed for years. A lot of countries have been doing the opt out option for a very long time.

DuckStab

Apologies in advance but I have a boil in need of lancing, no doubt due to me ingesting nearly an entire indirect teaspoon of sugar this week.

I think last Thursday's show should be permanently archived as a masterclass in the inimitable brand of D'arcy Cringe Radio, and any time someone comes to the thread saying "he's not all that bad" should be subjected to a 72 hour loop of it!

Straight out of the gate with the childhood obesity epidemic, he'd never let that happen to Tom and Kate you know. Tom and Kate are his kids by the way, he tries to keep it under wraps but Alan Shatter got it up on Pulse. Then, because there aren't enough mentions of children we shoot to Limerick (pardon the pun) to hear about a toddler that went walkabout, with the intention of having mothers sitting at the kitchen table staring at their 3 year old autistic sprog realise just how lucky they are while the tears stream down their face. Despite the obvious ocular impairment this would visit, it doesn't impede their texting ability.

We then move on to a 40 minute section on the oft-overlooked pastime of running with a motivational speaker as his sidekick, presumably to balance out the anecdotes of "the cartilage in my knee is shagged and now I'm only 4'9"... First question "How far did you run this morning?", however his compatriot is hereby discovered to be a slob, having only ran FOUR MILES. Sure that's the round trip Ray does to go from the living room to the fridge to get one of his no salt no fat no sugar no carbs no neutron no molecule flavour-devoid rice cake segments "as a treat".
It was relatively amusing to hear the caller being introduced by Ray and specifically saying "I wanted to ask GERRY...", as no doubt she was duly aware of Ray's tendency to hijack any and all correspondence to anyone.
And one of his key personality traits shone through in that particular segment. When someone else is talking, he's not the man who's listening but rather just waiting for his opportunity to speak. The other party may as well not have said anything because Ray had already made up his mind on what the gospel was going to be.

Anyway, as much fun as talking about running is, it was necessary to balance it out with the ubiquitous cancer segment, get the aul' lacrimal glands flexed because you need to exercise all the muscles. In fairness, it was all going quite well. The girl in question (the daughter of the late Gerry Collins of the quit smoking ads) was a great guest and very together despite what recently happened. A remarkably misery-devoid misery section, which I'm sure rubbed Ray up the wrong way. His attempt to turn the misery screw was an attempt to rerun the ad. Note I say "attempt". Because when he went to play it we are met with dead air and "Wait, no, I'll do that again!" Of all the segments to have a Stop Stop Eject moment, outright hilarity.

They say you should never meet your idols, and Ray went above and beyond the call of duty to prove this maxim in the most toe curling fashion possible when his would-be eromenos Paolo Nutini made an ill-advised visit. Ray, not one to hold a long term illogical grudge, started by (and I'm paraphrasing slightly) "The last interview you gave me was sh1te", and that pretty much set the tone for the proceeding disaster.

When going through the details of the impending gig/current album, "Just getting the facts out of the way", i.e. "This is one long plug isn't it?"
His infantile need to pigeonhole people so as to easily dismiss them was then brought to the fore, his repeated insistence on Paolo slapping a genre on his album was however met with resistance. In a last ditch attempt to coin the term soulfunkavantgardecore, so began a failed analogy that ended in something even Alan Partridge wouldn't have countenanced.
RD: "But if you were ringing up a cousin and they asked you what was the new album like what would you say?"
PN: "...I'd say it was fantastic. If I don't like it what chance have I got!"
RD: "Hahaha *siiiigh* And tell your auntie I was asking for her"
PN: "I will do..."
RD: "No no no no, that's what you'd tell your cousin!"

As the flop sweat starts to drench the microphone we move deftly on to the screamy live performance so that Ray can have a moment to polish his already refined interview technique.

RD: "I was instructed not to ask about your love life... ...welll...?
PN: "..."
RD: "Are you riding Laura Whitmore?" (slightly paraphrased)
PN: "That's none of your business."
RD: *nervous laughter* "That put me in my place." Yes, that 5'2" Tardis from whence you came.

The second wave of flop sweat arrives, so we move to last resort territory and the texts that in the interim had been harvested from the depths of Hades/Leirim are wheeled forth:

"At home with morning sickness, still managed to dance around to that" (I believe I shouted "Do f##k off" toward the radio at this point)
"Paolo is my no strings"
"Love love love Paolo"
"Sooooo sexy"
"Two words: sha wing" (pronounced cha wing, of course)
Then several in the vein of "I got no tickets for his gig, Paolo should put on a free one on his night off"

Ray, showing a further lack of awareness regarding logistics, economics or indeed human nature, latched onto the last one like a grain weevil, although after being met with "We'll be back later in the year", banished the miserly Scot from His presence.

The last segment clearly a passion piece, as we hear all about a man with a bulbous papier maché head several times too big for his frame who made a career out of making people uncomfortable via gags falling flat... interspersed with some guy talking about Frank Sidebottom.

Phew, apologies again for the rant but I had to unleash it somewhere. Better out than in, that's what Professor D'arcy always says, and woe betide the mortal that disobeys him. Off for a quick 20 mile run before bed now, bye bye bye bye bye.

*somehow accidentally posts in After Hours

*siiiiiigh*, stop, eject not that thread, this one.

Foley48

That has got to be one of, if not THE BEST, comment I have ever read on boards or any other forum. lol, just lol.

6781

Excellent post.

BaZmO*

It really is The "Ray D'Arcy" Show

Frog Song

Duckstab email that in to his show PLEASE!!!

gazzer

DuckStab. You HAVE to email that into the show. The funniest post I have read on this thread.

Ugo Monye spacecraft experience

Wonderful

eisenberg1

"And then the rings are passed round the congregation"
"so everyone in the congregation gets to handle your ring titter"

And that was BEFORE ten...................

HooohRaaah

Fantastic post. Please e-mail that to the crew.

DuckStab

While I think you post is pure genius and perfectly articulates the frustration the majority of us feel on this thread, I do feel the need to pull you up on one point ...

DuckStab wrote: »

. Ray had already made up his mind on what the gospel was going to be.".

I'm sorry but we cannot use the word Gospel and its religious connotations, please use a more humanist word.


apart from that, you're my new hero!

great stuff! especially the "floods of tears in the kitchen" bit. ........ I'm sick to death of hearing that tweet/text......what are people like FFS??? **** happens us all - every 2nd person gets something - we just dont all "air" in on the Ray D'arcy Show.

brilliant!

Typer Monkey

eisenberg1 wrote: »

"And then the rings are passed round the congregation"
"so everyone in the congregation gets to handle your ring titter"

And that was BEFORE ten...................

The poor woman, it was such a juvenile comment to make. She made a crack back at him in fairness to her and he says 'I don't know where this is going'..eh down into the gutter D'Arcy and you started it!

CarrickMcJoe

Gotta say DuckStab, great post, I'm a 6'5" truck driver and just had to stop dancing round the kitchen to read it.
Now in floods of tears, but for a change they are tears of joy......

BPKS

Today has seen running, religion, weddings, woman looking for a man, rant about Alan Shatter/Enda Kenny, the food Ray made yesterday (my own onion marmalade - what a w*nker) and a "celebrity" chef.

Only 14 minutes to get the mention of Kate and Tom in Ray.

Michael Weston

For fuk sake eating on air again!! It's bloody ridiculous mmm umm umm swallow gulp, how do they think people want to hear this ****e ,then edit and print all the texts saying Ray makes a better sandwich while reading them with a mouthful of bread

CarrickMcJoe

CarrickMcJoe wrote: »

Gotta say DuckStab, great post, I'm a 6'5" truck driver and just had to stop dancing round the kitchen to read it.
Now in floods of tears, but for a change they are tears of joy......

ha ha

Jenny, Jenny, Jenny, Jenny, Jenny bite my ham sandwich, Jenny, Jenny, Jenny............
tooooo cosy this husband and wife stuff!
Imagine Pat Kenny, Gay Byrne, Ivan Yates, Sean Moncrieff banging on and on about their wife who works beside them throughout their shows? I'm outta here........work beckons!

HooohRaaah

Does anybody know what the staff on the show exactly do? It's a three hour show that plays music with a bit of chat.

Ray D'Arcy
Will Hanafin
Cupid Kelly
Mairead Farrell
There's someone else involved whose name escapes me.

Anyone know what they all do?

LynnGrace

Brilliant post Duckstab! I never get to hear Ray, but I enjoy the thread nonetheless.

FunLover18

HooohRaaah wrote: »

Does anybody know what the staff on the show exactly do? It's a three hour show that plays music with a bit of chat.

Ray D'Arcy
Will Hanafin
Cupid Kelly
Mairead Farrell
There's someone else involved whose name escapes me.

Anyone know what they all do?

PAMELA!! She does the googling for the fix it Friday items

mikep

Only so Duckstab can do more posts! Keep em coming....

HooohRaaah

Does D'Arcy really need Pamela, Cupid Kelly, Will and Mariead working for him?
They seem to have the handiest jobs going.

neris

finally gave up listening to him last week and i feel much better and less angry. was flicking over through the stations in car about 9:10 this morn as the radio through today fm on the preset all i heard was a whopping big sigh. had to laugh as i flicked back to newstalk very quickly

HooohRaaah

Hang on... Is that Ray eating chocolate? Surely there's sugar in chocolate!

pookiesboo

HooohRaaah wrote: »

Hang on... Is that Ray eating chocolate? Surely there's sugar in chocolate!

his poor kids probably get hummus and carrot sticks for Easter.

CarrickMcJoe

neris wrote: »

finally gave up listening to him last week and i feel much better and less angry. was flicking over through the stations in car about 9:10 this morn as the radio through today fm on the preset all i heard was a whopping big sigh. had to laugh as i flicked back to newstalk very quickly

That sigh you heard was nothing compared to the huge sigh he let go after 11.
It was that bad, I could smell oniony marmalade from the radio.