Hello

Limerick Dude

Just a bit of backround to my situation.....

My birth mother has been sending me letters all during my life and ive written one or two back to her. I cant remember the last time i wrote one to her, im 18 now and it must of been 13 since I wrote one back. Unfortunatly for the past few years when my Dad(not my birth father but you know...) was asking me If i wanted to meet my birth mother I took it really badly and i got really angry at him because I thought he was trying to replace my adopted mother(who died when i was around 9). After that i never wrote a letter back to her and she would still send me a card for my birthday every year which I have only come to appreciate now.

Its only been over the past few months that I have felt badly for not writing back because it must of been pretty upsetting for my birth mother not hearing from me. I think im going to write her a letter soon and apoligise. Im now interested in meeting my birth mother, I think it could be a good experience.

How did everyone find there first meeting with there birth mother or father.
Obviously it would of been scary....Has anyone regretted it?

Btw I havent received a letter from her in the past few years, maybe it was because of my no reply to her....I hope she hasnt given up hope and I hope that my letter to her will mean somethingto her.
I know from the last letter that my birth mother has married(never a mention of my birth father) and that she has had two children, so i have a half brother and half sister which is cool.

Sorry for this post being all over the place, just want to know other people's experiences and its nice to share mine to people who know where im coming from.

The_Conductor

Hi Limerick Dude,

Its nice that your birthmum wrote letters to you. I can understand where you were coming from when you were angry at your Dad for suggesting that you'd like to meet with your birthmum- its a very personal thing that you can only do when you are ready to do so yourself. A lot of adopted people also feel a great deal of gratitude towards our adoptive parents and feel that we would somehow be betraying them by acknowledging that we would like to meet our birthparents. I suppose its a combination of fear of the unknown- but also a fear that it will somehow change our relationships with our adoptive parents/families.

It was my birthday last week- and among the cards I got were two lovely cards- one from my adoptive parents and one from birthmum. They mean an awful lot to me, both of them.

I don't have a lot of contact with my birthmum myself, but I do not regret meeting her. I have a few letters and cards from her- which I can read again whenever I feel like it, as I cannot call her in the same way as I can my adoptive parents. They are comforting in some ways.

If you have contact details for your birthmum- I think it would be a lovely thing to write to her. Perhaps you could put your feelings in writing and let her know that you didn't mean to hurt her feelings by not writing to her. I don't think that she has given up on you- people do get busy in their lives from time to time, and those things that mean a lot to us are often put on the long finger until we have time to sit down and give them the attention and care that they deserve. The longer we leave things though- the more difficult it can be to come back to them again- think of all the things that you intended to do at some stage and never got around to- and think back wishfully about.

Its lovely that you know you have brothers and sisters- its nice to know that we have siblings out there somewhere. If you do write to her- its possibly something that you could mention- if your siblings are aware of you, they could very likely like to meetup sometime with the elder brother they have never met?

Personally- I would advise you to go to a nice card shop and spend a little time picking out a nice card to send to your birthmum. Sit down and write a letter, be open and honest in the letter, and let her know that you have never forgotten her, and that her letters mean a lot to you. Let her know how hard you found it to keep in contact when you were younger and how much it would mean to you if she resumed contact. I imagine as she made an effort to stay in touch for so long, that she will be thrilled when you get back in contact with her again.

Life is very short, there is not enough time for regrets over the things that we could have done, but just never got around to doing........

Limerick Dude

Hey Smccarrick, thanks alot for the long reply, means alot!

Yeah i wrote a letter to her over the weekend which my dad sent off today, it has to be sent to the adoption agency, they read it and then they send it on to my birth mum.
Yeah alot of the letter contained apoligys for not writing to her over the past few years and that I appreciate all the cards she has sent me.
Im really looking forward to the reply now, hopefully it wont take to long to come.
If you dont mind me asking, what age were you when you met up with your birth mum and was it really awkward ?

The_Conductor

Hi,

It was about 4 years ago (I was 28) when I met my mum. I didn't have previous contact with her- and the adoption agency were useless (aka they have a waiting list of over 3 or 4 years in length for assisting adopted people with queries).

It wasn't really awkward when I met my bmum- she chose a lovely place to meet which helped a lot. In retrospect it all happened so fast- it was surreal in many ways, I was thrilled to be there, and not necessarily registering everything that was happening. I don't regret it though- I might have done things differently, but I'm not sure what I could have changed.

From a personal perspective- I would not be happy at all leaving a letter into one of the adoption agencies for them to read prior to sending to my bmum. I'd be furious- in my own case they caused me no end of grief when I tried to find my bmum. I do not see why they have the right to censor my post......

Its really good that your father is supporting you and has been supportive of you towards your bmum all the time- it does make a difference when you have someone like that.

From what you have posted about your Mum- I doubt that it will be too long before she gets back in contact with you once again. I wish you happy times ahead.

Limerick Dude

Sorry for bumping this old thread, I just thought I would give an update on some developments which have happened.

Well since my last post (2007), I sent a letter and received one back from my birth Mum.

Over the next few years, there was no contact, from information which I received, she had some issues going on in her life and I was also busy with mine (being in college and what not).

However, recently I dug out all the old letters and cards from over the years and I decided that I am now mature enough (22 years old) to give this whole situation the attention that it deserves.

I met up with the social worker who works between myself and my birth mum and it was a very positive experience. I was told a lot of information about my birth mum and how she always thinks about me and wants to know how i'm getting on etc.

I recently wrote her a letter, it was probably about 3 weeks ago, the social worker told me that she would be delighted to get back into contact again, and perhaps there could be a potential meeting between myself and my birth mum in the summer.

Things are developing nicely now and I'm looking forward to what the next few months have in store for me.

I will try and keep this thread up to date when any new developments arise.

Regards,

LD.