Some lyrics for your consideration, feedback appreciated

Driver 8

1. Prayers for Rain

I was shown the light, that darkened my eyes
Their expectation turns to disgusted surprise
Seeds of wisdom, useless in my mind's fallow field
My river of conscience, however shallow, will not yield

I stand soaked in a land
Barren, bruised and black
Being offered another's hand
And a direction back

I glimpsed the truth, its sweet and subtle control
I can suspend my thought, but won't surrender my soul
I rejected all creeds, all promises they were willin' to give me
They may feel rejected, but it's in their nature to forgive me

I stand bloodied
In the shadow of a noose
This path's been studied
I have no desire to be cut loose

I was offered salvation, in His holy name
The sky's darkening, I won't trouble myself with games
So they've got everything, though I doubt it's enough
They stand on sacred ground, but it's about to erupt

I may dwell in darkness, disappointment and pain
But when I glimpse you in your light
I utter prayers for rain
I stand bloodied, in the shadow of a noose
I have no desire to be cut loose
I have no desire to be cut loose

I may dwell in darkness, degradation and pain
But when I glimpse you in your light
I utter prayers for rain
I utter prayers for rain

2. The Shadow Cast By Dawn

I...
Taste it. Embrace it
Another temporary death
Half entwined in bliss
Half bathed in the abyss
Revived by autumnal breath

I...
Pondered. Gently wandered
Among wretched, riven trees
This undressed
Raven hair enchantress
Find myself on my knees

She...
Is balletic. Magentic
Aquarius in this conflagrant land
The storm
Stirred by her unveiled form
Illuminates the task at hand

She..
Motions, all notions
Of restraint sail out the door
Embracing her
Tasting her
Just a second more

I...
Gaze, amazed
At her emerald eyes
I can attest
As I felt it penetrate her chest
Every drop of illumination
Died

I...
Rinse the blade, unafraid
Been here too many times before
No victory, no prize
I walked out alive
That's all that matters anymore

I...
Taste it. Embrace it
One more temporary death
Half entwined in bliss
Half soaked in the abyss
Revived by autumnal breath

3. Leonard

One summer,
I pulled a girl from the ocean’s depths

Winter’s disaffection
Spurred on by recollections
Of places I’ve never seen
Navigation
Of half-heard conversations
With people I might have been

I sailed toward a horizon
July and waves of hope

Hand-written notes
In which she hopes
“There’s a solution we can find”
Facts don’t mesh
She may control the flesh
But she’s yet to claim my mind

The storm rose from nothing
Seemed to seal a fate

Strewn womens clothes
That I suppose
Have lain there now for weeks
Existence in-between
Alone with the machine
That has only her message left to speak
…on repeat

The ship then strewn with splinters
No one yet to blame

Home movies
That prove, to me
She was always about to erupt
Eviscerated my mind
Responded in kind
..we ****ed each other up.

My recollection’s not perfect
Someone. Someone’s always gotta walk the plank

One summer,
I pulled a girl from the ocean’s depths

Photos
No one I know
I imagined I found her
Far worse
Imagination reversed
Seems to be I drowned her.

---

All feedback appreciated, thanks

Driver 8

4. Road to Awe

Her lightning struck
Electrified my needs
Smoke clears, dawn nears
Hope, and a will to breathe

Amid desolate rain
And everyday pain
“How’s this for a start?”
The hurt she purged
Rekindled the urge
Glimpsed a beating heart

This is human, this is raw
Love is our road to awe

(C)
Sweetheart
Let’s start
Every other thing
Sweetness
Take this
Accept all that it brings

Pause life’s motion
Take stock of devotion
You always knew was yours
No time left to hesitate
Hear this love reverberate
Dare to dream of more

And before you start…
I’ll trample hearts
I’ll shatter hopes and dreams
To protect what is mine
I’ll sever lifelines
That’s how much this means

This is vital, this is raw
Love is our road to awe

(RC)

One of the few things
You can trust
All I ever wanted was “us”
One of the few things
You can trust
All I ever wanted was “us”
This is all, all I ever saw
Love is our road to awe

(RC)

5. Audrey

Empty vessels-nowhere voyage
Distant ships upon a velvet tide

Lain still, a moon-lit shore
Entranced, still by the sea
I call to you once more
Audrey

Winter, harvesting vestiges of prestige
Plant her seeds of illumination
They swell and glow beneath the dirt

Undertow's reflection
Angel, that ain't me
A clearer head, mesmeric eyes
Audrey

Glimmers, flickers and sparks
Of those who once had furnances in their souls
A world of fire-
Aquarius....

Audrey...Audrey
Sanity. Clarity. Continuity
Audrey...Audrey
All that ever made sense to me
Audrey...Audrey

The tide, just following
My own blood, swallowing
I know just what you're thinking
Aware the vessel's sinking
Unconcerned with these mortal things
Raised me skyward on a pair of wings

I will never drown. She sets me down
And I glimpse the soul I've longed to see...
Oh...oh....Audrey

6. Child of the Wilderness

Far back and unclear-memories converge, overlap
I just appear, the town never merited a place on the map

World of cotton grass below over-arching skies
Time crawls slow, still manages to pass you by

Borne of the wilderness, this raven-haired child
Soul draped in tenderness, yet inescapably wild

Mom would say i started, as i meant to go on
All passion welled up, released in some wailing song

First sight i recall, held aloft by my brother
Taking in outside-it all, knowing we'd be the death of each other

It wasn't me!

Damn, I quite like a lot of that stuff, good feels and rhythms, can almost see exactly what you want from it, and it's pretty solid, good work. Do you have recordings or anything of them?

Frankiestylee

Yeah that stuffs rather good, didn't read through all of them, but the first one is definitly a keeper... though I hope it makes sense in your mind because some of the metaphors etc might kinda contradict each other if you just looked at it straight, but if it makes perfect sense to you in your head then that's excellent. I've no problem with people writing lyrics that are subtle and dense, but I'm not a fan of a wandering story that goes nowhere for the sake of it sounding good.

Interested in what type of music you're writing for? I can see a few differant possibilities with differant styles (which is a good sign for the lyrics) but I'm just curious as to how you hear them? Acoustic folk, metal, Doorsy?

Driver 8

Thanks for the feedbacks. I'm interested as regards the comments on the first one, where do you think the confusion is? It'd help for future reference when writing something else along those lines.

The idea of that one would be the narrator rejected the promises of the faith being offered to him, regardless of the consquences, whether they be the conquence that are readily apparent, or those which those offering forsee.

Sound wise I have no idea. Not metal, I wouldn't say, for the the others apart from Prayers for Rain I have no set sound in my head, Prayers for Rain was very much a product of listening to Bob Dylan's last three albums (especially Things Have Changed and Mississippi) so perhaps something along the lines of that sound. Thanks again

Steve_o

I can certainly see the influence of some of Dylan's later stuff in that alright!!!! I really like it man, keep it up!! You should record it with music and give us the whole idea, i look forward to more!!!

lordgoat

Very hard to judge music without hearing them.

Kinda lose the rhyming every line as well, it's very constrictive and gets a bit repetitive and un-natural

Frankiestylee

I think in the first song it was all the "they"s etc... if it's actually about a guy getting religeon forced on him then I dunno. Something about it is a tad off but at the mo I can't put my finger on it. Still good work though man, it's very hard to judge without hearing it.