gf gone. what to do?

Sam Vimes

the gf's gone away for two months and i'm finishing my exams on monday. now of course i miss her terribly and cry myself to sleep at night ever since she left* but what do all you fine gentlemen suggest i do while the boss is away and i have all this free time?





*she's a boards member. i brought her over to the dark side

trout

Commander Vimes wrote:

... what do all you fine gentlemen suggest i do while the boss is away and i have all this free time?

become ambi-dextrous ... be sure to alternate hands regularly, and use the full range of motion with the chosen arm, so as to avoid what is known as 'popeye syndrome'

also ... put your local takeaways on speed-dial :rolleyes:

finally ... paper plates and plastic cutlery

mwrf

Robotic Relief needs a mention here

http://www.wordpress.tokyotimes.org/?p=702

Interceptor

You can wander around in nothing but one of her thongs, eating from a cereal packet and watching porn with the curtains open. I'm almost jealous. Of course you miss her, of course you'll keep the place tidy. Not. Now wheres that bong....

'cptr

Owen

Par-tay.

brianthebard

drink til you poop liver.

Interceptor

Of course, we could all come over to your gaff and bring beer. We'd tidy up before she got back - I won't even puke in your fridge.

I once got thrown out of a house party for trying to make popcorn in a frying pan with wine instead of oil. The smell lingered for weeks...

'cptr

unkel

Interceptor wrote:

You can wander around in nothing but one of her thongs

That's sick

Metrosexuals like David Beckham and Interceptor should be shot or at least banned from here

brianthebard

Interceptor wrote:

Of course, we could all come over to your gaff and bring beer. We'd tidy up before she got back - I won't even puke in your fridge.

I once got thrown out of a house party for trying to make popcorn in a frying pan with wine instead of oil. The smell lingered for weeks...

'cptr

I love you.:p I a non gay manly man beer swilling zakk wylde sorta way. Grr.

Mahatma coat

Beer Pot and Hookers

Seriously man do you really need to ask?

popcorn with wine, bleurgh, that must have stank. 'ceptor I will be sure to drop you a line next time someone who annoys me has a house party

AlmightyCushion

Interceptor wrote:

I once got thrown out of a house party for trying to make popcorn in a frying pan with wine instead of oil. The smell lingered for weeks...

'cptr

One of my friends housemates once tried to cook a pizza on a george foreman.

Interceptor

unkel wrote:

That's sick

Metrosexuals like David Beckham and Interceptor should be shot or at least banned from here

Me and Becks in the same post - its all gone horribly wrong. Need I remind you of the name of this forum? I qualify on both counts and I belong here. I've been having a mid-life crisis since I was in my early 20's, I moisturise and I rebuild car engines for fun - sue me. Oh and for the record I'm a petrosexual - I've made this clear and have been out and proud about it since I was four.

'cptr

Interceptor

AlmightyCushion wrote:

One of my friends housemates once tried to cook a pizza on a george foreman.

I'm going to start a separate thread on 'Reasons I have been thrown out of parties... Apologies to Jim and Karen for ruining their engagement party by setting off a fire extinguisher in their kitchen. I didn't know it was a powder one - I though it was water or foam and the powder cleared the fifty guests out of the house and required an ambulance to take one guy to hospital with a collapsed lung (sorry Colm).

I don't drink much anymore...

'c

petes

Interceptor wrote:

Me and Becks in the same post - its all gone horribly wrong. Need I remind you of the name of this forum? I qualify on both counts and I belong here. I've been having a mid-life crisis since I was in my early 20's, I moisturise and I rebuild car engines for fun - sue me. Oh and for the record I'm a petrosexual - I've made this clear and have been out and proud about it since I was four.

'cptr

Whats this moisturising thing you are talking about. Oh and it's not a mid-life crisis forum.

r3nu4l

Interceptor wrote:

You can wander around in nothing but one of her thongs, eating from a cereal packet and watching porn with the curtains open. I'm almost jealous. Of course you miss her, of course you'll keep the place tidy. Not. Now wheres that bong....

'cptr

Ha, am I the only one who found that kind of perversion interesting enough to put in my diary under the 'to do' list?*




*as if I haven't done it before

Seriously man, this is a chance for you to do all the things you can't normally do.

1.Leave the toilet seat up.
2.Bookmark your porn
3.Have porn wallpaper on your desktop
4.Listen to whatever music you want, when you want (Motorhead-Ace of Spades anyone?)
5.Beer, Ale, Stout, Malt Scotch
6.Aforementioned plastic cutlery and paper plates
7.Aforementioned all takeaways on speed-dial
8.The Godfather Trilogy, OnceUponATimeinAmerica...you get the idea
9.Nakedness is good
10.Remote control is yours now...enjoy!

J.S. Pill

Interceptor wrote:

I'm going to start a separate thread on 'Reasons I have been thrown out of parties... Apologies to Jim and Karen for ruining their engagement party by setting off a fire extinguisher in their kitchen. I didn't know it was a powder one - I though it was water or foam and the powder cleared the fifty guests out of the house and required an ambulance to take one guy to hospital with a collapsed lung (sorry Colm).

I don't drink much anymore...

'c

Those powder fire extinguishers!! Took me ages to clean that sh*t up!

The Bollox

have a sherman* in every room of the house. that'll take up some time

*my new favourite word

trout

The Bollox wrote:

have a sherman* in every room of the house. that'll take up some time

*my new favourite word

would that be many shermans, one per room, or one epic sherman which crosses all rooms

jester77

2 months... ya lucky ba....

anyways, few things I'll point out. You shouldn't need any access to the kitchen or bedroom while she's away.

Throw a duvet at the side of the couch in case it's cold at night... that's the bed sorted.
Borrow all your mates porn, variety is always good plus you may even learn a few foreign languages to impress herself when she returns
Purchase a crate of good whiskey and leave beside the couch.
Get your hands on a mini fridge and leave it beside the couch and keep it full of beer.
Keep the laptop open so you can order your pizza, chinese, italian, etc
Always get some beer delivered with you food so that you can save yourself trips out.
And most importantly, enjoy your freedom

AlmightyCushion

Commander Vimes wrote:

but what do all you fine gentlemen suggest i do while the boss is away and i have all this free time?

What ever the fúck you want.

Chopper

paper plates and plastic cutlery

last time this happened to me I got used to eating out of the pirex bowls that she uses for cooking; you know the ones from the cupboard you never open.
To this day I still eat chinese take-away from a pirex bowl. Just lob it all in, grab fork and a beer, and away you go


This guy has the right idea

TechnoFreek

My girlfriend doesnt have to work during the Summer months so she heads back to her folks place. So that gives me 12 weeks of long summer evenings engaging in my 2 favourite hobbies....pR0n and xbox/ps2.

I recommend getting the pr0n and the sherman out of the way first as its hard to concentrate on a game with a loaded weapon.
Plus, the sooner you get the first sherman out of the way, the sooner you'll start refuelling for a second

I also recommend minimum food and sleep to maximise "alone time" and if you must eat follow the rules already provided..paper cutlery, take-aways etc. On the rare occassion if you do decide to cook, you have two options
1) bowls of cereal.
2) toasted hang sangwiches

both provide enough energy to get you through a marathon tommy tank and gaming session with minimum cleaning and washing up required.

One last thing - don't forget to leave a cum towel/sock/toilet paper in every room

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

The Bollox

Boards don't do gf breaks, but if we did, they'd probably be the best gf breaks in the world

unkel

Interceptor wrote:

Oh and for the record I'm a petrosexual - I've made this clear and have been out and proud about it since I was four

Glad you cleared that one up

Interceptor

unkel wrote:

Glad you cleared that one up

\tongueincheek_on]At least I don't have a big car like you and Becks to compensate for deficiencies in the trouser-sausage department... [tongueincheek_off\

Hey, everyone around to my house next weekend - wife and kids away. No broadband though so unkel has to bring the harddrive full of pr0n. Fire extinguishers, banger racing, deep-fried pizza, Jack D and LIDL beer sound good?

'cptr

brianthebard

Where do you live brother interceptor? I'm going to hold you to this!

Interceptor

brianthebard wrote:

Where do you live brother interceptor? I'm going to hold you to this!

You are more than welcome. Picture me as a fat, baldy pikey with a large dog and some pet rats. I live outside Galway on a half acre of bog with my wife and a pair of rugrats. I have four scrap cars in the back garden for playing with, I am still using a PS1 since I am an electronic Luddite and I gave up drink after I ran into a problem with a (deleted references to a selection of things which would make you cringe). Come to Galway and turn left at 1963 - you can't miss it...

'cptr

brianthebard

You have a ps1?? You spoilt bastard! I gave up booze at home after my Ma bet the living shoite outta me after I returned from a leaving school do in a twist. 1963, I ask you, we haven't left the 40s up here in Sligo!!!

scojones

Buy a keg, along with tap and gas and have a house party.
Shag that chick you've always wanted to but having a gf got in the way.
Become the best known customer at your local take aways.
Stock up on the porn collection.
Every day is naked day.
Stock up on weed and beer.
Drink, smoke and be merry.
Have some BBQs with the lads if the weather is grand.
Play whatever music you want, as loud as you want. Hell, play computer games whenever you want without being told to go to bed.
Order in two prostitutes and have that threesome you've always wanted.

Take two weeks off work, and do the above. It'll be great.

Sam Vimes

The Bollox wrote:

have a sherman* in every room of the house. that'll take up some time

*my new favourite word

everyone seems to have got the idea that i live with her. i still live with my parents so they might get upset with me having a sherman in their room. i'll have to keep that confined to my own room unfortunately


some good suggestions there nonetheless. this is the plan thus far:

1. monday: do my last exam and go on the piss with the college lads to make up for not going on the piss for the past month (ie drink as much as i would have done over the past month)

2. go on the piss with my mates from home and repeat the previous night

3. college end of year barbecue. repeat the previous two nights

4. my funeral

i'm not sure what i'll do after that

AlmightyCushion

brianthebard wrote:

we haven't left the 40s up here in Sligo!!!

I assume you mean the 1840's brother bard because we are sure as hell not in the twentieth century up here.

Anti

Interceptor wrote:

I'm going to start a separate thread on 'Reasons I have been thrown out of parties... Apologies to Jim and Karen for ruining their engagement party by setting off a fire extinguisher in their kitchen. I didn't know it was a powder one - I though it was water or foam and the powder cleared the fifty guests out of the house and required an ambulance to take one guy to hospital with a collapsed lung (sorry Colm).

I don't drink much anymore...

'c

Post of the week !

brianthebard

AlmightyCushion wrote:

I assume you mean the 1840's brother bard because we are sure as hell not in the twentieth century up here.

So true brother... *weeps*

AlmightyCushion

brianthebard wrote:

So true brother... *weeps*

Still though there is an upside. If you don't like someone just claim she is a witch and have her burned at the stake.

3greenrizla's

keep note of all the things you do whilst she is gone (e.g. porn on computer) so you can get rid of any evidence before she gets home.

Interceptor

3greenrizla's wrote:

keep note of all the things you do whilst she is gone (e.g. porn on computer) so you can get rid of any evidence before she gets home.

We have established the our brother, the OP, still lives with his parents and is unwilling to follow suggestions regarding recreational substances and the best locations/attire for 'shermans'.

As regards tidying up after the enormous drinking binge he has settled on as a way of passing the time, so long as his liver isn't hanging out of his anus by the time she gets back, she won't notice a thing.

*Aside* Unless your gf works in an IT dept she won't know where to look for 'evidence' and www.historykiller.com will sort it if she does...

'cptr