Wisdom and Wit

LovelyTom

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost.. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must ! be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says.

"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story....

Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bull**** and brilliance only come with age and experience.

LovelyTom

Sorry heres another one that i found funny

Science Exam Answers.

Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made
safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes
large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them
perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love
this!)

A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon.
All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water
on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun
joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get
intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to
his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes

A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?(e.g.,
abdomen.)

A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium,
the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the
brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal
cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?

A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean? (I do love this one...)

A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"


A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Stabshauptmann

see now I cant rate the thread, Im forced to make a post. Id like to say I liked the first joke, but If I give the thread a good rating Ill be subjecting ppl to your second post. Do you see my dilema?