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Untitled

  • 18-05-2007 8:56pm
    #1
    brianthebard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,165 ✭✭✭✭


    This is just something I wrote last year. I changed a few things the other day and I'm much happier about it as a result. Feel free to rip it apart.

    Untitled.


    The pea sized blockage
    must be almost
    gone at this
    stage.
    It can't remain
    here forever now
    can it?


    Just one more.
    One more push
    another heave
    The last spasm.
    Free.


    If only.
    If it were possible
    To blow it clean from the pipe
    Then we would have some comfort.


Comments

  • #2
    Mario007
    Registered Users Posts: 877 ✭✭✭Mario007


    I like it. The theme of freedom and breaking free is great...:D


  • #3
    brianthebard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,165 ✭✭✭✭brianthebard


    :o its predominantly about breaking free of my asthma, but it can mean breaking free in any context. Thank you.


  • #4
    Mario007
    Registered Users Posts: 877 ✭✭✭Mario007


    Yeah its really good. I love that context of breaking free...reminds me too much of my life...


  • #5
    Blush_01
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,016 ✭✭✭Blush_01


    I thought it was about passing a kidney stone, to be honest, which made it funny in my eyes (humourous, rather than odd). I like it.


  • #6
    Rozabeez
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,878 ✭✭✭Rozabeez


    I think its good, very interesting.


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  • #7
    brianthebard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,165 ✭✭✭✭brianthebard


    Blush_01 wrote:
    I thought it was about passing a kidney stone, to be honest, which made it funny in my eyes (humourous, rather than odd). I like it.

    Yeah someone else said the kidney stone thing before...Obviously its not very clear...


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