If you could breed two footballers together, who would you pick?

Pepe LeFrits

Inspired by **-Re-**ac*-*t-*o-r’s other thread, I’d like to take a more positive tack: if you could pick two footballers to produce an offspring, who would you choose?

Now if you want to be a smartass and suggest that Pele should pop some of his junk and mount Marta over his kitchen table to ensure that Brazil win the 2026 World Cup then go right ahead, but I was thinking along the lines of two male footballers. Now despite its apparent many merits, gay sex isn’t very effective at making babies and double-entry won’t work either, so we’d need some sort of high-tech dna-splicing machine to take the DNA off our two selected players and implant it into a woman. Obviously we’d need to remove any of the woman’s genetic code from the foetus too as we’re looking to create a world-class footballer, not a dishwasher.

Personally, I’d start off with Kevin Kilbane. He has a huge heart. Medically but also metaphorically. People talk about Keane, Terry and so on but nobody gives it more than old KK. He also plays with a big goofy smile on his face so we don’t need Ronaldinho; he’s Irish so that removes the need to get citizenship papers sorted out; and lastly, he’s demonstrated before that he can lose his pants with great ease and style, which makes the replication process a lot easier.

For skill though, we need somebody with real flair. A player who can beat his man and wow the crowds with his dazzling tricks and feints. Someone who can tackle, pass, shoot and head but is humble enough not to seek the plaudits. Scholes meets most of those criteria, but when has he ever done a step-over? Ronaldo does that, but he fails all the other requirements. I suppose we could say Kilbane again, but he... wait, he’s perfect. Kilbane! I’m going to have to go with Zizou Kilbane again. Right, anyone have any fertile sisters/daughters looking to serve their country?

But that’s just me, who would you pick?

leninbenjamin

uhhh...






why?

Pepe LeFrits

Why do we breathe?

Bounty Hunter

Roy Keane + George Best = The Best Irish combo ever!!

leninbenjamin

because we need oxygen.

Pepe LeFrits

leninbenjamin wrote:

because we need oxygen.

But why?

leninbenjamin

because oxygen is necessary for respiration.

Pepe LeFrits

leninbenjamin wrote:

because oxygen is necessary for respiration.

Still, why?

leninbenjamin

because respiration is a better way of getting our energy than say, having to stand under lightening bolts.

cashback

The Silly Season has truly begun.

Eirebear

leninbenjamin wrote:

because respiration is a better way of getting our energy than say, having to stand under lightening bolts.

Although the lightning bolts could possibly power this DNA splicing machine...especially if were gonna have to bring george best back....

Mitch Connor

Bounty Hunter wrote:

Roy Keane + George Best = The Best Irish combo ever!!

done and done. close the thread.;)

leninbenjamin

Eirebear wrote:

Although the lightning bolts could possibly power this DNA splicing machine...especially if were gonna have to bring george best back....

oooh, yeah. and the players could be statically charged from it meaning that anytime a player would challenge them they'd get an electric shock for their trouble! they'd be unbeatable!

Paul Tergat

Tauren wrote:

done and done. close the thread.;)

was going to post exactly the same....we have a winner!

Eirebear

leninbenjamin wrote:

oooh, yeah. and the players could be statically charged from it meaning that anytime a player would challenge them they'd get an electric shock for their trouble! they'd be unbeatable!

We would however have to make sure they were all shaved bald.... or we'd have a regiment of extrremely talented but quite amusing to look at "socceristas"

Steve_o

Luke Chadwick and Wayne Rooney.......<Shudders at the uglyness of his creation>:D

Sposs

Maldini and pele, score great goals and defend well.

leninbenjamin

Eirebear wrote:

We would however have to make sure they were all shaved bald.... or we'd have a regiment of extrremely talented but quite amusing to look at "socceristas"

heh, it might be necessary to give them a brazilian too, for health and safety reasons...

Eirebear

leninbenjamin wrote:

heh, it might be necessary to give them a brazilian too, for health and safety reasons...

hmmm yeah, could make them prone to erratic tackles....

eirebhoy

Pirlo + Gattuso.

IrishMike

David Ginola and Eric Cantona!
Imagine the size of a head needed to accomodate both egos!

stovelid

Vintage Keane and Gatusso FTW!

Probably only play about a third of the season after suspensions but.

keano_afc

Bit biased, but Fabregas and Vieira in one would be great. Perfect vision, and the ability to tackle.

KdjaCL

Le Tiss and Shearer.


kdjac

Seaneh

Redondo and Pirlo!

shatners basoon

Zoff and Maradonna

A great goalie that would run the pitch for no real reason!!!

Then i'd combine it with Crouch and some tall basketball player who once tried to play football to make it freakishly tall.

Or we could just make a monkey with 4 asses?

Zapp Brannigan

KdjaCL wrote:

Le Tiss and Shearer.


kdjac

I like!

tdv

Gentile & Baresi = The perfect defender.

besty

Gattuso and Scholes. What a midfielder that would be!

Revelation Joe

Trevor Brooking and Billy Bonds
Silky skill, poise and great distribution with a hard, tough tackler.

Mr. Presentable

Sposs wrote:

Maldini and pele, score great goals and defend well.

Been done. John Charles - Leeds Utd, Juventus, Wales

The Muppet

Peter Schmeichel and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer


Could be very useful for those last gasp goals.

RE*AC*TOR

I would breed Kevin Kilbane with Djimi Traore.

They would be a soccerista version of chuck norris.

The Muppet

RE*AC*TOR wrote:

I would breed Kevin Kilbane with Djimi Traore.

They would be a soccerista version of chuck norris.

You sir appear to have an unhealthy fixation with Kevin Kilbane.

leninbenjamin

The Muppet wrote:

You sir appear to have an unhealthy fixation with Kevin Kilbane.

yes, it's getting quite disturbing right now. i think you would be better off here

LegacyUser

Roy Keane and the magnificent Ronaldinho. Work Rate/Effort/Passion/Neat passing/Ferocious Tackles/Leadership + Flair/Skill/WOW/U name it...

keltoms

best striker - henry + larsson

Rollo Tamasi

Freddie and Hanna Ljungberg.

ciaran76

I would pick Van Basten and Ronaldinho.

patmac

Peter Beardsley and Ian Dowie that combo would frighten any defence.

Mr_Roger_Bongos

Eric Cantona and Japp Stam (both in their prime)

keltoms

besty wrote:

Gattuso and Scholes. What a midfielder that would be!

no header though!

TheDoc

Bergkamp and ronaldo, a fancy flair player with an amazing end product and supply, o wait thats van persie.

Id say Platini and Bergkamp bergkamps technical ability is second to none, ever..ever

~Rebel~

for a midfielder would love a Pirlo and Keane fused. Haring around all game winning the ball and then making massive creative contributions to the team.

For a forward, Maradonna and Van Basten. A bigger stronger speedy merchant with incredible ball control and incredible finishing of every type of goal, as well as excellent in the air and bringing others into the game - perfect!

Oh oh and just to see, Le Tiss and Sissoko! Basically just all Le Tissier, with sissoko's fitness and energy! Would be incredible!

Pigman II

I would breed Matthew Taylor of Portsmouth with Joe Gamble of Cork City.

The result would be the worlds oldest looking 25 year old with long-range shooting ability the likes of which have never been seen! I call him "Gamblor", and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

cson

Pigman II wrote:

I call him "Gamblor", and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

Ah the simpsons, back when they used to be good.

Anyway, I'd breed Djimi Traore and Julio Baptista.......no-one said they had to be good offsprings

weemcd

cantona and kaka, for that attacking midfield/huge ammount of ground covering/deadly strike combination.

ps. first post in soccer. w00t.

Brendygg

beckham and c.ronaldo, some winger