In love with a bisexual

LegacyUser

I am completely 100% in love with a women who is also attracted to other women. She only acted on her attraction as a curious teenager. We are best friends and lovers and have kids at home from our first marriages that have grown to love both of us. She is taking a trip this summer with one of her friends from another state and told me that they both have regreted never being together. It sounds like they will find out what they missed on this trip. I'm in a old situation...I'm not reacting like she wants to see another guy, but I'm overall not okay with sharing her with anyone. We've talked about having threesomes and I'm the one saying I'm not comfortable. Her reaction has always been, "are you sure?", so I know she is a little disappointed. I wish I could convince myself that her pursuing her bisexual urges once in a while really wouldn't be the end of our committment. I'm a little scared to lose her and I know that she honestly does love me. Again, we are best friends and truely love each other the way love is supposed to be. She doesn't think it's cheating if it's with another girl. Any advice?

Stark

Cheating is cheating, regardless of the other party's gender.

Hmm_Messiah

If you have kids, and previous marriages, presumably significant relationships, and are now " in love" in this one its difficult to understand how you both don't have the common sense, life experience etc to sort this, or at least call it what it is.

cheating is cheating I guess if anyone of the people see it as cheating. I am sure some "open relationships" work, or that your partner might fully believe that sex with a girl is just a sex thing and no reflection on her caring for you . I guess she is hoping for some understanding from you of her feelings but from the little you have written is not fully trying to understand where you are coming from.

If your previous marriages failled I think you need to sit down and talk this thro to a point where you can both be sure it doesn't threaten the relationship.

I'm in what I guess is a significant relationship with another guy, both being "bi" there is this other impulse/attraction not being met. the difference might be we both experience it so can empathize with the other. I'd doubt I'd see it as any threat to our relationship - but we don't act on those attractions,-partly because this rship is too important for use to risk any damage too, partly because we both see sex in some degree an intregral part of expressing love

Each to their own though - but when its a couple then has to be 100% mutually ok with or IMHO not entertained at all.

Mawg

I'm in a similar situation myself (though less of a serious one), as the girl. I know what it's like to be "bi" and to be in a serious straight relationship. For me, I've come to realise (after much personal dispute) that I'd never be able to be with anyone else sexually while I'm with my partner, he's ok with it, but in fairness, it is cheating. The reason the situation is unfortunate is that ultimately I'm going to be with a girl at some stage, or I'll probably go insane. Put two and two together and you'll see that this means that my bisexuality is eventually going to mean the end of our relationship.

I don't know if your partner feels this strongly about women, but she has to ask herself, if you're not ok with it, is she willing to sacrifice her relationship to satisfy her urges? And on your part, are you willing to let her do her thing in order to preserve your relationship?

Have you told her that you're not comfortable with her getting with other women in this way? If you have, and she continues to pursue it, then in my opinion, she is cheating on you.

azezil

What is she, a freakin animal acting on instinct?

I don't accept this "but I won't feel complete" bull crap you get from Bi-sexual people, they have brains and the ability to make decisions, if they're in a relationship it is never acceptable to be with anyone else without their partners full consent, if they want to be with another gender then fine, end your current relationship and go get your jollies.

Beruthiel

need advice wrote:

She doesn't think it's cheating if it's with another girl.

LOL
How convenient for her.
It bloodly well is cheating if your partner does not want to share you with another person. You clearly do not want her to do this. If I were in your situation, I'd be putting my foot down. End of.

Talliesin

need advice wrote:

She doesn't think it's cheating if it's with another girl.

Well, that's grand if you ever want to be with another girl. Since she's the one that has current plans along that line the question is whether you consider it cheating.

LegacyUser

I'm in the same situation here as the guy. My gf is bi and has cheated with another girl, most lads put on the whole bravado "ah yeah, deadly, bit of girl on girl action" ****e - but as someone said, cheating is cheating, and it did hurt me. Kinda leaves me thinking I'm not giving her enough.

I trust her 100%, well at least I want to, and I'm convinced it's just a phase she's going through. I knew from day one she was attracted to other girls, but in fairness she didn't act on it until recently.

We had a chat yesterday and I told her in no uncertain terms to make a decision, I wasn't going to have it both ways. I'm completely straight, so I don't know how it feels, but it is selfish being abe to hold something like this over your partner.

We're still together and I love her completely, but there's always going to be that one thing at the two of us

Shellie13

Think of this different situation- your a artistic musical type with a soft side, shes regretting never having acted on her attraction to buff army-officer types- and she tells you shes going to **** a guy like this to feel "complete"....

Now in this situation what would you think?!
another person is another person its NOT ok unless ur going for an open....

Boston

When you get right down to it, it's the betrayal of trust thats hurts when someone cheats. Doesn't really matter with who or what gender. She can't control herself sexually, bottom line.

lemonead

a spade's a spade and cheating's cheating, as a bisexual female i don't get the whole but i don't feel complete b**l*cks. thats a lame excuse to fool around on a partner. i've been in plenty of relationships and never used the supposedly common excuse of its not cheating if its with a girl?! i'm with my current gf a year and a hald now and am completery fulfilled. if your paprtner loves you then you complete her yes she can have fantasies and thoughts even wants but love ultimately commands respect for the other partner and if she loved you and respected you you would be all she'd need and she'd never want to hurt you by even contemplating this other woman. you two need to sit down and talk through all the issues surrounding this trip and whats going to happen if something does happen between them let your voice be heard or you could gert hurt and be mad at yourself and her for not explaining the consequences.

biko

Been there with bi-curious gf. Actually it didn't bother me (much).
I know she wouldn't leave me for a woman and that she sometimes wanted the feminine closeness that I couldn't provide. It was not a regular thing and I never felt my masculinity threatened nor the relationship in jeopardy. Actually her recounting what happened was a turn-on.
Us eventually breaking up was down to other stuff.

sunny2004

Time for the cat to be thrown in with the pidgeons..

Possible solution,, If she is ok with 3some then suggest that you and her friend get together without her first ! she how she feels about that..