Would you be suspicious here?

LegacyUser

I'm with my fella years and were generally happy, but something happened last night that freaked me out a bit. There's usually no weiredness between us like I said, but last night a lot of texts were coming to his phone and they stopped after a while. He went into the kitchen after I'd asked to use his phone cause I'd no credit left in my own. I was punching in the number when the message alert went off on his. He came charging in from the kitchen and asked, "was that a message coming in on my phone"???!!, with this tone to his voice that was like barely concealed hysteria. It was the tone to his voice that tipped me off that something might be up. I said "yeah, can you wait a minute'? He sort of gathered his composure and waited till I'd made my call then took the phone from me in a hurry. He walked back into the kitchen with it and read the text. I dont know if he responded or not.

The whole thing was bugging me all night and when I got up this morning his phone was on the table, still on. I couldnt help myself, I had to check out if I'd any reason to be freaked, so I picked up his phone and went to the inbox and outbox - they'd both been cleared. He has a new real hi tech phone and it can carry hundreds of messages before it needs to be cleared.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking??? And if you are, what would you do from here????

Mighty_Mouse

Deffo something going on alright.
Could be a surprise b''day or something innocent though!

Why didnt you ask him last night what was going on?
Is it really the greatest invasion of privacy if you were to ask him to show you his text messages last night?

LegacyUser

I am currently cheating on my girlfriend, when ever i txt the other women i always clear the txts straightaway.

No doubt he is cheating

Duggy747

Hmm, seems a bit suspicious alright. Though I delete messages constantly cuz they don't really have any value, it's just habit to delete them after I read them. But as for his reaction it seemed a bit off, that being said though it really could have been innocent. Could have been Mumsie Poo or a mate. I don't know how you could confront this, you've already checked his phone and you got nothing. If you ask him he might throw a tantrum and ye get into a fight.

Wait it out for a while and if this starts happening again and he starts acting strange again confront him there and then.

togster

Just ask him what the story is.
Probably innocent. I know i freaked out in similar circumstance before and it turned out my gf had arranged a surprise vist by my best friend for my bday.
Give him a chance to explain before jumping to conclusions.

ladylorenzo

Aw man...yeah, I'd be big time suspicious that something is going on. As others have said, it may not necessarily mean that he is playing away or anything but there is definitely something going on with him. in my experience, the only time my BF has been precious about his phone was 1) When we started casually seeing each other years ago and he was tricking around with another girl and 2) when we broke up(we were still living together) and he had started seeing other people. They dont get all protective about their phones unless there's something on it they don't want you to see. As for deleting all his messages, it might be innocent but it's a bit strange dont ya think??I dont know anyone who has an empty inbox and outbox at all times.
Dont wanna freak you out but you do need to address the issue before it begins to fester beacuse if you dont, you'll be dealing with the way more troublesome 'trust' issue before you know it.
Good Luck, LL

Oryx

If he cleared his inbox its a big warning sign. I wouldnt mind the outbox cos my phone doesnt save outgoing messages (and its new and high tech:) so maybe his doesnt either. Hes not necessarily cheating on you, but he is hiding something, either good or bad: surprise party/drugs/upcoming stagnight/slagging you off to his mate.... it could be anything.

Best thing is to be upfront and have it out with him, but he might just lie.
If you have a cruel streak, and want to test his reaction, the next time you reckon hes sending illicit texts, look at your phone all surprised and ask did he just send you a weird message? See if he goes into shock....

Baby4

This post has been deleted.

dellas1979

Yeah - it could be a number of reasons. Could be anything at all.

You need to speak to him.

Can I ask, how did you react? If it was me and my BF and something like that had happened, I would have asked him what was going on. I would have had to as it would have wrecked my head (same as this is doing to yours now).

DD

well, since its not ur birthday and he is not prepairing any surprise for you, I think he is cheating you for a while and u didnt know it yet. try to remember if there were times when he missed for no reason or he was emotionally changed ...if there were times when he was sad, then very happy quickly ..with no reason im afraid to tell u but 100% hes cheating on you.
and now he is acting weird because things are not too well with the other person..i believe hes having a love affair
hey, let me know if i was right, i tell that from my experience, i dont want to be right but if i am, i am truely sorry

Freakedout101 wrote:

I'm with my fella years and were generally happy, but something happened last night that freaked me out a bit. There's usually no weiredness between us like I said, but last night a lot of texts were coming to his phone and they stopped after a while.

finbarrk

Doesn't sound great, I rekyon from experience that he is cheating on you.

Wibbs

Now I'm the suspicious type(as other posts elsewhere will attest:D ) and in this case you do have something to be suspicious about. That said, I would cool your jets and keep an eye open for the time being. Let it go for a week or so and see what happens(difficult I know). If there is something going on, you being relaxed and not reacting will relax him too. That way more evidence may come to light.

Also when you wrote you were generally happy, does this hide anything maybe more serious? dianaangeleyes makes some good points on this. Changing behaviour is often a sign of a breakdown in communication if nothing else.

Shadowless

Am I the only one who thinks it's funny that the lad who happened to see his gf's phone bill was chastised for snooping, while this girl went through all her bf's msg's and not a thing was said!

Double Standards? :rolleyes:

little miss

Ask him before this escalates. Otherwise you'll drive yourself mad. If he gets all defensive or doesn't explain himself, then I'd say you were right to be worried. But there's no point trying to analyse it without asking him outright first. Hope there's a perfectly logical reason - good luck. xxx

Wibbs

Shadowless wrote:

Am I the only one who thinks it's funny that the lad who happened to see his gf's phone bill was chastised for snooping, while this girl went through all her bf's msg's and not a thing was said!

Double Standards? :rolleyes:

Just a little. Personally I think the bloke has less to be guilty about as the info was laying around in plain sight, whereas here she actively sought the information. It could partially be excused by her BF's suspicious behaviour, but it's still not on. I din't comment mainly because it's happened and the OP is looking for advice on the repercussions of the whole thing.

I'm gonna get roasted for this but I have to say in my experience women are far more likely to "snoop" than men and justify it. Before any rants this way come, it's a generalisation, but in general that's what I've found. None of the men I know are saints. Not by a long shot, but all of them have been snooped on before at one time or another, yet none of them have done the same. Some of my women friends have done it, but in asking them only one of them ever had a man do something like that. Big discussion on this over the weekend.:D

davyjose

Wibbs wrote:

I din't comment mainly because it's happened and the OP is looking for advice on the repercussions of the whole thing.

the guy in question was only looking for advice too, and got skinned for it. I'm not pointing the finger at you Wibbs, but yeah, it's absolute double standards in general.
Having said that - I don't blame the OP in question here for looking either. My head would be melted.

LegacyUser

dellas1979 wrote:

Can I ask, how did you react? If it was me and my BF and something like that had happened, I would have asked him what was going on. I would have had to as it would have wrecked my head (same as this is doing to yours now).

Ah well I'm kinda sly Dellas1979, lol, so I just acted totally unfazed, like nothing at all out of the ordinary had happened. The last thing on earth I'd do in a situation like this would be tip the man off that he was rumbled - much less chance of catching him with his trousers around his ankles if I did that!

But yeah, I'm totally freaked, and more so after having read some of these replies; no offence though, thank you all for your honesty. In fairness the people who reckon he's up to something are only repeating what my intuition is telling me anyway. People dont go all hyper-posessive over their phones for no reason and they usually dont clear them of messages for no reason either. (I know one poster said they did that themselves, but that's not a habit of my bf's)

One other thing I find odd about that is this; if he were messing around and was concealing the evidence surely he'd just erase the individual texts, rather than clear the whole lot. Clearing the whole lot just implicates him, dosent it?? I know if I were messing around I'd just clear the individual texts, but then, as I said, I'm kinda sly!

There is no birthday coming up or any other reason I can think of he'd hide a message from me, other than the one reason I'd really rather not believe.

So here are my two questions:

- Does anyone think I could take it that because he hadnt thought to clear the texts individually, I could actually take that as a sign that he's NOT up to anything??

- Has anyone any experience of a cheating partner that might assist me in figuring out how to catch him at it? (I think we'll have to forget about checking his phone though, since he seems to be one step ahead of me on that one...)

The thoughts of what could be going on here is making me physically sick. I'm hoping against hope I'm reading something out of nothing...

Please help!

(and to txtcheater; leaving the phone out of the equation, please tell me, what would your gf need to do to find out you were cheating right now?)

dellas1979

Ok.

And what kind of life style does he have. Does he work 9-5? Does he go out on his own often. Is he on a sports team? What are his friends like - do you know any of them?

Is there any other bizarre behaviour going on other than the phone incident?

Do you know how to check voice messages on his phone? A little exteme, but if you want to know........you'll have to PM me though, as I wouldnt give it out over the verse of the web.

PS: Ok posters, I know Ill get flamed. But she wants to know. I've never done this to my partner, but different strokes for different folks.

LegacyUser

dellas1979 wrote:

Ok.

And what kind of life style does he have. Does he work 9-5? Does he go out on his own often. Is he on a sports team? What are his friends like - do you know any of them?

He works varied hours and is not on a sports team, he does work out but that's at home (we live together) so there's nothing going on there unless it's between himself, pamela and her five sisters, none of whom would be texting him, lol. I know his friends and family and they all seem decent people.

dellas1979 wrote:

Is there any other bizarre behaviour going on other than the phone incident?

No, none at all, which is why this business last night stuck out like a sore thumb.

dellas1979 wrote:

Do you know how to check voice messages on his phone? A little exteme, but if you want to know........

I dont know if I'd be bothered doing that as I dont think he even has his phone set up for them, but any more shady business and I'll give you a pm! Thanks.

And for anyone who thinks I was very wrong in checking his phone; if you were to have heard this tone of voice with that strange edge of hysteria to it at the possibility of you reading a text, if you had heard that from YOUR OWN bf/gf, you might find yourself cultivating some different ideas about the priceless value of privacy very fast!

Something I forgot to add; the four (male) people my bf is closest to were in our kitchen at that time, so that rules them out, which makes me all the more jumpy about the whole thing, cause of course I'm thinking; well who else could it be???

Oryx

Some points to think on:

Has his attitude to you changed, either getting better, or worse?
Has his sexual appetite changed, again either for the better or worse?
Is he making excuses to pop out at odd times (to make calls)
Is he doing a lot of overtime, or has his social life begun to exclude you more?
Can he be distant or disinterested in doing things with you?
Even daft things, like is he showering at odd times?

If youre not going to ask him outright on this one, and you are determined to be devious, then mess with his plans. If hes going for a drive, go with him. If hes meeting a mate, ask to come,or for a lift somewhere on the way. Phone unexpectedly. 'Break' your phone and ask to borrow his when your going on an errand - when he shouldnt need it.

In an ideal world, you shouldnt need to be devious like this, and its an awful thing to have to do. If he isnt doing anything wrong, you will have damaged your relationship anyway by doubting him. Its going to be hard to win, and I wish you luck.

Oryx

Just a thought.... he couldve text one of those sex chat lines.... Embarrassing but not unforgiveable.....:)

davyjose

I'd say there's a reasonable chance that it's something relatively minor - maybe he's chatting to a girl from work he's good friends at, but knows it's a little bit out of bounds, maybe he was chatting to a girl one night out with his mates, and was slightly flattered by her attentions. Neither ideal situations, but also neither quite yet out of control.
You seem to think there was no major signs beforehand - given that, I'd say it could be something small.

LegacyUser

KtK wrote:

Just a thought.... he couldve text one of those sex chat lines.... Embarrassing but not unforgiveable.....:)

Thought the same thing,or else,
If his friends were all around maybe it was just some sick message one of them sent him that he didn't want you to see.
My fella got a filthy message off a mate that showed 2 women "eating out "
I insisted on seeing it and he was mortified showing it to me.
I saw it as a joke and said he didn't have to protect me from it I had seen
worse.He thought I would be cross or grossed out.
It seems to me he wouldn't have the time to cheat and has not been going out with no explanation,I think its more likely to be like I said.

Money Shot

Having an affair takes time. I assume the affair would be with a woman - and they demand time and effort. So, if his working hours haven't changed really, and he hasn't taken up a new 'sport' or 'hobby' which means he has to go out on his own a couple of times a week, then he probably isn't having an affair.

Maybe he's on to one of those phone sex text thingy's - but if you can account for how he spends his time, he isn't having an affair IMO.

There could be a perfectly innocent explanation - some of my texts with some of my mates are humourous to us, but I know my gf wouldn't find them particularly funny - so I don't like her seeing them.

Marksie

In the end though OP, the only way to be sure is to ask.

If it is truly worrying you so much, then you could speculate until your head whirls around.
Best to ask why his behaviour is so erratic

Stabshauptmann

That he's cheating is one possibility.

When I was going out with my last girlfriend she was browsing my phone and went into my inbox. I practically ripped the phone from her hand and cleared the inbox. Very suspicious, no?
I had some messages from my mother that I just felt a little bit embarrassing, nothing sinister.

Also, men can be very different with friends that with their gf. It could have just been macho talk that you wouldnt appreciate.

Maybe he was/is cheating, but there are lots of other possibilities.

davyjose

Marksie wrote:

In the end though OP, the only way to be sure is to ask.

"Are you cheating on me?"
"Yes, I am cheating on you."

Can't see it working quite like that, Marksie.

Marksie

davyjose wrote:

"Are you cheating on me?"
"Yes, I am cheating on you."

Can't see it working quite like that, Marksie.

Neither can I if one was so silly as to approach it in that matter.

Then again if the OP doesn't do something, she goes paranoid with suspicion.

milod

OP if you want to get to the bottom of this, a good way to start would be to say something like:

"the way you grabbed the phone off me last night kinda freaked me out, and now I'm worried - is there something about your texts you want to tell me?"

In the meantime, you could consider the following (from one who knows etc):

Guys generally cheat for sexual reasons, e.g. they're not getting enough, or there's something they like that their partner 'just won't do...' , or they've quite simply become more physically attracted to another woman.

There's your motive, now it's down to opportunity. So ask yourself, does he have the time? because affairs take time, so if his normal patterns haven't changed he can't be up to much (unless he's on the job, in the job!)

It could be a case of text flirting with a workmate and not yet have become an affair perhaps...

LegacyUser

'Yes, indeed. I am thinking what you are thinking.

But - as someone suggested already - maybe he phoned
some of those sex chat lines without hiding his phone number.
Afterwards - they tend to be a little bit bothersome with text
messages like : 'Cum spank your munkey with sexy Suzy who
needs her crack filled ... '

U get the idea.

However, since U describe yourself as a 'sly' person,
would it be worth your while to hire a private
detective to follow him around a bit and gather
some evidence (if any) ???

If U ask him out straight - U will tip him off, assuming he
is doing the dirt. And - very important - will U ever believe
his answer anyway ???'

davyjose

milod wrote:

It could be a case of text flirting with a workmate and not yet have become an affair perhaps...

Or may never - guys are suckers for female attention, but it doesn't mean we're all cheats.

DD

Here's the thing: and listen good cos im 100% sure.
What will u do if ud get many txts in a short time, u are cheating someone and u dont want your bf/gf to find out? he was already nervous and he wanted to make the phone call alone...will u delete one by one the txt, if he got so many txts and he was angry it means he was fighting someone and if it was so obviously not a work mate or a lad or smth ..c'mon people ...of course he deleted all cos he was already pissed off, worried and he didnt have time to mess around. It was the easier and faster thing to do.

Now..you want to find out more. My opinion is to not ask him now anything. If u ask he will probably deny or invent smth and u will make him maybe more angry. If hes still nervous means smth is going on. Try to keep him under observation, but very subtle, if he had an affair or he still has it u will see it soon. If you tell him : hello i think ur cheating me or smth u wont get any result.
So try better to see whats going on, try not to sufocate him and be friendly with him like nothing happened. Trust me u will find out very soon.
I would advice you to change his message phone settings but if he will find out you did that then its not good. I think women instinct is very good so u can see after his acts what is going on.
Let him go if he wants to go smth, try not to be suspicious, but keep ur eyes open. Let him believe u dont have any clue about anything and try to stay calm, positive and happy.
Try to do this and let us know whats happening. If u want more advices pls ask

Freakedout101 wrote:

There is no birthday coming up or any other reason I can think of he'd hide a message from me, other than the one reason I'd really rather not believe.

So here are my two questions:

- Does anyone think I could take it that because he hadnt thought to clear the texts individually, I could actually take that as a sign that he's NOT up to anything??

- Has anyone any experience of a cheating partner that might assist me in figuring out how to catch him at it? (I think we'll have to forget about checking his phone though, since he seems to be one step ahead of me on that one...)

The thoughts of what could be going on here is making me physically sick. I'm hoping against hope I'm reading something out of nothing...

Please help!

(and to txtcheater; leaving the phone out of the equation, please tell me, what would your gf need to do to find out you were cheating right now?)

cance

bill phone or prepaid?

the answer is in his statement.

LegacyUser

I clear the inbox of my phone all the time and have never cheated on my Girlfriend nor do I intend to!

Talk about creating a mountain out of a mole hill...

You should all chill out and stop being so paranoid. Unless you have any other reason to believe he is cheating I think you are over reacting.

Just my two cents worth.

spurious

I clear my messages every night and I'm not cheating on anyone.
You've got 1 and 1 and are making about 15 out of them at the moment.

Surely the time to be ultra shifty if there was something on the phone he didn't want you to see would have been when you asked to borrow it?
Snooping generally brings bad results, whether it 'finds' something or not.

event

dianaangeleyes wrote:

well, since its not ur birthday and he is not prepairing any surprise for you, I think he is cheating you for a while and u didnt know it yet. try to remember if there were times when he missed for no reason or he was emotionally changed ...if there were times when he was sad, then very happy quickly ..with no reason im afraid to tell u but 100% hes cheating on you.

christ, thats a big assumption to make and be '100%' about

LegacyUser

milod wrote:

It could be a case of text flirting with a workmate and not yet have become an affair perhaps...

Thanks everyone for all your imput, you all make up a great sounding board for someone when their heads melted I have to say! I met a friend of mine this afternoon who is also having man troubles. We both drove down to Dollymount strand and sat on a bench working our way through a box of cigarettes yacking about our problems - the girls on here will understand! The conversation ended when I commented that whatever our fellas were doing right now we could both be sure they werent sitting with another bloke discussing us! - We gave up the ghost after that and just went back to our cars, lol! Then I got back here, turned on my computer and read all your advice and support, seriously, everyone, thanks for that.

I think the quote I've singled out here is the most likely scenario; that if there is a female involved it is messing in it's earliest stages. That certainly does not make it innocent in my eyes though. There's no bloke talking crap to me on my phone and if there was he'd be told to f--koff.

Every affair has to start somewhere and it's best to nip these things in the bud. What is it they say about an ounce of prevention being worth a pound of cure?! I've got to get to the bottom of this, but to the person who suggested I hire a PI, ah come on, I'm not that neurotic yet! Who knows though, a few more incidents like last night and I might be heading in that direction, lol.

There was something else though, and it's only just occured to me this moment, but I may be jumping the gun in assuming it could be any way related, in fact I'm pretty sure I am, but here goes anyway: About three weeks ago my bf and I were sitting in our kitchen and his bil called, he was doing something at the time and he knocked the phone on loudspeaker, but VERY quicky and with a hurried and panicky edge to his voice (not quite on the scale of the hysteria I described of last night) said to his bil; "you're on loudspeaker". It was like he was worried his bil might say something I'd be offended to hear.

I didnt make a fuss of that at the time because I thought afterwards, well, my sister and I have private conversations and I wouldnt like her talking unawares on loudspeaker with him within earshot in case she said something like "well, is your bloke still acting the prick?" or something like that, which I'm sure he wouldnt be happy to hear, but which'd be entirely possible for her to say after he and I had had a row or something like that. Now though, after the carry on of last night, I'm starting to question even that...

I'm taking this too far in my mind, arent I?

Anyways, I know it's not a full blown affair, as others have pointed out, that would take time, and he just hasnt got that much time unaccounted for. If this is anything at all it's something in it's earliest stages; but I'll tell you one thing: There is SOMETHING going on here, and it's something he dosent want me to know about. It was a very bad idea on is part to let that slip infont of me, cause I know myself well enough to know from here on out I'll be like a dog after a bone... (and a sneaky effin dog at that, like one of those desert dogs with the scraggy hair and pointy noses, lol)

Have to go now, thanks everyone for listening.

AngryBadger

Jesus, maybe his inbox was just full so he cleared the lot?

Honestly, WTF is wrong with you? Either he had something to hide or he didn't, we don't know, only he does, so go ask him.

LegacyUser

AngryBadger wrote:

Jesus, maybe his inbox was just full so he cleared the lot?

And his outbox? At the same time? In a phone barely a week old that has the capacity to hold hundreds of messages?

AngryBadger wrote:

Honestly, WTF is wrong with you?

I'm with my fella years and I've sent many many texts from his phone in that time. I know his habits, and this is the first time I've ever seen the phone wiped completly clean like that - that's WTF is wrong with me.

AngryBadger wrote:

Either he had something to hide or he didn't, we don't know, only he does, so go ask him.

And if he does he'll just roll over and tell me? You think so? Where do you live? F---ing candidland? Give me directions - I'd like to move there.

AngryBadger

freakedout101 wrote:

And his outbox? At the same time? In a phone barely a week old that has the capacity to hold hundreds of messages?
And if he does he'll just roll over and tell me? You think so? Where do you live? F---ing candidland? Give me directions - I'd like to move there.

Actualy yeah, I do live in Candidland, if you fancy moving over then just grow a spine, wonderful place, great health plan.

For the record I routinely wipe all my messages in every folder whenever I clear out my inbox. So this seems normal to me. Of course you've gone and jumped straight to the idea that he's cheating on you, when it could just as easily have ben something he didn't particularly want to get into with you, or even just clearing his texts.

Whatever it is if you ask him and he dodges there's your answer.

Maybe you want to save the attitude for that conversation yeah?

Marksie

freakedout101 wrote:

And his outbox? At the same time? In a phone barely a week old that has the capacity to hold hundreds of messages?



I'm with my fella years and I've sent many many texts from his phone in that time. I know his habits, and this is the first time I've ever seen the phone wiped completly clean like that - that's WTF is wrong with me.



And if he does he'll just roll over and tell me? You think so? Where do you live? F---ing candidland? Give me directions - I'd like to move there.

If you know your fella and have been with him years, then you are likely to know, when asked, if he is hiding something or not.

In the end just what are you going to do?
Wind yourself up even more? worrying and wondering?
or juts keep a very very close eye on all his comings and goings?

or shrug it off and forget it. Which i think is unlikely.

Just a friendly word: keep it civil folks

LegacyUser

"but to the person who suggested I hire a PI, ah come on, I'm not that neurotic yet! Who knows though, a few more incidents like last night and I might be heading in that direction, lol."

U are becoming paranoid U know !!!
That's why we are trying to help U ...

LegacyUser

I wipe all the messages on my phone in one foul swoop, usually after i've received a lot of texts in a row. what i wouldn't do is give my phone to a girlfriend who has philip marlowe aspirations while there are incriminating texts on it.

silhouette

Freakedout101 wrote:

Something I forgot to add; the four (male) people my bf is closest to were in our kitchen at that time, so that rules them out, which makes me all the more jumpy about the whole thing, cause of course I'm thinking; well who else could it be???

I don't think that the fact that they were in the next room rules them out entirely. He may have got an absolutely filthy text from one of the fellas in the next room and he really didn't want you to see it. In my experience fellas (even the apparantly nice young men with lovely manners!) can engage in depraved, filthy conversation that, to me anyway, is disgusting but to them is just banter. The type of conversation you'd get among a group of close male friends would be completely different than if one of their girlfriends is there....so maybe there was another conversation going on by text that you didn't know about. If there was textual banter going back and forth it'd be easier to delete the lot rather than going through them one by one.I don't think anything in your posts indicates that he was/is texting a girl, merely that he was sending and receiving texts he didn't want you to see. You seem to have jumped to the worst case scenario conclusion that its another girl.

Sitting on a wall talking it through with your friend and coming up with scenarios on here ultimately won't get you an answer either way. The best thing to do is casually ask him what the story was with all the texting the other night using all your cunning and slyness to make sure that you don't let on at all whatsoever that you think he might have been texting another girl. The explanation might be ridiculously simple.....or he might trip himself up and give you some evidence to bolster your theory

metrovelvet

Other possibilities:

Drugs
Criminal activity
Your getting a bmw for your birthday
Something family related that he doesnt want you to know about
Something confidential to do with a friend that is none of your business

bilbo79

some people just like privacy. maybe you pick up to much on things and he just does not want to explain why he is texting sue.

jubi lee

I think the important thing is the OP has already stated her BF wiping his phone messages is out of character. she knows him best and if his reaction was enough to make her feel 'hang on, something going on here' well then there most prob is something going on. maybe not cheating etc but something.

the next time he gets a load of messges ask him who's texting, no probs in that is there? if you notice he starts putting his phone on silent or won't put it down in front of you for a second etc then maybe you need to talk to him about what's going on..

by the way most of those new phones have a 'log' even if he goes in and wipes the inbox and outbox he may not have cleared the log. so you could find out that way if you're that way inclined.

The_Scary_Man

There is an adage that goes 'What the Thinker thinks the Prover proves'. If you are convinced that your b/f is having an affair then evidence that he is will form all around you. Indicators that would have seemed innocuous at best in a rational frame of mind all of a sudden become hard evidence in the prosecution's case.

Whatever your b/f is or isn't up to I really think that you are getting too worked up about this. Especially if you treat it as a case to be solved or a perpetrator to be brought to justice.

The real issue here is trust and there wouldn't seem to be a lot in this relationship. He seems to be hiding his texts from you while you suspect him of having an affair. If I was you I would honestly stand back and ask two questions;

1. Am I happy in this relationship?

2. What will I do with this information when I find it?

There seems to me to be something fundamentally wrong with this relationship and the only way to overcome it is to communicate.

You might split up or you might end up strengthening your bond, either way you will have gained some piece of mind. A lot of the time we are afraid to ask questions like this because we don't actually want to hear the answer.

The truth however is that no matter how much pain this situation may cause it will pass whereas the slow burning discomfort of distrust and frustration can last for years.

Again I'll say if you go looking for evidence of an affair you will find it. It may be tenuous but it will seem like a slam dunk if you're just looking to confirm your suspicions.

Good luck anyway whatever the outcome

ntlbell

jubi lee wrote:

I think the important thing is the OP has already stated her BF wiping his phone messages is out of character. she knows him best and if his reaction was enough to make her feel 'hang on, something going on here' well then there most prob is something going on. maybe not cheating etc but something.

nonsense, how on earth does she know the habbits of her bf's txt clear out habbits? does she montior his texts regularly?

Sometimes I clear out my texts a lot
Sometimes I leave them there for months
Sometimes I clear them out of boredome
Sometimes I clear them if I feel the OS on my phone is getting sluggish.
Sometimes I clear them if the moon is in the right place.

The only way she could possibly know her bf's text delteing habbits is if she's always looking through his phone which she shouldn't be doing in the first place.

She's all ready boasted about how 'sly' she is, and seems to know the best ways to cover up when you're doing the dirty.

dellas1979

Well, how is acting now? Is all forgotton or is he still acting strange?

How are you around him. Has he said anything since?

jubi lee

ntlbell wrote:

nonsense, how on earth does she know the habbits of her bf's txt clear out habbits? does she montior his texts regularly?

Sometimes I clear out my texts a lot
Sometimes I leave them there for months
Sometimes I clear them out of boredome
Sometimes I clear them if I feel the OS on my phone is getting sluggish.
Sometimes I clear them if the moon is in the right place.

The only way she could possibly know her bf's text delteing habbits is if she's always looking through his phone which she shouldn't be doing in the first place.

She's all ready boasted about how 'sly' she is, and seems to know the best ways to cover up when you're doing the dirty.

did you not read her posts??? they live togther, she often texts/calls from his phone... therefore she would know if he clears em or not...:rolleyes: