Truths of the Universe

slipss

I'm sure some people have already heard theses already but I had to post them in anyways.

The List of Universal Truths:
1. Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2. At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3. One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4. You're never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5. Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.

6. Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7. Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

8. You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

10. Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

11. You never know where to look when eating a banana.

12. Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

13. Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

14. Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

15. You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

16. Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

17. The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

18. The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

19. Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

20. Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed halfway through and then raced against the flush.

21. Old women with mobile just phones look wrong!

22. Despite constant warnings you have never met anyone who has had thier arm broken by a swan.

23. There is no sense of panic felt like that when you momentarily get your head stuck somewhere.

24. You should never hold a cat and a vacuum cleaner at the same time.

25. It's impossible to look cool whilst picking up a frisbee.

26. Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

27. You never run out of salt.

28. You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

29. No one knows the origins of thier metal coat hangers.

30. The most painful thing that will happen to most of us in our home is stepping on an upturned plug with our bare feet.

31. People who don't drive themselves slam car doors far too hard.

32. You've truned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

33. Everyone has an uncle who tried to steal thier nose.

34. Bricks are horrible to carry.

35. In every plate of chips thier is a bad chip.

darkskol

Some good ones in there

slipss wrote:

31. People who don't drive themselves slam car doors far too hard.

QFT!!!

lemansky

slipss wrote:

11. You never know where to look when eating a banana

Never thought about this before but its so true!

Some good ones there that I've never seen before.

kittenkiller

slipss wrote:

3. One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

Am then after the 3rd time I always feel the need to yell out "Race Ya!!", which rarely goes down well.
It hurts to be this cool.

littlejp

slipss wrote:

35. In every plate of chips thier is a bad chip.

Usually the last one too.

Captain Chaos

slipss wrote:

19. Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

OMG, I thought it was just me, but it actually happens.:D

Steve_o

slipss wrote:

10. Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

Terrible things will happen if ya do....

also....What would happen if you type Google into Google.....somethings men just aren't meant to know!!!!:D

miles teg

slipss wrote:

I
26. Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

So so true

AlmightyCushion

22. Despite constant warnings you have never met anyone who has had thier arm broken by a swan.

True, very true.

awaitingdrummer

33. Everyone has an uncle who tried to steal thier nose.


why do they do that? when im an uncle im going to do it!

carpenoctem

10. Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

I dooo! I find the cups far too small. :rolleyes:

Old women with mobile just phones look wrong!

Especially when they end the call with "I'll text you later Mary" like the old lady next to me on the bus a few days back... :eek:

foxyboxer

peter kaye?

Jesus Wept

awaitingdrummer wrote:

33. Everyone has an uncle who tried to steal thier nose.


why do they do that? when im an uncle im going to do it!

Exactly, I've been an Uncle for about 4 years, and I've done it, it's a legal requirement.

mc nuggets

Steve_o wrote:

Terrible things will happen if ya do....

also....What would happen if you type Google into Google.....somethings men just aren't meant to know!!!!:D

Is it wrong that i had to do this when you mentioned it and got a rush of excitement from it

Ro: maaan!

awaitingdrummer wrote:

33. Everyone has an uncle who tried to steal thier nose.


why do they do that? when im an uncle im going to do it!

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