Bernard Manning RIP

philstar

He was a lovely man, a compassionate man, a man who loved people of all races and creeds, who did'nt have a bad word to say about anybody.

God bless you Bernard may you rest in peace..








you FAT BASTARD;)

DublinWriter

I heard the news on Radio 4 this morning and suddenly birds started singing and the Sun came out.

Somehow the world feels just a little nicer with him gone.

Duggy747

http://www.comedynightout.co.uk/mediac/400_0/media/manning-finger.jpg

A picture of innocence & subtleness.

As he once said before in BrassEye (Drugs Episode):
"Cake is a made-up drug. It's not made from plants, it's made from chemicals.........by.........sick bastards."

Farewell you fat fùck

popebenny16

Who told this joke:

"I was watching the telly... all those people in Africa living in mud huts... walking miles to the nearest stream to get water... why bother? Just move your mud huts nearer the river... easy..."

That's right, Ricky Gervais.

But he was being ironic, right? :rolleyes:

By the way I have no time at all for Manning, his day and his way of looking at life is dying out, thank god.

dodgyme

Ok BM was fat lads. However is the reason here for the abuse ye are giving him because we (irish) were the subject of his 'jokes'.

BaZmO*

popebenny16 wrote:

Who told this joke:

"I was watching the telly... all those people in Africa living in mud huts... walking miles to the nearest stream to get water... why bother? Just move your mud huts nearer the river... easy..."

That's right, Ricky Gervais.

But he was being ironic, right? :rolleyes:

But that's the thing though, if you're clever and ironic you say whatever you want about Blacks, Asians, Jews, Women, Gays, Disabled people, etc.
Hell, ya might even get a bunch of awards too. :rolleyes:

Geranium

A black man, a Pakastani and a Jew were in a nightclub - what a good example of an integrated community.

Jesus Wept

“You are what you eat.....I'm a c*%t!”

A literary genius of our times.

Dyr

to the lolocaust robin!

philstar

dodgyme wrote:

Ok BM was fat lads. However is the reason here for the abuse ye are giving him because we (irish) were the subject of his 'jokes'.

nope im not slagging the guy.......i taught he was funny, he made me laugh don't care what the pc brigade think...

"I'm glad I'm not bisexual; I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women"

Richard Branson was asked to take over Manchester City football team. He said, "I couldn't do that. I couldn't have Virgin on the shirts of a team that gets F****D every week!"

Scawgeen

dodgyme wrote:

Ok BM was fat lads. However is the reason here for the abuse ye are giving him because we (irish) were the subject of his 'jokes'.

His Irish jokes were hilarious, I think the hurling of abuse at him had a lot to do with jealousy. He's in Heaven now, The Big Embassy in The Sky, makin' em laugh. My own favourite joke was the one he told about the dyslexsic Irish stonecutter. ' E she were thin '

May he rest in peace.

humanji

First of I heard of his death was a txt message 5 minutes ago. It said:

Bernard Manning has died at the age of 76. Doctors have described his condition as 'satisfactory'.

Degsy

I had his death on an accumalator in the bookies with Patrick Keilty and Tommy Teirnan.

Slow Motion

humanji wrote:

First of I heard of his death was a txt message 5 minutes ago. It said:

Bernard Manning has died at the age of 76. Doctors have described his condition as 'satisfactory'.

Class

Pherekydes

DublinWriter wrote:

...and the Sun came out.

Did it have a page 3 spread of him?

Slutmonkey57b

popebenny16 wrote:

Who told this joke:

"I was watching the telly... all those people in Africa living in mud huts... walking miles to the nearest stream to get water... why bother? Just move your mud huts nearer the river... easy..."

That's right, Ricky Gervais.

But he was being ironic, right? :rolleyes:

By the way I have no time at all for Manning, his day and his way of looking at life is dying out, thank god.

Eh, but that's a joke about "why bother walking". It's not a joke based on race at all.

flogen

Geranium wrote:

A black man, a Pakastani and a Jew were in a nightclub - what a good example of an integrated community.

Ah, Bernard Righton - what a superb character.

(Ah, Bernard Manning - what a scumbag.)

Slow Motion

Well at least he finally did something his critics will approve of !

eth0_

Scawgeen wrote:

His Irish jokes were hilarious, I think the hurling of abuse at him had a lot to do with jealousy. He's in Heaven now, The Big Embassy in The Sky, makin' em laugh. My own favourite joke was the one he told about the dyslexsic Irish stonecutter. ' E she were thin '

May he rest in peace.

I don't get that joke?

The guy wasn't all that famous, he only appears to the working men's club sort of person, just like that other racist, sexist moron Jim Davidson.

aidan_walsh

eth0_ wrote:

I don't get that joke?

I'm guessing its only the punchline, to which we were all supposed to respond with "Ah yeah, ****ing brilliant that one". But no...

Anyway, Bernard Manning. Who?

Binomate

An hero.

Keith C

Was he not the guy who's poutry farms got the bird flu & had to be culled?? Fat bastard probably ate them anyway

Degsy

Keith C wrote:

Was he not the guy who's poutry farms got the bird flu & had to be culled?? Fat bastard probably ate them anyway

nah thats Bernard "bootifull" MAtthews

philstar

here's another BM beaut....


A bloke is at the supermarket checkout. On the conveyer belt he's got one sausage,
one rasher of bacon, one bread roll, one egg, one tomato etc.

The bird on the checkout looks at him and says: "Ooh, you must be a single man."

Bloke thinks he's in and says: "Why, how can you tell?"

"Because you're an ugly c*nt."

Scawgeen

eth0_ wrote:

I don't get that joke?

The guy wasn't all that famous, he only appears to the working men's club sort of person, just like that other racist, sexist moron Jim Davidson.

It wasn't a joke, it was more the punchline which many of his fans would be familiar. It's my own personal favourite joke, it's not great, not brillant just funny. He appeals to me and I've never set foot in a Working man's club in my life. I thought he was funny. Jim Davidson, Chubby Brown etc don't appeal to me at all.

Scawgeen

philstar wrote:

here's another BM beaut....


A bloke is at the supermarket checkout. On the conveyer belt he's got one sausage,
one rasher of bacon, one bread roll, one egg, one tomato etc.

The bird on the checkout looks at him and says: "Ooh, you must be a single man."

Bloke thinks he's in and says: "Why, how can you tell?"

"Because you're an ugly c*nt."

Thanks ! needed a laugh today.

flogen

Bernard Righton, by the way. Brilliant.

philstar

another BM belter...:D

An ugly c*nt of a man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.

"What are you so happy about?" Asks the barman.

"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know, I live by the
railway. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to
the tracks, like in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free and took
her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time!
We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top,
sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!"

"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky guy. Was she pretty?"
.
.
F**K knows!!......Never found the head.

MooseJam

very funny guy, RIP

tampopo

I've always found Ricky Gervais to be incredibly UNfunny.

the "e she were thin" was from a much longer different joke, well, the version I heard it anyway, Yorkshire based, not Cheshire based.

anyway, my 2p worth

super_furry

Horrible bigotted racist scumbag. Hope he rots.

Degsy

super_furry wrote:

Horrible bigotted racist scumbag. Hope he rots.

Most dead bodies rot,racists or not..its why they bury them,you see?

bolliwoodi

popebenny16 wrote:

Who told this joke:

"I was watching the telly... all those people in Africa living in mud huts... walking miles to the nearest stream to get water... why bother? Just move your mud huts nearer the river... easy..."

ROFL:D

WindSock

How is he a racist? Havent heard of him until now. Seems funny though. RIP with Benny, Spike and the rest

Slow Motion

boreds wrote:

How is he a racist? Havent heard of him until now.

Your showing your age (or should I say youth !)

humanji

Degsy wrote:

Most dead bodies rot,racists or not..its why they bury them,you see?

Don't be so stupid. They're buried in case they come back to eat us!

beans

I rather suspect Spike Milligan would pretend not to see Bernard Manning if he was walking down the street in heaven.

Manning would be all hollering and waving and flapping his jowels while Spike stares straight ahead, rounds a corner and ducks into the nearest pub to escape.

Anto McC

Wouldn't have p*ssed on him if he was on fire but i'll happily p*ss on his grave

TheFlaps

A disgusting racist who will not be missed.

Mr.Nice Guy

Funny guy. RIP.

"Don't laugh at the Holocaust. My dad died in Auschwitz.
Yeah, he fell of the watchtower and broke his f*cking neck."

As for those badmouthing him, in the words of Frank Carson:

"People that misunderstood didn't have a sense of humour. He used to make gags about the Irish to me. When I'd come into the room he'd say 'does anyone smell Semtex' and I wouldn't take offence."

Manning actually came from an Irish Catholic and Jewish background. Thanks for the laughs, Bernard. F*ck the begrudgers.

flogen

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

"People that misunderstood didn't have a sense of humour. He used to make gags about the Irish to me. When I'd come into the room he'd say 'does anyone smell Semtex' and I wouldn't take offence."

I love that - people who think he's a racist obviously don't have a sense of humour - it's not his fault, it's yours.

Frank Carson's another hack of a comedian, by the way, and another who can be listed in the "relics of a by-gone era" category of the profession. I saw him doing a routine on the Tiz-Waz (or whatever) nostalgiafest on Saturday and it was gut wrenchingly antiquated and unfunny - basically him taking as many racial stereotypes as he could remember and using them as a punchline.

Must be my lack of a sense of humour, though.

BBJ

Yore Ma !!!!!!!!!!!

nlgbbbblth

Manning was very representative of his era++.
His delivery was very good but his material was offensive.

Was he like that in real life or was it a cultivated persona for his audience?
- mostly pr*cks who read The Sun.

However he did make that dry, colourless, personality-lobotomised w*nker Darcus Howe* laugh - with a racist joke. Anyone who could get Howe to raise a smile must be talented.

*Remember Howe on Brass Eye ('Sorry that was the introduction for Robert Elms' - Chris Morris)?

On a health-related note: isn't it extraordinary that Manning lived to be 76 with his physique? That might well be his greatest achievement of all.

++Re: 'a different era'.

There's a scene in Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em where Frank falls into a barrel of tar. He emerges, completely covered in the stuff (from head to toe) and sees an Asian couple walking past. He stops them and starts speaking in pidgin English to them.

The scene was excised from the DVD release on the grounds that it might cause offence. Similar cuts have been made to Are You Being Served?

That sort of censoring with the past really annoys me.

And to finish things off; a joke that Bernard Manning would appreciate

What's black and doesn't work?













...Bernard Manning's kidneys

Scawgeen

tampopo wrote:

I've always found Ricky Gervais to be incredibly UNfunny.

the "e she were thin" was from a much longer different joke, well, the version I heard it anyway, Yorkshire based, not Cheshire based.

anyway, my 2p worth

To clarify what I referred to this morning here is a synopsis of the joke as I remember it. It still may not be funny but it was when Bernard Manning told it.


A Yorkshire man's beloved wife dies and he goes down to the local stonemason to pick out a headstone for her. He picks out the headstone and tells the owner he wants an inscription on it. He's written down what he wants inscribed on the headstone simply 'She Were Thine' and nothing else.
The Stonemason calls over his new man rumoured to be a genius with a chisel Paddy the Stonecutter. He tells Paddy the gentlman's wife was dead and tells him she was a fine woman and he showed him what he wanted incribed on the head stone as above 'She Were Thine'
Paddy goes off to do the job and a week later the gentleman returns to collect his headstone. He takes one look at the headstone 'She Were Thin' and says to the Owner he left out the E on 'She Were Thine' Paddy says he can sort that out, no problem adding an E. The next day the gentleman returns and Paddy has added the extra E to the inscription.......' E She Were Thin '

philstar

Yes Bernard Manning's comedy was very much a product of its time & district
i.e. 1970s northern english working class humour.

yes i know he was a hideous looking man who made racist jokes, but bye did he tell some beauts and his timing was impeccable........

"ive got a new nickname for my cock...im gonna call it "scouser" cause it hasnt worked for f*cking ages"

"Why are pubic hairs curly, because if they were straight they would poke your wife's eyes out!"


a bloke goes to the opticians -

the optician says "I'm afraid your going to have to stop ****" -
Bloke:"why, will I go blind?"
Optician "no, but you're upsetting everyone in the waiting room"

Hagar

If you could see past his material he was a very professional comedian.
That said, he and his ilk were responsible for the popularization of "paddy" bashing.
Wouldn't if be just nice if St. Peter was on a day off and St. Patrick was minding the Pearly Gates today?

Pigman II

Manning, dead? It's a fúcking disgrace!

chump

Whatever about this Manning lad - do people really not find Gervais or Tommy Tiernan funneh ? - they're at the top of their game imo

Dudess

flogen wrote:

Frank Carson's another hack of a comedian, by the way, and another who can be listed in the "relics of a by-gone era" category of the profession. I saw him doing a routine on the Tiz-Waz (or whatever) nostalgiafest on Saturday and it was gut wrenchingly antiquated and unfunny - basically him taking as many racial stereotypes as he could remember and using them as a punchline.

Yeah, I don't know why, but I was watching Carson on Podge and Rodge a few months ago - Jesus, Mary and Joseph, it was cringeworthy. One of the least funny things I've ever seen.

And yeah, Bernard Manning was a cúnt. But in fairness, he wasn't as bad as Roy 'Chubby' Brown - a nasty, nasty piece of work.

Manning, as someone pointed out, may have made Irish jokes, but he came from an Irish background himself, and was apparently very proud of his Jewish roots (although that doesn't excuse the Auschwitz gag, which is just plain offensive - not even funny in a dark way).

I have found myself laughing out loud at some of Manning's gags though, not because they're funny in themselves but because I think it's funny - as in shocking funny - that someone could actually say stuff like that.

chump, Gervais is excellent at doing what he's best known for - programmes like The Office and Extras. But as a stand-up, he's lame.

philstar

Hagar wrote:

If you could see past his material he was a very professional comedian.
That said, he and his ilk were responsible for the popularization of "paddy" bashing.

well how about all the paddy irishman jokes we told in school??

basically what yr saying is this.....if an irishman tells a paddy joke its fine, but if an englishman does it its offensive...

anyway lets not get too heavy...

What's hit more balls than ryan giggs foot?

Elton John's chin!


50 years ago a group of white blokes chasing a black bloke was called the Klu Klux Klan..................

Now they call it the PGA tour

Hagar

The man was offensive... to everyone...
I'll let the "Jews, Pakis, Blacks, Chinks" ( have I left anyone out?) stand up for themselves. He insulted everyone who wasn't white and English.
If he didn't own the Embassy Club he would have had no where to go.
He was a racist, and he spread his message through his brand of humour. He was good at it to give him his due. No pun intended.