paternity? please help

bozo

sorry for long story..just really need peoples input as to what i can do coz i cant talk to anyone and dont know what to do..
4 years ago, had one-night stand wit a girl who later came along to say she fell pregnant as a result..i never disputed that i wasnt the father, just told her a relationship between the 2 of us was not an option but i would stand by my child and accept responsibility.. child was born, visited her in hopsital and heard nothing then until i got a summons to court in the post. i represented myself in court ( my family didnt want to know about it), when asked was i the father of the child i said yes and asked if i wanted a dna test to be done i said no.. so i've paid maintenance of 300 euro every month for the last 4 years but have never had any contact with my child..
since then the mother has had another child and is getting married this october to that childs father..
a few months ago, a friend of mine returned from abroad and told me he had slept with the mother of the child around the same time as i had, and even rang her when he found out she was pregnant to say not to involve him in it!
two more men have since admitted to me that they slept with her around that time!!
Is it too late for me to find out if the child is mine? she can object to the dna test leaving me not knowing for sure if child is mine? please help .
her husband to be is very well off so even if i stopped paying the maintenance, the money wouldnt bother her.. its not the money that bothers me either.. i jus want to know if i am childs dad

G&T

Get legal advise,
Why did you not want the test day one.
Very naive to take her word for it when it was a one night stand.
Did you ever see the kid does it look like you.

bozo

i regret so much saying no to the dna test that day but i just wanted everything to be over with.. my family were disgusted with me, im a local business man so just goilg along with everything seemed easier when i was dealing with it on my own, have seen the child few times from a distance, looks nothing like me.. a girl i know babysits for the child and even asked me did i ever question parentage coz she can see none of me in this child, looks or personaility wise

dudara

You know the right thing to do here. Getting that paternity test will put your mind at ease, one way or the other.

Even if you didn't want a relationship with the Mom, why did not you know have a relationship with the child you believed to be your daughter? She has lost out by not having a dad.

biko

Again - get legal advice.
Having these other blokes sleeping with her too should be sufficient grounds to get a test done.

bozo

she can refuse a dna test now, its the mothers final word if a dna test can be carried out, and i know that now she'l refuse coz she doesnt need my money anymore and she's named a father for her child so she has everything covered from her point of view.. me claiming she has slept with other men would be her word against mine.. now that shes getting married soon she has this respectable image going on

biko

Does her new situation mean that she does not want more money from you?
If so there really isn't anything you can do I guess, but then I'm not a solicitor.

G&T

Oh man'
looks like you may have made a very costly mistake(personal and financial)
Dont think there is anything you can do without the mother's consent.
Have you asked her recently for a test.
Maybe now she has bagged herself a new pay check she wont mind.
That's very bitchy I know but given she wasn't only with you at the time of conception she probably said it was your's because you were the most decent and you wouldn't want a dragged out messy legal fight because of your job and family.

You should stop all payment's till it is sorted.

bozo

G&T wrote:

Oh man'
looks like you may have made a very costly mistake(personal and financial)
Dont think there is anything you can do without the mother's consent.
Have you asked her recently for a test.
Maybe now she has bagged herself a new pay check she wont mind.
That's very bitchy I know but given she wasn't only with you at the time of conception she probably said it was your's because you were the most decent and you wouldn't want a dragged out messy legal fight because of your job and family.

You should stop all payment's till it is sorted.

Couldnt have said it better myself.. she knew back then i was financially able to support her, and was an easy target.. have not yet confronted the mother about a possible test but feel it would be so easy for her to say no, now that shes financially stable, and if test were to come up that i wasnt the father, the embarrassment it would bring on her. my gf thinks i should contact her saying i am making a will regarding my business and i would like the child to be included in this will but that a test would have to be done first? would this work?

G&T

Sound's like a cunning stunt,what a clever gf you have.

If that doesn't work im afraid you will have to wait till the child is 18 to find out for sure.

You could also call her bluff and say you feel guilty for not being in the child's life and you want to spend some time with him/her, that you would like to get some visiting rights in place before she get's married.

Is your name on the birth cert.

Gordon

Go to a lawyer/doctor/DNA expert.