Taxi Drivers With A Few Screws Loose

mloc

Got a taxi home the other night with a few of the lads, he started on about how those aussie birds are no use cos they don't "give blowjobs when they're short of the cash", and that he had a couple in the car recently, the girl was giving yer man stick so he told the taxi driver to **** her out, so he did.

He then said "if I had the choice I would have drove her up the wicklow bloody mountains".

Sick ****er.

Tchocky

Got a taxi to an airfield last month, myself and a friend were going skydiving
The driver spent the entire trip singing at the top of his voice, "You're all gonna dieeeee"

shane86

I dunno, i think alot of them tell gas stories. Especially one who said he got reported to the carriage office for saying, and I quote

"yiv got gorgeous legs, theyd look even nicer wrapped around my neck" :eek:

He was drunk driving us, as we got into the car he was arguing with the wife on the phone, she found out about his bird on the side. Jollly nice bloke

Then the convo i overheard between two drivers over the radio of the car i was in, regarding a plane seemingly unable to navigate off the runway at the airport

Driver 1 "Dunno what the story is, its not broke down ive seen it move, but it seems to be holdin a load of the rest up"
Driver 2 "Ill bet you 50 quid its a ****in bird thats flyin it"

Thrill

shane86 wrote:

"yiv got gorgeous legs, theyd look even nicer wrapped around my neck" :eek:

:D

You cant blame a guy for trying, can you?

9th

You got in a taxi with a drunk driver, were you born under a stupid tree, or just dropped as a baby?

shane86 wrote:

I dunno, i think alot of them tell gas stories. Especially one who said he got reported to the carriage office for saying, and I quote

"yiv got gorgeous legs, theyd look even nicer wrapped around my neck" :eek:

He was drunk driving us, as we got into the car he was arguing with the wife on the phone, she found out about his bird on the side. Jollly nice bloke

Then the convo i overheard between two drivers over the radio of the car i was in, regarding a plane seemingly unable to navigate off the runway at the airport

Driver 1 "Dunno what the story is, its not broke down ive seen it move, but it seems to be holdin a load of the rest up"
Driver 2 "Ill bet you 50 quid its a ****in bird thats flyin it"

Zillah

I had one very creepy taxi driver a few months ago. When I first got in he seemed nice enough. Then he asked me if I was from the US (which happens a lot, something about my voice). I told him no. He insisted I must be. Then he started going into details about his life in Florida when he was younger. He then again insisted I must be American.

I don't remember much more details but in general he was kinda off putting. The major creepiness came at the end of the journey. Just as we were pulling up to my house he said "Hey, do you...uh, do mind if I give you my number? Nothing sexual like! Just...y'know..." I'm a guy by the way, and as he was saying this he was picking up a pen. I stayed quiet. I gave him the money and got out. And then! Just as I was getting out he said, and I quote "Ok...well I know where you live."

Beruthiel

Move house now Zillah!

Zillah

Well, its a quiet cul de sac so I'd have definately seen him if he was hanging around or anything. Its been months and I haven't seen him since. I suspect maybe he was slightly autistic or something, like he just didn't understand how the average person is supposed to behave or something.

Bit strange he'd become a taxi driver then though, isn't it?

pickarooney

He wasn't simply touting for repeat business?

Dirty Knuckles

I'm a taxi driver and you should hear some of the stories we're told, or hear from the back!.

But yea, there's a few taxi driver's with more than a few screw's loose indeed.

Its a funny/weird job sometimes, esp. working the nights.

mikemac

http://www.gillmacmillan.ie/Ecom/Library3.nsf/CatalogByCategory/D9C4DFD18A2A7C7980256D3B003DBD3F?OpenDocument

Reminds me of this book-it's a good read

Tales in a rearview mirror
Written by an Irish guy, sure you might even be in it :eek:

xzanti

My bf was getting one home from the airport by himself a few weeks back, and he told me the driver kept asking him if he'd ever cheated on his gf and telling him he should 'go to thailand and that the women there are like slaves and you can do whatever you want to them and they're barely legel and all this sh1ite etc...' :rolleyes: Think he was just more a perv than a lunatic tough..

KNS

Getting a taxi home one night, the driver proceeded to complain about Irish women for the whole trip so I joined in being in a bit of a p!ssed off mood. Apparently he was divorced after a 20 year marriage and now had a girlfriend in Singapore. I was basically wasting my time with Irish women.

His advice to me was to save up a bit of cash and go there for a month where I'd "fall in love a thousand times".

Next thing he asked me did I want to see her. Before I could answer he'd shoved a load of photos in my face. Naturally she was a stunner (just to add to my p!ssed off mood), in her mid 20's I'd say!! Baring in mind he was in his late late 40's to early 50's and extremely over weight/smelly.

But what cracked me up was this line "what Irish women would dry you off after a shower and make love to you again and again". Not the kind of vision you want in your head taking into consideration his description above.

KNS

Getting a taxi home one night, the driver proceeded to complain about Irish women for the whole trip so I joined in being in a bit of a p!ssed off mood. Apparently he was divorced after a 20 year marriage and now had a girlfriend in Singapore. I was basically wasting my time with Irish women.

His advice to me was to save up a bit of cash and go there for a month where I'd "fall in love a thousand times".

Next thing he asked me did I want to see her. Before I could answer he'd shoved a load of photos in my face. Naturally she was a stunner (just to add to my p!ssed off mood), in her mid 20's I'd say!! Baring in mind he was in his late late 40's to early 50's and extremely over weight/smelly.

But what cracked me up was this line "what Irish women would dry you off after a shower and make love to you again and again". Not the kind of vision you want in your head taking into consideration his description above.

They say you don't have to be mad but its certainly helps
My father is a taxi driver and he has told me some funny stories

arybvtcw0eolkf

KNS wrote:

Getting a taxi home one night, the driver proceeded to complain about Irish women for the whole trip so I joined in being in a bit of a p!ssed off mood. Apparently he was divorced after a 20 year marriage and now had a girlfriend in Singapore. I was basically wasting my time with Irish women.

His advice to me was to save up a bit of cash and go there for a month where I'd "fall in love a thousand times".

Next thing he asked me did I want to see her. Before I could answer he'd shoved a load of photos in my face. Naturally she was a stunner (just to add to my p!ssed off mood), in her mid 20's I'd say!! Baring in mind he was in his late late 40's to early 50's and extremely over weight/smelly.

But what cracked me up was this line "what Irish women would dry you off after a shower and make love to you again and again". Not the kind of vision you want in your head taking into consideration his description above.

Was he driving a maroon coloured Skoda Octavia?..

If so that was me!!!!... lol.

Just kidding, I had that guy too. Conversation went almost along the same lines then he produced some photos from the glove compartment.

Dammit I've told this story to a few people and now find another 'burdened brother', lol.

Partizan

I personally have a lot of time for taxi drivers especially the Dublin ones who are absolutley out of this world. Some are quite stone mad as you would imagine but for some of the **** that they have to put up with, you would need to be a few crumbles short of a cookie.

Being from Waterford and working here in Dublin. I get varied responses. From an older generation I get the "Alfie Hale, Peter Thomas, & Johnny Matthews ah didn t Waterford have a great team then huh" line. "Look at them now there bleedin ****e". Being a Waterford fan the expereince can be both patronising in that we are now ****e (agree there)and uplifting in hearing the old timers hark on about the great sides and games.

The younger lads are gas. Always on about birds and booze. Some weeks ago I was on my way to the port from Rathmines to catch the ferry to Hollyhead at 5.30 am. They guy that picked me up was priceless. It had to be seen to be believed. He was telling about the Chinese knocking shop in Rathmines and where you could get a massage. Also I got a run down of his sexual exploits (screwing some Polish student bird) and a bit of timely advice - 'next time you are riding the bird that dumped you, dont worry she'll come crawling back, give her a dig in the head for me'. 'Loads of women in this town for ya, **** her' kinda thing. When I told him however that I was a Waterford fan, he nearly threw me out of the cab. One of those Shamrock Rovers nutjobs.

Duggy747

In the town where I live there is one infamous taxi driver who is like an adventure when you hop in with him. Adventure like: "Am I gonna die or survive!?!" He's notorious for falling asleep while driving, especially when we are in his car which is scary stuff. Obviously we don't get him at all but unfortunately he's always the most reliable to get a taxi home at about 6 or 7 in the morning. Actually mind-boggling how he still has his license

Plissken1

I was in a taxi one morning and he fell asleep at the wheel, I had to nudge him awake before we crashed. The roads were empty luckily.

Agamemnon

I was picked up by a Vietnam veteran taxi driver one night and he started telling me his war stories. He gave me gory descriptions of how several of his buddies died, then he started panting, wheezing and rocking back and forth in his seat. I thought he was going to have a flashback, mistake me for a VC and snap my neck.

Any Dublin taxi driver I've encountered has been a nutter. One guy started telling me about his two years in Mountjoy or, as he called it, "the big bread & breakfast". He told me about him and his friend having a threesome with a dwarf in a Budapest brothel or, as he put it, "Me and me mate four-balled a fookin' midget".

joe_chicken

The taxi driver I had on Saturday night didn't know the difference between left and right, not as in "he was bad with directions"... he just didn't know the difference.

Every corner we came to would go like:
Me: Ok, it's just the next left.
Taxi man begins to turn right.
Me: No, sorry... left, just here, left.
Taxi man continues to turn right.
Me: Left,left, left, left... (while leaning left)
Taxi man swings wildly left at the last moment.

This happened at least 3 times.


At one point we were driving in the wrong direction on the opposite side of the road.

At another point he tried to turn the wrong way down a one way road.

KNS

Mairt wrote:

Was he driving a maroon coloured Skoda Octavia?..

Not sure if it was an Octavia but the car was definetly maroon coloured.

I wonder how many unsuspecting victims he's forced that story on!! :eek:

patto_chan

joe_chicken wrote:

The taxi driver I had on Saturday night didn't know the difference between left and right, not as in "he was bad with directions"... he just didn't know the difference.

Every corner we came to would go like:
Me: Ok, it's just the next left.
Taxi man begins to turn right.
Me: No, sorry... left, just here, left.
Taxi man continues to turn right.
Me: Left,left, left, left... (while leaning left)
Taxi man swings wildly left at the last moment.

This happened at least 3 times.

Maybe he was Derek Zoolander.
He just couldn't turn left (or was that right?):D
Imagine Zoolander driving a Dublin taxi.....

Partizan

patto_chan wrote:

Imagine Zoolander driving a Dublin taxi.....

I'd think he would fit in just fine.

Degsy

Anybody had teh misfortune to get into Tommy Valentine's taxi?The clown fancies himself as a Frank Sinatra impersonator and will spend the journey waffling on about hiimself and singing Frank Sinatra songs.He's also turned his cab into a shrine to himself and has been prosecuted for flyposting about himself.Twat.

Kinetic^

Degsy wrote:

Anybody had teh misfortune to get into Tommy Valentine's taxi?The clown fancies himself as a Frank Sinatra impersonator and will spend the journey waffling on about hiimself and singing Frank Sinatra songs.He's also turned his cab into a shrine to himself and has been prosecuted for flyposting about himself.Twat.

OMFG, I have.......few years back, ****ing hilarious so it was!!!! Pictures of himself all over his car

Degsy

Kenny 5 wrote:

OMFG, I have.......few years back, ****ing hilarious so it was!!!! Pictures of himself all over his car

He's a halfwit.Not content with being ignored by the media,he comes out with this:http://www.taxiblog.co.uk/1328/tommy%e2%80%99s-bogus-taxi-campaign/

John Mason

xzanti wrote:

My bf was getting one home from the airport by himself a few weeks back, and he told me the driver kept asking him if he'd ever cheated on his gf and telling him he should 'go to thailand and that the women there are like slaves and you can do whatever you want to them and they're barely legel and all this sh1ite etc...' :rolleyes: Think he was just more a perv than a lunatic tough..

I have been this guys taxi. he was dropping me to a pub and i wont talk the money off me because he was talking that much about the young girls and how 14 of them go away every 6 months to this place and some guy brings a selection of girls and they choose who they want - at least i knew i was safe in his taxi, was far too old for him

Alanthroneus

i was getting a taxi up to sandyford and we passed by the dundrum shopping centre. he proceeded to tell me a story of how he was told that "sum pur fecker" was found hanging off the scaffold there. at this point i was like hmm okay.... didnt want to know that but the he continued to tell me that when he was 14 his father and best friend both killed themselves within a month of each other and how sometimes he feels so lonely he thinks about doing it to........

what are ya meant to say to something like that?

Alanthroneus

i was getting a taxi up to sandyford and we passed by the dundrum shopping centre. he proceeded to tell me a story of how he was told that "sum pur fecker" was found hanging off the scaffold there. at this point i was like hmm okay.... didnt want to know that but the he continued to tell me that when he was 14 his father and best friend both killed themselves within a month of each other and how sometimes he feels so lonely he thinks about doing it to........

what are ya meant to say to something like that?

arybvtcw0eolkf

Alanthroneus wrote:

i was getting a taxi up to sandyford and we passed by the dundrum shopping centre. he proceeded to tell me a story of how he was told that "sum pur fecker" was found hanging off the scaffold there. at this point i was like hmm okay.... didnt want to know that but the he continued to tell me that when he was 14 his father and best friend both killed themselves within a month of each other and how sometimes he feels so lonely he thinks about doing it to........

what are ya meant to say to something like that?

Just tell him to "hang in there buddy".

shane86

9th wrote:

You got in a taxi with a drunk driver, were you born under a stupid tree, or just dropped as a baby?

Normally i wouldnt, but it was a short trip and we were rubbered ourselves.

Theres an oul one who drives around Blanch who is notorious for trying to trick customers by taking long winded routes to places, Ive heard it from a fw people. Her name is Elizabeth according to one driver who says it was probably her. Quite well spoken, dyed blonde, about 50, ive been in her car twice now. The first time, she turned an 8 euro odd trip to the village from Tyrellstown into a 12 E one by waffling so much I didnt realise she was circling the ****ing centre until it was too late. She apologised and said she would knock off a euro, which is bollix seeing as she shouldve cut through Corduff or the side of the centre. It was at this point id realised id had her before, when a mate moved out to what at the time was a brand new development in Ongar, an area I had never had reason to go to previously, instead of flying up the big road by Power City she went out the bypass and through Clonee :mad:

arybvtcw0eolkf

shane86 wrote:

Normally i wouldnt, but it was a short trip and we were rubbered ourselves.

Theres an oul one who drives around Blanch who is notorious for trying to trick customers by taking long winded routes to places, Ive heard it from a fw people. Quite well spoken, dyed blonde, about 50, ive been in her car twice now. The first time, she turned an 8 euro odd trip to the village from Tyrellstown into a 12 E one by waffling so much I didnt realise she was circling the ****ing centre until it was too late. She apologised and said she would knock off a euro, which is bollix seeing as she shouldve cut through Corduff or the side of the centre. It was at this point id realised id had her before, when a mate moved out to what at the time was a brand new development in Ongar, an area I had never had reason to go to previously, instead of flying up the big road by Power City she went out the bypass and through Clonee :mad:

Totally unrelated..

But last year I was in New York City and took a cab, told the driver "Ground Zero, WTC please"... Great journey, showed us the UN building, the different bridges and some other land marks. We got the ground zero and paid the $25- fare plus $5 tip.

Viewed ground zero and went into Centry 21, its a big shop beside WTC. We walked out the side door, like you would at Cleary's (Dublin) and my son say's "Dad, isn't this where we got the cab?"... Yup, I was AT the WTC and the guy took me for a tour of Manhattan.

:mad:

Naked Lepper

Mairt wrote:

Totally unrelated..

But last year I was in New York City and took a cab, told the driver "Ground Zero, WTC please"... Great journey, showed us the UN building, the different bridges and some other land marks. We got the ground zero and paid the $25- fare plus $5 tip.

Viewed ground zero and went into Centry 21, its a big shop beside WTC. We walked out the side door, like you would at Cleary's (Dublin) and my son say's "Dad, isn't this where we got the cab?"... Yup, I was AT the WTC and the guy took me for a tour of Manhattan.

:mad:

your own fault

arybvtcw0eolkf

Naked Lepper wrote:

your own fault

Yea, I just arrived in NYC. Never been there before. Totally my own fault :rolleyes:

electric69

Naked Lepper wrote:

your own fault

yep.that wasnt the brighest thing to do was it?

Homer

If a "Naked Lepper" got in my cab i'd probably have done the same!!!

xzanti

irishbird wrote:

I have been this guys taxi. he was dropping me to a pub and i wont talk the money off me because he was talking that much about the young girls and how 14 of them go away every 6 months to this place and some guy brings a selection of girls and they choose who they want - at least i knew i was safe in his taxi, was far too old for him

Gary Glitter eat your heart out...

Anyone been driven by the Indian man who has the inside of his car decorated like a shrine? He's got a little Buddha statue on his dashboard and the interior is all covered in white lace.. His back windows are curtained up aswell.. Got in with the bf coming home from town late one night.. Twas a surreal experience..

Degsy

xzanti wrote:

Gary Glitter eat your heart out...

Anyone been driven by the Indian man who has the inside of his car decorated like a shrine? He's got a little Buddha statue on his dashboard and the interior is all covered in white lace.. His back windows are curtained up aswell.. Got in with the bf coming home from town late one night.. Twas a surreal experience..

Was in a cab one night driven by a black bloke that had leopardskin everywhere,seat covers,dashboard and he was wearing a leopardskin hat.Bizarre,i felt like he'd just come from Rorke's drift.

Alanthroneus

Mairt wrote:

Just tell him to "hang in there buddy".

lol:D

Alanthroneus

Mairt wrote:

Totally unrelated..

But last year I was in New York City and took a cab, told the driver "Ground Zero, WTC please"... Great journey, showed us the UN building, the different bridges and some other land marks. We got the ground zero and paid the $25- fare plus $5 tip.

Viewed ground zero and went into Centry 21, its a big shop beside WTC. We walked out the side door, like you would at Cleary's (Dublin) and my son say's "Dad, isn't this where we got the cab?"... Yup, I was AT the WTC and the guy took me for a tour of Manhattan.

:mad:

did you no notice is big hole in the ground?

intheknow

A Breed onto themselves, Have a peek into their world


http://z11.invisionfree.com/TAXIDOTIE/index.php?showforum=3

They abuse each other too

My brother recently regaled me with the tale of a taxi driver here in Cork who loved driving his taxi so much because it was like flying a plane. He was swerving all over the road making plane noises. Needless to say it was late at night. Are all the guys who do the night shift completely bonkers?

dermo88

Doing the night shift drives everyone bonkers, because it goes against a persons natural rhythms.

But first, let me regale you of my memory of 9-11. Everyone remembers where they were when 9-11 took place.

In my case, I was in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

I was working the afternoon shift, starting at 3pm, ending at 11pm. It was, as you may remember, a Tuesday. At about 9:00, strange things started happening at the office. We closed down the website, and after that, my boss came in, "Dermo, you may as well go home, theres nothing happening for the next two days"

In my thoughts, I said......"Screw this, if WW3 is going to happen, I may as well get drunk and get laid.

First stop, the 7-11. Some condoms and manglide.

Next stop, ATM. Out of action.

Back home, scooped up 40 Sterling and 40 Irish Pounds, and headed to the money changer. Changed into 388 Ringgit between the two currencies.

Hit the town. Eventually landed up in KL's main gay bar....Blue Boy.

As luck would have it......well at the time I was better looking. So I landed a nice Malaysian, Azlan. We went to his place. Thats where the fun started.

We got in the taxi, and there was this familiar herbal smell.

Before you know it, we are ducking and diving. The driver is out of his biscuits and singing. He is holding the BIGGEST spliff I have seen in my life. Even worse, he is smoking it.

"Can you slow down a bit" (Hes doing 90mph or 145kph in a Proton Saga, which is an achievement in itself. Any faster, time travel will be possible).

"Dun worry lah, I Osama Bin Laden, I professional driver, I ex soldier"
(Cue another toke on his spliff)

Cue me......saying the Hail Mary, while Azlan is reaching for my tonsils.

If I die this night....may I die happy.

The 20 minutes from Starhill to Cheras feel like an eternity.

Then the **** really hits the fan. Theres a police checkpoint ahead.

There are 20 cars being checked. 3 pulled over. The police are off looking for their coffee money. I go into automatic "Do you want a drink or a transfer mode". Frankly speaking, I had enough power to have them for breakfast. I've got a stoned taxi driver, we are stoned on the fumes, and technically, for whats going on, its a 1,000 Pound fine, and 2 years prison for everyone in the car.

I insist that the driver turns on the aircon AND open the windows.

He does......"Relax Lah, small matter lah, I Osama Bin Laden, I ex soldier, I professional driver". The spliff at this stage is only 20% finished, and Azlan and I are practically stoned on the fumes"

We eventually reach the checkpoint. Our pal, Osama the taxi driver was correct. "Don't worry, small matter lah, they wun stop us"

Torches at me, then taxi driver, then Azlan, then me again.

The officer gestures for me to get out. I produce a colour photocopy of my work permit, my identity card, my work permit, and give him the evil eye. One false move sunshine, and your prawn food. He pretends there is something wrong with my photocopy, and that the work permit is forged. I say, "keep your life simple please". I could bribe him, but I will not give him the satisfaction. I reach for my phone, and at that point, he stops. "You can go". He does not fancy a transfer to some God forsaken village in the forest, or worse, and he knows who I am, who I know, and what I am capable of.

Back in to the taxi.

"Give me that damn spliff....now!"

Drag,

Drag,

Drag.....

Pass to Azlan

Repeat

Drag

Drag

Drag

Back to taxi driver.

"You like girls?"

No

"You like men?"

Sometimes, why?

"You like me?"

And he flashes a dazzling pearly white smile, we stop off at the off licence, and the day, or night that we all remember as 9/11 continued.

watna

Oh god.... how do I follow up from the previous post!

When I was on my J1 in San Diego me and a friend got a taxi home from work. The driver was from Pakistan and was asking us where we were from and living etc. We explained that we were from Ireland and living with some friends. He was asking was there boys living with us (we're both girls), when he said yes he started calling us heathens and telling us we're were going to hell living with a man we weren't related too. Then he offered to marry us both if we converted to Islam.... at this stage we were pretty freaked out. We got him to drop us off a few blocks early and legged it!

Also, a bit unrelated but on my J1 and transport related. I got a bus back from mission beach to our apartment by myself (big mistake, only very poor or old people get buses in California!) and this big black guy came and sat right next to me on the bus, even though it was empty. He kept trying to talk to me and I was ignoring him but he wouldn't stop. He asked me where i was from and told me he was from Compton in LA. At this stage I was a bit freaked out. Then he asked did I drop..... at the time I didin't no what that meant (because I'm so innocent of course!), then he asked me did I go with black guys. I told him I had a bf but he said he didn't care. I was EXTREMELY uncomfortable then and got off the bus early. Luckily I ran in to one of the lads I was living with so I was ok. I had terrible luck in the states though, I got followed loads!

xzanti

dermo88 wrote:

Doing the night shift drives everyone bonkers, because it goes against a persons natural rhythms.

But first, let me regale you of my memory of 9-11. Everyone remembers where they were when 9-11 took place.

In my case, I was in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

I was working the afternoon shift, starting at 3pm, ending at 11pm. It was, as you may remember, a Tuesday. At about 9:00, strange things started happening at the office. We closed down the website, and after that, my boss came in, "Dermo, you may as well go home, theres nothing happening for the next two days"

In my thoughts, I said......"Screw this, if WW3 is going to happen, I may as well get drunk and get laid.

First stop, the 7-11. Some condoms and manglide.

Next stop, ATM. Out of action.

Back home, scooped up 40 Sterling and 40 Irish Pounds, and headed to the money changer. Changed into 388 Ringgit between the two currencies.

Hit the town. Eventually landed up in KL's main gay bar....Blue Boy.

As luck would have it......well at the time I was better looking. So I landed a nice Malaysian, Azlan. We went to his place. Thats where the fun started.

We got in the taxi, and there was this familiar herbal smell.

Before you know it, we are ducking and diving. The driver is out of his biscuits and singing. He is holding the BIGGEST spliff I have seen in my life. Even worse, he is smoking it.

"Can you slow down a bit" (Hes doing 90mph or 145kph in a Proton Saga, which is an achievement in itself. Any faster, time travel will be possible).

"Dun worry lah, I Osama Bin Laden, I professional driver, I ex soldier"
(Cue another toke on his spliff)

Cue me......saying the Hail Mary, while Azlan is reaching for my tonsils.

If I die this night....may I die happy.

The 20 minutes from Starhill to Cheras feel like an eternity.

Then the **** really hits the fan. Theres a police checkpoint ahead.

There are 20 cars being checked. 3 pulled over. The police are off looking for their coffee money. I go into automatic "Do you want a drink or a transfer mode". Frankly speaking, I had enough power to have them for breakfast. I've got a stoned taxi driver, we are stoned on the fumes, and technically, for whats going on, its a 1,000 Pound fine, and 2 years prison for everyone in the car.

I insist that the driver turns on the aircon AND open the windows.

He does......"Relax Lah, small matter lah, I Osama Bin Laden, I ex soldier, I professional driver". The spliff at this stage is only 20% finished, and Azlan and I are practically stoned on the fumes"

We eventually reach the checkpoint. Our pal, Osama the taxi driver was correct. "Don't worry, small matter lah, they wun stop us"

Torches at me, then taxi driver, then Azlan, then me again.

The officer gestures for me to get out. I produce a colour photocopy of my work permit, my identity card, my work permit, and give him the evil eye. One false move sunshine, and your prawn food. He pretends there is something wrong with my photocopy, and that the work permit is forged. I say, "keep your life simple please". I could bribe him, but I will not give him the satisfaction. I reach for my phone, and at that point, he stops. "You can go". He does not fancy a transfer to some God forsaken village in the forest, or worse, and he knows who I am, who I know, and what I am capable of.

Back in to the taxi.

"Give me that damn spliff....now!"

Drag,

Drag,

Drag.....

Pass to Azlan

Repeat

Drag

Drag

Drag

Back to taxi driver.

"You like girls?"

No

"You like men?"

Sometimes, why?

"You like me?"

And he flashes a dazzling pearly white smile, we stop off at the off licence, and the day, or night that we all remember as 9/11 continued.

I'd say that has to be straight out of a Howard Marks book.. But afaik Howard Marks isn't gay...

Wouldn't mind a read of the rest of it..

Stench Blossoms

Degsy wrote:

He's a halfwit.Not content with being ignored by the media,he comes out with this:http://www.taxiblog.co.uk/1328/tommy%e2%80%99s-bogus-taxi-campaign/

I was in his taxi. He asked me what I was doing in college and when i said computer science he handed me a piece of paper with "Taxiblog" or something like that on it. Told me to have a look at it when i got home and he'd wait outside for me so i could give him my opinion. Told him i didn't have internet access at home.

ntlbell

orla wrote:

I was in his taxi. He asked me what I was doing in college and when i said computer science he handed me a piece of paper with "Taxiblog" or something like that on it. Told me to have a look at it when i got home and he'd wait outside for me so i could give him my opinion. Told him i didn't have internet access at home.

Most of the things on this thread i've heard before and just seem like normal conversation to me, maybe it's because i'm a bit of a knack

but this is priceless!

highlydebased

I once got into a taxi at a Shopping Centre just outside Marbella, a few years ago with my parents.

Apparently he was not on duty, but we were standing waiting for a taxi for ages so basically we just...flagged him down!

He had just purchased a new mobile phone (it was just in a vodafone bag etc) . He had it up on the dash, near the windscreen. We drove around a few roundabouts and it started sliding. It got on his nerves and he threw it into the pocket at the side of the door. It fell out of there, and he went mad, beeping at the traffic and shouting in spanish etc. He put it into glove compartment. compartment opens and it falls out (lol). The man goes even further ballistic. I can't remember what he did with it after that (I recall him nearly throwing it out the window at one point) What I do remember though is he overcharged us and he had the heat on full blast in the taxi!

Stench Blossoms

ntlbell wrote:

Most of the things on this thread i've heard before and just seem like normal conversation to me, maybe it's because i'm a bit of a knack

but this is priceless!

Yeah it was a bit freaky alright, i got him to stop about 100metres from my house. Didn't want him knowing where I lived.

Unpossible

Chinese taxi drivers are even more crazy than regular drivers over there (which is no mean feat). Ive been a taxi that decided to save time by driving up onto a foothpath (they had very wide paths at that point in the city), he then took the corner whiile still on the path before flying off it back into traffic. Another one managed to drive up into the bicycle lanes, which is not an easy thing to de because they are always seperated from the main road by a metal barrier or trees, he managed to get through one of the gaps that appear in the barrier every so often. There were also several rides where I was sure we were going to hit something, but then that a common feeling on their roads


The scariest was in St Petersburg when an "unofficial" taxi picked me & my friend up, we were told to take the unofficial ones because they are cheaper and pretty safe. When getting in we told him our hotel name and asked for the price. The guy didnt speak english and said something like hundred and 3 and 6(he also made/drew the sign of 100 with his finger on the dashboard). We thought great, it sounded like the price our friends taxi cost them the previous day and we got in. Was a nice ride, the guy seemed chatty, pointed out a bunch of cars on the way saying "italia" or something. When we arrived at the hotel we gave him the 100, he was not happy and kept saying 100.... 3, so I gave him 30, thinking he meant 136, nope he was still not happy he wanted 360. Realisation dawned on us and we said no way. The guy was getting angry, my friend kept saying he will get someone from the hotel to come and translate for us but the guy didnt want anyone to come out (being illegal and all). We eventually just gave him 300 and insisted on not giving him any more, we got out and we motioned that we were getting the hotel security, he then drove off. We were pissed off at the guy for not being more clear and we were convinced we had been ripped off, but after a beer we figured it wasnt such a bad price because it had been a really long cab journey across the city centre. That and a few other bad experiences resulted in me swearing I would not go to Russia again unless I had no choice.