Can a man & a woman ever be 'just good friends'?

Leila4

MrBaseball wrote:

Yeah!! You tell him! Decent and genuine men don't feel attracted to women. Decent and genuine men just want platonic friendships with women. Being attracted to women is some sort of negative character trait and is somehow dirty and something to be ashamed of. I hope he feels sufficiently ashamed! I suggest he finds every woman he's ever been attracted to and apologises profusely.

I agree with Leila4, and I for one pity this man, this poor beast who thinks and operates in such an unevolved way! Imagine, to think that men might actually be atracted to women. I suggest you grow up and realise that sex is a sin and realise that male-female platonic friendship is actually the most satisfying thing in the world.

You know, I don't know how humanity got this far, but I'll tell you one thing, it certainly wasn't due to men and women being naturally attracted to each other.

Okay, I've no idea what to make of this post! All i was saying in my own post is that NZdubstar was insinuating that the only reason guys befriend women is to 'bang them', and i don't for a second agree that all men are that shallow or that all men have ulterior motives...

MrBaseball

Leila4 wrote:

Okay, I've no idea what to make of this post! All i was saying in my own post is that NZdubstar was insinuating that the only reason guys befriend women is to 'bang them', and i don't for a second agree that all men are that shallow or that all men have ulterior motives...

Is it really shallow though? Or is it actually the most natural thing in the world, whereas the belief that men and women can just function perfectly well and problem free as platonic friends is a massive denial of human nature.

You know I'm not even totally against male female friendships. I get on with the women I work with and we chat and have a laugh during the day. They're about 15 years older than me though, so I think it's not the same. I have a female friend in college and we have nice conversations and help each other out when we can. Outside of college we sometimes email each other. That is the extent of our friendship. We're both in relationships. The thing that I can't fathom is these "best friend" kind of situations. You know the type. Going to the cinema together, going out for meals together. Emotional conversations and sharing(usually her) personal issues. You know, those "we're like a couple who don't have sex!!!" kind of "friendships". Even "close friends" is something I find hard to get my head around. I'm a man. When I'm in a relationship, like right now, I can chat away to any woman and that's the end of it, because I don't need anything from her. My needs are being met already. When I'm single, I would talk to that same woman and think "yeah, she seems ok, maybe if we talk some more it'll result in sex!!". I can't speak for women, but the impression I sometimes get is that even when single, women would like their sexual partners to fulfil certain non-physical criteria before they'll have sex with them. For a single man, the woman just has to be decent looking and I would bet that most single men wouldn't say no. Some of you enlightened modern men out there can feel free to come in here and tell me how I'm wrong about that and when you're single you actually wouldn't just have sex with a goodlooking female if you weren't "compatible" on some deep level.

Leila4

Well thanks for making a bit more sense Mr Baseball.
No, i don't think men who have female friends and find them attractive are shallow, Yes, it's the most natural thing in the world, but NZDubstar's post stating that the only reason men befriend 'hot chicks' is because they want to have sex with them is insinuating that all men are shallow. A lot of men, judging by the comments here, get a lot more out of a platonic friendship with a woman than just seeing it as a means to an end.

irish_bob

i believe it is possible for women to have male friends who are just that , FRIENDS , the only thing is , theese are usually men who are less masculine and they would not want to bed anyway
women are by and large more attracted to men who they would not have a girly chat with
just telling it like it is

Kell

thesadtruth wrote:

If you're a female with a single male friend. Unless you're ugly he's probably at least considering it. I don't know how it got to a stage where everybody talks about this like it's just a rational decision people make and men just say "oh, I'm just friends with this woman, so I'll turn off my biology and flick the switch to platonic". Just another example of the denial of human nature in modern society I guess.

In conclusion, the combination of spineless men and selfish women who turn a blind eye to the obvious is a bad thing.'

LOL. Spot on. I was of the persuasion that male and females could be friends and best friends, sadly no longer. And, BTW, women also fall for men a lot more than they let on.

I think it accurate to say that, in a lot of cases, men and women stay friends so long as men suppress the desire to shag the woman. Where the shagging can be had, and the relationship maintained without romantic clingy strings, even better again. Does require a level of maturity sadly lacking in most people.

K-

girloperfection

Really dont think men and women can ever just be friends without one having stronger feelings for the other. The worst is trying to stay friends with an ex, me and my ex have decided to stay friends after breaking up a month ago, he seems to have gotten over me so quick and im still struggling even though i broke up with him. Im happy being his friend as i would rather that than never talk to him again but its a friendship where i have feelings for him and he practically has none for me.

Plateau

girloperfection wrote:

Really dont think men and women can ever just be friends without one having stronger feelings for the other. The worst is trying to stay friends with an ex, me and my ex have decided to stay friends after breaking up a month ago, he seems to have gotten over me so quick and im still struggling even though i broke up with him. Im happy being his friend as i would rather that than never talk to him again but its a friendship where i have feelings for him and he practically has none for me.

Agree with all that.

If the guy and girl aren't attracted to each other, but still get on (given that a lot of attraction is the 'getting on' bit), then maybe it's possible to be friends. But don't be surprised if when either of you get involved with a certain significant other that things change, and you are no longer as close.

If one has feelings for the other, then sooner or later something will happen, and the friendship as you know it will be over. Maybe you start going out, or maybe there is a drunken incident/conversation that puts paid to it.

If you used to go out, then things can be fine right up until the time one of you find someone else. Then don't be surprised if the other person becomes more distant, changes all of their opinions and views, or starts arguing with you constantly, or all of the above. This scenario can often end in tears, and can even colour your happy memories of the other person.

I'd say it is very unlikely that a man and a women can become/remain good friends on a long term basis. Very unlikely.

Personally I like to remain friends with ex-girlfriends, but that demands a period of physical separation, patience, and quite a bit of understanding. Also you have to make sure neither of you get any 'ideas'. Becoming quite close again can be dangerous.

Wibbs

Plateau wrote:

I'd say it is very unlikely that a man and a women can become/remain good friends on a long term basis. Very unlikely.

I agree with a lot of what you're saying, but I have to say I have two women friends. One very close and there's never been anything sexual with either of them. They're like my sisters. Now if you saw either of these women you would say no way, but it's true. Now I can see why men would go for them. I really can, they're both good looking women, but for me it's kinda like jazz music(bear with me), I can see the technical side, I can see why people may love it, but it does fúck all for me. One of these women I know for over ten years. We've been through hard times, good times, breakups, love etc, and have been there for each other just like my male mates. You do get a different perspective though and they both can be very over protective, but thanks to them I can see some women coming a mile off.:D It goes both ways though. The amount of muppet avoidance advice I've provided over the years......