Great lines from those in the trade..

RobAMerc

Another thread gave me the idea.....

The motor trade has a reputation for its.... let us say "liberal" use of sales talk, jargon and well lets face it lies, so I thought a thread to celebrate the crafty beggers tales of woe would be interesting.

Tell us the best lines you've heard from someone in the trade whether selling or repairing.

I will kick us off so.

When I told him the trade offer was pathetic.
"Why would I want your old car on my lot when I have that 05 there instead"

And heres me thinking car dealers took in older cars against newer ones with a cash difference for a profit !
Nope seems not!

Owen

*Sits back and waits to learn a few new phrases*

unkel

Good idea!

About a second hand C5: "A Citroen C5 is harder to shift than aids"

RobAMerc

unkel wrote:

Good idea!

About a second hand C5: "A Citroen C5 is harder to shift than aids"

Yep an Alfa dealer told me this about a "Volvo" ! :eek:

Owen

unkel wrote:

Good idea!

About a second hand C5: "A Citroen C5 is harder to shift than aids"

Christ. When were you on our forecourt?

Altreab

ned78 wrote:

Christ. When were you on our forecourt?

Does that mean the C5 will be let go for a pittance?

Henry Ford III

Q. How many miles on the clock?

A. How many miles would you like on it?

Eoin

Nothing particularly funny, but I remember looking at a rather tatty e36 saloon, and all the salesman could muster up was that it had a Dublin reg, and then just sort of trailed off.

Volvoboy

''Theres a scratch there!!''


''You wont notice it at 40 mph''*




-VB-





*I've used it before:o

JoeA3

RobAMerc wrote:

Yep an Alfa dealer told me this about a "Volvo" ! :eek:

Rob, if I'm right, I think I remember you telling me that in person a few years back Was that Volvo a short-term replacement for a white Impreza?!?

colm_mcm

about a Mercedes ML270 "That's basically a SsangYong Rexton"

One of my own.

Captain Slow IRL

"1 careful lady owner................ the others were c*nts"

JHMEG

Me: "What's the book price on a '99 Corsa?"
Toyota dealer in Longford: "I dunno. Look in the Evening Herald."

Me: "I'm interested in this Corolla you have over here."
Salesman in McCoy's Toyota, Lucan: "We're closing in 10 minutes"

Me: "You were to phone back with a trade-in price on the Corsa against that Corolla you have"
Salesman in Murphy Toyota, Tallaght: "Oh, I was waiting to see if we'd get straight cash for it instead, which we did"

Another incident in Fitzpatrick's Toyota in Naas escapes me at the moment.

Made it too easy to persude herself just to buy a nice clean Civic instead (privately).

RobAMerc

JoeA3 wrote:

Rob, if I'm right, I think I remember you telling me that in person a few years back Was that Volvo a short-term replacement for a white Impreza?!?

Yes that would be me?
I guess you were in Galway? Did I work with you?

JoeA3

You did! The ol travel "vertical", if you remember... I'll not say anymore on a public forum

peasant

car advertised with full dealer service history:

Me: So ..where is the service history then?

Dealer: Its' in the service book

Me: There is nothing in there, no stamps, no receipts

Dealer: We can ring XXX now (main dealer for the car in question), I' m sure they serviced it at some stage.

Slutmonkey57b

I think car salesmen are suffering from "There's plent of morons out there who are going to buy this 06 off me for cash, what do I need you for". Not that I can blame them, I'd be the same.

Gatster

car advertised with full dealer service history:

Me: So ..where is the service history then?

Dealer: Its' in the service book

Me: There is nothing in there, no stamps, no receipts

Dealer: We can ring XXX now (main dealer for the car in question), I' m sure they serviced it at some stage.

I had exactly the same thing on a Alfa Spyder.

I rang once to a guy in the North about an E36 M3, during the ad it mentioned 'limited edition', now it wasn't a GT or anything, just a pretty straight spec '96 in Estoril blue. When I asked him what made it limited edition the reply was "errr, it's that blue colour and it's got a sunroof"...:D

Owen

Gatster wrote:

When I asked him what made it limited edition the reply was "errr, it's that blue colour and it's got a sunroof"...:D

Customers do that all the time too ... "It's got everything on it", to which I once replied "Really, so it has active ventilated heated seats, voice control, heads up display AND night vision?" ... "No", and again "Does it have Leather or Auto", "No", "So it's a standard car with Metallic?" ... "Yes".

BJ2007

i collected an impreza from a garage years ago.

me: there is not fuel in the tank to get me home. (needle was at Empty)

Salesman: Tips the clock and says, takes a few minutes to rise up. it never did!

lol, i dont think i'd ever buy off a garage agian.

bazz26

The classic one I have heard is when you are buying a Skoda the salesman tells them it's a VW with just a different badge. When you are trading and mention it is just a VW with a different badge he is shaking his head and telling you it's still a Skoda though. :rolleyes:

BTW I have nothing against Skodas, in fact I have recommended the Octavia to people on plenty of occasions.

rebel.ranter

bazz26 wrote:

BTW I have nothing against Skodas, in fact I have recommended the Octavia to people on plenty of occasions.

Seems to be the done thing on this board.....

peasant

On looking at a car advertised as "one previous lady owner, immaculate car"

Me: That's not what I call immaculate. Theres' a big scratch here, a ding there, the indicator glass is cracked, same as the rear light, the alloys are in bits, same as the tyres and the paint looks like its never been washed"

Dealer: I said it was a woman driver, didn't I?

Eoin

peasant wrote:

On looking at a car advertised as "one previous lady owner, immaculate car"

Me: That's not what I call immaculate. Theres' a big scratch here, a ding there, the indicator glass is cracked, same as the rear light, the alloys are in bits, same as the tyres and the paint looks like its never been washed"

Dealer: I said it was a woman driver, didn't I?

That's a good one. I still can't figure out why people think that "lady owner" is a selling point.

mcauley

BJ2007 wrote:

Salesman: Tips the clock and says, takes a few minutes to rise up. it never did!

Classic!!

alias no.9

I've seen one in the damaged/repairables section of the buy and sell with light frontal impact that said "one careful lady owner". Just on the vw/skoda/seat thing, how often do you see seat ibiza (same as vw golf) or skoda octavia (same as vw passat) written in adds when the ibiza is a cousin of the polo and the octavia a cousin of the golf.

alias no.9

I was considering an octavia a few years back and I had a primera as a trade in. The skoda salesman gave a walk around the primera and muttered something along the lines of 'you'd probably get more for it if it was a diesel', to which I responded, 'it is a diesel' and his tune suddenly changed to how nissan diesels are very hard to sell.

smash

how about this a few years ago... I was looking at a car in a dealership and I was selling my own privatly. The couple came up to look at my car, and I met them outside the dealership where I was looking at the new car. They said they'd take it so I had some fun with the dealer about the new car I wanted... btw I was trading in a 05 Megane Sport in Feb 06

dealer: Have you been given a trade in price at another garage or anything?

Me: no not yet.

dealer: ok 1 min... gets on phone and says hi tommy, how much for a 5 month old megane... really, jesus he'll fall of his seat.... Sorry mate, I can give you 12 for it.

Me: ok grand, I'll sell it to the couple outside for 17 then...

and I walked out.

colm_mcm

And did you end up getting 17 for it?

sundula

In a Seat garage with a friend who was looking a second hand Mk1 Leon's

me " i suppose the prices of these(leon's) will drop when the new model comes out"

dealer "no, i shouldnt think so, there is a huge market for the leon second hand, and there is no news on the new model yet so it could be months away"

me " oh yeah ?, whats that then ?" pointing to large sign in showroom for the official launch of new leon at that dealers in 3 weeks time

dealer " oh yeah, will its a while away yet, nothing definite " ( as he slowly walked backwards to leave us to 'look around')

Churchy

Salesman describing a beaten up part-ex to dealer on the phone.

"Its in a poor state" (salesman)

"Well how bad can it be" (dealer)

"Ermm it looks like it fell out of a plane"

Another one is -
"Its had more hits than the Beatles" (/groan)

I heard of a guy who owned his own place have this conversation with a punter. (punter has looked at the car 4 times over 2 weeks)
I had a chat with the wife last night and I'll take it. (punter)
Funny that , I had a chat with my wife last night and I dont want to sell it to you.