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  • 06-07-2007 12:01pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    i'v been seeing a guy for just under a month and i like him but i feel i made some terrible mistakes. firstly we slept together after just under 3 weeks (it felt the right thing at the time) - however my last bf and my first i had waited 3months before doing this and now i feel i got too close too fast and its wrecking my head. it's just i like this guy-now im probably not absolutely mad about him but i think i should have waited to get to know him better before doing that..now he's hinting at us moving in 2gether after just a month of going out and wants to see me every single day.

    i mean like him but i don't want to see him every single day of my waking life and we still don't even know each other that well. i try to see him every second day but i feel like im almost making excuses not to see him every day. i v already told him we'd get sick of each other if we saw each other every day. he's even leaving work early etc to see. to be honest it's scaring the living daylights out of me the way its moving so fast into one -of those super intimate must see each other all the time relationships.

    my last boyfriend was over protective of me and wouldn't give me space to tak to my friends or even his and thats why we broke up and im terrified this relationship is going to go the same way although he's not as controlling and i get on with him better then my last BF. maybe i have some kind of commitment issues given being in such an overprotective re with my last BF and this may be influencing my new re. i am a person who definitely needs my own space.

    also my new bf always seems disappointed when i don't go back to his place. and jsut want to meet up for a coffee break like we did originally.

    my question is this. is it normal for guys to want to see their new gf every single day and to expect sex every single one of those days? would they be disappointed if it was every 3 rd day and it wasn't just all about sex? because i would much prefer to see my fella every 3rd day/ and make it more casual like it was originally and not be expected to have to have sex everytime we go out.


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 336 ✭✭geuro


    dont worry about sleeping with him after 3 weeks, its not like it was the first night. if you are worried about seeing him every day, well then don't. If you don't want to live with him, tell him that it is not going to happen. You say that your last boyfriend was over protective and didnt give you space.. from what you have written it looks like you are the problem. Stand up for yourself and be more assertive. if you feel you arent getting the space you need, well then make it clear how you feel and take the space you need. if you are only one month into a relationship and you dont want things to get serious, well then don't allow them to.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,798 ✭✭✭Mr. Incognito


    It sounds like puppy love. He's smitten with you, whereas you seem to be in the rebound stage and don't want to get all hot and heavy so quickly. Sit him down and say, "hey, look I like you. I'll remain faithful to you and I'm not going anywhere THEN say you need to find your own space rather than define yourself by your relationship so would he mind if you two cooled it for a while and don't have to meet every day.

    Assure his fears then tell him the story. He'll be fine with that, hell who wouldn't.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 582 ✭✭✭Lola123


    Thats a sticky situation alright. You don't have a commitment problem. Everyone needs space, and especially when you are still getting to know someone.
    Also, I don't think I'm alone in saying that most people (not just blokes) like the thrill of the chase in the early stages of a relatinship; The butterflies in your stomach when you're going to see the person, the wondering if they're going to ring, miling when you think of kissing them etc.
    Because this guy is too eager so early on, he's not giving you the chance to experience all these things that make a new relationship exciting.
    It works the same way if it's the girl who's too eager...boy loses interest.
    I think you need to make it clear to him that this is not your idea of how a new relationship should be. Tell him that you enjoy his company but you want to take it slower and get to know each other by going on dates.
    If you don't want to have this conversation early on, just say no when he wants to meet you and tell him you'll meet him for a drink/coffee/dinner etc on whatever day.
    Don't worry about the sex thing, by the sounds of it, he's not just out for one thing, he just seems to find you incredibly attractive!


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