Church Weddings

Splendour

I found the opinions on the 'funeral' thread interesting, and it got me thinking about athiests and weddings.

I cannot understand why people if they don't believe in God, get married in a church. Or those who have their kids baptised in the church promising to bring them up in the faith of that church and the kid doesn't see the inside of a church until communion time. Like, what's the point?

The question I'm asking is how many of you guys got married in churches and if so, why?

Or maybe this topic has been done before..?

Tar.Aldarion

Not married, but my gf and a lot of women like the idea of getting married in a church. It just appeals to them(even if not religious). Men don't seem to care as much, whatever you say honey!

Acid_Violet

I think non-believers wanting and getting married in a church shows just how frivolous belief is to most people in today's Ireland. If they had a conviction in not believing in God they'd not be getting married in a church but it's general apathy and the quaint fancy of a pretty church wedding with Pié Jesu sung for communion that is the reason most people get married in churches today.

I'd like to get married in a church but if I didn't have any religious beliefs and my partner didn't either, I'd personally feel like a hypocrite getting married in a church and by a priest.

daveirl

This post has been deleted.

philologos

Acid_Violet wrote:

I think non-believers wanting and getting married in a church shows just how frivolous belief is to most people in today's Ireland. If they had a conviction in not believing in God they'd not be getting married in a church but it's general apathy and the quaint fancy of a pretty church wedding with Pié Jesu sung for communion that is the reason most people get married in churches today.

except for the Christians who actually believe and want to get married in God's presence.

Tar.Aldarion

Yeah but there is not as many of them in Ireland anymore, as the older generation dies out.

rockbeer

Splendour wrote:

I cannot understand why people if they don't believe in God, get married in a church.

Well I wouldn't do it myself, but I suppose it's all about the ceremony and tradition for people. The same as they like to go to midnight mass and sing carols at christmas. Don't get it myself... but I would take it one stage further and ask why people who don't believe in god feel the need to get married at all.

Isn't marriage all about sanctifying your relationship in the eyes of god? If you don't feel bound by the no-sex-outside-marriage stipulation then what other purpose does it serve?

death1234567

rockbeer wrote:

If you don't feel bound by the no-sex-outside-marriage stipulation then what other purpose does it serve?

Tax reasons.

rockbeer

death1234567 wrote:

Tax reasons.

How romantic

Tim Robbins

It's a flipping tough question. Personally, I don't like the idea of having to lie in front of friends and family and have to make references to something you categorically don't believe in and pretend one of your deepest convinctions just doesn't exist in front of those who know you best. A farce really.

5uspect

I wouldn't like a church wedding, I don't particularly like churches for that sort of thing. A friend of mine (I think I mentioned this before) got married recently at the local Yacht Club) Nothing religious or anything and it was great.

I think for most Irish people a church is becoming just another venue, like it or not.

jasonb

The Catholic Church, to the best of my knowledge, have different types of Wedding Ceremonies. The most common one ( and familiar one if you've been to many church weddings in Ireland ) is the Wedding Ceremony and a Mass.

However another ceremony is available that doesn't include a mass ( so, for example, there'd be no communion ). For some atheists ( or non-catholics ) this might be a better option. As far as I know though, it really all comes down to the priest and what he's comfortable doing. Hopefully a sensitive priest will listen to the couples' wishes.

Personally, I'm an atheist and my fiancée is Catholic. She'd like to get married in a church, I'd prefer not to ( not wanting to be a hypocrite on my wedding day ). However, I'm aware that while I'd feel married after a civil ceremony, she wouldn't, so we've agreed to get married in a church. We hope to talk to the priest and see what can be done so that it's still a catholic ceremony ( it is a catholic church after all ) but one that I'm more comfortable with. Most important to me is that I can tell the priest that I'm an atheist and not have to go down the 'ah, I just don't get around Mass as much as I should father, wink wink' line of conversation...

J.

Acid_Violet

Jakkass wrote:

except for the Christians who actually believe and want to get married in God's presence.

Which is the exact reason why I said 'most people'.:rolleyes:

Dades

daveirl wrote:

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LMAO!

I got married in a church 2 years ago. Other than some of my mates, nobody had a clue as to my beliefs, and so my missis and both our families got the day they wanted. It's just a day out - the civil contract is the only legal bit.

Hypocrisy for me is where you abandon your principles because it suits you, rather than out of consideration for others.

Now if one was a militant™ atheist then it maybe you could ask questions...

Tim Robbins

The Atheist wrote:

LMAO!

I got married in a church 2 years ago. Other than some of my mates, nobody had a clue as to my beliefs, and so my missis and both our families got the day they wanted. It's just a day out - the civil contract is the only legal bit.

Hypocrisy for me is where you abandon your principles because it suits you, rather than out of consideration for others.

Now if one was a militant™ atheist then it maybe you could ask questions...

I take you're point and respect your ability to see the bigger picture and put other people before you.
However, some people (myself included) get panic attacks about the thought of doing what you did. I wouldn't call myself a militant atheist, more the liberal type even if it does appear quite wooly at the best of times.

Beruthiel

Also, a church is a pretty building and makes for good pics.

Dades

Tim Robbins wrote:

However, some people (myself included) get panic attacks about the thought of doing what you did. I wouldn't call myself a militant atheist, more the liberal type even if it does appear quite wooly at the best of times.

Ultimately it's a question of perspective. Does it mean more to you that you marry in a registry office, than it does to your spouse and family to have their day in a church.

I found that perspective changed more the closer the decision got.

Tim Robbins

The Atheist wrote:

Ultimately it's a question of perspective. Does it mean more to you that you marry in a registry office, than it does to your spouse and family to have their day in a church.

I found that perspective changed more the closer the decision got.

Saint Atheist has spoken

Zombrex

Splendour wrote:

The question I'm asking is how many of you guys got married in churches and if so, why?

I wouldn't get married in a church (would they even let two atheists get married in a church?), nor would I baptize my children.

Tar.Aldarion

What if the girl in question would get very emotional about it, and was an Atheist?
It usually means a lot more to one person than the other and to the families.

Zombrex

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

What if the girl in question would get very emotional about it, and was an Atheist?
It usually means a lot more to one person than the other and to the families.

Well if she wanted to I wouldn't care, but I'm not going to like pretend to be a devout Catholic just to get married in a church. Though I can't really see myself marrying someone who would get that worked up about it, I tend to go for more down to Earth girls

Sangre

death1234567 wrote:

Tax reasons.

No, you can't discriminate between the married/un-married. In fact, the unmarried used to have it better off!

Although if you're a man and you want children you'd be absolutely mad to have them outside of wedlock.

JimiTime

Jakkass wrote:

except for the Christians who actually believe and want to get married in God's presence.

Is he present in the church?

Dades

Jakkass wrote:

except for the Christians who actually believe and want to get married in God's presence.

Mmmm.
Wedding presence...

Splendour

Wicknight wrote:

I wouldn't get married in a church (would they even let two atheists get married in a church?), nor would I baptize my children.

Happens all the time; thing is most people aren't up front about their beliefs so how would a priest know. And if the priest did know, he would probably give a church blessing, which brings us back to the original question as to why an athiest would want this??

The baptismal bit kills me though. Why the Catholic church allows this is beyond me. For most babies being baptised the priest knows the kid ain't gonna see inside a church for years,yet they blatantly allow parents to lie in church about bringing their child up in the Catholic faith.

philologos

JimiTime wrote:

Is he present in the church?

Well thats what the principle of marriage is in the Christian church. When a man and a woman come to be as one in the presence of God. I always thought that was the understanding behind it anyway.

Zombrex

Splendour wrote:

The baptismal bit kills me though. Why the Catholic church allows this is beyond me. For most babies being baptised the priest knows the kid ain't gonna see inside a church for years,yet they blatantly allow parents to lie in church about bringing their child up in the Catholic faith.

I would imagine the priest is more interested in the child, since Catholics teach that unless baptized the kid is screwed (though I think they stop that recently)

Its like the priests that went out with the armies in North America to baptise all the native American children without the wishes of the parents.

Splendour

Wicknight wrote:

I would imagine the priest is more interested in the child, since Catholics teach that unless baptized the kid is screwed (though I think they stop that recently)

They should reword the baptismal service so parents don't lie in church.
Of course if they were to go by the bible, they would see the complete futility of this excercise anyway.

They recently did away with 'limbo' which was were still born, or babies who died before they were baptised went. On one hand a priest will tell you it is a necessity to have a child baptised so they go to heaven. On the other hand, the'll tell you God is all loving and once you live ahalf decent life you'll get to heaven anyway. Thing is the Catholic church are always moving the goalposts to suit the masses,(excuse the pun!)

For the record, I was a practising Catholic (heavily involved) for years...

PDN

Jakkass wrote:

Well thats what the principle of marriage is in the Christian church. When a man and a woman come to be as one in the presence of God. I always thought that was the understanding behind it anyway.

Of course 'the church' is actually a body of people (Greek ekklesia - the called out ones) rather than a building. So, you could get married in a pub, but if you are surrounded by believers then it is in 'the church' & so in the presence of God. Then you could get married in a church building, but if there are no believers present then that's all it is - a building.

pinksoir

PDN wrote:

Of course 'the church' is actually a body of people (Greek ekklesia - the called out ones) rather than a building. So, you could get married in a pub, but if you are surrounded by believers then it is in 'the church' & so in the presence of God. Then you could get married in a church building, but if there are no believers present then that's all it is - a building.

But what beautiful buildings some of them are!! In Dublin alone, St. Patrick's Cathedral and Christ Church Cathedral never cease to inspire a sense of awe in me. Such architecture is one thing that religion has inspired that I am truly thankful for!

InFront

daveirl wrote:

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How many Muslims and Jews do you know have baptised their children as Christians to get them an education?

Very few of the overall Muslim children population go to the Clonskeagh School, and as far as I know there is no Jewish primary school. I don't buy the idea that atheists are genuinely forced into baptising their children as Christians. I'm not saying that the educational system works well here, but in fairness it shouldn't be exaggerated either.