Approaching the fairer sex

LegacyUser

Hi,

Looking for male and female opinions on this one.

I've become a singleton again in the past few months and trying to get into meeting women again. Just finding I'm a bit unpracticed in this whole area after been in a relationship for 3 years. I've no problem chatting to girls in clubs etc and confidence is not really an issue. The problem is that I'm crap at approaching a girl and initiating a conversation. Generally one of my friends will make a move and I'll join whatever gang he chats to but I rarely make the first move. As I said once I'm involved I've got no real problem keeping a girl interested.

Just wondering what people think is the best way to approach someone and get their interest. Girls, I know you hate cheesy chat up lines (and it's not my style anyway) so what would catch your attention from a guy rather than thinking he's a complete clown with some dodgy line? Guys, what approach do you take with the ladies that you feel works?

I know people will say just be yourself and that's fine but I'm just struggling to initiate a conversation or coming up with a topic to get a conversation going!!

Any advice would be greating appreciated.

Talliesin

GoodGuy wrote:

Girls, I know you hate cheesy chat up lines (and it's not my style anyway)

You used the term "fairer sex" in the title for this thread. That's pretty heavy on the gorgonzola. You should probably re-evaluate your style in this regard.

I'd also be careful with the attitude that led you to choose "good guy" as a username. Don't describe yourself as a "good guy"/"nice guy" etc. as part of your introduction to someone or you'll be tarred with the same brush as the creeps who often do so.

LegacyUser

Talliesin wrote:

You used the term "fairer sex" in the title for this thread. That's pretty heavy on the gorgonzola. You should probably re-evaluate your style in this regard.

I'd also be careful with the attitude that led you to choose "good guy" as a username. Don't describe yourself as a "good guy"/"nice guy" etc. as part of your introduction to someone or you'll be tarred with the same brush as the creeps who often do so.

Wouldn't read too much into my username or the title of the thread - I would never introduce myself as a nice guy....!!

Just looking for opinions on people's perception of how best to approach the above issue

Wibbs

Talliesin wrote:

Don't describe yourself as a "good guy"/"nice guy" etc. as part of your introduction to someone or you'll be tarred with the same brush as the creeps who often do so.

Or they'll think you're a doormat. Neither good. Basically be you, talk as you would normally, listen, really listen to what they have to say and take it from there. You can't go wrong really, they make up half the worlds population so the odds are in your favour.

lilrayosunshine

Chat about what you know.. Music perhaps? Work(though not for long.. more like "what do you do?" "I'm a ......" etc) Holidays? It is the summer after all.. most people will either just be back or about to go on hols..
Basically chat about whatever you are comfortable talking about and you'll be fine.
Offering to buy a drink never goes amiss either.. but not as a conversation starter!

BaZmO*

FFS. Did any of you actually read what the he posted?

He wasn't looking for topics of conversation, he was looking for ways to initiate conversations as he's said that once the conversation is started he's fine after that.

And as for commenting on his user name and thread title? WTF? What has that got to do with anything? And besides, I thought it was quite obvious that he was being flippant. :rolleyes:

Anyway, OP there's no one secret to approaching girls. Just say anything that comes to mind at the time as long as it's not an obvious chat up line, unless of course you're the type that can pull them off.

I actually can't tell you what exactly to say because it really depends on the situation. I personally always go with the taking the p1ss and having a laugh approach. Seems to work, but then again it depends onm the girl you're talking to.

smcelhinney

Its a confidence thing I suppose. Take a good look at yourself in the mirror before you go out, build yourself up. When you walk up to a girl, dont be negative on yourself saying stuff like "You probably get this a lot.." or "Im sorry to trouble you.."

Just out with it.. say something a little cheesy, a little flirty.. let the girl know you dont mind being made fun of, take it on the chin, girls like confident guys, I know its cliched..

Also, you're right. If you're out of the game for a while, go with a wing man. And dont be nasty drunk, one or two for dutch courage, thats it. At least make sure you're on a par with her sobriety wise.. : )

Best of luck.

Faith

Just walk up to a girl who catches your eye and say "Hey, how's it going?". Don't act sleazy, and you should be fine.

Avoid grinding up against them as they dance, pestering them if they're not interested and so on.

I was in Starbucks one day and there was a woman next to me coaching her young nephew about how to talk to girls. She told him to say "Hey baby, can I get your digits?". Of course, this was in America and she was joking...

Lola123

Play it cool! Look like ur having a good time..actually, make sure you ARE having a good time. There's too many blokes in pubs and nightclubs standing there with one of their mates eyeing up the talent and that in itself is a turn off. The blokes that most girls are interested in are the ones that look like they're not out lookin to "score", they look like they're out havin a laugh with their friends.
If you are gonna talk to girls, The cheesy lines DO work some of the time, provided they're said in a joking manner.
Don't stand talking to one girl for ages...it looks too eager.
We like a challenge...well i do anyway!

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice guys

Keep it coming!!

Marksie

Faith wrote:

Just walk up to a girl who catches your eye and say "Hey, how's it going?". Don't act sleazy, and you should be fine..

Combine this ^^^^^^

Wibbs wrote:

Basically be you, talk as you would normally, listen, really listen to what they have to say and take it from there. You can't go wrong really, they make up half the worlds population so the odds are in your favour.

With this ^^^^^^^

Be guided by what she says and the conversation will flow.

Simplest introduction i made, for example, was "i think you just trod on my toe"
The rest was a normal conversation.

lordgoat

Faith wrote:

Just walk up to a girl who catches your eye and say "Hey, how's it going?". Don't act sleazy, and you should be fine.

Avoid grinding up against them as they dance, pestering them if they're not interested and so on.

I was in Starbucks one day and there was a woman next to me coaching her young nephew about how to talk to girls. She told him to say "Hey baby, can I get your digits?". Of course, this was in America and she was joking...

Generally this is the easist, or just ask them their name. Maybe not the starbucks part... Or maybe...

j_lennon

I use to just go up to the girl and just say something like "Hi, you haven a good night?". Then try talk about music or something. Whatever usually popped into my head so it would be a more natural conversation.

If you get the vibe that she wants to talk then continue chatting away. I would usually take the cocky/funny approach and be confidant. Just don’t be too cocky!!! If you don’t get the vibe, then say "I am going to head back to my friends. Have a fun night!"

Call Me Jimmy

You say confidence isn't a factor but maybe it is a little bit if you are worrying about what 'technique' you should use to start a conversation. If ye had dangling cannonballs ye wouldn't even think about it, ye'd just jump right in. That's the way ye need to approach it, not by planning different scenarios etc.