downer

LegacyUser

Hi all
I broke up with a girlfriend of 2 years back in march in order to pursue a job opportunity abroad. I wanted to experience new things etc. etc. and wasn't ready to settle down. Anyway, the first couple of months were ok probably because everything was new etc. but now all I do is curse myself for breaking up with the girl, who I loved very much. Things are not good here, I'm beginning to think I am clinically depressed, I'm always thinking negatively, always in a sad mood, and always thinking about my ex. I go to nightclasses and to a gym so no point suggesting that. Anyway I reckon I'm going to leave here in a couple of months, I can't take it anymore. In the meantime, does anyone have any suggestions on how to cheer myself up? I don't really know anyone here either, and my drinking at weekends is getting ridiculous so I'm trying to stay away from bars. I have no communication with ex now either or any way of getting in touch so that doesn't help either.
Cheers

Lola123

Go and see a counsellor if you're feeling down. Maybe you need to talk about all this stuff.
As for 'cheering yourself up' after a break up....It's tough if you still love the person. The only think i can suggest is to keep busy. Don't sit in on your own thinking about it. Call round to friends, go to the cinema, read lots of books, clear out your sock drawer if you need something to do. You can't magic away feelings but over time, things won't seem as bad.

Plateau

It's perfectly normal to miss your ex when you're abroad and things are crap, even though you broke up with her. You start to think about how good things were and how you must have been insane to have gotten yourself in your present position. Also, it sounds like you have a lot of time to think about it...

Basically, you have to put your mind back in the place it was when you left her to take the job abroad. You must have felt that the opportunity and the experience was worth what you were giving up. The truth is, you were probably right. It was probably a gut decision, and as such, in all likelihood you'd be more miserable now if you had gone against it. So you're not crazy or anything. Having said that, the feeling of missing your ex is very real. But I think you have to be honest with yourself and say that if things had worked out brilliant for you from day one and you met an amazing girl, I think it's fair to say that you wouldn't be missing your ex right now!

The best advice is probably to hang in there, try to meet as many people as possible, and try to make the most out of your position. Put your ex out of your mind, as you're in danger of holding a candle for her, and as I found out when I was in almost the exact same situation as you, she might meet someone else before you get back. (And if you think you're feeling bad now...!) So put her out of your mind, move on, and in the future when you get back anything can happen.

I presume this is the source of the depression. If it's more than that, obviously talk to someone or go see a counsellor or something.

LegacyUser

thanks for responses. Well yes I would assume that the ex is the root of the depression. The thing is I never really was sure if it was the right decision to go away or not, and it was eating away at me for a while, so when I decided to up and do it, it still never felt right, and hasn't done since I was here. I only did it because I thought I'd be having so much fun I would get over it in no time, and that the year would fly in and who knows what would happen between us when I come back? Really really stupid logic there I know. So the thing is, i DID make a HUGE mistake, with a girl I was mad about, but it was my stupid fear of settling down and commitment that scared me away, so how are you supposed to live with having made this stupid mistake? And yeah, I'm sure she'll have another partner now, she's a really good looking confident girl, I've never had much confidence in myself when it comes to women, so I know from experience I wont meet anyone here. I've had 2 girlfriends in my life, I'm 26 now. I just can't see any hope.

af_thefragile

dude, you need to try to forget your ex and move on.

I know it sounds like a really tough thing to do and i guess you've probably tried it before but if you dont get her out of your mind, it'll completely destroy you!!

You need to realise she's gone and she's gone for ever, she's not gonna come back. Even if she somehow comesback and strangely you both get back together, things will never be the same as they were. Think of her as a good memory. A good part of your life and there'll be more to come in the future... Open yourself to new possibilities... Its not all very easy...

The best thing i can advise you at this stage is to go speak to a counsellor. That should help you out. Try concentration on getting over your ex and starting a new life... Once you've over your ex, you'll see how well things change for you in a good way!!

xxdilemmaxx

mistaken wrote:

So the thing is, i DID make a HUGE mistake, with a girl I was mad about, QUOTE]

Everyone will probably give out to me for saying this - but if you're still so crazy about this girl after two years and it was you who finished things with her and not the other way around then why don't you try find her again? Nothing to lose imo and at least you'll get closure if she's with someone new or it doesn't work out. I'm a hopeless romantic tho

CathyMoran

mistaken wrote:

thanks for responses. Well yes I would assume that the ex is the root of the depression. The thing is I never really was sure if it was the right decision to go away or not, and it was eating away at me for a while, so when I decided to up and do it, it still never felt right, and hasn't done since I was here. I only did it because I thought I'd be having so much fun I would get over it in no time, and that the year would fly in and who knows what would happen between us when I come back? Really really stupid logic there I know. So the thing is, i DID make a HUGE mistake, with a girl I was mad about, but it was my stupid fear of settling down and commitment that scared me away, so how are you supposed to live with having made this stupid mistake? And yeah, I'm sure she'll have another partner now, she's a really good looking confident girl, I've never had much confidence in myself when it comes to women, so I know from experience I wont meet anyone here. I've had 2 girlfriends in my life, I'm 26 now. I just can't see any hope.

Another hopeless romantic here - my husband and I made a pact a few years ago to avoid seeing one another for set period of time. We both dated other people during that time apart (though we were always in contact, much to the annoyance of our then partners), we are happily married now.

Consider this year a trial and adventure, if it is meant to be it will be, if not, she was not meant for you. Enjoy your job and go out and meet some people without fear of going back to her, these experiences happen only once in a lifetime.

LegacyUser

'yeah I mean she did tell me she loved me a day before I left, from my experience it takes a long time to fall out of love with someone you really care about, in fact I still love my first girlfriend now probably in some sense (whether it's real or not I don't know). So you're right, I'll try and have no regrets, and look her up when I get back, and who knows, at least the rejection will be easier to take when I'm back on home soil where I know people etc. to listen to me whinge. Thanks.'