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Relationship ruined friendships

  • 10-07-2007 11:50pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Decided to go annon for this post.

    Basically, I'm with my GF for almost 8 years now. We met in college when we were both 18 and hit it off right away! She was one of those people I felt I'd known forever and we got together after a few months of friendship. We fell very much in love very quickly and started to live in our own little world really (as a lot of couples tend to). The only problem is before we knew it we were so wrapped up in each other we gradually had less and less time for friends. (We had a large group of mutual friends in our course). This of course wasnt an issue at the time as we were so loved up! College soon ended and we basically lost touch with all our old friends completely. Because I'd moved away from home for college i'd also lost touch with all my school friends I grew up with years earlier. But at the end of the day I had my best friend and that was all that really mattered. For 7 years things were fine. I was so busy with work I had no time for other stuff or people. My little free time was spent with her.
    Then the problems started... we had a big falling out over a lot of little things and we were on the brink of splitting up. We didn't but it made me realise something... As soon as trouble started she went to confide in her two school friends (who she's continued to meet occassionally for coffees/drinks all through the relationship) but I was left sucking my thumbs. I had no friends to turn to and nobody to confide in. It dawned on me... all I have left is this girl. I've lost all the friends i've ever had and basically rely on one person. I work from home so don't get to meet new people that way and i'm not big into sports etc. I'm also an only child.
    I was always a really outgoing fun guy so I don't know how I let myself get like this. I mean, I work really hard and when I do have free time I cant think of anyone else I want to spend my time with. But am I missing out by not having another outlet of friends??

    I'd love to know your opinions on my situation.

    Am I an idiot for losing my friends?

    Do I need a reality check?

    Thanks to anyone who replies!


Comments

  • #2
    j_lennon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15 ✭j_lennon


    I wouldnt say your an idiot. I know lots of my friends have done this including me especially with their/my first serious relationship. You do need a reality check tho incase it does ever end between you's and even if it doesnt end, its always nice to have lots of friends.

    You should try get back in touch with old friends and try making new friends. Do a night course or get a part time job if you have the time. Just try do something that your happy with where you can meet people. Best of luck!!!


  • #3
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    StuckInARut wrote:
    But am I missing out by not having another outlet of friends??

    Yes you are. It's a dangerous thing to let your friends slide and very unhealthy to rely on just one person, depending only on her puts a lot of pressure on you both.
    In order for a long term relationship to work, you both need your space.
    Either try to get some of your old friends back or make new ones.


  • #4
    py2006
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,844 ✭✭✭py2006


    I am not currently in a relationship myself at the moment but a couple of my friends got into relationships around the same time a couple years ago and I have hardly seen or heard from them since. I was very angry and hurt by this.

    It seems alot of couples ditch their mates and from being on the end of this I can tell you it doesn't endear you to these people anymore.

    I know some women don't allow their men maintain the male friends they had before they met and I hope your not one of them? How come your wife has her friends and you don't?

    I truly believe people need a life outside their partner. They need their friends time too. I think most relationships would last longer too.

    Get back in contact with old friends (if they will listen) and try making new ones!


  • #5
    Marksie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    Beruthiel wrote:
    It's a dangerous thing to let your friends slide and very unhealthy to rely on just one person, depending only on her puts a lot of pressure on you both.

    QFT.
    Finding new friends, or rekindling old friendships provides an outlet for frustrations as well as talents.

    Overreliance on one person builds up too many expectations and pressures. There may be interests you have and haven't pursued whihc would allow both you and your relationship to develop a more rounded and fulfilled aspect.


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