So Lost

LegacyUser

hi,

here goes, ive been with my partner for over 5 and a half years. we are living very far away from home and its just the two of us really, always has been. my partner loves where we are now, but i dont exactly feel the same way. im not the most postive of people and for the last few months i have been stuck in a rut, staying at home, not meeting people etc etc, its like i live in my partners shadow, basically, im not as happy as i could be, and this is hurting both myself and my partner deeply. we have had many arguments over our relationship but we have always pushed it to the back of our minds. anyway last week, things all came to a head. my partner is not happy in our relationship, neither am i really, but we both love each other alot. my partner thinks that it would be good for me if i went home and be around family, get my head sorted, get a job i like and become independent (from him) and happy again until he comes home in december.

this is where it gets hard, i dont know if i want this, i know it has its advantages, but i want to stick it out here and do something with myself before we go home. stupid as it sounds, i would feel like a failure if i went home. i know there is alot of things i need to change, eg: become more independent, build a life for myself outside my partner etc, things only i can do. my partner says and i know he has done everything to try and make me happy and now he just cant do it anymore, its eating him up inside. hes as lost and hurt as i am. i always look at things negetavely, where he is the positive one. my partner says that if i decide to go home it has to be for the right reasons, making me happy and learning to become the person i was before all this, not do it because it will make him happy. we both know that if i went home, it would be very hard, but would it make us stronger as a couple or tear us apart, but then again if i stay here and things dont work out we could end up parting ways and neither of us wants that.

im just so lost and confused, has any one ever been in this situation before, id love some advice, as i said i dont have many friends here and i need someone to talk to.

thanks for reading.

Victor

You don't say where you are, but can you play tourist for a while? See the sights, the museums, etc.? Go shopping where you don't normally? Help out with a charity or project?

From what you say, it sounds like you have too much time on your hands - the devil makes work for the idle.

LegacyUser

I dont have a huge amount of time on my hands, as im working for a friend of ours, so i only just have weekends off, where we are is well off the beaten track, so it doesnt have alot of the ammenities that we would be used to.

Mr. Incognito

Sounds like you're sitting around at home moping all day long.

Why can't you go get a job? Take up a class? do something for fecks sake

Miguel_Sanchez

SetantaL wrote:

Sounds like you're sitting around at home moping all day long.

Why can't you go get a job? Take up a class? do something for fecks sake

Please read the OP's second post.

BoozyBabe

Is there any career you've always really been interested in, but with your negative outlook never saw yourself able to accomplish it?

Your life is stuck in a rut:- get up, go to work, come home, eat, watch tv, go to be, repeat to fade.
That would drive anyone mad.
Your life needs a big shake up, but only you can do it.

I was very very much like you & realised things needed to change.
I joined a sports team which was good for a break from the norm, good for socialising & good for getting alone time away from my partner.

I was bored with my career, come in, do the same thing day after day, so I'm in the process of changing that too.

I'm studying again. It's really challenging, hard to fit in with 8-5 job, but I'm enjoying the challenge SO much, I can't emphasise that enough!!! It's so interesing, & I feel like i'm achieving stuff again, & that for the 1st time in a long time I'M doing something to better my future.
I'm finding it SO rewarding.

& what's more:- I'm from the back end of nowhere, but so what. There are SO many distance learning courses, online courses, correspondence courses on offer that you can still do all this & not be near colleges etc.

It beats the boredom of having nothing to do in the eve's.
I haven't felt so happy in such a long time.
I've a long long way to go before I'm qualified in my new career, but you know what: the journey is as much fun as the destination!!!!

The above may not apply to you, but it's a bit of food for thought anyway!!
Seriously think about it.

Reku

You start saying that you don't like where you are and finish with that you don't really have any friends there, the two could be related, not having anyone to let loose with and paint the town red means you don't have that way to relax and forget about any problems.
You're staying at home and not meeting people so perhaps this is the first way to tackle your feelings, try to get out a bit, meet people and hopefully feel less alone there.
Any chance you could invite a friend/friends from home to stay for a bit, help get you started?