Children Home Alone without a Creche

Ian38HR

the_syco wrote:

BAD IDEA.

A girl may be able to sit tight, and mind the others, but a boy will go out the minute he can, with or wihtout the others.

Look into summer camps, etc.

you mean summer schools? One of them are going to football camp. I would have to check on the 2 others.

Ian38HR

G&T wrote:

Pay for the child care,if anything happened to one of them you would never forgive yourself.
The older 2 could do summer camp's and the youngest go to a creche/minders.
Honestly it is not fair on the 13 yr old he is still a kid.

Your self/wife could alway's take parental leave for the summer.

Good point there. Thanks and to others who replied.

walshb

Ian38HR wrote:

If you have 3 kids (all boys), eldest is 13, then 11 and 5 - would you able to make your 13 year old the childminder of the 2 other boys? I have and my wife have day jobs - and just for the summer that we can make do without a child minder/creche. Any Irish laws that govern this situation?

No offence, but why have kids at all if this is the way you treat them.
13 is hardly the most responsible age is it? I know childminders cost money, but deal with it. That's life and in life everything costs money. Don't be so flippant and stingy regarding this. Get the cash whatever way you can and pay it. Otherwise one of you should give up work and look after your kids properly. It's their right!!!!

Ian38HR

daiixi wrote:

It really depends on your children. Some 13 yr olds are suprisingly mature and able. If your younger kids will listen to their older sibling then why not?

It seems that way as well. Overall they are well disciplined kids to begin with.

Ian38HR

walshb wrote:

No offence, but why have kids at all if this is the way you treat them.
13 is hardly the most responsible age is it? I know childminders cost money, but deal with it. That's life and in life everything costs money. Don't be so flippant and stingy regarding this. Get the cash whatever way you can and pay it. Otherwise one of you should give up work and look after your kids properly. It's their right!!!!

They just came inside the Irish system 3 months ago - they went to school for 2 months - so its the first time scenario. before that its all different of course.

angeldelight

Ian38HR wrote:

I definitely told them to stay in doors - my eldest has his own wireless laptop, PSP, PS2 and tons of DVD titles to watch - so far its ok.

Do you not see anything wrong with this? A 13 year old child has unlimited unsupervised internet access for hours every day. That is not a good idea to start with.

Secondly, so your 13 year old has all this at his disposal, he has lots to do great. What about the other 2? Yes it's a crappy summer but they shouldn't be cooped up inside for hours at a time. How much attention is he really paying to them?

You said yourself he's stressed, vacuuming, heating food, bringing out rubbish... wow what a great summer he's having, lots of fun.

If you lived near me and I knew that was going on every day for the whole summer, I'd have to act on it.

oh well

Ian38HR wrote:

Well we knows he's stressed about it but he does cooperate in a way we didnt expect - he hoovers the mess when we dont tell him too - took outthr trashed with the best intentions even when we told them not too when we're not there yet

if he does these jobs when you've told him not to do them, well what else is he liable to to when you not there. even a boiled kettle can do a lot of damage if spilt, a hot plate from the warmed up meal can easily drop, can't you just see the whole host of things that can go wrong.

i have to agree with the poster who said if they knew a neighbour was leaving kids alone all day they would have to act on it. recently in our primary school, the principal became aware of an 8yr old who had key to let himself into the house cos mum/dad were out all day - guess who was reported.

don't do it.

G&T

Ian38HR wrote:

I definitely told them to stay in doors - my eldest has his own wireless laptop, PSP, PS2 and tons of DVD titles to watch - so far its ok.

So they are watching telly all day,
Who is supervising what they watch.
There is alot on day time tv that is unsuitable for kid's.

Dosen't sound like the making's of happy childhood memories.

luckat

How well I remember the day my friend's 12-year-old, minding her little brother, ran to stop him doing something, stumbled and put her arm through a glass door, slashing open an artery.

Why bother to have children if you're not willing to take proper care of them? Children minding children is *not* taking proper care.

If the children come to harm while unminded, you'll find yourself up in court double quick, OP, and you'll need a damn good lawyer to argue you out of bad trouble.

vallo

Is this thread a wind-up? Are you seriously saying that you are leaving three boys unsupervised, not allowed to go outdoors, for the whole summer? And that it's okay because they have PS2 etc, they are well disciplined and you leave meals for them to heat? You have to be kidding.

dame

Ian38HR wrote:

I definitely told them to stay in doors - my eldest has his own wireless laptop, PSP, PS2 and tons of DVD titles to watch - so far its ok.

Ever heard of fresh air and exercise?? They're good for all of us, especially growing children.

How do you know what they look at on the internet and telly?

Ian38HR

Thanks guys/gals for the advices. I really appreciate them I'll work on a schedule to have them attended to as you said. I'm planning to bring in a relative or even a permanent minder for them - Its just a temporary thing -it might be happening around 6-8 days a month max else they are attended too. As for the TV and internet - I just need to give my eldest more disciplining on that definitely.

Stark

Hopefully he brings a few of his friends around and they end up thrashing the place. Might give you an idea of why leaving 13 year olds home alone to babysit is a bad idea.

Wook

Thaedydal wrote:

If anything happens to the children the parents can be charged with neglect.

sorry i allready think its neglect thinking about leaving a kid of that age the sole resposibility over your kids for longer periods of time.
How warped is that for the kid himself to grow up ? Sorry to be harsh but you clearly didn't think that one through getting three kids and not being able to find the time to take care of them.

How Strange

The kids are back at school now so I suppose the parents don't have to worry about the cost of childcare from 9-3 as the state is doing that but are they left on their own after that at home?

Anyway, this is a ridiculous situation and the father seems completely blind to how wrong the whole situation is. At 13, most kids (and I know there are a few mature ones out there) are too childish and selfish to put their siblings before themselves. And why should they, they are children and should not be expected to think and act like adults.

I personally think that either this a wind up or it is a case of absolutely appaling parenting bording on child neglect. The OP has rationlised it to the point that he sees nothing wrong. I agree that people like this OP shouldn't have children if they can't and won't take the appropriate measures/make the appropriate sacrifices to ensure their children are always looked after in a secure environment.

Incredible.

kelle

As it happens, I was left to mind my 4 younger brothers on a regular basis from when I was 9. I was a very sensible girl and my brothers were looked after and never went hungry.
I have 3 small children now, but would never leave any of them with the same responsibility until they're much, much older. Why? Because I built up resentment as I got older that I'd spent my childhood being a parent. The day I left home was the first day in my life I felt dissolved of resposibility. I made a vow never to have children. However, in my 30's I changed my mind and don't regret it. But I'll never put my children through that.

Ehh maybe I was really hard done by and neglected but I stayed home with my younger siblings from 13 onwards, for about 4 hours a day, and all day once I was 14-15. I felt way too old for a babysitter at that age and I was more than able to stay home alone. I could cook, iron, clean and was responsible. I would never have trashed the place, maybe I was less of a brat than some people on here's kids. I understood that my parents had to work and I didn't particularly want an 17 year old girl from my school 'looking after' me. I think a lot of 13 year olds today are babied and spoiled, TBH. Not saying its really old enough to look after siblings - mine were just a little younger than me, not 5 as yours is, but its old enough to look after themselves. What 13 year old can't entertain themselves for a few hours, cook a simple meal and clean up after themselves? Is 14 not the minimum age for babysitters? I remember having teenage babysitters as a child and they were well able to handle us.

I wouldn't leave a primary age child alone but a 13 year old isn't a young child, IMO. Loads of people my age were working real jobs in shops etc, I'd rather have just been at home doing a bit of housework. When I think of 'childhood' I think age 11 and under, not my teenage years. None of the 13 year olds I see hanging round the local shopping centre seem like children to me either, maybe I'm very jaded. I did have real boring summers at that age but I'm quite glad I wasn't free to wander round the estate, smoking and looking for trouble. TBH there was really nothing better to do where I live than sit at home - maybe if we'd been in Dublin things would have been different.

I wonder how the OPs kid feels about this though? My parents were happy to pay someone to look after us, but I really didn't want it. We only ever ended up sitting home with the babysitter anyway. I guess it depends on loads of things. If I'd stayed in England where I grew up, there would have been things to do with friends and I would have told my parents that, it would have been fine. Just depends on loads of things, IMO. And I do agree 13 year old boys aren't nearly as mature as girls of that age.

BostonB

I would say in general its a very bad idea. Not because a 13yr can't do it. But there is a huge potential for an accident, or mischief.

Theboinkmaster

Just come across this thread now - I'm sitting here reading through the OP's posts with my jaw on the ground :eek:

Ian38HR if I knew who you were I'd report you immediately to social services, you're obviously not fit to have children.

Why oh why did you have 3 kids?! Were they all planned?! My god you sound like the clichéd working-class couple who just keep popping out kids with no idea how to raise them.

Some of your comments are just unbelievable, I'm just in shock.....

I won't go into each point as other posters have addressed them all but please, for starters, do not have any more kids and please start trying to educate yourself

John Mason

Theboinkmaster wrote:

Just come across this thread now - I'm sitting here reading through the OP's posts with my jaw on the ground :eek:

Ian38HR if I knew who you were I'd report you immediately to social services, you're obviously not fit to have children.

Why oh why did you have 3 kids?! Were they all planned?! My god you sound like the clichéd working-class couple who just keep popping out kids with no idea how to raise them.

Some of your comments are just unbelievable, I'm just in shock.....

I won't go into each point as other posters have addressed them all but please, for starters, do not have any more kids and please start trying to educate yourself

OMG :eek: i agree totally with the boinkmaster, this is horrendous. those poor children especially the 13 year old

Ayla

Theboinkmaster wrote:

Ian38HR if I knew who you were I'd report you immediately to social services, you're obviously not fit to have children.

Why oh why did you have 3 kids?! Were they all planned?! My god you sound like the clichéd working-class couple who just keep popping out kids with no idea how to raise them.

Some of your comments are just unbelievable, I'm just in shock.....

do not have any more kids and please start trying to educate yourself

Why has this post not been reported for abuse? This is absolutely unfair to the OP and theboinkmaster should be virtually smacked for his/her appalling attack. Same is said for the comments made by How Strange & Wook.

I agree that leaving three young kids alone isn't a good idea for days on end. Having said that, I babysat 2 kids under the age of 10 when I was no more than 13-14. Granted, that was only for a couple of hours.

OP, I think the concern really should stem from the idea that a 5 year old would be left w/o adult supervision. The 13 yr old may arguably be mature enough to handle himself in a responsible fashion, but 5 yr olds can get into a lot of situations in a flash (as I'm sure you understand by being the child's parent). I'm glad to read that you've arrange other suitable arrangements.

How Strange

Ayla Quote:...Why has this post not been reported for abuse? This is absolutely unfair to the OP and theboinkmaster should be virtually smacked for his/her appalling attack. Same is said for the comments made by How Strange & Wook.
I agree that leaving three young kids alone isn't a good idea for days on end. Having said that, I babysat 2 kids under the age of 10 when I was no more than 13-14. Granted, that was only for a couple of hours.

OP, I think the concern really should stem from the idea that a 5 year old would be left w/o adult supervision. The 13 yr old may arguably be mature enough to handle himself in a responsible fashion, but 5 yr olds can get into a lot of situations in a flash (as I'm sure you understand by being the child's parent). I'm glad to read that you've arrange other suitable arrangements.

Ayla, I responded to Ian38HR's own responses to posts. He is oblivious to the dangers that his children could get into while they are at home. IMO that is bad parenting, he doesn't recognise the dangers and has rationalised his behaviour to justify it.

I am amazed, stunned, shocked and appalled that parents would leave three children at home watching tv for the summer when there are lots of summer camps, clubs etc that they could attend and the parents could put themselves out a little by availing of the unpaid parental leave that they are entitled to take.

What would happen if one of them pulled a kettle of boiling water on top of him/herself. Would the 13yr old know what to do or if the 5yr old went out for a walk? The possibilities for accidents are enormous. A child can have an accident while being supervised by a parent/adult so without any supervision the mind boggles as to what could happen.

[Ian38HR Thanks guys/gals for the advices. I really appreciate them I'll work on a schedule to have them attended to as you said. I'm planning to bring in a relative or even a permanent minder for them - Its just a temporary thing -it might be happening around 6-8 days a month max else they are attended too. As for the TV and internet - I just need to give my eldest more disciplining on that definitely. /QUOTE]

From his last reply, he's still going to continue leaving them alone. Why can't he or his wife take those 6-8 days a month off work? Its only for 2 or 3 months. Also, disciplining a 13yr old about internet and tv. Who is he kidding? Once his back is turned that 13yr old will do has he/she pleases.

As I said, I was responding to the points made by Ian38HR in his last mail and I stand over them.

Missy Moo

Ian38HR wrote:

If you have 3 kids (all boys), eldest is 13, then 11 and 5 - would you able to make your 13 year old the childminder of the 2 other boys? I have and my wife have day jobs - and just for the summer that we can make do without a child minder/creche. Any Irish laws that govern this situation?

Not in a million years,would i Allow a 13 yearold to mind two kids.:mad:

Theboinkmaster

Ayla wrote:

Why has this post not been reported for abuse? This is absolutely unfair to the OP and theboinkmaster should be virtually smacked for his/her appalling attack. Same is said for the comments made by How Strange & Wook.

I agree that leaving three young kids alone isn't a good idea for days on end. Having said that, I babysat 2 kids under the age of 10 when I was no more than 13-14. Granted, that was only for a couple of hours.

OP, I think the concern really should stem from the idea that a 5 year old would be left w/o adult supervision. The 13 yr old may arguably be mature enough to handle himself in a responsible fashion, but 5 yr olds can get into a lot of situations in a flash (as I'm sure you understand by being the child's parent). I'm glad to read that you've arrange other suitable arrangements.

I stand over my comments - this man has posted on a public forum looking for opinions and I offered them.

He is obviously unfit to be a parent and has demonstrated this with his posts.

I'm appalled by his attitude (and apparently the mothers) and have come to the conclusion that they are not well educated at all.

If you cannot raise children properly do not have them- they should be reported to social services.

I fully agree with what How Strange and others have said.

Nevyn

There have been no reported posts forums generated about this Thread.

When a post is reported I get an email with the details of who used the report post functions, the time and date, the link to the post reported and a link to the thread the post is in.

Ludo

Ayla wrote:

Why has this post not been reported for abuse? This is absolutely unfair to the OP and theboinkmaster should be virtually smacked for his/her appalling attack. Same is said for the comments made by How Strange & Wook.

LMAO...you gotta be kidding me!!! If I knew who the OP was I would report him to the authorities immediately. Everything theboinkmaster said is perfectly valid.

I have just read this thread from start to finish. I believe it is a wind up to be honest. At least I hope it is.

Ayla

Before everyone jumps on me, let me clarify my position...

I *completely* agree that kids should not be left home alone, especially children under the age of 10. Let me just make that much clear.

What I am arguing against is anyone stating, based on a couple of statements made by the OP, that he has no right in having children. Those are callous comments, made purely from posters who think they fully understand the parental suitability of the OP. There are much greater sins out there then leaving your 13 yr old son home alone.

NO ONE ON THIS FORUM SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO CLAIM SOMEONE ELSE SHOULDN'T HAVE CHILDREN AND/OR THEY'RE AN UNFIT PARENT BASED ON A COUPLE OF STATEMENTS.

Many of us would have been left home alone by our parents who had to work. That doesn't mean our parents didn't care about us or were neglecting their parental responsibility. If you think my parents were neglectful b/c they had to work to feed their children, then you can take that issue up with the social services too. Lucky are those who can afford to not work and/or pay for creches.

That said, there is a time at which you can "safely" leave kids home alone, and I'd imagine that a 5 yr old isn't old enough yet.

Nevyn

Time have changed and latchkey children is no longer acceptible and neither is leaving children home alone.

di11on

Man, I blame the Irish ecomony for this situation. It's ridiculous. Over priced house prices and ... over priced everything means people just can't afford to give their kids the attention and care they need. I think its a complete disaster for society that the OP has to face this difficult question at all... and she can't be the only one out there.

Our kids are going to pay the price for our governments failures here.

Ayla

Thaedydal wrote:

Time have changed...

I love it when people say this. Times have changed, of course. They always have. The world our parents grew up in was different than that of their parents. Every generation thinks their problems are harder/bigger/different than those faced by the previous generation.

But the ingenious thing about human nature is that just as times change, so do people.

I talked to my husband about this thread over the weekend, and he remembered how he was left home alone to look after his two younger brothers when they were all under the age of 10. Not only did they not get into trouble or get hurt, they got all sorts of chores and farmwork done while their parents were gone. They did this b/c they knew their parents expected it of them and they'd get a (figurative) whooping if it wasn't done when the parents got home.

I was left home alone w/ my brother and sister (both older) when I was about 8 and my brother 14. Again, we had a list of chores to complete and we'd do them, stay out of trouble and not get hurt. When they were done we'd go outside, read a book and generally entertain ourselves without causing any sort of annoyance to anyone else.

So my question is, how have "times changed" so much that kids can't be expected to do this anymore? If it's the "fear" of technology (ie: kids will watch bad tv, surf the net to inappropriate sites, etc) then I can think of a very simple solution to that problem...

Kids will rise (or fall) to meet the expectations given to them.