Friends GF's odd behaviour towards me.

LegacyUser

This will be a long and complicated post, so please bear with me.

Have a friend who has been going out with his GF lets call her Grainne, for 6 years, since they were in school. I knew her before they went out for about a year.

I have been going out with my GF for 4 years.

Basically grainne has always beleived i fancied her and has held it over me that i really want her and not which ever girl i am currently seeing. Which say up until 5 years ago was true but once i got to know her i realised that she would irritate me to the point of murder if we were together.

So we didnt really talk for about 3 years apart from being civil to each other for my friends sake. I briefly dated one of her friends for maybe 2 months but it ended ever since then she has been extremely flirtatious to me but now to my current GF she is down right mean.

When we go out she sits beside me and flicks her eye lashes at me and wants my attention all of the time. Yet as soon as my back in turned she bitches about me and my GF. When she is drunk and she knows i have dropped my GF home she will send me flirty txts as she is usually at home by then. I do not lve with my GF and she does not live with her BF. The txts are always usually about how come me and grainne didnt get together and what she thinks it would be like to kiss me and cuddle me etc. Now i am really good friends with this guy i have known him since play school and his GF is txtin me this s**t behind his back? yet when im not around she bitches about me and my GF.

One of my other good friends knows the score and he thinks that maybe she realises that my current GF is someone i will settle down with. As grainne is very attractive, i would say that apart from my current GF grainne would be better looking than most of my ex's. Whereas my urrent GF is very attractive and would be more so than grainne. So my friend thinks that grainne feels threatened that i dont "fancy" her anymore and this is why she is so nice to myself and my GF's face bitching behind our backs but sends me flirty txts.

Myself and my friend would do a lot together both in a group and just the 2 of us, i.e. we'd go for pints and our Gf's would come.
So last saturday the 4 of us were out and my gf and my friend both smoke so they went off for a smoke and myself and grainne were left there and basically she moved over beside me didnt think much of it but (she was wearing one of this mini dress?? things, she looked good. Anyway she says to me "I see you keep looking me up and down why dont we meet up later (as in after the pub) and we can talk about it" Frankly i sat there dumbfounded til my gf and friend got back About an hour later they went for a smoke again now this is the weird part, I have a thing for girls wearing stockings and high heels now my ex who was her friend would know this... she must have told grainne cos grainne moves over beside me and basically pulls up her dress to reveal pretty much stockings and suspenders. Now i wont lie it turned me on. So when they came back she went to the toilet and took a picture of her in her underwear and the next time they went outside she showed it to me.

So we met up that night basically on wall... how 15 year old of us.

Basically this is what she said. "i like steve (my friend) but i always though me and you would end up together, i love steve but more as a friend and its you i want etc.. Then this " your current gf has made me realise that you dont want me anymore and that is why i get angry about you and her because i want you and now she has you and you seem so happy with her that you probably wont want me.

Needless to say shocked didnt exactly describe how i felt. So i sat there on the wall and said what about steve? The last 7 years you have been together. She replied " the last 7 years was a mistake and when you showed an interest in me back before she got with steve she just thought that it was great that she was wanted but she never did anything about it cos she thought i may have been playing games ( i wasnt i did like her). So we pretty much sat there wil about 7 am talking, her doing a lot of crying and she tried to kiss me a few times but i just moved my head.

Now i pretty depressed. I have no idea what to do my friends GF basically confessed her love for me and told me their relationship was just a convenience thing for her. They are saving for a house and i know he is madly in love with her. She has been txtin me pretty much every day and basically wants me to dump my GF and she'll dump steve and for us to start a relationship, not going to happen.

Now we also have an additional problem about 10 of us are heading over to my GF's parents holiday home in florida including steve and grainne.

So the question is what do i do? Do i tell my friend about his GF? will he beleive me? What will she do when he confronts her? I have evidence and quite a lot of her txts saved. This will devastate him and i am not sure how she will react TBH.

Any advice??

Evil Phil

God that sounds like an awful situation. I wouldn't know what to do regarding your mate, only you can decide that, but have you told your GF about this? I think she should know. Maybe start with telling her.

vorbis

ouch, really tough situation. I think you owe it to your friend to tell him. Tbh Grainne sounds like a grade A bitch. If they do end up getting married, she will make your friend's life miserable. I have to say if I was your friend, I would want to hear about it. I would be really pissed off at you if I found out later that you knew and didn't tell me.

LegacyUser

Evil Phil wrote:

God that sounds like an awful situation. I wouldn't know what to do regarding your mate, only you can decide that, but have you told your GF about this? I think she should know. Maybe start with telling her.

Well she has thought for a while that grainne likes me but obviously not to the extent that she actually does.

PeakOutput

odd.behaviour wrote:

This will be a long and complicated post, so please bear with me.

Have a friend who has been going out with his GF lets call her Grainne, for 6 years, since they were in school. I knew her before they went out for about a year.

I have been going out with my GF for 4 years.


When we go out she sits beside me and flicks her eye lashes at me and wants my attention all of the time. Yet as soon as my back in turned she bitches about me and my GF. When she is drunk and she knows i have dropped my GF home she will send me flirty txts as she is usually at home by then. I do not lve with my GF and she does not live with her BF. The txts are always usually about how come me and grainne didnt get together and what she thinks it would be like to kiss me and cuddle me etc. Now i am really good friends with this guy i have known him since play school and his GF is txtin me this s**t behind his back? yet when im not around she bitches about me and my GF.

didnt read past this................tell your friend... let him decide what to do about his relationship and then go back to just being civil with grainne......... id tell your gf aswell what has been going on as it is something grainne could hang over your head even though you appear to have done nothing wrong


just read the rest; there is no good outcome to this and you just have to get it over and done with.............your friends relationship is going to end sooner or later anyway if that is what she is thinking.

tbh

wow.

I think you have to tell him, because now she's made herself vulnerable to you by confessing how she really feels, from the sounds of it she's liable to lose the head when she realises you don't feel the same way - this could end up with her making something up and make things difficult for you with your mate and g/f.


Plus it sounds like you'd be doing your mate the biggest favour EVER.

Marksie

Evil Phil wrote:

God that sounds like an awful situation. I wouldn't know what to do regarding your mate, only you can decide that, but have you told your GF about this? I think she should know. Maybe start with telling her.

I am with evil_phil on this.

Its tricky alright, but the first priority should not be your freind but your g/friend.

Did you actively tell the other to stop?

Is your g/friend likely to believe you or will she think that there is no smoke without fire?

The thing is, is it likely that steves g/f will actively start to interfere. She has obviously decided to make a play, will she now really turn the screws?

If you show you g/f what is being sent to you and what your responses are and how you have basically given her the brush off, then it shuld armour your relationship.

Unfortunately one or the other will get hurt, cannot see any way around it from this angle TBH.
Questions will be asked if you dont go on holiday and all that.

The only other option is to tell steves g/f that you will getbit out into the open if it continues, though i shudder to think what that may b potentially cause

Femelade

I think you should let your girlfriend know this is happening, what if she were to find out for herself..?
your friend deserves much more than this girl, he loves her so much and to her he is just a convienience..? thats not right.
Or are you actually thinking this is a good idea, the two of ye breaking up with your partners and get together? Is this something you are considering? you didnt really say much about your girlfriend there like how much you love her or that you wouldnt do anything like that to hurt her...
I would say its a really bad idea , if ye were to get together she might very well get bored with you and move onto someone else who isnt paying her the attention she so desires...

hshortt

Show your buddy the texts.

LegacyUser

Marksie wrote:

I am with evil_phil on this.

Its tricky alright, but the first priority should not be your freind but your g/friend.

Did you actively tell the other to stop?

Is your g/friend likely to believe you or will she think that there is no smoke without fire?

The thing is, is it likely that steves g/f will actively start to interfere. She has obviously decided to make a play, will she now really turn the screws?

If you show you g/f what is being sent to you and what your responses are and how you have basically given her the brush off, then it shuld armour your relationship.

Unfortunately one or the other will get hurt, cannot see any way around it from this angle TBH.
Questions will be asked if you doont go on holiday and all that.

The only other option is to tell steves g/f that you will getbit out into the open if it continues, though i shudder to think what that may b potentially cause

My gf trusts me as on a nightout with some of her friends one of them tried it on with me and got a severe telling off from me!

I am seeing my GF tonight, i have done nothing wrong but tbh i am worried about steves reaction. He has only had 2 gf's his first GF cheated on him aswell....

Also i am not sure of grainnes reaction she has basically given me the option of being with her,i do not want this but i have to be that blunt with her.


One thing i am worried is that she will sayi have been txtin her for sex etc or have groped her... i ahve txts to prove she did the chasing but still it will be messy

I go jogging with steve every wednesday so i may say it to him tonight

Beruthiel

odd.behaviour wrote:

This will devastate him and i am not sure how she will react TBH.

Most likely hang you from a height in the process.
I agree with the lads above. Tell your g/f, by doing so, it shows you have nothing to hide and you are better to get there before Grainne does.

As for your friend, rock and a hard place, he deserves to know, but telling him... that's going to be nasty no matter which way it goes and I honestly have no advice for you there.
Defo, tell her to back off and I'd also be telling her that she shouldn't be with someone she doesn't love, I mean wtf is she playing at!

koneko

Yeah, she sounds like a bitch, the kind of person both you and your friend are better off without. I think telling your girlfriend is the best idea, making it totally clear you gave her the brush off and are not interested at all, and that you don't know what to do about your friend (tell him, or not).

You don't want your girlfriend finding out some other way, imagine if Grainne tells her and adds a few lies ("your boyfriend is leaving you for me") or if Grainne tells a friend and your gf finds out through other people.

LegacyUser

Femmy wrote:

I think you should let your girlfriend know this is happening, what if she were to find out for herself..?
your friend deserves much more than this girl, he loves her so much and to her he is just a convienience..? thats not right.
Or are you actually thinking this is a good idea, the two of ye breaking up with your partners and get together? Is this something you are considering? you didnt really say much about your girlfriend there like how much you love her or that you wouldnt do anything like that to hurt her...
I would say its a really bad idea , if ye were to get together she might very well get bored with you and move onto someone else who isnt paying her the attention she so desires...

Femmy my current GF is the one for me. We are saving extremely hard for a house at the moment. I ahve done the casual sex thing and have found my soulmate with my current gf and will not be leaving her... ever!

LegacyUser

hshortt wrote:

Show your buddy the texts.

I would but he would be liable to smash it off the ground....
But it would probably be the easiest thing

dellas1979

Do you have any feelings (besides lust) toward this Grainne girl?

If not, I dont see why you should spare her feelings. Right now it should be your partner and your friend you should look after (in that order).

If you dont tell your girlfriend, things could get nasty, and from the sounds of it, Grainne is well capable of spinning a yarn or two.

Marksie

odd.behaviour wrote:

My gf trusts me as on a nightout with some of her friends one of them tried it on with me and got a severe telling off from me!

Good, she is more than likely to listen to what you say

odd.behaviour wrote:

I am seeing my GF tonight, i have done nothing wrong but tbh i am worried about steves reaction. He has only had 2 gf's his first GF cheated on him aswell....

You cannot worry about steve at the moment, it could go pear shaped for everyone. Who is most important, ruthless maybe, but you can be there for steve

odd.behaviour wrote:

Also i am not sure of grainnes reaction she has basically given me the option of being with her,i do not want this but i have to be that blunt with her.

Even more than blunt

odd.behaviour wrote:

One thing i am worried is that she will sayi have been txtin her for sex etc or have groped her... i ahve txts to prove she did the chasing but still it will be messy

It was always going to be messy OP. No way around that. You kept the etxts?, good. Now how long has this texting been occurring and how many texts. The one thing i can see from you G/F is "why didn't you tel me before this"

odd.behaviour wrote:

I go jogging with steve every wednesday so i may say it to him tonight

Cancel the jogging, get things sorted first

Maple

Tell your girlfriend. Tell Grainne to sod of, as blunt as you like. No more meeting her after the pub or texting her or anything like that. She's just playing mind games and to be honest probably wouldn't break up with your mate, she just craves attention.

LegacyUser

dellas1979 wrote:

Do you have any feelings (besides lust) toward this Grainne girl?

If not, I dont see why you should spare her feelings. Right now it should be your partner and your friend you should look after (in that order).

If you dont tell your girlfriend, things could get nasty, and from the sounds of it, Grainne is well capable of spinning a yarn or two.

I said above for the first couple of years i knew her, i would talk to her occasionally if i seen her in the pub i thought she was very attractive and did flirt with her. When she sarted seeing steve i seen a spoiled little brat persona that she has aswell and tbh i cannot stand in, dont get me wrong a lot of the time she is fine and we get along but more often that not she will ruin a night out by being a brat, one particular time refusing to get a nitelink as "she doesnt do buses" Instead of getting a nitelink if there were no taxis she'd ring her daddy to come pick her up...

LegacyUser

Marksie wrote:

Cancel the jogging, get things sorted first

Good advice marksie,but i was think i could just stop somewhere along the job maybe near a park bench or something and talk to him

professore

Beruthiel wrote:

Most likely hang you from a height in the process.
I agree with the lads above. Tell your g/f, by doing so, it shows you have nothing to hide and you are better to get there before Grainne does.

Emm ... nothing to hide ... methinks you are forgetting something

Now i wont lie it turned me on. So when they came back she went to the toilet and took a picture of her in her underwear and the next time they went outside she showed it to me.

So we met up that night basically on wall... how 15 year old of us.

LegacyUser

professore wrote:

Emm ... nothing to hide ... methinks you are forgetting something

Yes but i didnt do anything, though i should have brought a tape recorder

scribs

Man thats a beeyaaatchh of situation to be in.

Dont tell your bird - Ring your mate tell him you have something serious to discuss with him. Meet him in a quiet pub.

Tell him he is teh only one you have told this to then level with him.

ask him what does he want to do about it

CrazyNoob

OP I'm with most people's advise here.
Tell your GF today! if you dont you could put your relationship in danger if Grainne decides to put a spin on the situation.

Then you can decide how to tell your friend.

Peewee_lane

I would not tell your girlfriend for just a bit, she may instinctively want to grab her and pull her outside for a full on confrontation.

The first person to be told here is your friend. I knew a girl like Grainne, that would stop at nothing to get what she wanted and loved the idea of playing behind peoples backs, but when she got what she wanted, it didn't last very long.

God...could you ever be happy with a girl like her, knowing all along what a wagon she was? Dont be depressed over the situation. Be sorry for her. I have to say, you are a bit of an eegit for meeting her at the wall. Now she has that against you.

Tell her you aint interested in a relationship with her. Dont mind the tears. Sounds like you've got a cracker at the moment and I doubt shes anything as sneaky as this grainne one.

Its her own fault. Talk to your buddy.. or better still, confront her, tell her your dont want to hear anymore period on the subject, your not interested and if she sends one more text, or dirty picture, you'll show everything to your buddy and she can hit the road.

Dont be depressed over the situation and dont let her come between your friendship.

Wotzit

for me it sounds like this girl loves the thrill of chase....if you do decide to become involved with her (which I wouldn't advise) I think she'd do the exact same thing do you. She's bored with her life and wants to do something naughty (that stuff with the stockings and the pics in the pub??? screams of bored thrillseeker to me)

Do your friend a favour and let him know whats going on. You'll save him from being with a person thats obviously not good enough for him.

Wibbs

Marksies posts are good advice. I also agree with Peewee_lane that this graine wan just wants what she can't have. Standard fare for a lot out there. I guarantee that if you did jump she would lose interest. She's acting like what she is, an immature child. As such she needs a metaphorical slap like a child.

Now you have to bite the bullet and be the exact opposite of grainne. You have to take control of this and be the adult. First thing you do is you tell your girlfriend about this. Calmly and quietly state your case and that this grainnes attitude, flirtation and treatment of others is unacceptable to you and that she(your GF) needs to know this. Leave out any incriminating stuff. It'll serve absolutely no purpose. If it comes out in the wash deal with it then. If you tell her the basics of this, she's gonna go off half cocked anyway. Telling her everything or at least the bits you feel slightly guilty about will just drag you further into it, for no damn good reason. After this blows up and it will, then tell your mate. He needs to know he's with an idiot who is prepared to lie to him for all those years. He deserves better. Be prepared for him to flip and/or deny this. Men can be awful idiots when it comes to reading women. He'll be all "but she says she loves me". Makes no difference. Actions speak louder than words. If you make one point to him make that last one. He'll see it sooner or later.

I would disagree with Peewee_lane in one respect. I would not engage with grainne about this. No need. You owe her nothing and telling her you don't want to be anyway with her isn't half as effective as avoiding her like the plague. Talking to her may also cause problems with your GF. If you do meet her don't be surprised if one of the things this grainne will do when confronted by your GF is say you pair met up to discuss it. She'll twist it too. Don't give her any more ammo than she thinks she already has. Leave her to twist in the wind.

Mountjoy Mugger

I'd just tell Grainne to get lost and that you've got no romantic interest in her whatsoever. I'd also mention that if she pulls such a stunt again, I'd let Steve know about it.

Remind her you still got the texts. That might put an end to her carry on.

AnonoBoy

Tell your girlfriend. Tell your girlfriend. Tell your girlfriend.

I have had dealings with a Grainne-type girl before and, believe me, it will be much better coming from you. Grainne will spin it to suit her - she may even lie outright and say that you slept with her. Remember she wants you and your girlfriend broken up and might do something stupid to ensure that happens.

Tell your girlfriend first, be honest with her. As for your friend - you're really going to have to tell him too. But be warned that he will not take it well and may even take anger out on you. Also remember that Grainne may deny everything and try and twist it around on you when she realises that she isn't going to get what she wants.

LegacyUser

'OP all I can say to you is a major pat on the back for not giving in to "grainne" and cheating on your GF. From your description she to me sounds like the biggest attention seeker that I've ever heard of (well, up there anyway). I've known plenty of women in the past that love to hang around with loads of lads, but if you throw another woman (who she thinks is prettier) in to the mix, she will simply not be able to contain herself with rage. I believe that this kind of behaviour has to stem from childhood, but hopefully as they get older have it kicked out of them by people who won't tolerate it. In the case where the girl is regarded as very attractive, new lads will be overshadowed by her beauty and not do a friggin thing about it, other than give her attention in the hope that they will score. I've seen girls tease guys (myself included) to the point where you are not even sure anymore has your friendship crossed an unspoken boundary in to relationship or not (simply based on the level of flirtation, etc). Then they keep this up, and when you get sick of it in the end, they are done with you and move on.

Mate if you were to score with grainne, it would last less than 2 months and you would come out the other end having lost everything.

What I would do in your shoes, is sit down and talk to my GF and tell her what is going on. You seem to have your head screwed on, so you don't have to remind her that you are trustworthy. So start off by telling her that you feel really sorry for your mate that she is doing this behind her back. Tell her that things have escalated and that she is starting to seem bloody persistent.

This is a good idea because now grainne can't for the fun of it, let it be known to your girlfriend somehow what is going on, and have her lose trust in you (breaking your relationship apart). Secondly if your mate was to find out before your girlfriend, then again, your GF would wonder (probably) why you didn't say something.

I agree with other posters, your GF and then your mate (in that order, and talk with nobody else).'

lordgoat

I think you probably have to do something big and the fall out is goign to be huge. Your friend will be pissed and may take a while to realise that you are not to blame at all. He may just lash out be prepared. Also I'd probably tell your GF first and reassure her and tell her what you're thinking of doing. Also after you have decided what to do, i'd tell your friends GF either before or just after, she was pretty honest with you in the end and granted her behaviour may not have been the best, the situations occur. And she'll prob lose the most in a way.

Hope it was some help. Good Luck.

jesus_thats_gre

She sounds hot as **** though

Difficult situation. Get as many texts from her together as evidence just to cover your back. Tell your gf as soon as possible to cover that side of things - whether you tell her before or after your mate is not a massive deal.. It is something that your mate will want to know but he will prob take it very hard at first. I would suggest typing out the text messages and printing them all on a single sheet for when/if you have a word with him. He could react badly to you, possibly not believe you, and being able to hand that over to him will give him time to come to terms with it by himself. If he still disputes it or she manages to convince that you are lying, you have the text messages saved as backup.

Have you got any pics of this one she sounds like she could be fun for a week or two.

Chinafoot

odd.behaviour wrote:

Yes but i didnt do anything, though i should have brought a tape recorder

Your friend's girlfriend was coming onto you while your friend and gf were close by, she showed you pictures of her stockings and suspenders and then asked you to meet her alone after the pub.... and you agreed. That just seems like a very, very silly thing to do if you have no intention of pursuing anything with this girl. You say you didn't do anything and that's great. But what happens if, when the **** inevitably hits the fan, this Grainne girl decides to tell your girlfriend about this little meeting? What happens if she decides to tell your girlfriend that something did happen between you? I mean, she made you well aware what she was after and you still agreed to meet her, and I notice there was no mention in your OP about meeting her to tell her to back off. If I was your girlfriend I'd be very interested to know what it was you were playing at.

You need to tell your mate and your girlfriend about this as soon as possible, not just for your friend's sake but for yours as well.

LegacyUser

Ok told my girlfriend last night she was a bit miffed that i met grainne after the pub but believed me and showed her the txts.

Drove to my friends house and went in, he knew something was up so i said we need to talk. Theres a football pitch near enough to his house.

Pretty much straightaway he asked me "is this to do with grainne?" I said yeah.

Then he said this "has she cheated on me... again?" i said what do you mean again. Apparently she has cheated on him twice before and it was just a kiss with a randomer they have been 2 mini affairs with her off shagging other lads.

So just told him what she said and showed him the txts did tell him that i met up with her after the pub and she tried it on with me. He said he always knew she had a bit of a thing for me but knew that i wouldnt go near here.

So basically myself my GF and steve are fine.

He seems to think that he cant do any better (as i said she is very good looking and i dont think he thinks he can get anyone as good looking as her) but i just said its time to get rid of her, god knows if shes been shagging anyone else.
He was going up to her last night so im not sure of the outcome of that.

jubi lee

good on ya odd! you are a decent bloke. hope it works out and you get shot of grainne.

have you heard anything from her? i'd say expect the text onslaught! she's not going to be happy about being rumbled!

Marksie

odd.behaviour wrote:

Ok told my girlfriend last night she was a bit miffed that i met grainne after the pub but believed me and showed her the txts..

I thought she might be a little put out about it. I assume when you got back to your g/friend, you told her the rest of the story you have told us

odd.behaviour wrote:

Drove to my friends house and went in, he knew something was up so i said we need to talk. Theres a football pitch near enough to his house.

Pretty much straightaway he asked me "is this to do with grainne?" I said yeah

Then he said this "has she cheated on me... again?" i said what do you mean again. Apparently she has cheated on him twice before and it was just a kiss with a randomer they have been 2 mini affairs with her off shagging other lads...

Guess he knew or suspected already, the situations are always different to what you think really.

odd.behaviour wrote:

So basically myself my GF and steve are fine...

Great, wasnt as bad as you feared.

odd.behaviour wrote:

He seems to think that he cant do any better (as i said she is very good looking and i dont think he thinks he can get anyone as good looking as her) but i just said its time to get rid of her, god knows if shes been shagging anyone else.
He was going up to her last night so im not sure of the outcome of that.

That is steves issue I am afraid. Just be there now for him, whatever he decides, don't pass judgment.

Glad you resolved it effectively

LegacyUser

jubi lee wrote:

good on ya odd! you are a decent bloke. hope it works out and you get shot of grainne.

have you heard anything from her? i'd say expect the text onslaught! she's not going to be happy about being rumbled!

Havent heard from her and not sure if i will or not, just waiting on an email back from steve

Evil Phil

odd.behaviour wrote:

He seems to think that he cant do any better

It doesn't come as a big suprise that his self confidence is shattered. Just keep being the good mate you've been so far and he'll come around.

Wibbs

odd.behaviour wrote:

Ok told my girlfriend last night she was a bit miffed that i met grainne after the pub but believed me and showed her the txts.

Thought she would believe you. You handled this very well.

Pretty much straightaway he asked me "is this to do with grainne?" I said yeah.

Ouch.

Then he said this "has she cheated on me... again?" i said what do you mean again. Apparently she has cheated on him twice before and it was just a kiss with a randomer they have been 2 mini affairs with her off shagging other lads.

I feel for him. I really do, but in a weird way he's letting her do this. This may seem strange, to say, but her behaviour is his fault. Now don't get me wrong, she's an idiot. Full stop. That said, if he's still with her after the 1st time, he's being equally stupid. He's basically saying to her, "I'm weak, I need you, I can't do better than you and I'll take all the **** you throw because of that". And he's surprised this keeps happening? I'm not. He is being weak. He's in a subservient relationship with her. He's effectively trained her to act in that manner with him. If he had, at the first sign of trouble, told her calmly and directly to leave, she would have respected him far more and indeed may have stopped this behaviour. Even if she didn't he wouldn't have had to deal with her madness and found someone better. The fact that he didn't drop her after the second time makes it so much worse. He's rewarding her bad behaviour with his continued support.

Because of this, basically she doesn't respect him. If she doesn't respect him, she'll never love him. Fact. If he dumped her, I mean really dumped her in the morning, she will coming running back. No doubt. He can't take her back though as the second he does she will lose respect for him again. Catch 22 really.

Now I'm not saying I wouldn't give someone I loved and who loved me(important bit) a second chance over a cheating incident. I would. No problem. The reason? Basically if someone who loved me went off and snogged someone else, I was doing something wrong or they're idiots. The former is more likely. So I would have to really examine my part in it and if that was fixable then onwards with the relationship. Anything beyond that second chance? No way.

He said he always knew she had a bit of a thing for me but knew that i wouldnt go near here.

Fair enough. he has one big advantage in this. He knows he has a friend.

He seems to think that he cant do any better (as i said she is very good looking and i dont think he thinks he can get anyone as good looking as her)

I've said this in another thread a while back; next time you're out and about with this mate of yours, try to find the most gorgeous woman you can. Get him to look at her, admire her, go wow, etc. Now ask him to think on this. That woman I guarantee, has had a man in her life that's tired of her. That's tired of listening to her, that's tired of sleeping with her. That wants out. He may even be her current boyfriend. I was that soldier. I went out with one woman who got a lot of attention. I got tired of her childish, selfish behaviour. I got tired of dealing with her. I got tired of listening to her incessant moaning. I even got tired of the mind numbingly boring sex with her. I left her and some people I knew thought me mad. I found someone better for me. I hope she did the same. It's all about perception.

It's the same with your friend. I'm sure your mate is tired of this grainne. She may be good looking to him, but she's trying to get the leg over his friend(and others). She may be good looking to him, I might think her average. He needs to realise, that just because he sees her as good looking that's no reason to take shít. He can get better.

He was going up to her last night so im not sure of the outcome of that.

I would be surprised if he does dump her. He'll probably either come over all hurt and pleading or angry. Neither good, but latter better. She has him hooked and until he admits that and tries to get unhooked and kick her arse out of his life this will continue.

Magic Pips

Anyone else think this would be a good time to convince OPs g/f to give up smoking... i mean look what happens when you're away!

But seriously, fair play OP major pat on the the back you did the right thing throughout

tbh

Wibbs wrote:

I've said this in another thread a while back; next time you're out and about with this mate of yours, try to find the most gorgeous woman you can. Get him to look at her, admire her, go wow, etc. Now ask him to think on this. That woman I guarantee, has had a man in her life that's tired of her. That's tired of listening to her, that's tired of sleeping with her. That wants out. He may even be her current boyfriend. I was that soldier. I went out with one woman who got a lot of attention. I got tired of her childish, selfish behaviour. I got tired of dealing with her. I got tired of listening to her incessant moaning. I even got tired of the mind numbingly boring sex with her. I left her and some people I knew thought me mad. I found someone better for me. I hope she did the same. It's all about perception.
.

aka - "no matter how good she looks, somebody, somewhere is sick of her ****".

Don't judge all women by that - the best looking woman I know is going out with a total loser. If she ever figures that out, I'm in trouble. Not all beautiful women are shallow and self-absorbed, thankfully

Wibbs

tbh wrote:

aka - "no matter how good she looks, somebody, somewhere is sick of her ****".

Yep

Don't judge all women by that

Oh I don't.

the best looking woman I know is going out with a total loser.

Why is she going out with a total loser? That's the question I'd be asking. It reflects bad on her if this has been going on for a while. Also ask why is he a total loser in your eyes. He's got something or she would be with you or someone else. If he's with "the best looking woman" you know, he's not really a loser in at least one very important way.

Not all beautiful women are shallow and self-absorbed, thankfully

True, but it's far more likely with very desirable women in my experience. They may have been put on so many pedestals they've got light headed. Not all though, not by a long shot.

tbh

True, but it's far more likely with very desirable women in my experience. They may have been put on so many pedestals they've got light headed. Not all though, not by a long shot.

yeah - i was being a bit factitious in my reply, but I take your point - I think really really good looking girls have been used to a level of attention all their lives, some become dependant on it. Same goes for guys, of course

Why is she going out with a total loser? That's the question I'd be asking.

the only reason I can come up with is that she likes my sense of humour

Wibbs

DOH!!!! I'll just walk away now..... Look into my eyes...... you are getting sleeeeeepy. forget forget.......

Ah it's sweet all the same.

LegacyUser

Hi guys, have been emailing steve back and forth for most of the day and i am off home shortly.
He went over to her last night as they had a night in planned. He said i had told him about the txts etc and that he was devastated when she cheated on him but to have these feelings for his friend and then try to act on it was inexcusable.

He dumped her and said he didnt want to her from her again. A few of our friends me included are going to Riga in 2 weeks he is now gonna come on that!
Grainne on the other hand has not left him alone and her txts basically go like this "im sorry for cheating i was young and immature... i dont know what i had til i lost it... i dont want anyone else i was just lonely (not sure how as they see a lot of each other!) I'll never speak to another man again.

He seems pretty adamant he doesnt want her but that could be the anger.

Now approx 12:30 i received a call from her.... she was not happy to put it mildly. She said i was prick for telling him and getting her dumped! The cheek. She also said shes gonna get steve back and make sure he never talks to me again, i didnt really react i just said.. you made your bed now you have to lie in it.

Steve though seems upset but more angry but he has told me he was happy that she tried it on with me as a couple of other lads in out group probably wouldnt beeen off shagging her. TBH i know if the situation was reversed i know i could trust him with my GF, heres to Riga in 2 weeks!

Seraphina

odd.behaviour wrote:

He seems to think that he cant do any better (as i said she is very good looking and i dont think he thinks he can get anyone as good looking as her) but i just said its time to get rid of her, god knows if shes been shagging anyone else.
He was going up to her last night so im not sure of the outcome of that.

this kind of ****e pisses me off to no end. how can he not do better, from his standpoint, he cant do worse in any way? typical idiotic male judging the girls merits on her looks alone, and what happens? he ends up being treated like dirt.

there are plenty of wonderful, fun, smart, and caring girls out there who are single because so many men put up with this kind of ****e so they can have a really good looking bitch on their arm.
as others have said, its his own ****ing fault. he didn't dump her after the first time, he made his bed and he's gonna lie in it.

seahorse

Seraphina wrote:

there are plenty of wonderful, fun, smart, and caring girls out there who are single because so many men put up with this kind of ****e so they can have a really good looking bitch on their arm.

Well, while I agree we should all insist we are treated properly in our relationships; people can’t help the type of physicality that turns them on. Yes there are a lot of wonderful, fun, smart and caring females in the world who are single, but I believe there's more than one reason for their single status; it can hardly be put down to the fact that the men are all too busy off being treated badly elsewhere!

My bf, for example, had a short on/off fling-type relationship with a woman before we met. He listed her attributes as humour, kindness, decency etc. In fact he said he liked her a lot, cared for her, and admired who she was in many ways. There was just one thing that put him off, and that was her physicality. He said she was too heavy for his liking (I saw her in a group photo once; she'd have been around a size fourteen) and that there was no prettiness in her facial features, she had short dry badly bleached hair, short stumpy legs etc. All these aspects of her physicality turned him off sexually, simple as that.

Most men I know wouldn’t even give a woman they didn’t fancy a chance, but he did because he saw a lot else to like. Of course it came crashing down because they hadn’t one of the essential building blocks for a relationship - mutual sexual attraction. My motto on the subject is; if there's no spark there's no point trying to light a fire!

LegacyUser

Im going unreg for this one

My ex boyfriend and I broke up after I found out he cheated on me a few times but I was lonely and weak and I got back with him. Please make sure your friend is rid of this poisenous brat. When you hit Riga, make sure you send plenty of ladies his way.

He will get lonely and wonder, and subcumb maybe to some texts and calls of a needy woman needing her man, etc but make sure you keep a watchful eye and keep him on the right track.

God what a horrible woman! To say it was your fault he broke up with her.

I would like to congratulate you for being honest with your buddy. I hope you guys look back on it in years to come and smile.

PeakOutput

seems to have turned out as well as it can.

all you have to do is advise him against getting back with her under any circumstances if he ever mentions thinking about it and helping him out when he feels lonely(he defo will after being with someone for so long even though he wont say it).

if they never get back together her threat can never come to fruition and he sounds like a down to earth type of guy to not listen to hear say and jump to conclusions about his mates so i wouldnt be too worried

Seraphina

odd.behaviour wrote:

Now approx 12:30 i received a call from her.... she was not happy to put it mildly. She said i was prick for telling him and getting her dumped! The cheek. She also said shes gonna get steve back and make sure he never talks to me again, i didnt really react i just said.. you made your bed now you have to lie in it.

warn him of her plans, repeat what she said to you about making sure he never talks to you again. make sure he knows what will happen if he ever gets back with her. they were going out a long time and he will find it very hard to be alone, the temptation to get back with her will prob be very strong.

Wibbs

odd.behaviour wrote:

He dumped her and said he didnt want to her from her again.

Good for him. make bloody sure he grows a pair and sticks to it.

Grainne on the other hand has not left him alone and her txts basically go like this "im sorry for cheating i was young and immature... i dont know what i had til i lost it... i dont want anyone else i was just lonely (not sure how as they see a lot of each other!) I'll never speak to another man again.

As I predicted. He's got her attention now. She respects him now, because he did what any grown up bloke with good self esteem and respect for himself would and should have done a long while ago. Now she's interested. Thing is if he goes back she'll do the same to him again.

He seems pretty adamant he doesnt want her but that could be the anger.

Possibly. Hopefully not. Then again she knows him for a long time. She knows the buttons to push. She may float in to view a couple of weeks down the line, flirt, apologise, open the legs and Bang! he's back under her spell again. You can do little but warn him though.

Seraphina wrote:

this kind of ****e pisses me off to no end. how can he not do better, from his standpoint, he cant do worse in any way?

Agreed.

typical idiotic male judging the girls merits on her looks alone, and what happens? he ends up being treated like dirt.

Looks are a biggy. Why settle for less than you find attractive and deserve? Never could see it.

Anyway he ended up being treated like dirt because he acted passively and didn't train her right the first time she pulled this crap. He let her do it to him. Indeed he actively encouraged it.

there are plenty of wonderful, fun, smart, and caring girls out there who are single because so many men put up with this kind of ****e so they can have a really good looking bitch on their arm.

There are plenty of wonderful, fun, smart and caring girls out there that aren't mutts* either. The two are not mutually exclusive, you know. Anyway why aren't the plenty of wonderful, fun, smart and caring girls not sidling up to the wonderful, fun, smart and caring blokes that are on here every other day going on about how they can't get a woman? Hmmmm. Maybe it's because they don't find the tubby nerd in the corner attractive? Same rules different angle TBH. I'll be honest looks/attractiveness are a big deal for me and this is after a fair few years on the relationship scene. We all have standards in our heads for what we find attractive. The fact is a healthy better looking woman will pull more men than a porker, the same way a richer better looking man will pull more women than a fat poor one. Thems the breaks.

as others have said, its his own ****ing fault. he didn't dump her after the first time, he made his bed and he's gonna lie in it.

Go back to agreeing with you there.

*eye of the beholder notwithstanding.

Seraphina

Wibbs wrote:

Agreed. Looks are a biggy. Why settle for less than you find attractive and deserve? Never could see it.

Anyway he ended up being treated like dirt because he acted passively and didn't train her right the first time she pulled this crap. He let her do it to him. Indeed he actively encouraged it.

i never said looks aren't a biggy, i'd be the first to agree there. however it annoys me the way some men seem to think looks are the ONLY thing, and will put up with an amazing amount of ****e, when there are plenty of perfectly sound normal and very attractive (is that better :P) women around.

all he's doing is validating to her that she's allowed to treat people like this cause she's so good looking that she can get away with anything.

its like men expect good looking women to act like that, as if its something they know they have to put up with to get an attractive girlfriend, so they dont do anything. its ridiculous!