Mindgames or just not interested?

LegacyUser

I'm a 21 male. I met this girl at a nightclub over a month ago and we just went dancing for a while. As we parted ways I got her number and called her the following day asking if she wanted to go to the movies and she was very excited at the prospect. We went to the movies and had a great time. Since then we've been chatting almost everyday, the majority of the time through texts.

I was at a music festival last weekend and saturday night she called me telling me she missed me (even though we haven't seen each other since the movies) and wanted to know how soon I would be home. I got home hoping to pick her up and go for a drive and a chat but she has been feeling poorly the last 3 weeks so went to bed early.

She has cancelled on me several times before saying she was sick and wasn't in the mood, sometimes about an hour before I was supposed to pick her up. She would sometimes arrange to meet and othertimes I would, but it never happened. Then this week the conversation arrises where she asks if I've been with any girls since the night at the cinema.
Now I'm a believer in white lies so I said no that I wasn't and I asked her the same question to which she said 'yeah loads'.

Not exactly something you want to hear but we're not going out so no worries, anyway we were texting Tuesday evening and said she would chat to me tomorrow that she was going to bed. Since then I've text her twice on Wednesday and once on Thrusday but no reply.
Like I said before she's a bit of a text demon and usually has a reply written by the time I get the delivery report and we would normally send 10+ texts a day and the odd phone call every 3/4 days.

So what I'm wondering is, is she playing some sort of mindgame to keep me interested (I'm already interested in having something more) or is she just annoyed with my constant contact?
Now the way I see it, I can do 2 things:
- Contact her with a phonecall so she knows I'm interested and arrange something

or

- Do nothing and play the waiting game and give her some space

But if I do one of these and it's not the right one it might mess things up, i.e. if she wants time to herself and I contact her or if she wants to know if I'm interested and don't contact her.

I apologise for the length, just had to get most of the details in there even though I'm missing a few.

CaroleLynch

Hmmmmmmmmm I'm very surprised ye haven't been on a date since the cinema. Pick up the phone, ask her out and if she cancels again then just forget about her.....

Jimi-Spandex

She sounds like she's not interested and is just stringing you along because she likes the attention. It's that or she's exceptionally high maintenance and playing some ridiculous game. Either way she's not really worth your time.

LegacyUser

I should probably add that recently I invited her to my uncle's wedding in august and she accepted (don't ask me how the topic came up but she kind of trapped me into asking her).
She has hinted 'we have the whole summer to get each other better '


Then this stuff happens. God why are some women so wierd when it comes to things like this.

Seraphina

she just likes the attention

if she actually liked you and was interested, you would have been out a couple of times already.

Maple

pick up the phone and ring her. arrange to see her. if she then cancels, forget her, she's a head wrecker.

Wibbs

Attention seeker. She also sounds like she's angling to make you her "friend". Don't waste your time. Then again if you want her interest? Pity about you admitting there were no other women in your life. That didn't help. Stop talking to her everyday by text or any other means. When you do talk to her keep it light and fun. Don't get into deep conversations. Keep away in particular from the kind of conversations she would have with a gay male friend. Once more, ask her out by phone or in person to go to a specific event or date. If she backs out? Walk and ignore all further calls.

Kintarō Hattori

maple wrote:

pick up the phone and ring her. arrange to see her. if she then cancels, forget her, she's a head wrecker.

Totally agree with maple. You know what you should do, so do it.

Lola123

mindgamesQ wrote:

I should probably add that recently I invited her to my uncle's wedding in august and she accepted (don't ask me how the topic came up but she kind of trapped me into asking her).
She has hinted 'we have the whole summer to get each other better '


Then this stuff happens. God why are some women so wierd when it comes to things like this.

We're not all weird!!
How did u end up asking her to the wedding? U've only been on one date!!!
Don't contact her again. She knows ur interested. She's playing mind games. I reckon she hasn't decided what she wants yet, but is enjoying that she has someone to boost her ego!

togster

Shes not intersted. Don't waste your time and move on. Why did you say you hadn't been with anyone else?? That was dense. Anyway just ignore her.

MrBaseball

mindgamesQ wrote:

I'm a 21 male. I met this girl at a nightclub over a month ago and we just went dancing for a while. As we parted ways I got her number and called her the following day asking if she wanted to go to the movies and she was very excited at the prospect. We went to the movies and had a great time. Since then we've been chatting almost everyday, the majority of the time through texts.

I was at a music festival last weekend and saturday night she called me telling me she missed me (even though we haven't seen each other since the movies) and wanted to know how soon I would be home. I got home hoping to pick her up and go for a drive and a chat but she has been feeling poorly the last 3 weeks so went to bed early.

She has cancelled on me several times before saying she was sick and wasn't in the mood, sometimes about an hour before I was supposed to pick her up. She would sometimes arrange to meet and othertimes I would, but it never happened. Then this week the conversation arrises where she asks if I've been with any girls since the night at the cinema.
Now I'm a believer in white lies so I said no that I wasn't and I asked her the same question to which she said 'yeah loads'.

Not exactly something you want to hear but we're not going out so no worries, anyway we were texting Tuesday evening and said she would chat to me tomorrow that she was going to bed. Since then I've text her twice on Wednesday and once on Thrusday but no reply.
Like I said before she's a bit of a text demon and usually has a reply written by the time I get the delivery report and we would normally send 10+ texts a day and the odd phone call every 3/4 days.

So what I'm wondering is, is she playing some sort of mindgame to keep me interested (I'm already interested in having something more) or is she just annoyed with my constant contact?
Now the way I see it, I can do 2 things:
- Contact her with a phonecall so she knows I'm interested and arrange something

or

- Do nothing and play the waiting game and give her some space

But if I do one of these and it's not the right one it might mess things up, i.e. if she wants time to herself and I contact her or if she wants to know if I'm interested and don't contact her.

I apologise for the length, just had to get most of the details in there even though I'm missing a few.

Hmm, you are aware that you're in contact with this girl an awful awful lot for someone you're not going out with,yeah? The constant cancelling of dates sounds like a bad bad sign. If she was interested, that wouldn't happen. I reckon you're lying about having to tell her a lie about being with other women since then. I reckon if you actually were in that situation, you wouldn't get so hung up on this one. Anyway, I reckon she's not really interested, and if she is, only a bit. Even if she is a bit interested, continuing down this road will not get you anywhere. I suggest you just make a concrete move of some sort so that you know where you stand.

azezil

She likes the attention, the fact that she's out meeting other guys should be enough to show you she's not all that interested, she's just using you as a safety net, if all else fails, she'll turn to you.

Just forget her, move on.

Pyjamarama

See if she texts you. I definately wouldn't call her again, may be a tad desperate. If she wants to see you she'll contact you. She's messing you about though so don't get your hopes up. You're probably better off without her anyway as she seems to be stringing you along to boost her self-esteem.

Dragan

Arrange to do something and cancel on her. See how she reacts.

Maybe she doesn't like a yes man?

Reku

Dragan wrote:

Arrange to do something and cancel on her. See how she reacts.

Maybe she doesn't like a yes man?

Too risky I'd say, if she found out that you didn't have a genuine last minute emergency for cancelling she might think it a childish act of revenge.

But like many of the other posters I think she just likes to feel chased, wanted, desireable, etc... and she may just be using you for that ego boost. Leave it be and see if she'll take the initiative and contact you asking you out for once, at least then you'll know she is interested in you too.

LegacyUser

'Thanks for the replies guys. I gave her phone a ring from work yesterday but no answer so I'm just going to leave it.

Some of you are probably a bit too hasty saying to sever straight away which seems a bit drastic seeing as it's only been 3 days.

I'll let her contact me next but as it stands I'm going to have a deadly weekend '

Mr. Incognito

Headwrecker.

I wouldn't bother. She sounds very immature.

Caliden

sounds like a girl I was with some years ago. She lost her phone on a night out and I took it the wrong way like she was ignoring me. Needless to say I ****ed it up for myself.
She could just be cautious from a previous bad relationship and doesn't want to go jumping into a new one straight away.
On the other hand she could be a complete nut job and thinks this is the normal way to get guys...

Idbatterim

only she really knows what shes up to, Id cease contact with her, you seem to have no problem getting the ladies, and also the most likely way to probably get with her, if that is what you want, is to not chase her, she might well decide that she is going to either have to commit or not. From what you said I also get the impression she might indeed want you, hence bringing up the have you scored someone else question, might have been to gage your reaction and let you know you have competition, also the scoring other guys could be bull, but saying she has scored loads of guys, she is either a slapper, immature or a liar/nutjob...

pwd

She's just a tease I think. I agree that if you ignore her she might crave your attention and come to you, but she's a tease, so best to avoid her anyway

kryogen

this may sound bad and i apologise to all you ladies reading.... but women are crazy! plain and simple crazy!! this girl seems like a standard attention seeker woman, i.e. she likes to have male admirers, it probably makes her feel secure.. if you take a back step you will see what the real story is, you shouldnt have rang her imo. if she is interested she will get in touch, by text first. if you dont answer her texts she will ring, maybe the best thing to do is to ignore her texts, curiousity will force her to ring you and once you have her on the phone you have got to play it slightly aloof, not ignorant, just a little withdrawn. it will more then likely drive her crazy that you not falling all over her anymore and she will do something to try to gain your affection again! this is an unhealthy relationship to be honest, i wouldnt bother taking it any further anyway, maybe a quick roll in the hay but thats it!! i could babble on for ages here but i feel like this post is long enough as it is!

hope i get my point across anyway!!

Caliden

In short some women are crazy (covering my ass here) and agree with the above poster. Reverse the roles and let her come to you if she wants. If she doesn't then you probably saved yourself a whole load of hurt and trouble.

Also it's normally the quiet ones that are the craziest

AngryBadger

She's a headmelt man, let her fly. And do what I do, let her know why you're no longer interested before you break contact, you're doing the world a great service, and giving her a chance at self-improvement.

kryogen

Caliden wrote:

In short some women are crazy (covering my ass here) and agree with the above poster. Reverse the roles and let her come to you if she wants. If she doesn't then you probably saved yourself a whole load of hurt and trouble.

Also it's normally the quiet ones that are the craziest

damn straight!!!

Idbatterim

Idbatterim wrote:

also the scoring other guys could be bull, but saying she has scored loads of guys, she is either a slapper, immature or a liar/nutjob...

slapper + immature + liar/nutjob = typical woman...


lol no there is nice young ones out there that dont play these stupid mind games but women like that ruin it for them.

LegacyUser

Yep, Boss.

This sounds like a right Head F*ck to me.

Let her do the running now - but, even so, I think
she will still F*ck with your head.

So, it might be better to give her the P45.

aidan24326

No need to do anything rash. But you've attempted to make contact several times and no reply, so the ball is in her court now. It doesn't appear that she's overly interested, so unless she contacts you again soon I'd just forget about her. Plenty more fish and all that.

LegacyUser

'A bit late updating this but just in case any of you wanted to know here it goes:

She contacted me on the Monday telling me she had lost her phone up in dublin which is why the conversation came to such an abrupt ending. She was actualy sick as she previously said but didn't tell me she was having a keyhole surgery done.

We've met up several times since and even enjoyed a chinese and dvd at my house. She is a bit cautious about jumping into a relationship too quickly (as am I) due to an abusive previous boyfriend.

We're taking it quite slow and I must say I'm enjoying it

And to think this wouldnt have happened if I had listened to some of teh advice in here! ha '