Friend's Ex Boyfriend

SexyD4Lady

A friend of mine (we wouldn't be extremely close, but are in the same social circle and we were in the same group when we were at school) went out with a guy for seven months about two and a half years ago. She met this guy at a house party one night, a party I happened to be at, and we were both introduced to this guy. I was attracted to him almost immediately, but himself and my friend ended up walking home together, there was a kiss, meetings after that, and he asked her out. They went out for seven months, not a serious relationship as they were both in their teens and inexperienced.

About a month ago, I ran into this guy in a nightclub. We had a drink and a cigarette together, we chatted and agreed to meet up again some other time. I havebeen seeing him a few times a week since that night, and we are both incredibly attracted to eachother. We never thought that either of us would feel the way that we do, but we're both happy that things are the way they are, that feelings are so strong, etc.

I, however, can't forget that my friend went out with him. She's working for the summer in Cork so she is oblivious to what's going on. Last night, I was out with my friends, who are also friends with this girl, and the guy came along. They saw us share kisses, cuddles, etc.

What are your opinions on the situation? Is he fair game? Can I not go there because of his history with my friend? She's now in a year long relationship with a guy she loves very much.

Sorry so long, guys, I appreciate any advice.

Kinetic^

If you want her pulling your hair out and scrabbing at your eyeballs then go for it!!!!!!

_blank_

Kenny 5 wrote:

If you want her pulling your hair out and scrabbing at your eyeballs then go for it!!!!!!

WTF?

Anyway.

It was two and a half years ago ffs, if she has a problem with it, then she's crazy.

Of course you can go there.

Papergirl 1

Got for it!!! If there was a strong attraction between the two of you back then, and its still there now, then you cant pass this opportunity up! Your friend was only with him a short while anyway, and she's with someone new know. So no worries!

Riesen_Meal

I dont agree with Kenny at all,

2 and a half yrs ago sounds fair game to me!

The only problem is things may be a bit uncomfortable at first with your friend, but if you approach things the right way when talking to her about it there shouldnt be a problem....

Good luck OP

Kinetic^

seansouth wrote:

WTF?

What do ya mean wtf? It's a bad move imo. Ya don't date a friend's ex.

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Kenny 5 wrote:

What do ya mean wtf? It's a bad move imo. Ya don't date a friend's ex.

Says who?

county

fair game tbh,i cant see the problem

LegacyUser

'I went out with a guy (Ben) for a short amount of time a few years ago. In that time I met one of his friends (Jerry), and got on very well with Jerry. When Ben and I broke up Jerry decided to ask Ben if it was ok to go out with me. Ben had no issues and Jerry and I are still together and we're both still friends with Ben.

Maybe the other girl will have problems with it, maybe she won't. If you don't care then go ahead with the guy. If you do care, then talk to her.'

SexyD4Lady

Thanks a lot, guys. Interesting that you all seem to think I should go for it.

Girls, would love to hear your opinions too...

Lola123

I reckon it depends on how it ended with them;
Who broke up with who?
Was she happy that it finished or was she really upset?

If she finished with him or they parted ways on good terms then i think its fair game.
Talk to her about it before she finds out from someone else though.

neuro-praxis

I think everyone is fair game if (a) they're not married and (b) they don't have a kid with their current squeeze.

Life's too short.

PeakOutput

hes defo fair game and it would be pretty petty if she gets in a pisser about it unless of course he dumped her and she never got over it. if you knew that was the case and still got with him that would be pretty bad but assuming its not and your comfortable with sloppy seconds go for it

PeakOutput

neuro-praxis wrote:

I think everyone is fair game if (a) they're not married and (b) they don't have a kid with their current squeeze.

Life's too short.

in general i agree with you after all if they are with someone and you are not you have no loyalty to who they are with so who cares if you score them BUT in practice i could never be with someone i knew had a boyfriend

Mr. Incognito

Jesus Christ why are women so clueless somethimes.

Why don't you simply ring your friend and explain the situation and ask her does she mind.

I'm sure she won't and if she does you can see why and THEN decide whether he's fair game.

Sheesh.

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PeakOutput wrote:

in general i agree with you after all if they are with someone and you are not you have no loyalty to who they are with so who cares if you score them BUT in practice i could never be with someone i knew had a boyfriend

No one is attached though.

The OP and the boyf were previously single.

The BF went out with the OPs mate a few years ago.

missmatty

Yes I would ring her yourself before it gets back to her from your mates. It's only a polite formality, I'm sure she won't mind and will wish you well. It's just nicer if you personally check if she's ok with it.

Good luck with the new man

smcelhinney

Go fer it..

I sincerely hope you post back in two years time to say that you're getting engaged or something to this guy, show all these begrudgers what for..

Why deny yourself a little bit of happiness in this short life for any reason?

rubyred

Of course you can go out with a friend's ex -as long as the friend is over him/her. I'm in a group of friend where everyone has dated everyone since they were in their early teens (now in mid to late 20s). On any given night in the pub I could be sitting at a table with my bf, and at least three or four of his exs. It's not a problem once I know that the breakups were fairly amicable and the exs in question are in another relationship.

Reku

The only way I could see there being a problem with going out with him is if there is some risidual feelings between them, after 2+ years I doubt she still has feelings for him, so that only leaves against. As long as it wasn't some awful break-up where he did/said terrible things, such that she still hates him, I don't see why you shouldn't date him. If she's single at the moment there might be a brief flare of jealousy but if she's in any way a decent friend she won't vent it on you.

LegacyUser

You don't want her finding out from other people so just give her a call and have a chat about it. Personally, I think if she has a problem with it after all this time then she is being a tad unreasonable. Go for it with him though, you can't pass up opportunities like this!

Zebra3

Go for it.

If your "friend" doesn't like it, tough.

misswex

I think you should ring your friend before your other friends go back and tell her. She would probably be more angry at the fact you're with him behind her back than anything so just ring your friend and explain the situation. You say she is an happy relationship so I doubt she will have any problems with it but do tell her as soon as, nothing worse than gossipers telling her. Wish you luck with the guy!!

Maple

ring your friend. she might feel an immediate niggle but if she's happy in her new relationship and if it was a fairly juvenile thing that they had then I doubt that she'll have any serious issues with it.

ring her tho before any gossiping starts. its not that you have to ask her permission but situations like this can get awkward if you're not upfront and honest straight away.

tbh

^^^^^

what the last two said. Sort it with your mate before your other mates tell her, if you are that bothered what she thinks. Personally, I wouldn't be, and apologising for something means people will think you have something to apologise for, if you get me. This isn't a rehearsal, if you like him, go for it.

SLOOPY

QUOTE]She's now in a year long relationship with a guy she loves very much.[/QUOTE]

Do you think that she rang her ex and asked him (after a year and a half) if he minded her being with someone else?

Did she hell.

It's got nothing to do with her.

The only two people involved in this are YOU and HIM.It's got nothing to do with anyone else.It's none of their business and it definitely has b-ugger all to do with his ex.

LegacyUser

'I'd say it to her, it's only polite really and if you don't then it might be the kind of thing someone could use against you... gossip and all that...'

Storm_rages

ask her.. then go for it...

Depends how they broke up?
So do tell?

redfacedbear

I wouldn't 'ask' her. Inform her, out of politeness, but her relationship was a long time ago, not very long term, a teenage relationship and she is going out with somebody else now. She shouldn't have a problem with you seeing him.

SexyD4Lady

Boredom, and they felt they'd be better of just as friends... you know, one of those relationships. Ended on good terms. Still talk occasionally. THey know some of the same people.

PeakOutput

seansouth wrote:

No one is attached though.

The OP and the boyf were previously single.

The BF went out with the OPs mate a few years ago.

ye i know i was responding to what i quoted

SexyD4Lady

Hey guys,

took your advice and called my friend. She said that she was completely fine with myself and this guy. She wished me luck, said she missed me, and asked me to meet her for coffee when she gets back.

Himself asked the "be my girlfriend" question last night. Naturally, I said yes, so I'm a very happy camper now!

Thanks Boardsters.

R

Stabshauptmann

Congrats.

That their break up was amicable was good, I think thats usually the deciding factor on whats fair game.

Talliesin

This would be a bad idea if you knew the break-up was very nasty because he was a complete psycho.

Otherwise, why the hell not?

Stabshauptmann

Well, if I valued someones friendship I wouldnt get involved with someone who they cant be around/cant be around them without being nasty.

Also, you may have shared many personal things with a person which you wouldnt feel comfortable with other people knowing about. If you lost trust in the person, I doubt you'd want them as part of your social circle. Constantly afraid of what they might say.

LegacyUser

Word of warning...

I (and yes it was a drunken thing) kissed a guy my friend had previously been seeing casually. Couple of months on we're still not speaking.
While I'm over the pettiness of the whole thing, it has made things awkward for our extended circle.

Careful how you tread!

LegacyUser

Sorry you can ignore my post. I see you've cleared the air with your friend. Now go fun with your new boy guilt free

the_syco

seansouth wrote:

WTF?

Anyway.

It was two and a half years ago ffs, if she has a problem with it, then she's crazy.

Of course you can go there.

2nded, unless a)she's still in love with him, or b)he had a tendancy to beat her with an iron bar.

I-like-eggs,mmm

Hey there... that's a tricky one. If your friend has no feelings for him whatsoever.. then maybe.

However, i'd probably gouge your eyes out if you were my friend and went near any of my exes.... come on like, it's bad form and bad manners. Sloppy seconds anyone?!! Jeez, have some god dam standards woman!!:mad:

Plenty 'o hot irish lads out there, really, you'll get over him... Been in that position myself. Just gotta bite your tongue, keep it in your mouth and keep your paws to yourself. Find another hottie and you'll forget him...

*** Saw your post there- all i can say is lucky you! And good luck

_Kaiser_

I've only read the OP and the first few replies, so this may have been said..

I say go for it OP, because:
- You're not THAT close to her anyway
- It's been over between them for 2 and a half years
- It wasn't that serious between them anyway
- She's in another relationship now for a year
- You and him had (and still do apparently) a very strong attraction between ye

So to be honest, if she - or other people - don't like it.. tough! What matters here is what you and him want. Don't be worrying about anyone else and enjoy yourselves

onemanband

I think one of the reasons you started this thread was in the hope that people would tell you to go ahead and thus you would not feel guilty. You're on your 3rd page of positive replies.

Get in there girl!!

SexyD4Lady

A few days on, guys...

I have never been some happy with somebody, even in long term relationships.

EEK!

~nop~

Tell her in advance. Your friends were probably shocked because you hadn't told them. No one will seriously blame you if they feel like a confidant and if you seem more worried than them about the situation. Also tell them how much you like him.

Maple

SexyD4Lady wrote:

A few days on, guys...

I have never been some happy with somebody, even in long term relationships.

EEK!

congrats!

togster

Defo no way. If you want to risk messing up your friendship then do it. You need to decide what you want. Your friend might say its alright but it might come back to haunt you.

PeakOutput

togster wrote:

Defo no way. If you want to risk messing up your friendship then do it. You need to decide what you want. Your friend might say its alright but it might come back to haunt you.

its funny people saying its an absolute no no even after it has worked out so well

togster

PeakOutput wrote:

its funny people saying its an absolute no no even after it has worked out so well

Has it?? Its been a day...

Sherifu

tbh, if your friend has a problem i wouldnt care about it.
be happy.

PeakOutput

togster wrote:

Has it?? Its been a day...

her friend has said its cool after that it dosnt matter how the new relationship turns out the friendship is solid

togster

PeakOutput wrote:

her friend has said its cool after that it dosnt matter how the new relationship turns out the friendship is solid

Thats your opinion.:rolleyes: Who knows what the future holds. The OP asked for advice so i gave her my opinion based on past experiences. My friend too said it was ok but things changed. Best of luck OP.