Clitoral stimulation.

LegacyUser

I'm a 24 year old woman who has never had an orgasm. I have never come close through sex, but I have come close through masturbation. The thing is, although I can feel clitoral stimualtion starting to bring me to orgasm, I don't actually like the stimulation itself. It's uncomfortable enough that I don't want to do it for long, and give up before orgasm occurs. Is this normal?

kryogen

its uncomfortable??? is the area moist enough? its pretty important that the clit is very moist otherwise it can be painful i believe, maybe you should try mixing it around though? stimulate the clit, then the inner wall, just relax!!

maybe you are trying to hard you know!! im sure if you relax and let everything flow naturally you will reach orgasm! find a guy or a girl who is willing to teach you first hand even!! its sounds like a psychological issue to me to be honest. RELAX!! dont stress over it and it will happen

Jesus Wept

Have you had a bad experience in the past? Abuse? Parents that told you that masterbation was the devils work... etc

Caliden

Try watching an adult movie while your masturbating, nothing wrong with it contrary to what the church tell you

LegacyUser

No I haven't been abused nor do I worry about the christian viewpoint. It just feels physically a bit uncomfortable.

LegacyUser

it could be that you just don't respond to direct stimulation?
You're never gonna orgasm if its uncomfortable.

I don't actually like the stimulation itself. It's uncomfortable enough that I don't want to do it for long, and give up before orgasm occurs. Is this normal?

Personally i find direct touching of my clit is very uncomfortable, as its too intense and almost painful. Try a finger just above and below the clit, but not directly on the clit itself , usually does it for me and relax...

Dudess

Is this discomfort caused by the build-up of tension you experience? Because that is actually relieved by climax.

Wibbs

I would suspect it's exactly what dudess has written. Quite common. The strength of the feelings can stop some women going all the way to the end. Some women have their first orgasm with someone else often precisely because they don't stop.

yellowellie

Sounds like it's not wet enough and you may be applying too much pressure or too quick.

G&T

Try doing it in the bath/shower.

spurious

Finding direct clitoral stimulation uncomfortable to the point of painful is not unusual. You have to allow yourself to orgasm and if you are distracted by discomfort, that's unlikely to happen.

How does oral feel? It's usually a less intense (but more targetted) pressure and much more effective than intercourse in leading to orgasm.

Dudess

G&T wrote:

Try doing it in the bath/shower.

I don't know if that's advisable, as the warm water might dry out the area/wash away natural lubricant.

yellowellie wrote:

you may be applying too much pressure or too quick

Yep, OP be gentle on yourself and take it slowly. Also, give yourself "breaks".

Not reaching climax and just leaving yourself "hanging" can cause awful discomfort too.

Seraphina

i also find direct clitoral stimulation too much sometimes, its uncomfortable and often results in involuntary twitching and jerking of leg muscles. its very bizarre.

try stimulating yourself indirectly, perhaps through clothes or by applying gentle pressure to the labia just above the clit.

you cant do much other than keep practising with yourself, when you know what you like, you can tell others

Marksie

Dudess wrote:

Is this discomfort caused by the build-up of tension you experience? Because that is actually relieved by climax.

Thats an intersting one and i will get back to that later.

Op:
Does your clitoris get sore?
If it does, use natural lubrication or a good quality senusal lubricant, to keep the area moist. If it dries, then it can get sore

Avoid direct stimulation of the clitoris itself, move around the hood, and also dont forget the vulval lips and the opening, move back

Dont rush: Whats the rush? fast and hard will cause soreness if you are not careful. take time to really pamper the whole area. Celebrate... move away and back away and back, juts enjoying the sesnations and not worrying about the climax.

Speed strength and pressure. vary these til you get one that seems right and build on it. rule of thumb, extremely light an quick, then maybe slower and more pressure, then varying away from the area when it gets too much. vary it and play, also it varies at different times in teh same lovemaking session
I would start with a very ligt stroke almost like a hummingbird, V light and rapid, imagine your finger vibrating. Also i may even just put the finger on or close to the clitrois and not move at all, bring my awarness to it, which send energy to the area.

Now back to dudesses excellent point: Tension:You are straining OP: you are really desperate to get to this point and as such its eluding you and you are straining more
Take a step back, make the journey important, not the endpoint.
there are a couple of things you could try.

Put your mind in neutral: done think Am i going to come, will I etc. concentrate on the pleasure.
If you feel youuself building, keep the mind in neutral, dont rush.

Breathing and tenson: When we approach orgasm we breath more shallowly and we begin to contract muscles, in effect we tense up.

Rather than doing this, breath really deeply through your mouth, and relax the whole body, when you feel this happening.

This does diffuse the sensations somwhat and it takes a little longer to reach an orgasm. BUT you will be concetrating on your feelings, movement and sensation. It does build all that lovely sexual energy though and really will begin the process of you making the breakthrough.

Sound: Dont hold back, if you want to make nosies do, in holding back you will be holding back the energy to an extent.

Movement: again, let yourself move how you want. keep it realxed but allow your body to dictate whats happening, not your mind (in terms of the movement aspect).

Dudess

Seraphina wrote:

try stimulating yourself indirectly, perhaps through clothes

Good idea.

LegacyUser

I have tried using copious amounts of lubricant but it doesn't make a difference. I have tried spending a very long time on it and it did help, but my arm gets tired after a while and I don't have a boyfriend right now.

Wibbs

It will happen with time OP. Just give yourself a break and don't try to worry as much about it. When you finally get there and have that orgasm, it'll get easier and easier to reach as you learn about the sensations of your own body. You'll be surprised how quickly.

Then all you have to do is teach the next man in your life how to do it for you. That's the real problem. You'll be back here at that point.:D

Talliesin

Clit kit's and rabbit's take longer to get tired than your arm.

445279.ie

unsatisfied82 wrote:

I have tried using copious amounts of lubricant but it doesn't make a difference. I have tried spending a very long time on it and it did help, but my arm gets tired after a while and I don't have a boyfriend right now.

Go to Ann Summers and get a Rampant Rabbit. Just use the "ear" bit

Miss Fluff

rebel72 wrote:

Go to Ann Summers and get a Rampant Rabbit. Just use the "ear" bit

Do NOT get a rampant rabbit, if you think your arms are sore now, spend a while using the RR and your arm will go numb. Get a clit kit and if doing without, just concentrate on the area either side of your clitoris as opposed to touching it directly. And relax, if you are obsessing over having an orgasm it won't happen for you.

Marksie

Most of the movement is in the wrist and fingers OP. Use pillows to support your arm if need be.

Try to bring your awareness to your fingers as well and concentate on the sensations not the end point

jamie_jj69

OP, anytime u need a helping hand ( so to speak ) , PM me... we can get through this together

Nevyn

jamie_jj69 boards.ie is not an adult dating or hooking up site.
That post is off topic and off topic and unhelpful posting will get you banned from this forum.

Thaedydal

ladylorenzo

I have to say I was in the same boat as the OP until a few years ago and TBH, the best thing I ever did was buy myself a RR. The other posters are right though when they say not to stimulate the clitoris directly. Use the ears(or get a 'clit kit' and do the same thing) and just keep it on a low setting, stimulating the areas around the clit. If its not working, move up a setting.

The key is to be relaxed. Make sure you're on your own, not going to be disturbed and put on some chilled / sexy music. You'll be orgasming for Ireland before you know it!!

Since learning how to come with a vibrator, i now find it much easier to come with my BF and even doing it myself without the RR. Just give it time and you'll discover your own technique. Good luck , LL