?

LegacyUser

ill make it brief.

ive known this guy for a about a month
we met online and we like each other a lot
problem: he lives in eng and i live here
most people think it wont work and i could find someone here
do i take their advice or give it a shot?
anyone any experiences of this themselves?

LegacyUser

Give it a shot, if you have not attachments here you should go for it.

nothing to lose.

much to gain.


hope you get on well

PeakOutput

unless he is moving to ireland fr u find someone else imo

anonymous69

I say give it a shot. My friends gf lives in england, and he lives here, and they've been together 3 years. they fly over and back every weekend or every other weekend on cheap ryanair tickets. and spend the whole weekend together. give it a shot!

challengemaster

there's loads of people on boards who have/had relationships much further than that. Ruu afaik, met his wife online. they now live together i the US. there's people on boards in relationships with people 40,000km away from them. England isnt so far... My best friend has been in a relationship with a girl he met online for one year now. She's in the US, he's over here.(he has gone over a few times).. Its not impossible.. It just means its a little bit more effort is all. If you're willing to give it and know they're worth it... then whats stopping you?

Its not the biggest dist. ever - unlike some you can actually visit eachother w/o the need for a 10 hour plane journey.. go for it

LegacyUser

Dont do it. Im in one for 3 years, its a horrible situation to deal with especially when an arguement arrises. When events happen, you have to plan alot in advance. If/when the prospect of a seperation arrises, its a long trip for one of you to take to be let down or to let someone down. Its honestly the hardest thing i've had to do in my life.

The fact that i love my gf and she loves me makes it harder for us to break up, but it clearly isnt working. We are in limbo, and its hard to call it, and its even harder to vent anger at each other as capital letters over msn just doesnt get the point across.

The good thing about inet dating is that you know the personal (generally) before you meet them. Thats a big plus, but other than that, its very hard to keep going.

hanni1234

Stop meeting people online

MrBaseball

I don't think I'd bother if I were you, to be honest. Sure there's always success stories, but I think in the vast majority of cases these things don't really work out.

I was in a relationship that became long distance and I noticed some things. Before that, I would have thought it would be relatively easy to mantain a long distace relationship, but to be honest, it's really not. Sure it's easy to drift along and not break up, but you might find yourself feeling constrained, feeling like you have the responsibilities and pressures of a relationship, but not some of the nicest benefits, ie, physical proximity and intimacy. When opportunities arise, you might not have the same respect for this relationship as you would for a regular one. It can be quite frustrating. Being physically close to the other person really helps keep the relationship feeling like it's progressing, when distance is introducted, it feels like the brakes have been put on and you're not really getting anywhere. You can't really get a real sense of a person from just chatting online or on the phone. It's much easier to project a good image over these mediums. You won't really witness things like moodiness, nagging and that sort of thing, things which only really manifest themselves after you've been in very regular physical contact for a good while.

Look, I hate to be a downer here, since this is a message board and there are bound to be a lot of "hey, it worked for me!!" type responses, but if you want my advice, save yourself the hassle and find someone closer to home. Long distance relationships do not satisfy all the things that people desire from relationships, it's that simple. If you've never actually met this person in real life you REALLY haven't got much of an idea about them at all.Personality quirks, moodiness, nagging, these type of things just don't really manifest themselves in long distance situations. People are usually on their best behavior.

Anyway, that said, that's just my current thinking on the subject. If you really want to give it a shot, then sure, why not try! But just know that such things are not as simple as they may seem at first.

Beau*

hanni1234 wrote:

Stop meeting people online

Stop giving such idiotic answers.

There's nothing 'wrong' with meeting people online, and there have been as challengemaster explained, successful relationships in the instance where people met online.

Anyway, I say meet up with him and see how things go first, if everythings hunky dory as they say, go ahead nothing's stopping you, and the distance isn't too bad.

Be aware however not everyones personality percieved online reflects there true personality in reality, so you could end up being dissapointed.

But hey, may as well go for it.

challengemaster

Beau* wrote:

But hey, may as well go for it.

exactly, if you dont try - you'll never no what could have happened.. and spend a long long time wondering 'what if'

mcauley

hanni1234 wrote:

Stop meeting people online

Hagar

Have you met the guy in real life yet?

There is a risk to meeting up with people who you only know from chat rooms or whatever.

I don't think it's very wise to consider going to England to meet up with someone that you only "know" for a month on the internet. Think very carefully before acting.

May I ask how old you are?

Beau*

In relation to Hagar's post, the way I see it is:

If you met in a chatroom, meet up with him with a friend or whatever since it will be dangerous and chatrooms are notorious for pervs and the like, especially if it was a Yahoo chatroom..heh.

If you met him online through a friend or something, most likely it'l be fine and you can go alone.

I say get him to come over here to Ireland.

jellie

Long distance relationships are extremely hard - and thats with people you have met. with people you havent met? personally i wouldnt start it, but only you can decide

biko

Never worked for me, but works for some friends.
At least you gave it a shot eh?

Caliden

I'd stick with it but at the same time try and find someone closer to home. You've only known each other a month so it seems a bit strange to put all your eggs in one basket and try to force it to work with this guy.

LegacyUser

yeah i have met guys here too but strangely enough i dont feel the same about them as i do about him...
he's comin here to visit me

Marksie

Mcauley ana Hanni 1234 : Please take time to read the charter as regards off topic and unhelpful posting

Ruu_Old

I would try and get him to know a bit better but that would be just me if I was in your shoes. Met my wife online a few years ago and over 3 years married now but it was tough at times. We were one the lucky ones. Be careful whatever happens. Have you chatted over the phone or just chatroom, email, etc? Send me a PM (you'll have to register) if you want any other advice you don't want to talk about here, good luck.

Crumble Froo

ill echo a few things other people said here, i think..


if you've only known him a month, id definitely give it more time until you commit certainly to it. im currently MSNing my b/f from nz... we were friends for about 6/7months before we committed to anything at all, and it'll give you more time to chat and get to know each other better and develop your friendship and that.

as far as the distance goes.. haha, i envy you! challengemaster mentioned 10hour flights.. my next one is over 25hrs, AIR TIME,ive got 2 or 3 stopovers too, including 12hours in australia before i get there... it's cheaper, it's more doable from england. a lot of the hurdles ive faced will be lesser issues for you, which should hopefully make the relationship easier if you decide to go for it.

id definitely give it more time before you decide to meet up, be 150% sure that this is a safe person, someone you trust implicitly, and even then take every precaution you can when it comes to meeting him (heh, lil hypocritical coming from me, but anywho).

but at the end of the day, it's your life,your decision. make sure youre making the decision for yourself, for what you want. how would you feel if you couldnt contact him for a week? how crazy are you about this guy? online longdistance relationships are hard. very very hard. im a member of another message board community, and i can see there a good few relationships. we have engagements, marriages...and a few breakups where the distance was too much, or they just didnt work for various other reasons. in 166 days, im possibly emigrating (waiting for this visa is KILLING me!), closing the gap, like Ruu.

essentially, more than your average relationship, online ones tend to take more effort, more willpower, you need to be more certain, make more sacrifices and be more flexible than your average relationship. you'll often find that your first kiss etc will be infinitely more special, and you really do appreciate each other more, given teh amount of time you've had to spend away from each other.

sorry for the waffle, like i said, the topic's close to my heart too

sweet-rasmus

ahhh i'm glad he's coming to visit you. i admit, i would have discouraged you at first, but this is wonderful news! i know someone living here in ireland (she is irish herself, and in her 50s) but had lived in england for 10 years or so. she told me recently that she has never fallen love with an irish man and fear that only certain english men are for her. and i believe what she says is true

4Xcut

quickques wrote:

ill make it brief.

ive known this guy for a about a month
we met online and we like each other a lot
problem: he lives in eng and i live here
most people think it wont work and i could find someone here
do i take their advice or give it a shot?
anyone any experiences of this themselves?

Do not make the investment. Put the month down to sunk costs and cut your losses. You're not in deep at all so it should only bum you out for a little bit but if you get involved it'll suck when the distance screws things up and more than likely it will. I'm not saying distance can't work but you need an already stable relationship for it to work and even then there's some people not suited to it at all and unfortunatly you might not know if you are till it fails

Crumble Froo

ok, normally, i'd like to counter that post by saying to just give it more time with him... get to know him more etc... a month... no time at all so far as getting to know someone intimately goes. but if he's comign over, i guess there's nothing anyone here in PI can say to make you rethink.