Lada's

Capt'n Midnight · 15-07-2007 1:26pm #1

Ancient history.

In order to boost flagging sales, each Lada was bundled with a free horse. Later, each horse was bundled with a free Lada.

What must you always have inside your Lada?
A roll of toilet paper

What do you call a classic Skoda?
A Lada.

What do you call a Lada at the top of a hill?
A miracle.

What do you call several Ladas at the top of a hill?
A car factory.

There is a big competition at my local pub
the first prize is a Lada
the second prize is two Ladas.

What's the difference between a Lada and tickets for an Oasis concert?
Oasis tickets go fast!

What do you call a Skoda full of food?
A Lada.

What do you call a Lada in the winter?
A freezer.

What do you call a Lada with a sunroof?
A garbage can.

What do you call a convertible Lada?
A Skip!

What do you call a Lada with no doors or windows?
A climbing frame!

How many people in a Lada?
Four. One to hold the wheel, three to get out and push.

How do you overtake a Lada?
Walk

What is the difference between a Lada and the flu?
You can get rid of the flu.

What is a Lada in 6 meters length?
A Chevrolett.

How many people does it take to build a Lada?
Four. Two to fold and two to paste.

How do you reduce the wait for delivery of your new Lada ?
Bring back political crime in Russia

How do you tell if your Lada is made by convicts or ordinary workers?
The car assembled by convicts has nothing missing.

How else can you tell if your Lada was built by convicts?
Once it leaves the factory it runs and runs and runs ...

How do two Lada drivers recognise each other?
It's easy... they already met at the garage this morning.

How do you know that your Lada has been burglarized?
Nothing is missing.

What do you call a Lada driver who says he has a speeding ticket?
A liar.

How can you tell a man driving a Lada?
He wears dark sunglasses.

How can you tell a Lada driver from the other people wearing dark sunglasses?
He doesn't have a white cane.

What's the difference between a Jehovah's Witness and a Lada?
You can shut the door on a Jehovah's Witness.

Why are Lada drivers like corned beef?
They both come in tin cans

What is the similarity between a Lada and a bathtub?
You cannot step out of either one in a public place.

What's the difference between a Lada and a sheep?
It's less embarrassing being caught getting out the back of a sheep.

Whats the difference between a Lada and a tampon?
The tampon comes with its own tow rope.

I had to part with my Lada as it was costing too much,
I was only doing 10 miles to every pair of runners.

How do you double the value of a Lada?
Fill the tank.

What is the maximum acceleration of a Lada?
9.8 m/s²

Why is there one extra pedal on a Lada?
To inflate the airbag.

What do you call the shock absorbers on a Lada?
Passengers.

What happens if you apply rust remover to a Lada ?
It disappears.

Don't forget the Lada emergency get-you-home kit!
Walking boots & a map.

What occupies the last 6 pages of the Lada User's Manual?
The bus and train timetables.

What does the trip counter in the Lada say when it is passing 20,000 miles?
Game over!

What do you call a rust-free Lada?
A miracle.

What's the definition of an optimist?
The owner of a Lada with an alarm system.
The owner of a Lada with a radar detector.
The owner of a Lada with a trailer hitch.

Want to buy the new 16 valve Lada?
4 in the engine, 12 in the radio.

How do you recognise a Lada Sport?
When the driver is wearing running shoes.

What do you call a Lada with twin exhaust pipes?
A wheelbarrow.

What do you call a Lada with automatic windows?
A toll booth.

Why do Ladas have a rear wash wipe ?
To remove the flies that crash into them.

Why do Ladas have heated rear windows?
To keep your hands warm whilst pushing them.

Why do Ladas need two spare wheels ?
So you can cycle home.

A guy goes into his local garage and asks "Do you have a windscreen wiper for my Lada???"
"Sounds like a fair swap" replied the man in the garage.

mad m · 15-07-2007 1:42pm

A little boy was walking down a lane,when a man in a car pulled up along side of him. The driver offered the little boy some sweets!! The boy looked at the driver and said "Dad,no matter how many sweets you offer me, I ain't getting into your Lada"...

Ba doom bish!