Undecided

LegacyUser

Ok I've met a new guy. He treats me very well which is a welcome change from a lot of other guys I've been with. It's just anyone that knows him seems to think he is a complete scumbag. Now I know that he has done things in the past, like he's been into his drugs, he still dabbles but I wouldn't hold that against him and he is open and honest about it. I think he used a deal a couple of years ago. He seems to have cleaned up his act since, but he has said that he is going to be up in court soon, for something that wasn't necessarily his fault, (I won't go into it). I want to know should I hold all this against him if he genuinely seems like a nice chap, who likes me. Should I give him the benefit of the doubt or hold his past against him and listen to what other people are saying about him. Even though he has been open and honest about everything. Sorry this post is a bit all over the place but so am I!!!!!

katie_00

Should I give him the benefit of the doubt or hold his past against him and listen to what other people are saying about him

no you shouldn't take as fact what people are saying about him but you would be foolish not to take it into consideration.

nor should you hold his past against him but if this is the case:

he's been into his drugs, he still dabbles

then its not the past. He hasn't really changed his ways
actions speak louder than words.
better off without him tbh.

he is going to be up in court soon, for something that wasn't necessarily his fault

sounds like a cop out to me.

MrBaseball

If you go out with him, it is an utterly moronic move and you will regret it. This guy does not sound like a good person in any way. Still "dabbles" in drugs, used to deal them, going to court for something that "wasn't necessarily his fault", come on, is that the best you think you can do? Is that all you're worth?

Also, don't read too much into how well he treats you at the start. That can easily change once he feels like you're into him. There are many good guys out there who will treat a woman well and don't have such glaring flaws. Seriously, why would you want to introduce this sort of hassle into your life?

LegacyUser

You probably should ignore advice from anyone who has found themselves capable of judging this persons suitability based solely on the mere mention of "drugs" without a single drug even being named.

Bear in mind the testimony of anyone who actually knows this person, but people all have their own biases and worse again almost always, consciously or otherwise, their own agendas. Make sure any ultimate decision you make is a considered one, and that it's entirely your own. You're the one who's going to have to live with it.

Seraphina

i know people who have done all of the above, and who are still much better people than those who have never even gotten a parking ticket.

trust your instincts. if he treats you well, you are happy, and you dont get involved in that kind of stuff with him, whats the problem?

shapez

Seraphina wrote:

trust your instincts. if he treats you well, you are happy, and you dont get involved in that kind of stuff with him, whats the problem?

Problem is unfortunately though, if he is still involved... she will be too.

Hence, "If you lie down with the dog, you get up with the fleas!!"

Seraphina

how exactly? drug dealing isn't a jumping parasite. it cant transfer itself from one person to another by itself. you dont get out of bed after sleeping with a drug dealer and automatically become one.

its quite possible for her to stay completely uninvolved if she so chooses.

LegacyUser

He doesn't ever deal anymore that was years ago. When I say he dabbles I mean he smokes weed the odd time, and believe me I am no saint when it comes to dabbling but I have stopped all of that myself. I am thinking I will give it a go and see what happens, for now he is being very good to me, seems genuine, and is as I said open and honest about everything.

um7y1h83ge06nx

Just speaking about Seraphina's post, there can be repercussions for hanging out with a drug dealer.

Remember the tradesman that was working in a house in Dublin about a year ago when hitmen came to kill the house's owner, a drug dealer?

Not trying to alarm the OP or be sensationalist, but people should be aware of possible consequences of associating with criminals.

Anyway OP, I would suggest doing a little digging into this guys background over the next while. He may be changing his ways, or he may not.

Maple

give it a go, all this bad behavior may be in his past. But be wary.

BaZmO*

Aryanna Itchy Screwdriver wrote:

Remember the tradesman that was working in a house in Dublin about a year ago when hitmen came to kill the house's owner, a drug dealer?

I'm sorry but that's complete and utter bollix.

Using that incidence is ridiculous, the young man that was shot was just an innocent bystander who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

MojoMaker

As unlikely as it may be, the OP could be that innocent bystander one day and get a right good kicking for merely associating with this chap. By no means the defining factor, but a factor nonetheless.

biko

Was it the danger element of him that attracted you in the first place? And now you're hoping he'll clean up?
What's his circle of friends like? Even if he does clean up he is likely to fall back into crime if he still hangs out with bad people. He is also more likely to get beat up or worse.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years, if you start going out with him?

BaZmO*

MojoMaker wrote:

As unlikely as it may be, the OP could be that innocent bystander one day and get a right good kicking for merely associating with this chap. By no means the defining factor, but a factor nonetheless.

Well then if that's the case we all might as give up now and lock ourselves in our houses.

Someone mentions drugs and then all of a sudden she's going out with Tony Montana!! Nothing like a nice bit of over-reactionary scare tactics eh?

um7y1h83ge06nx

Each to their own I guess.

I never visited a house in Castletroy near UL where I knew one or two staying, because the house was under constant surveillance from Drugs Unit. One guy there was a supplier to students. Everyone in the house got directly involved as their cars would be stopped and searched etc. just from their association with certain people

My Aunt, living out the other side of the city in Raheen, banned my cousin (her son) from letting one of his friends visit their place when she noticed an unmarked outside the house whenever he was around. She asked some cops she knew and found out his friend had strong criminal ties.

Not, I'm honestly NOT saying that this is the case with the OP's BF, but warning people not to be naive enough to think that there isn't some consequences to associating yourself with known criminals. Even if the consequence is only as small as being stopped by cops and your car searched on occasions, or a car watching who comes and goes from your house.

Cionn

I don't see the big deal most people will have dabbled in drugs. I have never bought them but have dabbled that means that anyone that gave me them would be considered a dealer. Let the past be the past and judge him how he treats you. You know his history and he knows that you know so just go for it. I think the best thing going for you it that you like him trust your instinct its a personal thing.

C

PeakOutput

people are going off on a massive tangent........"known criminals", "drug squad" "hitmen"

the fact of the matter is he smokes some hash..........he used to deal(probably to his mates but lets assume it was slightly bigger than that) HE DOSNT DO IT ANYMORE

if we knew what he was being charged with it would help, has it even anything to do with drugs?

maybe he is the crime lord people here are making him out to be but from the op's post it sounds like he was like alot of other teenagers who did some silly ****

PeakOutput

biko wrote:

Was it the danger element of him that attracted you in the first place?

danger element????? are you for real? what is the danger element here?

if she is young enough to impressed with a "danger element" she is young enough to have the opinion that there is no danger with casual drug use.