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Bad joke competition.....

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18-07-2007 9:35pm

#1

Colonel Sanders

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I'll start the ball rolling:

What did the horse say to the jockey with no legs?
How ya getting on!

Anyone do better (worse?)?

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#2 18-07-2007 9:36pm
aidan_walsh

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Yore Ma.

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#3 18-07-2007 9:41pm
Colonel Sanders

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aidan_walsh wrote:

Yore Ma.

now that that unpleasantness (and entirely predictable response) is behind us lets move on

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#4 18-07-2007 9:42pm
Gran Hermano

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Yore Gran

(Just to prove Boards ain't ageist)

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#5 18-07-2007 9:50pm
Tha Gopher

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Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella?

For drizzle

Yep, the blue coat, that one there.......

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#6 18-07-2007 9:53pm
bronte

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Did you hear about the wooden car, with wooden tyres, a wooden engine and a wooden steering wheel???

It wooden work

(Exits quickly)

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#7 18-07-2007 9:53pm
Colonel Sanders

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bronte wrote:

Did you hear about the wooden car, with wooden tyres, a wooden engine and a wooden steering wheel???

It wooden work

(Exits quickly)

quality!!

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#8 18-07-2007 9:55pm
The Bollox

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bronte wrote:

Did you hear about the wooden car, with wooden tyres, a wooden engine and a wooden steering wheel???

It wooden work

(Exits quickly)

LOL!

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#9 18-07-2007 9:55pm
bronte

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Thank you!

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#10 18-07-2007 10:00pm
The Bollox

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I read this on Boards a while back, so I don't take the credit, but here goes:

did you hear about the man who walked into a bar?

he's an alcoholic and it's ruining his family

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#11 18-07-2007 10:02pm
little miss

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I once told this joke on tv when I was seven and thought it was hilarious...

Why did the chicken cross the road, and the bounce right back?

Because it had a piece of chewing gum stuck to its foot.

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#12 18-07-2007 10:03pm
Capt'n Midnight

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Exhibit A
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=97460&page=3

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#13 18-07-2007 10:12pm
Kazooie

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The Bollox wrote:

I read this on Boards a while back, so I don't take the credit, but here goes:

did you hear about the man who walked into a bar?

Brilliant I lovethose German jokes.
Girl in work said this one recently: Whats Mr T's favourite yogourt?
*Said really fast - petit folous.

Probably heard it before but: What will they call Postman Pat when he retires?

Pat

he's an alcoholic and it's ruining his family

Brilliant I love those German jokes.
Girl in work said this one recently: Whats Mr T's favourite yogourt?
*Said really fast - petit folous.
I was to say the least, embarresed for her.

Probably heard it before but: What will they call Postman Pat when he retires?

Pat

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#14 18-07-2007 10:16pm
Colonel Sanders

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what do you call a bear with no ears?
B

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#15 18-07-2007 10:17pm
Dudess

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My fave is a golden oldie: Why was 6 afraid of 7? Cos 7 8 9.

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#16 18-07-2007 10:19pm
RefulgentGnomon

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Shouldn't this be in Humour.

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#17 18-07-2007 10:19pm
Healio

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McDonalds have introduced a new burger called the flamin McMuslim but it is only available at the Glasgow drive thru !

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#18 18-07-2007 10:22pm
Anto McC

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Whats black and white and goes boo?
A cow with no lips.

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk

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#19 18-07-2007 10:30pm
Piste

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Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
Gross incompetence and stealing.

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#20 18-07-2007 10:35pm
RefulgentGnomon

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My dog Minton ate a shuttlecock. Bad Minton.

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#21 18-07-2007 10:37pm
The Bollox

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what do astronauts and cavemen have in common?

nothing.

oh I hear my taxi *runs*

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#22 18-07-2007 10:38pm
Colonel Sanders

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how many communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2. one to screw in the lihjtbulb, the other to hand out leaflets

how many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2, the hard parts getting them into a lightbulb

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#23 18-07-2007 10:38pm
Karoma

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Moved from AH (No need to thank me.)

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#24 18-07-2007 10:38pm
MooseJam

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why did the fly fly , cause the spider spied her

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#25 18-07-2007 10:39pm
biko

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Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in hospital.

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

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#26 18-07-2007 10:39pm
_blank_

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Where do cows go on holidays?

Moo York

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#27 18-07-2007 10:42pm
SuperSean11

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Who invented camping?

Henry the 10th:D

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#28 18-07-2007 10:43pm
Teamhar

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A priest, a postman, a salesman, an Englishman, an Irishman, a frog, a one-man-band, a pair of conjoined twins and a palm tree all walk into a bar...

Barman says...

"Is this some kind of joke?"

Hey, you said you wanted bad ones!

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#29 18-07-2007 10:47pm
Photi

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It's a dark and foggy night and a man is walking down a street.

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP ... behind him.

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him

faster...

faster...

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping

clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...

on his heels the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything,
but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

and,

The coffin stops

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#30 18-07-2007 10:47pm
GrumPy

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Whats the difference between a snowman, and Michael Jackson?

A snowman is made of snow, and Michael Jackson ****s kids.

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#31 18-07-2007 10:48pm
giddyup

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a personal favourite from wikipedia....

Q: How many (members of a given demographic group) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 'N+1 (where N is a positive whole number)' — one to hold the light bulb and N to behave in a fashion generally associated with a negative stereotype of that group.

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