Bad joke competition.....

Thrill

One bad joke coming right up....

Knock, knock

"Whos there?"

"Annette"

"Annette who?"

"Annette is used for fishing."

legspin

I recently went for an interview as a contortionist at a circus, and I was asked how flexible was I.
'I can't do wenesdays' I said.

Capt'n Midnight

*blows the dust off*

did you hear about the magic traffic ?
it turned into a field.

Mahatma coat

Long and probably not worth it, but here goes
(I believe this was originaly translated from Flemish)

A Labrador walks int the Telegram office in Bruge, goes up to the counter, slaps ten Euro down on the counter, looks up at the telegram operator and says

" Hi, I'd like to send a telegram to my friend the Doberman in the Oslo office please"

Guy behind the counter is a little taken aback, its not everyday a LAbrador walks in and asks to send a telegram.

but he does have the required ten Euro and he knows where he wants to send the message, so the operator thinks

Fine I'll go along with this.

so he asks the dog what the message is.

Dog says

"Woof, Woof Woofwoof woof. Woof woof, Woof. Woof."

Guy reads it back to the dog and says

Eh theres only nine Woofs there, did you know that for the same price you could send ten?

Labrador looks up at the operator and says

























Yeah, But it wouldnt make any Feckin sense!

The Bollox

did you hear about the farmer who won a Nobel Peace Prize?

he was simply outstanding in his field

Gary ITR

Did you hear about the man with no legs?








He was still arsing around

FrCrilly

Why can’t you leave headache pills on the floor of the jungle?

Because parrots eat ‘em all.

FrCrilly

What’s the difference between a horse shoe blacksmith and a tailor?

One tends mares, the other mends tears.

(Good old Whizzer and Chips).

Oliverdog

little miss wrote:

I once told this joke on tv when I was seven and thought it was hilarious...

Why did the chicken cross the road, and the bounce right back?


Because it had a piece of chewing gum stuck to its foot.

And how has your TV career progressed since?:)

Colonel Sanders

what do you cann a man with no arms?

sh!tty arse

SuperSean11

Why cant Timmy Ride a bike?








Cause hes a piece of toast

coin

A mushroom walks into a bar

He goes to the bartender and ask for a drink

The bartender says "I can't"

The mushroom ask why

Bartender says "Cuz your a mushroom"

Mushroom says "come on I'm a Fungi"

GET IT!?!?!?!!? Fun guy?

SprostonGreen

Michael Owen is in a bar and goes up to a girl and says "Get your coat love, you've pulled"

Girl says: "You're a little forward, arent you?"

looder

Larry Gogan: "And who would you like to play the request for?"
Caller: "Meself"
Larry Gogan: "Any particular reason?"
Caller: "I got me first job yesterday"
Larry Gogan: "Oh, that's nice, what was the job?"
Caller: "A blowjob!"

Call Me Jimmy

Dudess wrote:

My fave is a golden oldie: Why was 6 afraid of 7? Cos 7 8 9.

The DCU jacks version is better:

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Cos 7 raped 6's mother

Enright

What do you call a three legged donkey?


A wonky

Enright

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip

Enright

Did you hear about the sexy egg?


He went around with his yoke hanging out!

baztard

Enright wrote:

What do you call a three legged donkey?

A wonky

What do you call a three legged, one eyed donkey?

A winky wonky.

baztard

baztard wrote:

What do you call a three legged, one eyed donkey?

A winky wonky.

What do you call a three legged, one eyed donkey with a guitar?

A winky wonky honky tonky donkey.

stipey

baztard wrote:

What do you call a three legged, one eyed donkey with a guitar?

A winky wonky honky tonky donkey.

What do you call an old, irritating, self obsessed, Z-List Irish celebrity playing a pantomime dame?

Twinky Twanky

Frank Drebin

Enright wrote:

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip

That's not bad, that's brilliant!
This is bad:

Have you seen Stevie Wonders' wife?................................

Wacker

FrCrilly wrote:

What’s the difference between a horse shoe blacksmith and a tailor?

One tends mares, the other mends tears.

(Good old Whizzer and Chips).

Whats the difference between a trapeze display and a brothel?

One is a cunning array of stunts.


What is the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches watches.

looder

What's the Difference between Donàl òg Cusack and God?


God doesn't think he's Doanl òg

Dev 17

Did you hear about the earthquake in San Francisco?

Only the gays survived. They had their sh1t packed the night before.

A gay friend of my mothers told me that in LA. I thought it was funny. My mates said it was lame, so a bad joke thread is the place for it.

Colonel Sanders

did you hear about the 2 gays in a phonebox?

they tried to ring each other

Enright

Colonel Sanders wrote:

did you hear about the 2 gays in a phonebox?

they tried to ring each other

That really is a bum joke!

The Bollox

it's very cheeky!

MooseJam

Frank Drebin wrote:

That's not bad, that's brilliant!
This is bad:

Have you seen Stevie Wonders' wife?................................

you never finished it -- neither has he

The Bollox

why did Stevie Wonder never play Dublin?







he couldn't see the Point