Bad joke competition.....

mickrourke

Tom: "They'll never straighten that guy out"
Joe: "Who?"
Tom: "Oliver Twist"

Sorry but well you asked for it.....

darkskol

What do you call a three legged donkey?





A Wonkey!

The Bollox

darkskol wrote:

What do you call a three legged donkey?





A Wonkey!

what do you call a donkey with 3 legs, one eye, a bell and a horn?





a winkey wonkey tinkey tonkey honkey donkey

Jesus Wept

Tha Gopher wrote:

Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella?

For drizzle

Yep, the blue coat, that one there.......

lol :D:D:D:D:D love that one, it's far too good to be a bad joke!

Jesus Wept

little miss wrote:

I once told this joke on tv when I was seven and thought it was hilarious...

Why did the chicken cross the road, and the bounce right back?


Because it had a piece of chewing gum stuck to its foot.

cringeworthy, where is the youtube footage? :D

Capt'n Midnight wrote:

*blows the dust off*

did you hear about the magic traffic ?
it turned into a field.

It's

did you hear about the magic tractor ?
it went down the road and turned into a field.

---

Whats orange and rhymes with parrot?


A carrot.

Capt'n Midnight

did you hear about the farmer that got run over by the magic tractor ?

there was a big turnip at his funeral

bolliwoodi

why did mary fall off the swing?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.Because she had no arms!

Why did mary fall off the swing again?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.

..
.
.
.
.
.
.
She still had no arms!

Why did mary fall off the swing again?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.

..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.

..
.
.
.
.
.SHE WAS PUSHED!!!!!!!!!:D

(hey you wanted bad ones):D

LizardKing

LizardKing please read the Charter, that is Lolocaust material. Not acceptable here.

I don't know how to move a single post so I'll just wipe it.

Capt'n Midnight

Lizardking - there is a forum for that sort of thing - lolocaust
edit post and delete - here you get banned for that sort of thing


why is the sand wet ?
because the seawead.

Alanthroneus

Whats green and grown and if it fell out of a tree it could kill you.........................................................................................................













A pool TAble

legspin

I went for a job as a blacksmith and I was asked if I had ever shoed a horse.
"No" I said, " but I have told several donkeys to **** off".

Green Giant

Why did the hippie drown?

Cos he was too far out, man






Now THAT'S dire

popinfresh

knock knock
who's there?

bananna

bannana who?

knock knock
who's there?

bananna

bannana who?knock knock
who's there?

bananna

bannana who?knock knock
who's there?

bananna

bannana who?knock knock
who's there?

bananna

bannana who?

knock knock
who's there?

orange

orange who?

orange you glad you didn't say bananna again



:rolleyes:

popinfresh

What's yellow, has 22 arms, 22 legs and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?

















The chineese football team :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

MOH

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, and Jean Claude Van Damme are in casting for a new film about the lives of famous composers. They're asked if they have any preference about which part they play. Van Damme says he'd like to play Beethoven. Stallone opts for Brahms. Schwarzenegger says "I'll be Bach".

Enright

Did you hear about the man who wnet to th seafood disco?

He pulled a mussel

The Bollox

legspin wrote:

I went for a job as a blacksmith and I was asked if I had ever shoed a horse.
"No" I said, " but I have told several donkeys to **** off".

LOL! heard it before, but it cracks me up still

JSK 252

Why did the boy fall off his bike?

Because somebody threw a fridge at him.

Whats pink and fluffy?

Pink fluff.

Why wouldnt the motor bike stand up?

Because it was two tyred.

The Bollox

JSK 252 wrote:

Why did the boy fall off his bike?

Because somebody threw a fridge at him.

LOL!

BEST.JOKE.EVER!

Mahatma coat

whats Blue and fluffy

Pink fluff holdin its breath.


Whats green and invisible




































This cabbage ^^^^^

FrCrilly

JSK 252 wrote:

Whats pink and fluffy?

Pink fluff.

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

Rabies

FrCrilly wrote:

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

that made me laugh

MOH

Mahatma coat wrote:

Whats green and invisible

or "No cabbage."

Shryke

<Snip> Lolocaust TBH - Hagar <snip>

*runs from angry mob*

The Bollox

<Snip> Lolocaust TBH - Hagar <snip>

Mr Magnolia

There was this seafood restaurant that had this big tank where you could pick a fish and then they would cook it for you.

One day in a shipment of fish for restocking there was this little squid, it was unusually bright green and it had hairs on its lips, and a very mild and pleasant temprement compared with other squids - all in all an ugly little bugger but cute. Because of this nobody wanted to buy it so it stayed in the tank and gradually became almost a pet to the staff who had grown fond of it. One day Ricky Gervais came in and picked the squid to have for dinner.

There was a ripple of shock and dismay around the staff and the chef refused to kill it and so did the manager and waiters. The manager explained to Ricky Gervais and asked if he would do it. Whilst Gervais was prepared to eat it he said that he was too soft to actually kill it himself.

The manager had an idea and thought he would ask the big tough German dishwasher called Hans but even he wasn't prepared to do it. SO:-







HANS THAT DOES DISHES CAN FEEL SOFT AS GERVAIS, WITH MILD GREEN HAIRY LIPPED SQUID .........

The Bollox wrote:

why did Stevie Wonder never play Dublin?

he couldn't see the Point

legspin wrote:

I went for a job as a blacksmith and I was asked if I had ever shoed a horse.
"No" I said, " but I have told several donkeys to **** off".

They're not bad jokes they're brilliant

The Bollox

a small boy named John loved tractors, especiall John Deere tractors. he lived for them, was always facinated by them and one day would love to own one. he spent his days in nearby fields watching the tractors in awe.

one day when he came home his mother approaced him with tears in her eyes. she said his brother, David, was killed today, she said he was run over by a tractor.

John was devistated, the only thing he loved more in the world than tractors was his brother. he hated everything to do with tractors from that day on. in his adult years he became and alcoholic, addicted to heroin and lived on the streets. he walked into a bar without a penny to his name, walked upto the bar and said to the barman: "I haven't got any money, but if you give me a free pint I'll clear this bar of smoke in less than a minute". The Barman wasn't a smoker himself so said "if you can do that I'll give you a beer".

so the man took a series of deep breaths, taking in all the smoke in the place, and within 40 seconds the bar was smoke free. The Barman handed John his pint and asked "how did you do that?" and John said "easy, I'm an ex-tractor fan"

Mahatma coat

MOH wrote:

or "No cabbage."

naw, when ya tell it ya point at 'that Cabbage'





















aw man theres hours of classics here, the pain you could inflict on Captive audience D

Thrill

Why cant you starve in the desert?

Because of all the sandwich's* there.



*[SIZE=-2]sand which is[/SIZE]

JC 2K3

A man was famous for his ability to grow vegetables. He grew the largest and best leaks, artichokes and onions.

But above all this, he was famous for his cauliflowers.

As he prepared for the local horticultural show, he cut one of his cauliflowers to test. To his horror, when he cooked it, it produced a bright red liquid, and tasted disgusting.

He was mortified. His entire crop was like this, and useless.

He turned to his wife for help, and she suggested that due to the density of the red in the liquid, perhaps they could use the liquid to make cosmetics.

Together they boiled up the red liquid until it became a thick dense mass. They then decided that when cooled, it could be used for lipstick.

Once finished, the lipstick proved a little crumbly, but worse of all, it caused bad breath. Due to this, they had to affix the following label:








"SUPER-CAULI FRAGILE LIPSTICK, EXPECT HALITOSIS"