Tips please.

johnnysmurfman

Ok, here's the story, I met this great girl and she's coming over for dinner on Saturday afternoon after a few dates we've been on, we'll probably go out someplace in the evening afterwards. I have given her the impression that I can cook (going for the whole "I'm sensitive and cosmopolitan" style approach) but to be honest I can only describe my cooking as "level one". I think she's expecting it to be a bit of a gourmet afternoon but to be honest I have never gone much farther than pasta with Ragu sauce and mince! I know she likes chicken so I just need to cook a chicken dish that is pretty much idiot proof but at the same time looks really nice and like I know what I'm doing. She doesn't like Indian food either and I get the impression that she'd know if I just poured Chicken Tonight sauce over chicken cooked on the George Foreman. Can anyone help? I don't mind how much it costs for the food and I don't need to worry about dessert or a starter or anything like that, just the main course.

Thanks.

rockbeer

Here's a tip: be honest.

TequilaMockingBird

Shopping List

Two Chicken Breasts
Pack of readymade Stuffing from chiller cabinet
Pack of Rashers
Baby Potatos
Baby Carrots (fresh)
Some readymade veg from chiller cabinet like Cauliflower Cheese
Gravy Mix
Wine (Little bottle if you won't drink the rest(or send rest to me))

How to Make (Also known as a Recipe!)

Make a slit along the side of the chicken breast. FIll with stuffing. Wrap this up with the rashers. Roast for about 30/4 mins at 180.

Cook readymade veg as per instructions.

Just boil the spuds and carrots.

Make gravey and add a dash of wine.

Slice the chicken at an angle in about four slices.

Burn all packaging!

johnnysmurfman

Cool. I was looking up a recipe on the internet and there's one I think I can do except for one bit, it says "1/2 lemon, zest only". Which part is the zest and how do you get to it? It also asks for baby spinach leaves, would those be available in the supermarket?

mcauley

sueme wrote:

Shopping List ......

Please make that and send it to me. I will cover all your costs and overheads etc.

hot fuss

johnnysmurfman wrote:

Cool. I was looking up a recipe on the internet and there's one I think I can do except for one bit, it says "1/2 lemon, zest only". Which part is the zest and how do you get to it? It also asks for baby spinach leaves, would those be available in the supermarket?

You can get bags of spinach leaves in the veg section in any supermarket usually - or else in the freezer section. The zest is the peel that you grate off with the very fine part of the grater..

A very simple but yummy chicken recipe is to get two chicken fillets, put them in a dish covered with lemon juice, crushed garlic and fresh rosemary and leave it in the fridge over night to marinade.

The next day you roast them in the oven in a roasting tray for about 30 minutes. You can also par boil some peeled potatoes, toss them in melted butter and put them in with the chicken, which will give you nice, lemony roast potatoes.

You can serve this with a selection of roasted veg - carrots, parsnip, red onion, peppers for a colourful mix - or else just mashed carrots and parsnip..

It's a very, very tasty and easy main course.

A super simple and impressive desert idea too is to get a packet of frozen berries, or a load of mixed fresh berries. Melt some white chocolate and mix it with a small glass of fresh orange juice and a little cream to make a chocolate sauce. Pour this over the berries and serve - simply, but tasty!

The Sweeper

Baby spinach is usually readily available in the bagged salad section of the supermarket, pre-washed and everything. You'll find it in a bag between rocket and watercress I expect.

The lemon zest is the skin. Try and get as much yellow, but as little of the white pith underneath, as you can. If you have a cheese grater, you can use the really rough side (you know, the side you've always thought 'what the hell is this for, it's sod all use for cheese) and grate the lemon's skin off with the grater. Buy an unwaxed lemon if you can - it'll be marked up as such in the supermarket.

TequilaMockingBird

mcauley wrote:

Please make that and send it to me. I will cover all your costs and overheads etc.

Certainly Mcauly. On its way. Costs are of course incredibly high. Have you heard chicken breast prices have rocketed? e700 per pound. Anyhoo I'll pm my Paypal account....

TequilaMockingBird

Another SOOO easy one.
Although not incredibly healthy...

Shopping List

Bag of Tagliatelle (Pasta)
Carton of cream
Grated Cheddar Cheese
Good quality ham slices
Little Bottle of Wine (I see a pattern here...)
Baguettes or crusty rolls
Bowl of Readymade Salad

Boil pasta.
Drain.
Add the cream
Add the cheese, stir till melted
Add chopped up ham
Add good dash of wine
Serve with salad and bread

Takes about 10 mins to make and soooo tasty.
Good luck with whatever you make!

johnnysmurfman

hot fuss wrote:

The next day you roast them in the oven in a roasting tray for about 30 minutes. You can also par boil some peeled potatoes

What does par boil mean? What temperature do you put it in the oven at?

johnnysmurfman

Saw this on the internet, looks pretty idiot proof to me, might be the way to go!

Ingredients
500g/1lb2oz new potatoes, unpeeled
350g/12oz skinned, cooked chicken (about 3 breasts), cut into chunks
100g/3½oz baby spinach leaves
2 tbsp pesto
1 small lemon, juice only
3 tbsp olive oil

Method
1. Drop the potatoes into a pan of boiling salted water and boil for 15 minutes. Drain, then return them to the pan and roughly crush with a fork.
2. Tip the chunks of chicken into the pan and scatter in the spinach leaves. Mix gently, using a large spoon or your hands.
3. Tip the pesto, lemon juice and olive oil into the pan, season to taste and toss to coat everything in the dressing.

noby

Par boil is to half cook them, then they finish cooking in the oven. At about 180 I would guess.

TequilaMockingBird

That looks lovely, but personally I wouldn't crush the potatos as it could look a bit messy. Buy the really small baby potatos and I think it would look better IMO.

Jeez, we know your smitten, but I'm sure she could manage to crush her own spuds...!!!

noby

Two chicken fillets, into a bowl of flour (seasoned with salt and pepper) and into a pan with a lot of butter, like about 2oz. Fry over a medium heat for about twenty minutes or so (or until done) turning half way. Add more butter half way if you like.
Eat with whatever you fancy (spuds or rice with veg).
Get cholesterol checked.

hot fuss

johnnysmurfman wrote:

What does par boil mean? What temperature do you put it in the oven at?

Roast them at about 180. As for par boiling - drop them into boiling water on the hob and leave them there for five minutes..

Best of luck with it - I'm sure it'll be fine and if all else fails, calls Suppers Ready and throw out the containers before she arrives

TequilaMockingBird

Just a thought.

How about doing chicken nuggets and chips? Then she'll want to mind you for the rest of your life as your so incompetant. (Worked for my ex, till I copped on about 6 years later....!!)

The Sweeper

Wow, Sueme, BITCHEEEEEEEE. You annoyed because the OP didn't go head over heels for your Paxo-Bisto special?

Johnnysmurfman, regarding the recipe you quoted, looks good. Baby new potatoes, crushed, are the business if they're buttered and salted with some parsely (however messy they may look according to Paxo-Bisto gal).

Just remember, if you're going to boil unpeeled new potatoes whole, don't go for enormous spuds because you'll be there all night. Try and get a bunch of them in similar sizes, I'd go for something about the size of a medium hen's egg. I reckon they'll take about 15 minutes on the boil. Check them with a skewer - you should be able to run the skewer to the centre of the spud with not much resistance, but they shouldn't split in two mushy pieces when you do that.

Beruthiel

When cooking potatoes, I think it's worth investing in a steamer and just steam them, it will be the end of watery potatoes forever.

rockbeer

You should be aware, if you really don't know what you're doing, that it can be a dangerous thing to cook chicken unless you can be sure it's cooked.

If it isn't cooked properly it could make her very sick, which won't impress her at all.

All the above recipes, while they might appear idiot-proof at first glance, are fraught with difficulties for a true non-cook.

For example:

"Boil spuds and carrots" - how long for? How much water? Together or seperately? These questions, which are routine for a regular cook, are a mystery to the total beginner. It would be so easy to turn them to a revolting mush, after all.

You can't fake cookery skills. Rule 1 of cookery is: unless you have loads of experience, you should never make a recipe for the first time when cooking to impress.

Really, be honest with her, and then take her out or get a take away. You'll probably end up having a laugh over it, and it'll work out better for you in the long run, honestly.

Beruthiel

He could do a practice run over the next couple of days.

rockbeer

Beruthiel wrote:

He could do a practice run over the next couple of days.

True... but he's going to be practicing forever if he wants to stay ahead of the game.

One recipe will only get you so far.

Jesus Wept

johnnysmurfman wrote:

Ok, here's the story, I met this great girl and she's coming over for dinner on Saturday afternoon after a few dates we've been on, we'll probably go out someplace in the evening afterwards. I have given her the impression that I can cook (going for the whole "I'm sensitive and cosmopolitan" style approach)

Yea, don't do that, honesty ftw.

Smack her on the arse and telling you were joking, then order food in or go out to eat.

Beruthiel

rockbeer wrote:

One recipe will only get you so far.

True, he had better get himself a book and start doing proper meals daily

btw johnnysmurfman, I know you said you had the starter sorted, but if you want to impress her, get some small scallops, salt and pepper them and fry lightly until brown (only takes a couple of mins) knock in a good dash of cognac at the last min and reduce. Serve with crunchy bagette.
Seriously tasty and will make you look like a professional!

seamus

rockbeer wrote:

Really, be honest with her, and then take her out or get a take away. You'll probably end up having a laugh over it, and it'll work out better for you in the long run, honestly.

Nah, I always vote for the sitcom option. Come up with some needlessly complicated scheme whereby you get a friend to come over to your house and cook the dinner for you. He stays in the kitchen while you do the serving. When your female friend asks you how you did it, come up with some hilariously abstract lines and complete bull****, topped off with some odd hmming noises.
When she comes into the kitchen to see how you're getting on, come up with as many inappropriate places as you can find to hide your friend from sight (the fridge, under the table in front of your crotch, use your imagination).

TequilaMockingBird

Absolutly didn't mean to come across as bitchy! Sorry! Rather than poking fun at OP I was poking fun at myself in my younger years, minding men who I thought would would think I was fantastic if I fed them well! I learned eventually!

As for my "Paxo/Bisto mess", judging by the OPs request I thought he probably didn't want to go to the trouble/hassle of making real gravy/stuffing and would want a simpler option.

As for boiling carrots and spuds. Erm..I didn't think I would have to explain but I would be delighted to if anyone needs advice!

I agree totally about the chicken. I see from my original post that I said 30/5 minutes. That was a typo (a dangerous one granted) I meant 30/45 minutes which should be plenty for a chicken breast of course. I also suggested slicing the chicken, so the OP would see if its in anyway pink, which I would imagine it won't be after being cooked for that long.

Jesus Wept

seamus wrote:

Nah, I always vote for the sitcom option. Come up with some needlessly complicated scheme whereby you get a friend to come over to your house and cook the dinner for you. He stays in the kitchen while you do the serving. When your female friend asks you how you did it, come up with some hilariously abstract lines and complete bull****, topped off with some odd hmming noises.
When she comes into the kitchen to see how you're getting on, come up with as many inappropriate places as you can find to hide your friend from sight (the fridge, under the table in front of your crotch, use your imagination).

+1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9NhKMA2DD8

The Sweeper

sueme wrote:

Absolutly didn't mean to come across as bitchy! Sorry! Rather than poking fun at OP I was poking fun at myself in my younger years, minding men who I thought would would think I was fantastic if I fed them well! I learned eventually!

Fair enough. I think Paxo is the creation of the devil. Himself hides a packet of it in the supermarket trolley for a laugh every time we go shopping. Or at least he did in the UK - now he's hiding a packet of Gravox instant stuffing instead. The bollix.

I'd say if you're going to use instant stuff to make life easier, go the whole hog - the OP could get something from the M&S Bistro range (or whatever they call the "we cooked it for you" posh end of their ready made foods), cook it as per the very straightfoward instructions on the packet, and serve it up with a nice glass of wine.

That would be VERY difficult to screw up, and he could break the news to her gently over M&S's food that he's not actually that good a cook. Perhaps even suggest you cook together next time and she teach you something? (Assuming she can cook - is there a possibility she can't even boil an egg herself?)

hot fuss

You know what, just cook something easy. If it goes wrong, it goes wrong - you can laugh about it and order a take out.

An ex of mine put lots of effort into cooking for me one Valentine's Day. It was pretty horrific, but I ate it, and was really impressed by the effort considering he obviously couldn't cook!

I doubt she's expecting Michelin stars..

rockbeer

sueme wrote:

As for boiling carrots and spuds. Erm..I didn't think I would have to explain but I would be delighted to if anyone needs advice!

Sorry sueme, didn't mean to single you out, I could've made similar points about any of the suggested recipes. The point being that if you don't know what you're doing even the simplest instructions can be confusing. Believe me, I live with a total non-cook and it's no use just telling her to boil something. She'd just keep boiling it 'til there was nopthing left unless I told her to stop

I just think it's pointless pretending to be able to cook. I mean, realistically, how long will it be until you get found out? The deception could be all over by breakfast time. Of course that might suit the OP's purposes just fine, but if he's looking for something longer-term I'd advise him to consider the bigger picture.

TequilaMockingBird

rockbeer wrote:

Sorry sueme, didn't mean to single you out, I could've made similar points about any of the suggested recipes. The point being that if you don't know what you're doing even the simplest instructions can be confusing. Believe me, I live with a total non-cook and it's no use just telling her to boil something. She'd just keep boiling it 'til there was nopthing left unless I told her to stop .

I would have replied sooner but..em..I spent half an hour swearing at my laptop... till I realised the plug was out!!!:o We all have our areas of "expertise" - computers ain't mine!

Minesajackdaniels, I understand what your saying. I'm in Sligo and we don't have any lovely M&S goodies up here unfortunatly, but Tesco Finest range isn't too bad for the readymades when needed. I agree about the Paxo. Down with that sort of thing. My mother always used it untill I prised it out of her hand and made proper stuffing.:)

johnnysmurfman

The Smurfman always manages to come up with the goods under pressure, I'm going to Tesco now to buy the required ingredients, I'm pretty sure I'll be fine. As for those insisting that I go down the honesty route and cook chicken nuggets and chips then I have to say that I'm sorry, that would just be quitting.