she's driving me mad!

LegacyUser

im at a small educational institute and my class size is very small..under ten people, because its a specialist course.
being in such close quarters, so to speak, can take its toll and while we get along somewhat, there is a lot of tension sometimes. mainly stemming from one particular girl.
she's very obnoxious, likes the sound of her own voice, feels the need to add her two cents into a conversation. if you disagree with her, she'll talk over you as she hates being confronted with the fact that she could be wrong.she argues with tutors... in her mid year feedback from said tutors, she was told not to be so domineering over the rest of the class. we all feel the same way about how she treats the class..like she's better than everyone.
this semester, i decided to not let her get away with being such a cow and have been standing up to her a lot more.
last week,i obviously went 'too far' with her, and she asked me why i was being so argumentative and annoying. i said something along the lines of..'well welcome to our world, your fecking annoying all the bluddy time!'..she stormed off and has been very passive agressive since.

she puts me in such a foul mood and im of two minds as to what to do next..she really makes college unbearable a lot of the time and it does affect my time at college to some effect.
we had a falling out yesterday too and im dreading going into college tomorrow as im still quite wound up about it. i hate it!

i spose what im trying to say is what should i do? ignore her if possible and just get on with the next year and a half, or confront her a lot more so hopefully she gets the message? im thinking of talking to my HOD about her, as im sick to my back teeth of her! luckily they know where id be coming from, as i said previously...

thanks for all your help...and letting me vent!!

Pyjamarama

I feel for you OP but there isn't much you can do about a person like this. Your tutors have tried to address the issue but this hasn't seemed to have had any effect on her. Speak your mind in tutorials and don't let her silence everyone else in the class. If everyone else in your class feels the same maybe you can all try to be more outspoken in an effort to shut her up a bit. She does seem like the type of person who wants an argument and can't debate intelligently without turning things into a shouting match so don't go to her level. Express your opinions but don't engage in an argument as she seems to thrive on conflict. Grit your teeth and try get through it. I would suggest trying to talk to her again as she may be blind to how overbearing she actually is or she may be fully aware and get a kick out of it :rolleyes: in that case, not much you can do!

JABH

Sounds like you're dealing with Charley :mad:

Maple

Try and ignore her as best you can. But do continue to stand up to her. Encourage others in your class to do the same.

Spock 10,000

I hate people like that. Don't let it get to you - no point wasting the time and work you've already put in. If everyone is feeling the same way than you could turn it into a game. All speak up, interupt her any time she opens her mouth and argue with everything she says. If you all get on her nerves enough she might take the hint and shut up completely or at least save her opinions for when they matter

Electric

We had someone like that in our class. Had to pass a comment on everything even though she was completely thick and missed the point half the time. She kept getting lecturers to go over stuff that we had already covered and was holding the class back. No one could stand her and no one said anything. So I got pissed off one day told her that we had already covered a particular topic and if she didn't get it then she might consider getting grinds or something. It felt good at the time but didn't help too much. Eventually things got worse and it was painful to be in the same room as her. One day she asked some stupid f***ing question so I told her that she was holding back the class and that we wanted to continue and that if she couldn't sit quietly and not pass comment on every little thing that was said, then she should leave. So she got into a huff and stormed out and never came back. It was fantastic...classes where we could have intelligent debate!

Of course she told anyone who listen what a b*tch I was, but I couldn't give a toss! Such an arsehole!

NutJob

maple wrote:

Try and ignore her as best you can. But do continue to stand up to her. Encourage others in your class to do the same.

There reasonably easy to deal with this as most people like this will only try to dominate people that wont stand up to them. Plus they hate being stood up to.

-When they want something just say 'No' with no reason
-If the ask why say 'because i said no'
-If they insist on a reason 'Did you not listen i said no'

Never let someone like this push there weight around if they ask nicely thats no problem. If they demand anything you have to nip that in the bud straight away.

The'll soon get the message.

Slow Motion

You're right OP in thinking of speaking to your HOD, this is the way to go, if you can get your classmates to do this as well so much the better (though I wouldn't hold my breath on this one), it is important that you follow up with the HOD to see if anything has been done as they might just try to wait it out and hope the situation resolves itself. You have every right to complain if someone is stopping you from recieving proper tuition !

Ishmael

Hehe, had a guy like this in our class for the first 2 years of my degree.

Most of the time we would just laugh quietly at how stupid he was but he never seem to cop on to that. The problem was eventually resolved by on of the lecturers who happened to be HOD at the time.

He asked a general question about what we had been going over that day in the lecture. The Moron responded with the incorrect answer and then tried to argue that he was right. The lecturer asked him to state the formula for Ohm's Law and it being an electronics degree, you'd have to be fairly thick not to know it after 2 years.

Unfortunately the poor bugger didn't which resulted in the whole class erupting in laughter at him and him quite quickly shutting up.

After that he never had a leg to stand on in any of his arguments and more often than not stayed quiet.

Anyway: Back on topic.

Tbh i'd say the reason she continues to openly express herself this way may be because nobody tends to challenge her that much on her opinions, and she may be getting off a little on the idea that she is smarter or more clever than the rest.

The more people that challenge her about the ****e she is talking, the quicker she will realize that she is not all that and a bag o chips. If she interrupts people while they are trying to make a point then just politely turn and ask her to allow said person to finish what they are saying before responding.

I wouldn't bother involving the HOD for something like this unless it was completely out of hand because it seems a rather trivial issue for them and they might not be that bothered.

Actually come to think of it, this seems like one of those perfect examples you could use in an interview to answer questions about personal conflicts.

Zillah

In my experience the way to handle such a situation is as follows:

Step 1 - Shoot them down horribly. Confront them about being the **** heads they are and make them feel awkward and embarassed.
Step 2 - Reconcile. Tell them you over reacted and that you're sorry you said it the way you did, but that there were some things about them that were not very fair (don't saying "annoying" or "obnoxious", paint yourself as something of a victim, phrase it like "You weren't being fair", or "People didn't feel like they could approach you" etc).

Guage the moment and it usually works. In step two its really important you give them a chance to save face, otherwise they'll be too stubborn, regardless of whether you're right or not.

matt-dublin

erm...
ask her out on a date i would think!

attractual confusion...
unknowingly attracted to her and showing it by venting at her...
and by posting here!

also there'll be two results possible..

1. she says yes...
2. She says no and never talks to you again (aka problem solved!)

(assuming your a bloke!)

LegacyUser

'

Pyjamarama wrote:

I feel for you OP but there isn't much you can do about a person like this. Your tutors have tried to address the issue but this hasn't seemed to have had any effect on her. Speak your mind in tutorials and don't let her silence everyone else in the class. If everyone else in your class feels the same maybe you can all try to be more outspoken in an effort to shut her up a bit. She does seem like the type of person who wants an argument and can't debate intelligently without turning things into a shouting match so don't go to her level. Express your opinions but don't engage in an argument as she seems to thrive on conflict. Grit your teeth and try get through it. I would suggest trying to talk to her again as she may be blind to how overbearing she actually is or she may be fully aware and get a kick out of it :rolleyes: in that case, not much you can do!

yeah, i can definately see that there isnt much i can do...i was gritting my teeth today cause god does she babble on.miss know it all! if you tried to talk to her, she's likely to turn rather venomous and take it all overly personal.
aaah.
thanks for replying! '

LegacyUser

'

maple wrote:

Try and ignore her as best you can. But do continue to stand up to her. Encourage others in your class to do the same.

im definately going to do this to an extent. i think ill have to pick my moments ie when a tutors around so she doesnt get all b!tchy. people are definately starting to, but she doesnt seem to get the message!! some people...

thanks for taking the time to reply '

LegacyUser

'

Spock 10,000 wrote:

I hate people like that. Don't let it get to you - no point wasting the time and work you've already put in. If everyone is feeling the same way than you could turn it into a game. All speak up, interupt her any time she opens her mouth and argue with everything she says. If you all get on her nerves enough she might take the hint and shut up completely or at least save her opinions for when they matter

im sooo trying hard not to let it get to me, cause i hate wasting my energy on her.
oh, dont worry, already today i was like "i dont really care, can we get on with it?"..when she went off on a tangent..lordy lordy..

everyone is feeling the same, but there are only three of us that actually stand up to her at the moment. the rest of them are to nicey nicey and want to keep the peace which is honourable but if she gets away with talking as much as she does, she'll think that its ok that she does that. and it isnt!'

LegacyUser

'

NutJob wrote:

There reasonably easy to deal with this as most people like this will only try to dominate people that wont stand up to them. Plus they hate being stood up to.

-When they want something just say 'No' with no reason
-If the ask why say 'because i said no'
-If they insist on a reason 'Did you not listen i said no'

Never let someone like this push there weight around if they ask nicely thats no problem. If they demand anything you have to nip that in the bud straight away.

The'll soon get the message.

LOL good idea!
im just sick of her stalking round like shes all that...!!'

LegacyUser

'

Slow Motion wrote:

You're right OP in thinking of speaking to your HOD, this is the way to go, if you can get your classmates to do this as well so much the better (though I wouldn't hold my breath on this one), it is important that you follow up with the HOD to see if anything has been done as they might just try to wait it out and hope the situation resolves itself. You have every right to complain if someone is stopping you from recieving proper tuition !

i think if she gets any worse, i will.the fact that the day i actually stood up to her properly, she reacted like she did, proves she has no fricking clue about how obnoxious she is. we think its that she's never been stood up to much in her life, and that she's been told that every single little thing that she says is mana from heaven...
i mean, im so not perfect and i yap on a bit sometimes but i dont pretend to know everything about everything you know?'

LegacyUser

'

matt-dublin wrote:

erm...
ask her out on a date i would think!

attractual confusion...
unknowingly attracted to her and showing it by venting at her...
and by posting here!

also there'll be two results possible..

1. she says yes...
2. She says no and never talks to you again (aka problem solved!)

(assuming your a bloke!)

im a girl and even if i was a guy, hell no would i go near her! yeck!'

Gumbyman

Sit in front of her and turn your chair around to face her and just stare at her for the whole class - whenever she talks you have to look really excited and happy. When she finishes start clapping and saying "Brilliant. Sheer genius." and shaking you head in awe.

PeakOutput

there is nothing you can do except making sure you do not keep quiet when she is wrong or saying something blatantly outrageous. dont be affraid of a debate and if she turns it into some sort of shouting match or argument just say something along the lines of "if you are not mature enough to discuss this like adults there is no more i can say".

dont say to her how annoying or obnoxious she is but dont be afraid to disagree with her or if she is in the middle of arguing with a lecturer over something stupid then just speak up and say can we get on with the lecture please?

your class mates in theory will then grow some balls and follow your lead and she should sort herself out in time

matt-dublin

ok well then in that case everytime she speaks start clapping you hands really loudly and start barking like a sea lion!

after a while everyone will follow suit