Yet another relationship issues thread

LegacyUser

I'm currently in a long distance relationship with somebody. The relationship started off as a normal one but I recently had to move away after a few months. For a while before I did, she seemed unhappy with me and was constantly nagging, she said several things to me which I would consider to be not very nice things to say to a person you're going out with, regarding how she felt towards me, and kind of made it seem like her feelings were something along the lines of "meh", yet we didn't break up for one reason or another. Now I kind of wish we had. Since I've left the nagging has stopped and the conversations are pleasant, but no matter what happens I think back to all the stuff that was going on before I moved and I really think that if I hadn't moved we probably would have broken up fairly soon. I expected the relationship to just fizzle out when I moved, but if anything she seems far nicer now that we're apart, and is pushing for more phonecalls and such, I can't really understand it.

We will be able to meet a few times during the year. The longer that goes by in this situation the less I feel like phonecalls and stuff, I mean, I feel like it's throwing money into something that is ultimately doomed...

I'm not a bad looking person and I'm young, so I'm starting to feel like this is a somewhat ill thought out move. My gut is strongly telling me to get out of this situation, but there is just something stopping me. It's cowardice, basically.

We discussed exclusivity in a round about way before I left, and we agreed that it wasn't necessary, in a very round about way. I have no problem with this, but it also makes me less willing to go out of my way to be in constant contact while we're apart. As I said though we discussed it in a round about way, so I wouldn't be sure where we stand on it. The only thing I do know is, if she was not being faithful, she could use that discussion to absolve herself of blame, but if I did likewise, she could throw a hissy fit and make it seem like I'm an awful awful person. That's bothering me. I think I'd prefer a clean break, remove myself of baggage(not to be coldhearted) and an opportunity to just find someone else.

I really don't think this girl was mad about me when I was with her, although I liked her quite a bit, so I can't get my head around this situation, surely if I've gone cold like this since I left, she must be the same? But it doesn't seem that way. It seems like the distance has reversed our roles. Either that or she's just getting more from the long-distance situation than me. I feel as though even if I do my best in this situation , she will find someone else closer to home eventually and break up, which will leave me regretting putting time and effort into this situation, and feeling like I've somewhat wasted an important period in my life.

Is talking to someone on the phone/emailing and then meeting up a few times a year actually a relationship? This is my first experience of long-distance, and to be honest I'm not feeling like this is something I could commit to and avoid other girls for. Before I moved, I was thinking that it would be relatively easy. I'm a young guy in college, and I really don't think I want to be holding myself for something like this, especially since a relationship at my age is very unlikely to last long term.

Wibbs

In this case I'd go with your gut instinct. Walk away. The distance thing is simple enough I reckon. Absence making the heart grow fonder and all that. Also an element of wanting what you don't have. The cowardice about leaving her is another element and it is emotional cowardice. You need to be able to be on your own, be happy on your own. That way situations where you're not so sure have one less thing to be worrying about.

jellie

Long distance relationships require serious commitment just to make them work at all. if your hearts not fully in it id get out now before it gets too serious or youll just end up hurting her or both of you.

Maple

Break up with her. You're not bothered.

unregd147

maple wrote:

Break up with her. You're not bothered.

I second that. This is not going to work out.

Gumbyman

Why don't you start seeing other people? Keep her there as a fall back. If it doesn't work out then at least you haven't wasted your college years. Don't tell her obviously.