Fecking Tight Wench!

Kintarō Hattori

Myself and the missus have bought a few things recently, including some flights and I got up this morning to go to the bank machine with her and get money from her so I could lodge it later today. Her half of the money spent is about €500. On the way there I could see she had quite a 'puss' on her face and I asked her what was wrong. Nothing she said. It turned out she wasn't happy with how much she had to give me. Let me give you a breakdown:

Laptop: She stated she'd like more space in the flat, so I said I could sell my computer and we could buy a laptop. I did that and asked her for a contribution so we could buy a decent laptop. I contributed €900, she was to contribute €250.

Iron: We had a cheap Tesco Value Iron. Anytime she used it which wasn't that often, granted I used it more, she complained very vocally. We went to Arnotts and I threw a €50 Philips iron on the credit card. Her contribution would be half this.

Brita Filter: She wasn't happy with the water in the flat so wanted a filter. Off to Argos for a water filter. Value €27. Her contribution would be half. Onto the credit card.

Flights: We have to head off next month for some business and so I booked flights on the credit card yesterday for us both. It came to almost €400 and she would pay half of this.

ESB: The last ESB bill was from the previous apartment and was just €40, her contribution would be half.

On the way to the bank machine she told me she didn't really want a laptop and that it was 'mine'. Despite the fact that we had discussed selling it and I had asked her for 1/5th the price of the laptop and her agreeing to it.
She also wasn't happy about having to pay for the iron despite her giving out about the old one everytime she used it and us going to get a new one together.

She will pay up for the flights, ESB and the water filter, but I'm so annoyed she's being difficult on the laptop and the iron. I just wanted to vent some steam- hence the post!

PeakOutput

are you married?

sounds very wierd to me..........i dont know why it sounds wierd ( i know i hate owing and paying over money) it just sounds like theres something else to it

Kintarō Hattori

PeakOutput wrote:

are you married?

sounds very wierd to me..........i dont know why it sounds wierd ( i know i hate owing and paying over money) it just sounds like theres something else to it

No we're not married. There's nothing else too it other than that she just doesn't like handing over money. She's a good saver and she has more money now than she's ever had, and just hates parting with it.

unregd147

If theres one thing that I hate in this world its a stingy miser. Why is it when stingy people get more money than usual they are even more stingy with it? If she agreed to paying 250beans for the lappy then she should. Surely she uses the lappy for internet small things etc.

misswex

Sounds a bit scrooging on her part I have to say. I would understand if she was low on money and couldn't afford to contribute as much but she is just being greedy with her money.

Maccattack

Ok. Tell her the laptop is yours and she doesnt have to pay you anything towards the purchase price.


Then charge her a fee to use it.

Rev Hellfire

Tell her she doesnt have to pay for the laptop, but has to pay a tenner each time she uses it

Kintarō Hattori

Of course she uses the lappy. She rings home via Skype (always me who pays for Skype credit), checking email, bank account and general usage. Hmnnnn charge her for it. Haha, as much as I'd like to do that and perhaps should do that, we both know that's not a good idea. It would realisticly just cause strife.

LegacyUser

A bit pessamistic I know but....
Who gets to keep the laptop in the event that you break up?
Do you buy her out? or do you just keep it?
Maybe she just feels a bit weird about paying €250 towards something that is essentially yours?

matt-dublin

if she wants to buy new things that she wants to use and you want to use, you should not be expected to fork out!


if she's not paying up for the laptop, tell her she can't use it fair is fiar.

Change your skype password and make her get her own account.

Simple but effective! you can't be funding her or else you will be for as long as your with her!

Gumbyman

Tell her can't afford it anymore. Tell her you're annoyed that she didn't set out her argument before you went and bought it. Tell her you are going to sell it as you don't need the internet in your home or a PC. She wont let you do it. Which proves she needs it. Which proves she should stop being such a tightass and shell out the beans.

The_Conductor

There are people like this. There isn't a lot you can do about it. I'd suggest getting the limit on your credit card reduced drastically- so if she wants/needs to do something she has to pay for it herself. Accept the laptop is yours and write off the cost, the iron wasn't that expensive, so just cover it and then- go saving big time for the next few weeks/months until such time as its cleared.

If she wants to use Skype to call home- why the hell are you paying for it? Let the account go down to nil and then don't recharge it (because of your new lower credit card limit).

Its not nice when you're with someone like this- but dwelling on it won't help your sanity. If its a make or break point, and you cannot try to work around her miserliness, then perhaps its time to evaluate where you are going.

S.

MikeHoncho

I really dont know what advice to give you other than whatever you think will cause the least hassle between you. I was friends with a couple the female was a great saver and always gave out to the male because he couldnt save a dime. Thing was every time they went out for dinner, cinema, drinks or whatever he would be paying for both of them so there for it was impossible for him to save.

Zulu

Is she foriegn?
Maybe this is a cultural thing - perhaps she expects you to provide....

petes

No offence but grow a set of balls. Tell her that if she wants something she has to contribute - there and then. None of this put it on the cc malarky.

Marksie

OP: sometimes when people save there is a simple trap that they fall into.

Saving for a purpose, whatever it is is fine.

However, it is common that a total fascination develops with watching the 0s and 1s grow in the account. So much so that it becomes the end in itself, not the original purpose for whihc savings were intended.
To that end, the saving becomes the be all and end all.

Anything that impacts on the savings is seen as an unnecessary expense.

In some ways its like an addiction. The fascination grows until the saver forgets that there is a life. Its is all about realising tis and obtaining the correct balance.
It could be that your g/f has fallen into this trap.

is_that_so

If she is not from these parts and from eastern Europe there may be a certain psychological effect at work. Money does that. From her point of view, like many others Ireland is a cash cow, whether they stay here long term or not. Coming from a more impoverished background one tends to resist spending as it is eating into your "life savings". They have a certain insecurity about money and it is very hard to shift them out of this, especially when others she knows are obsessed with saving money.

So every time you want money it reduces all the money she has managed to get. Some talking needs to happen here. You might also encourage her to stick some of it in a saving accounts so that she can see that grow. What can help is a "direct debit" each month. Work out exactly how much is needed. That way it'll be easier to adjust to another "bill".
Multiple ATM visits merely serve to highlight the dwindling pot and magnify insecurities.

If it's any consolation she could be like this as a millionaire but will relax when she hits the billions.

Or she could be as the OP describes her.

py2006

Do you pay for all the drinks when you go out and pay for dinner when out for a meal aswell??

Its another example of the whole "Your money is ours (mainly mine) and my own money is for me"

A girl like this wouldn't last 5 minutes with me.

You obviously pay for alot of things in this relationship and she is taking advantage of it.

Lay down the law dude or walk away!

seamus

meangirl? wrote:

A bit pessamistic I know but....
Who gets to keep the laptop in the event that you break up?
Do you buy her out? or do you just keep it?
Maybe she just feels a bit weird about paying €250 towards something that is essentially yours?

There reaches a point in a relationship where this should no longer be an issue.

People are afraid of committing to big things (moving in, getting a pet, etc etc etc), because in the back of their mind they're thinking, "How do I easily back out of this in the event that I need to?". At a certain point in your relationship, that worry should be gone - you should be thinking, "I don't need an escape plan".

That's OT though. Some people can be naturally thrifty with their money. Coming from my own experience, girls get an easier ride in their late teens and twenties than boys do - for many women, Daddy still pays for everything, and still looks after them. For a handful, this carries on and the girl expects the men in her life to always pick up her tabs. All the while she's thinking that she's such a great saver, she's getting a kick out of the bank balance going up and up and always having that money there for a new pair of shoes.

For your specific problem OP, if you're living together, then some items are a household expense which you both pay equally for, regardless of who is the primary user. An iron is a household expense, end of.

A laptop, in my case would be my expense. Regardless of why I was ditching the desktop, for the rest of my life all of the technology in my household will be "mine", purely because I will be the primary decision maker, I will be the primary driver for getting it, and I will be the primary user. Everyone else may use it, but not to the same extent that I will. But that's me.
However, ff she agreed to give you the money towards it, then she should pay up. There's no recourse.

Kintarō Hattori

Well I contributed the majority of the money for the laptop, but I told her that it's EVERY bit as much her's as it is mine. The Skype thing is a good idea, when credit runs out I won't be topping it up again.

It's certainly not a make or break point smccarrick- it's just annoying that's all. Things were laid out clearly, we agreed on things and now that it comes to stumping up she's being difficult. She's great in other ways, but sometimes can be so frustrating.

MikeHoncho made a good point. I feel like the guy he's talking about. My missus is a good saver, but I always end up paying more for the living expenses. I pay more rent, food, bills etc, so find that it's difficult for me to save as much as her.

Marksie has also made another very good point. I think she really has fallen into the trap of watching the numbers in her bank account grow. It has an almost mystical hold on her!

She is careful with money but I can understand why. Her work situation isn't helping either though. Her temporary contract in work has finished and they say they'll make her permanent but it hasn't happened yet and for the whole of last month she was paid just €500 or so. She's not the only one there who's in this situation. There are several people there in 'limbo'.

Talliesin

Marksie wrote:

However, it is common that a total fascination develops with watching the 0s and 1s grow in the account. So much so that it becomes the end in itself, not the original purpose for whihc savings were intended.

There are also people who are literally afraid of spending money (often the case if they were once hard up and that fear was then perfectly rational but has remained, though that's not the only case where it can happen).

There are also people who are particularly good at "selling" an expense to their partners so each seems like a good idea at the time, but less so when considered in toto.

Possibly the OP is a bit like that.

Possibly also, the OP isn't like that at all, but his partner feels that he is.

Kintarō Hattori

Talliesin wrote:

There are also people who are particularly good at "selling" an expense to their partners so each seems like a good idea at the time, but less so when considered in toto.

Possibly the OP is a bit like that.

Possibly also, the OP isn't like that at all, but his partner feels that he is.

No I'm not like that at all. A computer is essential really these days. We use it to keep in touch with family, check stuff online, cinema, email etc. As Seamus said some things, such as an iron are simply life expenses, as is the ESB too!
Things that aren't necessary I buy myself and don't ask her for a contribution, such as a new LCD TV among a few other small things.

Borderfox

I know what you mean, I went out with a girl from Germany (I aint pidgeon holeing anyone) and she was as tight as a mermaids bra, we went to Waterford on holiday and she never put her hand in her pocket, so she got the boot. At the mo my current girlfriend doesnt make that much money but contributes (not that much) but I feel much more comfortable. My two cents

PeakOutput

eo980 wrote:

No we're not married. There's nothing else too it other than that she just doesn't like handing over money. She's a good saver and she has more money now than she's ever had, and just hates parting with it.

ye sorry reading back i dont think there is anything sinister to it either but money sure does strange things to people at times

Kali

Your wallet's too free. Shut it, and when you want to spend money on her let her know that it's a gift or something special.. sounds like she's just used to you shelling out and when it comes to paying her share is getting all worked up. I was in the same boat for a while, earning a wee bit more and not worrying about getting the 50% I was owed until a good while afterwards... by which stage it's turned into a small fortune. If you do shell out in future then get it as soon as possible... it may feel awkard to nag immediately but it's quicker and easier all-round.

Marksie

Talliesin wrote:

There are also people who are literally afraid of spending money (often the case if they were once hard up and that fear was then perfectly rational but has remained, though that's not the only case where it can happen).

There are also people who are particularly good at "selling" an expense to their partners so each seems like a good idea at the time, but less so when considered in toto.

Possibly the OP is a bit like that.

Possibly also, the OP isn't like that at all, but his partner feels that he is.

Or as i think somene pointed out, they were brought up that way.

I think its good to point out that tere is a differnce between being careful with money and being tight.
In my own case i fully admit to being careful, but when a loved one needed a large sum to raise the deposit on a house, it was there NQA, cheque written.
Tight would have been to have it and say no.
The fact, as seamus pointed out, that household expenses are also an issue would indicate that the OPs girlfriend hasn't got the balance right

Maple

wow, thats seriously tight. just stick it to her OP, make her pay what she owes you. Its unpleasant but it has to be done, she's being seriously unfair. Let her get her own Skype account too and don't be so quick to offer to put everything on your credit card. She's just being mean.

Anna23

sorry this might sound rude...but where do u guys find all these women???

py2006

Anna23 wrote:

sorry this might sound rude...but where do u guys find all these women???

They really aren't hard to find in this country! Especially in Dublin!

Nevyn

Off topic and unhelpful posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do read the charter and abide by the rules while posting.
Have a nice day,
Thaedydal.

The_B_Man

"fecking tight wench"

Thats hardly a nice name to be callin ur missus, and tbh, i'd even let her off wit abput 100 for the laptop. u know its for u and ur gonna be usin it more!

PeakOutput

The_B_Man wrote:

"fecking tight wench"

Thats hardly a nice name to be callin ur missus, and tbh, i'd even let her off wit abput 100 for the laptop. u know its for u and ur gonna be usin it more!

its not the point if you agree to something then you follow threw on it

RosieJoe

Just find this thread comical! What is the deal with splitting bills and expenses down the middle?

How long are you living together and do you think that this is the way you will continue into married life?

Forget about her not happy paying for the laptop, bigger issue here is the need to split the bills!

Placebo

depending on the time span of those things being bought some people get weighed down mentally thinking of how much money they have spent in a short period or so and the laptop is yours tbh, she may use it but asking her to pay is like letting her rent it. Obviously she isnt right but thats women, she wouldnt complain if it was a 600 euro dress :cool:

py2006 wrote:

They really aren't hard to find in this country! Especially in Dublin!

lol i think BINGO's on tv

Owen

Well eo980, you know I'm in a similar situation relationship wise, but until now, I didn't realise we were in a similar financial situation either! My missus is a fantastic saver, but probably due to the fact that I always pay for the cups of coffee when we're shopping, and the parking when we're out, and even when we go on Holidays, I usually end up paying for the flights too, but as you well know, that's the norm where they're both from.

Thankfully, my other half is, without my having to ask her, starting to pay her own way now, and she's actually said it gives her a great sense of satisfaction to do it. Hopefully it might happen that way for you too!

Anna23

I would love to know where I could find a guy who pays for everything, to be honest with you OP tell her how u feel and if nothig changes, move out, otherwise u will be paying for her for the rest of ur life, and no matter how good a woman is in bed, or how good looking, smart or funny she is, I still would want everthing to be devided into 2!!!!

She probably has u wrapped around her little finger!

Noelie

Myself and my girlfriend, opened a joint account when we moved in together, we automatically put a set amount of money into the account every month and all our common bill our paid out of this account. Most things are paid with my CC so i usually transfer the money from the joint account onto my CC whenever we buy something. why not mention that idea to her.

Kintarō Hattori

The_B_Man wrote:

"fecking tight wench"

Thats hardly a nice name to be callin ur missus

Well I thought it wasn't bad, I could call her worse things. I meant it with some jest.

Anna23 wrote:

She probably has u wrapped around her little finger!

Well not really. You're only seeing a small fraction of our relationship here.

Noelie wrote:

Myself and my girlfriend, opened a joint account when we moved in together, we automatically put a set amount of money into the account every month and all our common bill our paid out of this account. Most things are paid with my CC so i usually transfer the money from the joint account onto my CC whenever we buy something. why not mention that idea to her.

That's actually not a bad idea at all. I think I might mention this.

ned78 wrote:

Thankfully, my other half is, without my having to ask her, starting to pay her own way now, and she's actually said it gives her a great sense of satisfaction to do it. Hopefully it might happen that way for you too!

Thanks for the encouragement Ned. I have to work on it so!

Anna23

relationship....hummmmm.....u prob see it that way.....i see a woman who uses a guy she lives with!!!!

Maple

Noelie wrote:

Myself and my girlfriend, opened a joint account when we moved in together, we automatically put a set amount of money into the account every month and all our common bill our paid out of this account. Most things are paid with my CC so i usually transfer the money from the joint account onto my CC whenever we buy something. why not mention that idea to her.

brilliant idea. OP definitely consider this.

Crumble Froo

i think that she should definitely pay for the lappy, if for no other reason but that it was bought specifically because she wanted more space. myself and my fella are both really really strapped for cash, and while he likes to treat me, ill always try to pay back as much as i can... eg, go to the cinema, pay individual bus fares, he'll buy my ticket, and ill make sure and get some popcorn and minstrels for both of us

we'll be moving in together soon, so not sure how bills will work, but we'll be paying pretty much halves on the rent anyway.

it's always a hard one, (specially in our case where we're both so strapped for cash), but i think you should definitely just sit her down and talk about this. it's always the little annoyances that blow up and become huge annoyances.

Kinetic^

You need to set some boundaries here. It's 50/50 or she can gtfo....simple really!!!

Rb

1: Buy a cattle prod
2: Warn her that should she touch an item she hasn't contributed to (laptop, iron etc.) she will get a light zap
3: Rig your house with hidden cameras
4: At the end of the day, review the footage, should she touch it ZZZZAPPP!

That'll learn her

On a serious note, as Kenny said, 50/50 or gtfo, especially seeing as those of us who browse the Fashion/Appearance forum know how much you spend showering her with gifts, asking for 50% of stuff you both need/want isn't much to ask for.
It's one thing to buy her the odd present, but as you're living together, you can't be paying for everything or the majority of everything needed in the household or stuff you both want to treat yourself to just because she doesn't want to contribute.

tritium

joint bank account sounds like the way to go imho. That way everyone knows whats being paid by whom and the moneys there in advance so no argueing after the fact (can't help with agreeing on what it gets spent on though).

At the relationship end of things it sounds like a long chat is needed about what is a reasonable level of financial committment on her part. Seriously, asking you to buy the laptop and then using as she pleases is taking the p!$$

chump

I think the problem mainly lies with the laptop. I can see her point of view.

For example my lassie uses my computer but it's mine, and I paid for it and it has my footprints all over it!

Also if she has less cash than you, due to earning less, I'd treat her to a mars bar every third day!

Lenina

Where is she from? It sounds like a clash of different cultures to me.
It reminds me of my situation. I moved in with my boyfriend (He`s Irish, I`m Slovak). He pays all the bills, the rent and he treats me when we go out.
On the other hand, I have no problem doing all the housework, cooking, cleaning, etc. And I prefer it this way, I like the traditional division of male and female roles and duties. I wouldn`t be with someone who wouldn`t be able or willing to look after me and I don`t think that I`m stingy.
What does it look like in your household?
I think that if you want someone who pays the exact half of everything, you should be with a Western European woman. I don`t think she will change. Sorry, I don`t know if this post helped.

Seraphina

ok eo908, i have read several of your threads relating to your girlfriend. here, on PI, jealousy issues with a Goldfrapp dvd she had a big huff over of all things. you asking advice on various clothing and gifts you seem to shower her with, and now this.

no offence man, she doesn't sound like your gf, she sounds like your whore. i'm not trying to be insulting, but that is my honest opinion from the several threads i have followed. and i'm female btw.

she's a serious control freak, as another poster said, she's got you wrapped around her little finger. you're either too blinded by her beauty, in total denial or just stupid.

Kintarō Hattori

Thanks for the sincere advise RB, it's much appreicated. Good to see you around, you seem to have been absent for some time.

Lenina - I certainly don't want her to pay half of everything, but when she agrees to something, I'd like her to stick to that agreement. If I were to buy something considered unnecessary I'd have to listen to her complain. I didn't think a water filter or new iron was necessary, so why should I have to fork out the full amount for them. I clean and cook in the apartment too, so it's not like I get that done for me.

Seraphina - I appreciate your feedback but you are only seeing the grumbles I write her. You don't see me writing about all the good things in our relationship. People like to complain, and your only seeing one side of the relationship.
Sincemy last post about her jealousy she's been trying to reign it in and I have to give credit to her for that. It's still stupid that that problem should exist in the way that it does, but she is trying and I believe overall that we have a relationship worth working at.

In fairness the 'gifts' I've 'showered' her with she never asked for and she has asked me to get that under control. I admit that our current situation could somewhat be as a result of me spoiling her.
Oh and I don't deny that I could be stupid!

LegacyUser

Just remember you can never give too little...but you can always give too much! When anyone asks me for advice on relationships (not that i claim to be some sort of God or anything) but I would always say "It's a marathon and not a sprint..." and i believe this is for the whole relationship not just the beginning.

if you give her too much and let her away with too much, she will walk all over you...she doesn't mean to or want to, but that's the way you have allowed her too...

It's like for example, when a girlfriend always has sex with her boyfriend even if she doesn't want to and she does it just to please the boyfriend at the beginning of the relationship and to get in his good books or whatever, and then a year on the guy is expecting it constantly and she just is not up for it for whatever reason, the guy keeps expecting it...and will get annoyed with her over this...

The same situation applies here...put your foot down and show her who the man is!!!!!!!

Miss Fluff

eo980 wrote:

She is careful with money but I can understand why. Her work situation isn't helping either though. Her temporary contract in work has finished and they say they'll make her permanent but it hasn't happened yet and for the whole of last month she was paid just €500 or so. She's not the only one there who's in this situation. There are several people there in 'limbo'.

OK, people who are tight with money are a pet-hate of mine. Anyone so obsessed with the accumulation of money has no soul imo. Bloody misers. (Likewise people who don't like food!!) Anyway, if she is just being a tight wench then password protect the laptop and let her know you're not happy.

However, the girl did only make 500 quid last month which would be nigh on impossible to survive on. Maybe she simply doesn't want to dip into her savings at all because she is not making the money to be able to replace any withdrawls. If she is finding it tough, why don't you suggest she pays you back in two or three installments to take the pressure off?

Glowing

I think part of the problem may be that you're paying for everything up front, perhaps she's hoping that you'll forget to ask her.

Why not take turns to buy thing? i.e you paid for the iron one week, so the next joint item you get, she pays for it. Then you don't have the problem and added stress of having to chase up the money afterwards.