Deadly easy but good food - post them here

popebenny16

Right, this will give you the idea.

Aldi. Chinese Duck with some crappy pancakes but a good sauce. Its in the frozen food department.

Method:

1. Chuck away the pancakes - they're rubbish.
2. Cut open the bag, stick the duck into the oven for 25 mins on 220 degrees.
3. Boil some water, pour into a mug, leave the scahet of sauce in it for a bit.
4. OPTIONAL: After 22 mins microwave some microwavable rice for two mins.

Take out the duck, slice it up, chuck it all onto a dish. Eat. Habe a bottle or a can or two and fart like a hero.

Price, including, Rice about €8. Take away price about €12 and its just as good. Massive amount of Duck.

petes

Salad.





/gets coat.

crosstownk

Maybe it's me, but I missed the part where you fry it. Anyway it all sound like too much work. There's four steps involved, ffs. And what's with the rice? Surely you mean chips. I also reckon you meant a six pack or two (possibly three if you've bottles).

aidan_dunne

Here's one of my favourites:

Ingredients

---

Tesco - Tin of ready-made chicken curry. Comes with a purplely colour label on the tin. Don't go for the Tesco Value blue-&-white label version, it tastes shít. Got to be the stuff in the purple tin. Not as good as what you'd get in a takeaway, admitedly, but it's quite tasty with some nice big chunks of chicken in it. Plus it's dirt cheap!

Packet of Uncle Ben's (or whatever brand you prefer yourself! Think Lidl does an even cheaper version if you want to risk it! ) microwave rice.



Cooking Directions

---

Chuck the tin of curry into a saucepan and cook for about 10 minutes, stirring occassionally. Or, even quicker, throw it into a bowl, cover it, into the microwave, cook for a couple of minutes. Take it out, stir it up a bit, put it back in for another couple of minutes until finished.

Chuck the rice into the microwave and nuke it for 2 minutes as per instructions.

Throw the lot out onto a plate. Done! Quick, simple, filling.

Costs feck all as well.

Feel free to bulk it up with some chips or whatever additions you like yourself, though I find it's usually pretty filling as it is.

Jesus Wept

1. Call Local Chinese Takeaway
2. Place order
3. Answer door
4. Eat food out of container.


Even this quantifys work, but it's by far the best option suggested so far.

crosstownk

The-Rigger wrote:

1. Call Local Chinese Takeaway
2. Place order
3. Answer door
4. Eat food out of container.


Even this quantifys work, but it's by far the best option suggested so far.

Ah yes - good man Rigger! I can handle those four steps.

Zaph

The-Rigger wrote:

1. Call Local Chinese Takeaway
2. Place order
3. Answer door
4. Eat food out of container.

I think this can be expanded upon:

1. Tell your wimmin what food you want so that she can call the local Chinese.
2. Sit on couch drinking beer and watching Sky Sports/pr0n until food arrives.
3. Allow wimmin to answer door, pay for food and bring it to you with a fork and another beer.

Jesus Wept

zaph wrote:

I think this can be expanded upon:

1. Tell your wimmin what food you want so that she can call the local Chinese.
2. Sit on couch drinking beer and watching Sky Sports/pr0n until food arrives.
3. Allow wimmin to answer door, pay for food and bring it to you with a fork and another beer.

This is optimal.

trout

zaph wrote:

I think this can be expanded upon:

1. Tell your wimmin what food you want so that she can call the local Chinese.
2. Sit on couch drinking beer and watching Sky Sports/pr0n until food arrives.
3. Allow wimmin to answer door, pay for food and bring it to you with a fork and another beer.

Not bad Brother Zaph, not bad at all. However, after 10 years of married bliss (it's well for her) I have refined this process into a single step, which never varies and always works.

Simply put, when I walk in the door from work, I only have to say "Wife, fetch my dinner, I command you!" (this is true, I swear. She thinks I'm joking ... ha!!) ... and within 10 mins, I have a feast fit for a king laid before me. *

This gives me enough time for a post work dump, and a quick read of the sports pages while on the throne.

In fairness to Mrs Trout, while she has some vagaries, she is a fiend in the kitchen and takes her cooking duties most seriously indeed. If she doesn't feel like cooking, she arranges a take-away instead, and I am very happy with this arrangement. In return, I do the Sunday dinners (all roasts, all the time), Christmas dinner, and barbeque's when weather permits. This works out well.

* albeit a very unfussy kind of king, who likes chips, stews and curries a lot.

Zaph

Impressive stuff Brother Trout, but I spotted one major inefficiency in your technique:

trout wrote:

This gives me enough time for a post work dump, and a quick read of the sports pages while on the throne.

Surely you realise that whenever possible dumping should be done on company time to reduce both actual time to be worked and domestic expenditure on bog roll?

Jesus Wept

This is super optimal.

Zaph

I knew that project management course I did would come in handy eventually.

admiralofthefleet

throw a chicken fillet into a hot wok (toss around) season with pepper & salt, 4 mins later throw in a little soy sauce and chilli jam, then 3 mins later add some onions and mushrooms (or whatever veg you like), cook it up for another 5 mins and throw in some ready cooked noodles. 2 mins later u have chicken chow mein

gizmo

Get some of those microwavable frankfurters (anything but the Denny's ones), lob them in said device for ~1min per pair, while cooking take slice of bread, lob on some ketchup, when done place frankfurter in bread and wrap up. Devour. Repeat. Sounds lovely but when consumed in the presence of alcohol are rather tasty.

trout

zaph wrote:

Impressive stuff Brother Trout, but I spotted one major inefficiency in your technique:

Surely you realise that whenever possible dumping should be done on company time to reduce both actual time to be worked and domestic expenditure on bog roll?

At first glance Brother Zaph, this may look like an inefficiency in my technique ... please allow me to elaborate.

When you eat as much starchy, lardy, stodgy, greasy goodness as I do in a given day, there are many opportunities for office based dumps. Without getting vulgar, I spend a fair amount of work time on the throne, occasionally getting phone calls from colleagues to ensure I haven't fallen in. Naturally, I visit other floors and departments in the building, to share the experience far & wide and also reduce the chance of bumping into someone I know. I like to visit the Software Developers loos most often, and give them some real feedback.

However, due to my somewhat lofty rank in work, I can rarely relax enough to go the whole hog, as it were. There have been some complaints about the grunts & groans involved dispatching a particularly troublesome load. This has hampered me slightly and made the working dump somewhat pedestrian and mundane

So, now I like to stoke up on coffee for the afternoon, to ensure an ample supply of propellant for my post work dump ... which serves to clear the decks for the night ahead and helps me to separate the working day from the pleasant evenings that are every Brother & Sister's right in this world.

To keep on topic ... my contribution to the Deadly easy but good food guide is here.

You will need ... Eggs, Bread, Butter, Cheese, Onion and George Foreman grill (he rules!)

• Take one George Foreman grill ... the bigger the better.
• Take thick slices of your favourite bread. I like Brennan's meself.
• Apply ample quantities of butter to the OUTER surface of the bread.
• Dice the onion and cheese ... crack the eggs and mix together. You want a lumpy paste.
• Apply this mixture to the bread in the George Foreman grill.
• Put a lid on the sandwich. Close the George.
• Wait 2 mins, or until cheese leaks out of the sandwich. Or smoke alarm goes off.
• If you're posh, or entertaining, add some of the herbs your missus keeps in the press above the microwave. I like rosemary, parsley and other green things. Green is good.

1. Give wimmins money.
2. Send said wimmins to the chipper.
3. Eat your lovley greasy chips and burger and have your wimmins clean up after and get you some beer.

I believe this is the most efficient method, but I am open to correction.:D

Hagar

Have a banana...

Zaph

Fried, of course. Mmmmm, banana fritters.

Sam Vimes

popebenny16 wrote:

3. Boil some water

what am i, a chemist !?


my instructions:

option 1:

1. buy sausages/rashers/eggs/beans/mushrooms/bread/anything else you feel like frying.

2. put oil in pan.

3. put everything on the pan in turn except the beans which are microwaved.

4. eat


option 2:

1. print out option 1 and hand it to the wimmin

Commander Vimes

Commander Vimes wrote:

what am i, a chemist !?


my instructions:

option 1:

1. buy sausages/rashers/eggs/beans/mushrooms/bread/anything else you feel like frying.

2. put oil in pan.

3. put everything on the pan in turn except the beans which are microwaved.

4. eat


option 2:

1. print out option 1 and hand it to the wimmin

Option 2 all the way:D

jhegarty

Step 1) Waitress I'll have the full Irish ... with extra fried stuff....

Step 2) Eat

crosstownk

This thread seems to imply that the brothers should learn how to use ovens, grills, etc.

We know nothing of this sort. We want it served to us with a beer in tow.

Cooking is not our thing. Let's just eat what the wimmin make and be happy

popebenny16

One thing about these "Wimmin" or "Wife" devices. I find that my one is constantly demanding, requires frequent overhauls and is generally a not of bother. Makes some amount of noise as well when operating doing the domestics and all that.

Too much hassle.

Zaph

Trade it in for a new one. They only run trouble free for a year or so.

jester77

I prefer the one-click order online site... but unfortunatley it takes more than one click as you have to open your browser first, so it's really 2 clicks (hmm, maybe I could be onto something here, a real 1-click system, but that would take some thinking about :eek:)

If too lazy to do the 2 clicks then I press 1 on the speed-dial of my phone, but then you have the hassle of trying to tell them what you want!

Then, in a serious emergency (laptop & mobile batteries both dead), I would throw some birdseye waffles in the toaster and a tin of beans in the microwave!

Degsy

Go to a good butcher.Buy a stuffed pork roast.Get PLENTY of seasoning.Stick in the oven (180 degrees fior two hours,220 for one hour forty five).Carve into big,quivering chunks,making sure there's crackling in every mouthfull and consume in its entirety with copious cans of cold beer.This can also be done with a leg of lamb but must be rubbed with garlic and cooked with rosemary first.Also the bone should be fcuked into the neighbour's garden whether they've a dog or not.

Kaldorn

well maybe when you are all dead from drinking too much and eating unhealthy rubbish you will reget your choice of lifestyle and before you say how can i regret it if i am dead,i believe you will be damned to walk pergatory for the rest of time

Kaldorn

Kaldorn wrote:

well maybe when you are all dead from drinking too much and eating unhealthy rubbish you will reget your choice of lifestyle and before you say how can i regret it if i am dead,i believe you will be damned to walk pergatory for the rest of time

:eek:
Say it isn't so

crosstownk

Kaldorn wrote:

before you say how can i regret it if i am dead,i believe you will be damned to walk pergatory for the rest of time

Is there a bar there?

popebenny16

As far as I recall, Purgatory has a nice sofa. AND Sky Sports. I'll settle for that.

jhegarty

Degsy wrote:

Stick in the oven (180 degrees fior two hours,220 for one hour forty five)..

So thats 8 minutes with at 2000 degrees ?

Dord

Degsy wrote:

Go to a good butcher.Buy a stuffed pork roast.Get PLENTY of seasoning.Stick in the oven (180 degrees fior two hours,220 for one hour forty five).Carve into big,quivering chunks,making sure there's crackling in every mouthfull and consume in its entirety with copious cans of cold beer.This can also be done with a leg of lamb but must be rubbed with garlic and cooked with rosemary first.Also the bone should be fcuked into the neighbour's garden whether they've a dog or not.

I'm not waiting 3 hours 45 minutes for Dinner!! :mad:

Whoever mentioned the microwave frankfurters has hit the nail on the head. Just bung 'em in the microwave and nuke them.

thelordofcheese

jhegarty wrote:

So thats 8 minutes with at 2000 degrees ?

Thats how it's done.
Good thinkin'

Duggy747

Damn, some stuff here I still wouldn't be arsed doing.

For anyone here who's got a George Foreman (I know I do ) here's how to make a gorgeous Smoked Rasher Cheese Sandwich

1. Throw 3 Smoked Rashers onto grill.
2. Select 9 mins and press start.
3. Watch TV with a nice beer and / or a fag.
4. When 9 mins are up place the 3 rashers between 2 slices of bread and cheese (One EasySingle slice does the work for me)

ENJOY!!


OPTIONAL: (This is what I do cuz the sandwiches are lovely!!)

5. Put 3 more sandwiches on the grill while you eat your now-made one, by the time you finish it *BING* Time for another one

Stky10

Duggy747 wrote:

4. When 9 mins are up place the 3 rashers between 2 slices of bread and cheese (One EasySingle slice does the work for me)

ENJOY!!

I know a lot will say I'm over complicating things here... but anyway...

5. Put the completed rashers, bread, and cheese back into the George for another 2-3 mins.

The bread soaks up some of the juice off the cooked rashers thats left over on the surface of the plates, and the fact the whole thing is hot adds to the flavour.

crosstownk

Stky10 wrote:

The bread soaks up some of the juice off the cooked rashers thats left over on the surface of the plates, and the fact the whole thing is hot adds to the flavour.

Good stuff - no wastage of good rasher juice - I like

Naos

Brothers I come to you know as I eat a bowl of Spaghetti Carbonara.

Now I know this may appear to be a gay Italian dish, but let me justify it.

Its nice, quick and has meat and eggs in it. Thus giving us protein. Thus allowing our beer drinking bicep to grow stronger and therefore enable us to consume more.

Ingredients:

Long string spaghetti
Eggs


Step 1: Put Spaghetti in boiling water & salt for 6 - 8 mins
Step 2: Begin Frying bacon with pepper, garlic & olive oil
Step 3: Drain excess water from spaghetti. Mix up some eggs in a bowl (1 for starters and 1 per 100g). Mix egg into spaghetti, spaghetti will cook the egg.
Step 4: Add bacon and mix around again, adding more salt as you please.
Step 5: Eat

In the absence of wimmen folk, I have been forced to cook for myself. This is the first time I made this/cooked and it was simple.

Enjoy brothers

It BeeMee

^^^ or:

Dolmio microwave pasta
Dolmio microwave sauce

3 minutes later....

admiralofthefleet

Kaldorn wrote:

well maybe when you are all dead from drinking too much and eating unhealthy rubbish you will reget your choice of lifestyle and before you say how can i regret it if i am dead,i believe you will be damned to walk pergatory for the rest of time

that place doesnt exist according to the leader of the catholic cult

Naos

Itbemee: The thread is about good food. Not simple slop.

Good food can be quick, just ask Gordon Ramsay.

Dave!

Just had this excellent meal a few minutes ago and felt it was necessary to share it with you wonderful people.

Ingredients:
-John West Tuna in Brine
-Mayonaisse
-Onion (bear with me now....)
-Cheese

Method:

1- Drain the juice from the tuna tin... not completely, you don't want it to be bone dry, but you don't want the brine wrecking your meal either
2- Chop up an onion into bits about 1/3 the size of the nail on your little finger. This makes you feel manly, because you get to use a knife.
3- Throw the tuna and chopped onion into a bowl, then put a load of mayo in there too. Not too much mayo so that the mixture turns completely white, but enough to lubricate the food as it's going down
4- Turn on the grill (bear with me...) and lay out your bread to be toasted, on the tray thing. A minimum of 4 slices is required, but 6 is recommended.
5- When those sides are toasted, turn them all over. Put a bit of butter on half of them, and then throw the tuna mixture onto those slices. Place the slices of cheese on them too. Put the tray thing back in.
6- Make sure the cheese is not burning, if it is then lower the heat and/or take out the slices with the cheese on them. When the toast is cooked and the cheese is nicely melted, put the toasted slices on top of the other ones. Then turn the sandwich over so that you can toast the under side of the slices holding your fishy goodness.
7- When this is cooked, take out the sandwiches. Move on to step 8, and pay close attention.
8- You must now cut the sandwiches diagonally, creating 2 perfect triangles with each sandwich. This appear to be womanly aesthetic crap, but in actual fact this is the most important step, because the triangular slice ensure that the taste particals are evenly distributed amongst the sandwiches. Cutting the sandwich across like a conventional sandwich is just sandwich suicide.
9- Consume with tea or beer. Bl*wjobs are optional but encouraged.

Here is the finished product: