just found out working with ex

mcdonnst

Hi all,
I'll try keep this short but any advice would be appreciated.

So I have being going out with my gf 3 year now, things are not smooth at the moment, maybe breaking, but that's not the problem.

We were out on Sat to have a "talk", later she asks why was a certain person on my Bebo. I said ah he just works with me, we are kinda mates, she then says that that was her ex just before me for about a year. Also she says the there has only being 2 people she has had sex with, me and him. That mean she lost her virginity to this guy. Also she says that he messed her about and took advantage of her. (I kinda knew this from the start just I didn't know who)

I have never had a relationship this long and ex's has never come up. I don't know how I'm meant to feel towards this guy.
He was a workmate, now should I hate him? He caused pain to my gf, he has had sex with her. Are bf's supposed to hate ex's?
Or am I do I try and keep the too separate and still give the guy my time.

Any help please.

Reku

mcdonnst wrote:

Are bf's supposed to hate ex's?
Or am I do I try and keep the too separate and still give the guy my time.

Any help please.

Only if you have suspicions that there's still something between them IMO. As for keeping them apart, if he treated her as badly as she says she won't want to be near him so just don't invite her to things where you know that he'll be there.
Sure, for all you know it's just a case of mistaken identity (I've had numerous people mistake me for someone else because we look very similar), did she give the right name for him, etc...?

biko

Keep them separate. As you grow older you'll find more and more situations like this.
Is your gf asking you to hate him, or even to not speak to him anymore?
The history between them does not concern you personally.

mcdonnst

Its is him for sure, same name, from the same area, she saw his bebo.

I know for sure nothing is going on.
She did say I should talk to him cause he treated her badly.

Im 21 and so is she by the way

tbh

this is between your g/f and her ex. Don't get involved, it's extremely unprofessional if nothing else.

AnonoBoy

It's not really your place to say anything to the guy.

She got hurt by him, unfortunately people hurt each other in relationships - it happens all the time - and while she may hate him it doens't neccessarily mean that he's a bad guy or that you yourself are compelled to also hate him.

Now I would recommend, as others have said, doing the best you can to ensure that you don't invite him along to something you're going to with your girlfriend or bringing her along on a work night out if he's going to be there. Also - minimise mentioning him to her as much as you can - it'll just cause unneccessary friction.

cance

for the love of god seperate yourself from this.

dont say a word, its her gripe, not yours. If you create conflict in work it will be 1 million times worse. He didnt do anything to you, granted he hurt her but thats her issue.

mcdonnst

Thanks for the reply's.

Will defo not be bringing her to work things where they will bump into each other. She would not want want to go now anyway.

I'm not going to say anything to him. It's just I was mates with him before I knew this, now I don't think I can be.I think I will have to distance myself as much as possible. Which will be hard as he is central to the socal aspect of my job, which I like.

Chinafoot

Sounds like your girlfriend needs to get over it tbh. You've been together for three years now and it's really not healthy to harbour such resentment and if ye are already at a breaking point in your relationship this surely won't help. There's a big possibility of resentment on both sides. She'll resent you for not having a word with this bloke and you'll resent her for being difficult about the social aspect of your job and for feeling like you cant be friends with this guy.

It was over three years ago...how does your girlfriend know he hasn't changed and grown up?

Sit her down and tell her that you've no intention of saying anything to this guy. What happened between them was before you came on the scene so it's none of your business.

I'd be wondering why, after so long, she's still not over it. Yeah he hurt her and it sucks but unfortunately in the real world people have to deal with exes all the time and the best way to do it is to be an adult about it.

TEH REAL CDP

cance wrote:

for the love of god seperate yourself from this.

dont say a word, its her gripe, not yours. If you create conflict in work it will be 1 million times worse. He didnt do anything to you, granted he hurt her but thats her issue.

Exactly.

unregd147

"It's just I was mates with him before I knew this, now I don't think I can be.I think I will have to distance myself as much as possible"

Are you saying you cant be mates with him now because of what your GF would think, or because of your own feelings towards him? Jealousy, paranoia etc. ?

"things are not smooth at the moment, maybe breaking"
There seems to be bigger problems at hand than the above.

The fact that shes not over this after 3years is a bit worrying. If she was mad in love with you would she not have forgotten the troubles she's had with someone else? Or at least gotten over them?

mcdonnst

She dose not want me to say anything at all. I'm postive she dose not have feelings for him. Im sure she gotten over. Thats not the issue really, its more


"Are you saying you cant be mates with him now because of what your GF would think, or because of your own feelings towards him? Jealousy, paranoia etc. ?"

Both I think.