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Bus Conductor - don't read if easily offended

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  • 23-07-2007 9:48pm
    #1
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,903 Mod ✭✭✭✭


    A little old lady is on a bus, buying a ticket from the bus conductor, fumbling in a voluminous bag for the correct change. After 15 minutes the conductor becomes so enraged that he hits her on the head with the ticket-dispenser, and the poor old dear dies instantly.

    Not surprisingly, he is convicted and put on death row. Just before he is to be electrocuted, his last request is for 12 pounds of bananas, which he devours. They strap him into the chair, flip the switch, and he just sits there, smiling.

    According to tradition, this is considered a reprieve from God and he is freed. Somehow he gets his old job back, and he is happily dispensing tickets when he sees a girl stick her gum on the back of a seat on the bus. Enraged, he lunges out with the ticket dispenser, breaking the offender's neck and killing her. Again, he is convicted and sent to death row. He again eats the 12 pounds of bananas, and lo and behold, the electricity does not harm him.

    This time the executioner cleans the contacts, makes him sit in a bucket of water, he tries everything - but the conductor won't die. So again, he is set free.

    Amazingly he regains his job. It takes him one day to lose his temper and beat to death a young boy who starts to chew his bus ticket. He returns to death row, eats the bananas, and survives the electrocution.

    At this point, the executioner can take no more - his professional pride has been hurt. Before setting our friend free again, he asks him his secret - "what is it with the bananas?".

    "Oh, the bananas have nothing to do with it", replies our friend. "I'm just a bad conductor."


Comments

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    #2
    Karoma
    Registered Users Posts: 19,396 ✭✭✭✭Karoma


    wow. :)


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    #3
    Silverfish
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,696 Mod ✭✭✭✭Silverfish


    The joy in these jokes is not hearing them yourself, but instead seeing the agonized look on people's faces when you pass it on to them.

    Brilliant.


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    #4
    The Bollox
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,372 ✭✭✭The Bollox


    I hate you!

    your jokes would make the baby Jesus cry is he existed


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    #5
    darkskol
    Registered Users Posts: 1,233 ✭✭✭darkskol


    *groan* :D


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    #6
    GLaDOS
    Moderators, Regional East Moderators Posts: 23,224 Mod ✭✭✭✭GLaDOS


    Silverfish wrote:
    The joy in these jokes is not hearing them yourself, but instead seeing the agonized look on people's faces when you pass it on to them.

    Brilliant.
    Quoted for truth

    Great joke :)

    Cake, and grief counseling, will be available at the conclusion of the test



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    #7
    Hagar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar


    A real groaner, the type I love telling the missus. :DI suppose we should all be grateful that there were no elephants...


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    #8
    Kojak
    Registered Users Posts: 12,801 ✭✭✭✭Kojak


    :d


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    #9
    Zapp Brannigan
    Registered Users Posts: 8,326 ✭✭✭Zapp Brannigan


    Absolutely brilliant!


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    #10
    Thrill
    Registered Users Posts: 5,485 ✭✭✭Thrill


    It's a groaner alright. *grrrooooonnnnn* :D


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