How best to control your gigantic bird army?

AlmightyCushion

splinter wrote:

ahh so like crossing a seagull with alien? interesting..

Actually now that I think about it we'll have to make the birds so that their asses are acid proof.

Stephen

Terry wrote:

Freudian slip?

Clearly my subconscious has something to say about the performance of boards!

layke

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

Weapons could be avoided by being in cities and every bird splitting up and staying low to ground, doing things at night etc
They wouldn't eat the bread, too full up on human. It all depends on how smart the person controlling them is.
The question is, what would you do to defeat the military if you were the one in control.

Send in the flesh eating Kiwi's. Stupid Military would never suspect a ground assault, it's almost... too easy.

Tar.Aldarion

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=53653981#post53653981
Right, who has been at it?

Terry

It's them boy racers.
They got a bit pissed off with the current thread berating them here in AH.

layke

Your next Terrence.

Tar.Aldarion

And so it begins:
http://www.defence.gov.au/news/armynews/editions/1135/images/20-bird%20attack_th.jpg
http://www.tensionnot.com/images/images/thumbnails/Cute138.jpg
http://www.expandingknowledge.com/Jerome/PG/History/Strange/Image/FLIGHT_Bird_Attack_PMag_1989_11_p7.jpg
http://www.carolynsclinic.f2s.com/images/birdsattack.jpg

AlmightyCushion

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

And so it begins:
http://www.defence.gov.au/news/armynews/editions/1135/images/20-bird%20attack_th.jpg
http://www.tensionnot.com/images/images/thumbnails/Cute138.jpg
http://www.expandingknowledge.com/Jerome/PG/History/Strange/Image/FLIGHT_Bird_Attack_PMag_1989_11_p7.jpg
http://www.carolynsclinic.f2s.com/images/birdsattack.jpg

Good work tar. Things are coming along very nicely.

JIZZLORD

http://www.compsoc.nuigalway.ie/~c0lmjl/pictures/GiantPigeon.jpg
http://www.compsoc.nuigalway.ie/~c0lmjl/pictures/Pigeon.jpg

Tar.Aldarion

Well, I've taken the Catholics out of the way and claimed the smallest country in the world!
Send forth my general pidgeon Jizzlord!

layke

My god, it's beautiful.

No one is safe from Loo bird.
http://abattoir.net/archives/Bird_in_the_toilet(lrg).jpg

Tar.Aldarion

Thatis one way to take down the humans.


be afraid, be very afraid.
http://www.birdchick.com/images/Charge.jpg
http://www.eaglesculptor.com/images/img_0283.jpg

Froot

I would probably get them to fly me to Brazil to meet this girl I know. Giggidy etc...

Rossibaby

well an army of birds is a fearsome weapon and i feel world domination would be childs play with such a force

biological warfare is a great option,even hte threat of it would bring governments to their knees,who can stop a flock of birds entering a country.

a base is needed i would have ireland as my base,with no land borders my birds would have a serious advantage in the transport stakes.the first country i would take over is the states due to its army capabilities.pigeons would obviously be used for delivering the bio-warfare attack that would devastate the nation.the economy would crumble,as would the government.i would then appoint a human general to station in usa,and swift takeovers of canada and mexico would be easy.

crows would be my main ground troops for combat purrposes,they are very intelligent and great communicators,and used to going long periods without food.small birds like canarys can be just as devastating,with their family pet image who would suspect the friendly canary!!

in short biological warfare and the siege of important world buildings would be my way of bringing the world to its knees:)and i'd prob have a pet budgie for my own amusement aswell

Feral Mutant

Stage 1: No-one suspects the birds, so I keep the whole thing a secret for as long as possible. Flocks of birds converge on small towns, leaving no survivors to tell the world what's happening (or maybe leave a randomly chosen ethnic/religious minority blinded yet miraculously alive to be singled out by other people as a scapegoat, I may be able to get the whole thing blamed on terrorism). All food in a destroyed town is stockpiled. All the birds in an area will suddenly switch to this as a food source, leading to insect overpopulation of plague-like proportions to wreak further havoc.
Stage 2: When the secret gets out and the war begins, all pets will be ordered to remain docile and seemingly unaffected, to be used later as sleeper agents. Water supplies will be poisoned by either bird flu, massive amounts of bird crap or the rotting bodies of dead birds or humans.
That's all I've got for now.

Tar.Aldarion

So we are in agreement that this could be done?
I believe it would be very difficult to do, but that with teh right peeson doing it, it could be done. Ambiguity is a must. Long live the Swan Army.

SimpleSam06

Well first off forget going toe to toe with anyone. An army of birds would be wiped out by any single government on earth - just spray with the appropriate pesitcides and no more eggs; bonus points your crops are healthier than ever before. You need to think smart with an army like this.

First of all, how refined is your control? Can you get the birds to tap out morse code with their beaks? If so you have a completely untraceable global communications network. Second of all, you can conduct targeted assasinations by flying a flock of them into the jet intakes of any plane; world leaders not on message get a taste of feathery doom. Third of all you can smuggle small items untraceably into and out of any country - this includes narcotics, weapons parts, ammunition, or just cashy money.

By using all of these techniques to their best advantage, one can swiftly build up an enormous amount of wealth and a network of covert agents. Mix with the ideology of your choice and simmer until you rule the world!!

Tar.Aldarion

SimpleSam06 wrote:

Well first off forget going toe to toe with anyone. An army of birds would be wiped out by any single government on earth - just spray with the appropriate pesitcides and no more eggs; bonus points your crops are healthier than ever before. You need to think smart with an army like this.

They wn't need to spray crops if they are eating people and their food. Plus, when they are spraying you could get a single birdin the engine, or from groud to attack teh sprayers. Since they have a human controlling them, they know who is doing what and where. It may be difficulty though, and I would not suggest toe to toe. Maybe making countries go to war is best. an assasination here, an attack there.

First of all, how refined is your control? Can you get the birds to tap out morse code with their beaks? If so you have a completely untraceable global communications network.

You can do that, you can think something and the intent is clear to them, they do it.

Second of all, you can conduct targeted assasinations by flying a flock of them into the jet intakes of any plane; world leaders not on message get a taste of feathery doom. Third of all you can smuggle small items untraceably into and out of any country - this includes narcotics, weapons parts, ammunition, or just cashy money.

By using all of these techniques to their best advantage, one can swiftly build up an enormous amount of wealth and a network of covert agents. Mix with the ideology of your choice and simmer until you rule the world!!

Wealth would be hany, then mercineries would be on your side also, and those who revere birds anyway(if these people exist)

Duggy747

I still think my army of Radioactive Irish Wolfhounds walking on their hind legs is still the way to go. Previous experiments having gone extremely well........................well, except for that one incident in the Falklands islands back in the 80's but that was a slight set-back.

Anyways with all the who-ha with the birds I thought I get on the bandwagon and create this:

A Radioactive Irish Wolfhound Eagle:


Tests are going well so far, she can go and pick up a 14 stone man and break his neck with her uranium claws. I'm looking to push her to dismantle an Apache Havoc in mid-flight which may be too soon for her but I'm feeling optimistic!

layke

It can be done, however we will need to have the birds in place first. E.g George Bush gets onto Airforce 1 he's just taking off BANG a flock of birds hit both engines. Plane goes down with not enough time to eject to safety. to the outside world it would seem like an accident?

...but your right Tar, we would need to force a world war to eliminate the global superpowers first. From the ashes would rise a new army, a bird army.

SimpleSam06

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

They wn't need to spray crops if they are eating people and their food. Plus, when they are spraying you could get a single birdin the engine, or from groud to attack teh sprayers.

Depends on what you use. It will be a silent spring, indeed...

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

Since they have a human controlling them, they know who is doing what and where. It may be difficulty though, and I would not suggest toe to toe. Maybe making countries go to war is best. an assasination here, an attack there.

That's a lot harder to do than you might think. Once all of the incidents are seen to be bird related, you'll have a rainbow of three letter agencies knocking on your door before you can say "meestah bond". Your best bet is to use your avian minions as a means to an end, an invincible advantage in a lot of situations. Lucrative situations. I mean tie a box of Marlboro from eastern Europe to a few thousand of them and fly them across to Ireland...

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

You can do that, you can think something and the intent is clear to them, they do it.

Ah that's great, thats like owning an internet where you actually can bitchslap someone from the screen.

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

Wealth would be hany, then mercineries would be on your side also, and those who revere birds anyway(if these people exist)

Who needs mercenaries when you can have zealots? Cheaper and they willingly throw themselves on the bayonets of your enemies! And when you think about it, who better to bring messages from god than lil birdies?

Tar.Aldarion

layke wrote:

...but your right Tar, we would need to force a world war to eliminate the global superpowers first. From the ashes would rise a new army, a bird army.

That's a lot harder to do than you might think. Once all of the incidents are seen to be bird related, you'll have a rainbow of three letter agencies knocking on your door before you can say "meestah bond". Your best bet is to use your avian minions as a means to an end, an invincible advantage in a lot of situations. Lucrative situations. I mean tie a box of Marlboro from eastern Europe to a few thousand of them and fly them across to Ireland...

That is why no trace of birds muct be shown, no survivors and a clean up crew of birds to collect feathers and bird corpses.
One could become rich very fast and the rest would follow from there.

Ah that's great, thats like owning an internet where you actually can bitchslap someone from the screen.

Maybe get them all to wear webcams?

Black Swan

Birds? You lads cannot control one bird much less a "gigantic bird army!" Oh, you mean the birds with feathers?

JIZZLORD

what happens if i start stockpiling birdfood in my secret underground bunker, you know, the one with 50foot of reinforced concrete above it. you'll have to to pay the jizzlord mucho cash to get your birds off the ground

Black Swan

JIZZLORD wrote:

what happens if i start stockpiling birdfood in my secret underground bunker, you know, the one with 50foot of reinforced concrete above it. you'll have to to pay the jizzlord mucho cash to get your birds off the ground

Or maybe the birds can show a little leg?;)

MementoMori

A whistle?

JIZZLORD

http://frink.nuigalway.ie/~c0lmjl/tesco.JPG

they've taken tesco, i repeat, they've taken tesco!

Tar.Aldarion

Just back from England, they were all over the train station and supermarket, eek.

Slow Motion

JIZZLORD wrote:

http://frink.nuigalway.ie/~c0lmjl/tesco.JPG

they've taken tesco, i repeat, they've taken tesco!

Don't worry, it's an Italian pidgeon, it should retreat shortly

Terry

Slow Motion wrote:

Don't worry, it's an Italian pidgeon, it should retreat shortly

Nah. It'll just change sides half way through.

JIZZLORD

perhaps it's an italian american pidgeon, just like the ones from animaniacs!

JIZZLORD

www.compsoc.nuigalway.ie/~c0lmjl/taxi/kill.JPG

we should harness the power

Tar.Aldarion

It begins! http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/8092479.stm

Saibh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWcqTmbnI-8