Self Conscious

cmore

Hi guys long time viewer first time poster. I am a single male in mid 20's and my problem is that i am incredibly shy and self conscious. I cannot even look at someone in the face whilst talking to them and because of this i am single and will remain this way untill I overcome this. As I write this I know I am the only one who can do something about this but if anyone has any tips or advice on how to overcome this I would love to hear from you.

Naos

Why not join a gym? Get fit and therefore give yourself a bit more confidence in your body, thus allowing you to become less shy.

Ask yourself why you can't look at people in the face? No one is going to eat you. You recognise that it is upsetting so just say f*ck it and overcome it.

Check my sig

tritium

like a well known sports brand says, Just do it!!

I know that sounds about as useful as an umbrella in a tsunami, so let me explain.

Make a concious decision that you're going to do this to one person starting tomorrow, just one. Pick someone at random, say a sales assistant...

Same thing next day..

First one is really difficult, so is the second. God it's scary but believe me it feels really good when you manage it.

and it gets easier

So you can build on this and go for doing it twice on say day5

and then three times

And so on....

#Smokey#

Mear has a solid point there. Working out gives you a bit of confidence and when the muscles get bigger your confidence will too. Try chatting up the gym newbs in the i am new here too mentality

paulie.walnuts

Good ideas on chatting to sales assistants etc.
I used to be very shy but grew out of it and find it very easy to talk to women now, easier than guys sometimes. I studied drama for a long time, I made myself act like a confident guy and eventually stopped acting.
Good luck and practice makes perfect.

corklady

my experience is that you will only get over being self-conscious and shy when you start telling yourself that you're great. i know it sounds like a heap of sh*t but honestly it worked for me. i used to have no confidence and never thought that people even noticed me when i walked into a room. but then i made a decision to start tellling myself that i'm great and that people genuinely like me. just in your head by the way! it sounds fake and stupid at first but eventually you really start to believe it. people don't usually believe me now when i tell them i used to be shy when i was younger.

if you find you've kinda gotten yourself into a rut and can't manage to break out of old habits i'd suggest doing something completely different. for example, i went away for a few months to do some volunteer work. i went on my own and knew nobody else there. but the fabulous thing about those kind of places is that nobody else knows anybody either. so not only is it easy to make friends, but it's also very easy to re-invent yourself. I'm not saying become a different person or anything, but suddenly trying to act confident around people you've always been shy with is extremely difficult, and i personally found that when nobody knows you, you can act as confident as you like. and then after a day or so of "acting" confident you start to realise "hey, all these people are accepting me as a confident person" and that gives you a huge amount of confidence and suddenly you really FEEL more confident.

maybe you're not in a position to go away volunteering like that, or anything similar, but maybe even joining a club or taking a class might be a good way to do it. something like a beginners water skiing club or a woodwork class or a hillwalking club or whatever else.

Gumbyman

Gym is a great idea indeed. Some good advice here. I used to be incredibly shy and no self confidence too. I bet you have bad posture too and walk funny with eyes to the floor and head as close to it as you can manage. Next time you walk down a street stand up straight and press your chest forward. Keep your head level, breathe deeply and take a good look around. Don't look down. There is nobody better than you. Only people who are better at pretending that they are. Keep your head up. Be firm. Recite the words of a song over and over in your head to stop you thinking negative thoughts. Or count to a thousand. Try it this evening.

Remember: Chest out.

BKtje

I used to be incredibly shy and self conscious (still am to a certain degree but getting better). What i did was to join a university society/club (or whatever suits what your interested in). When at these events / socialising after, i made a conscious effort to act more like how i'd like to act and because these people didn't know the old me i didnt feel as self conscious doing it. For all they knew this is just how i was and i felt it was easier than starting with my current friends.
I kept this up and eventually noticed that i was starting to act differently all the time (more confident and how i'd like to be) without even thinking about it.

Basically what i'm saying is that its sometimes easier to act differently around people you dont know rather than people you do (i know it sounds kinda weird) and as you get used to acting this way you start doing it all the time.

Gym or working on your general fitness (personally im not a gym person, prefer running) is a good way of building up confidence in yourself as well.

If your not in university keep an eye out for something that interests you, whether it be Tag Rugby, casual 5 a side footie, hockey, tennis etc (meet new people and work on your fitness!) or if you aint sporty you could join a comedy club, chess club, dance classes, debating etc. Anything that gets you having fun and meeting new people.

Hope this is of some help to you and good luck!

KyussBishop

You might be suffering from Social Anxiety:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_anxiety
Next to depression and alcoholism it's the most prevelant mental health problem, I have it myself.

If you think that's what you have then feel free to PM me for more SA related links; there are several online forums specifically for people with this problem.

biko

The following are ways where you can help yourself in getting confident

1. Like yourself

The first step in becoming more confident is to accept and like yourself. You should make a list of all your positive traits and strengths on a piece of paper or in your diary. By doing this, you are reminding yourself that you too have praise-worthy qualities like others. You will like yourself and feel confident about yourself after this.

2. Attend Seminars

It is good if you attend seminars where professional speakers offer you tips and guidance on gaining confidence. During the speech, you can even pick up tips on public speaking from the speakers by watching their body language and the way they project themselves.

3. Motivate yourself

Whether it is for an interview or for a presentation, tell yourself that you can do it. Motivate yourself each day and soon you will find your confidence level growing. Another good way for motivation is that after work or study each day you should make a list of at least four things that you did well for that day.

4. Overcome fears

Some people always have a fear that they can never be successful in anything they do. Such insecurity will be a disadvantage and would cause you to lack confidence in yourself and in everything you do in your life. So in order for you to get rid of this fear you have to remind yourself that if you haven’t try something you can never say that you will fail in it. Be positive and try things without any fear or insecurity. For example at work your boss is asking you to head a team but you fear that you will make a mess out of it. Such a fear will prevent you from taking on that task at work. But if you were a confident person you wouldn’t think twice about failing and would gladly take on that task. This shows that a lack of confidence could also affect your career.

5. Accept Failures

If you are always crying over the mistakes that you made in your life, you will never get anywhere. Always remember that past mistakes and failures cannot be reversed and what’s done is done. Thus it is no use crying over spilt milk. A confident individual always looks past those failures in his life. After all, failures are juts part and parcel of becoming successful. If you failed once you should take that failure as a learning lesson. *

cmore

thanks for taking the time to reply to me. I will try an put some of your suggestions into practice. I will try and hold my head up, I am getting fed up of looking at the pavement. Once again thank you all for the advice.