Money Problems

LegacyUser

Not sure where to start on this so sorry if it's all over the place.

I started driving about a year ago but got insured on my Mum's car at the beginning of the year. Have been driving around for the past 6 months and was getting fairly confident. I normally drive into our driveway but the other night I decided to try reversing in. Long story short, I missed and scratched and dented the side of the car as well as scratching the mirror.

When I went in I immediately told my Mum who said that she saw me trying to reverse in and knew I was going to completely mess it up but decided that coming out and telling me this would knock my confidence so it was better to just leave me drive into the wall. I think this is faulty logic but hey, parents know best right? She kept telling me that this would 'teach me a lesson' and blah blah blah. I was really annoyed. Ok yes, it taught me a lesson - my Mum would rather me damage the car then 'knock my confidence'. That's all it's taught me TBH.

Anyway, straight away I started ringing around garages for a quote for repairs. When I told Mum this she told me to stop as she was looking for a quote herself. She also then dropped a bombshell that she wasn't going to get the dent and scratch repaired, she was getting a brand new door. Not a scrap door, a brand new one. So suddenly I'm looking at repairs of €2500+. She won't let me go to a panel beater and she won't let me get a scrap door. Why? Because yet again this will teach me a lesson, it'll teach me how expensive cars are and how one little scratch will cost an awful lot. I think this is extremely unfair.

Sure I did the damage and I take responsibility but she could have prevented it as she saw it happening but choose not to say anything. I guarantee if she had done the damage she would get it repaired as cheaply as possible but she's making me pay the full whack. So what should I do? Should I take responsibilty and pay for a new door or should I say no? I want to tell her that since I did the damage I want to decide how to get it repaired but I don't know if she'll accept that. What would ye do in the situation?

Beruthiel

It's her car, if you're going to drive her car and you damage it, then you pay what she tells you and it's her decision how she want's it fixed.
If you don't want owing to your mother, get your own car, it's as simple as that.
Personally, I wouldn't let my kid within forty feet of my car, but hey, that's just me.

silvine

It's harsh and maybe even a little unfair but there's not much you can do really. If you did that to someone else's car, you'd have to pay up like that too.

Maybe look at getting your own car after this - in case a similar incident should happen again.

cold_filter

What a cow. Its not as if your some stranger who crashed in her. A dent and a few sratches is cosmetic work and could be fixed extremely cheaply. I'd say 400 euro for the lot depending on how big the dent was. Go get some quotes and give them to her.

luckat

Your mother was absolutely right. It wasn't her responsibility to mammy you into not crashing into the wall, if you're old enough to drive - it was your own responsibility.

And yes, it's her car, she has the right to have it made as good as new if someone - anyone - damages it.

Snip those apron strings. Time to get your own car, your own home, and your own responsibility for your own life.

Your mother has done you a huge favour. You'll thank her for it later.

Mr. Incognito

I bought my own car. Scratches and dents are part of driving. Everyoe gets a few eventually. You could buy a car for € 2,500! that's totally unreasonable. Get a panel beater and a paint job and tell your mom it was a new door. Like she'll know the difference.

Tarakiwa

Seems very harsh .......:eek:

Maple

Bloody harsh but I get her thinking behind it. I'd definitely argue the cost of the new door, definitely. You made the mistake and you're going to pay for it, doesn't mean that it has to be an expensive one of €2,500 tho.

Going forward get yourself a car of your own. You can bang and scrape it to your hearts content.

Noelie

I think she was right to let you hit the wall, as it will make you be more carefull in the future.
However buying a new door is a bit ott, how old is the car? if it's new maybe she is right to ask for a new door, but if it's a few years old a similar age door should be sufficent.

But either way I guess you will be more carefull next time. Also i don't get why people reverse into spots anyway, it's easier to reverse out of a spot that into one.

ShowUsYourXbox

Best thing to do, is sit your parents down and tell them out that you can't afford to pay for a new door and ask them to be alittle more reasonable. Yes, they do have the right to ask you for whatever, because it is their car and yes you can't complain because you were driving their car but for ****s sake, their your parents and they should be a little better about something like this..

I did the same thing to MY first car, three weeks after i bought it. I couldn't really afford to fix it at the time and when i told my dad he said don't worry, that i wasn't the first son of his to scratch a car and that he'd get it sorted. Got it repaired locally (very well i must add!) for around 300 euro.

(Ps, this was badly scratched and dented)

LegacyUser

very unfair on her behalf , a friend of mine recently had someone crash into him (his car was a year old), they caused front panel damage and he was looking at a new panel but the insurance company said all they would do would be panel beat it , it had something to do with being fair in relation to the damage caused, a new panel was not need so therefore panel beating was the option , in terms of your mother , i feel that if she were dealing with a insurance company and not you it they would only panel beat the door. i know she wants to teach you a lesson but it seems that she is being totally unfair

davyjose

luckat wrote:

Your mother was absolutely right.

If a little bit crazy?

I know if someone was about to crash my car, I'd do everything in my power to prevent them from doing so. A little bit odd if you ask me.
OP, your gonna have to fork out I'm afraid, let your mother know exactly the sort of lesson you've learned ... about her!!!

missmatty

Yes it's weird. She knew you were about to hit something and stood back and let you, to teach you a lesson? :eek:

You need to reach a compromise, i doubt she needs a new door. I smashed one of the front lights on my dad's old car while practicing a hillstart (he had parked with wheels to the kerb and didn't remind me) but he got it fixed, never told mum :cool: and never asked me for any money. I love my dad!

WindSock

Thats not very nice, OP. I don't know much about the law, but I believe if you have caused damage to someones car, then you are allowed to get the cheapest price going. Therefore, I would tell your Mam that you are only paying for the door to be fixed, and thats that. Then I wouldn't go near her car again.
I understand to an extent about her not warning you about the collision, it was a cruel lesson. but to demand a whole new door when it can easily be fixed seems very off.

Storm_rages

Wow i had a Neighbour (who i have never meet) who's kid bike feel against my car and it was really sweet she left a note saying sorry. Just got the panel beater to do there thing.. (its not perfect but its only a car!!) i guess your mum is big on teaching you a lesson..
buy your own car soon as you can

BrandonBlock

Tell her to get stuffed. If someone breaks a window in my house, I don't go demanding a new set of windows for the whole house. I'd apply the same logic here.

Catch_22

if she wants the door fully replaced on the car tell her you want it claimed on the insurance ( her policy on which your a named driver im sure ).

I reckon negotiations can start from there.

event

exactly

go through the insurance, its what its there for

John Mason

that's really hard - if some randomer had dented her car, she wouldnt be demanding a new. i would get three quotes and present them to her and tell her if she wants to pursue this line that you are going to putting it through the insurance and there is no way they will pay for a new door

Sleepy

Is your insurance on your mother's car comprehensive? Tell her to sue your insurance for the money because you're not paying for anything more than a repair and that's what they'll tell her too.

Huggles

money07 wrote:

Should I take responsibilty and pay for a new door or should I say no? I want to tell her that since I did the damage I want to decide how to get it repaired but I don't know if she'll accept that. What would ye do in the situation?

Yes you should take responsibility and you hav no right to say no.

You also have no right to decide how to get it fixed, its her car, if she wants it to be at its best (for resale value) its up to her.

I think they might be a wee bit more to this than she sat back and watched you....sometimes new drivers think they know it all and perhaps this lesson was what was needed.

I'd get a job and pay up

Cheese Princess

Catch_22 wrote:

if she wants the door fully replaced on the car tell her you want it claimed on the insurance ( her policy on which your a named driver im sure ).

I reckon negotiations can start from there.

I would definitely try this approach. I think she's being really mean. At least you're willing to get the damage repaired.

I had an accident last year where I dented and scratched someone's door. It was a deep enough dent and he wanted a whole new door as well. The garage priced it at about 2.5k but one of the guys working there told me the whole car was only worth about half that. So I told the insurance company and they got it down to 1200.

Have to say if I was in the same boat as you my parents would go with the lowest quote and probably pay some of it....because they're my parents and that's what they do!!!!

meglome

Fair enough you damaged the car so you should get it repaired. But some of the comments are a bit harsh, I don't think it's fair at all to make you pay the most you possibly can. I wouldn't do that to a stranger, never mind my own son. I did the same thing myself when I was 18 and my dad wouldn't even take a penny off me and believe me I still learned my lesson.

Sleepy

At the end of the day, if it was another driver or their insurance company, the best your mother would get for this is a panel beating and respray.

PeakOutput

your mam is being completely unreasonable

i crashed my mams car the insurance paid for it(1500euro) and i paid how much it would cost her over 3 years in increased premiums(about 500euro)

i more than learned my lesson as it was a pretty horrible day and night thinking about how i was gonna tell her i crashed her brand new car and yes she was pissed but she still didnt try and screw me out of as much money as possible.

there is no reason for the door not to be repaired instead of replaced it does not decrease the value if it is done well and more to the point it makes no difference to her.

your mother should ring the insurance get them to get it fixed and then whatever her premium goes up you pay that..........the insurance companies will get it fixed as cheaply as possible while having an engineer pass it as good as new

PeakOutput

TheGooner wrote:

You also have no right to decide how to get it fixed, its her car, if she wants it to be at its best (for resale value) its up to her.

if you wana start talking about rights and leave aside this is family we are talking about she is entitled to be put back in the same postition she was before the accident..............this does not necessarily mean a brand new door as she is obliged, also by law, to minimise her loss. what she is doing is completely unreasonable

Huggles

PeakOutput wrote:

if you wana start talking about rights and leave aside this is family we are talking about she is entitled to be put back in the same postition she was before the accident..............this does not necessarily mean a brand new door as she is obliged, also by law, to minimise her loss. what she is doing is completely unreasonable

I was merely stating that the OP is in no position to say 'no'

He/She did the damage to Mothers car and his Mother holds all the cards. Rightly or wrongly its her car and her call.

PeakOutput

TheGooner wrote:

I was merely stating that the OP is in no position to say 'no'

He/She did the damage to Mothers car and his Mother holds all the cards. Rightly or wrongly its her car and her call.

there is no reason/excuse for trying to screw him out of as much money as possible it makes no difference to her accept in her head

txt_mess

Think she was right not to come running out and start shouting stop when you reversed in as worse could have happened if she broke your concentration like hitting the accelerater and ending up in the fromt room.

As for the damage and getting a new door have to agree if you do the damage you have to pay for it , it goes part n parcel with taking a lend of something you have to return it in the condition you got it.

txt_mess

Sleepy wrote:

At the end of the day, if it was another driver or their insurance company, the best your mother would get for this is a panel beating and respray.

Have to disagree ( cause it happened to me ) when someone does damage to the car your entitled to ask for new parts as a panel beating job , even a good one can be spotted on trade in and affect the value.

Diemos

I think you mother is crazy and I can't believe anyone agrees with what she's doing.

Her ideas of 'teaching you lesson' are misguided (at best, I'd consider them somewhat sadsistic).
Did she stick your hand in a fire to teach you it was hot when you where a child?

Personnally if it was someone driving my car and I could see an accident waiting to happen I'd stop them. People make mistakes all the time, they don't need to be punished to the severest means to learn from their mistakes.

Secondly her charging full wack is, well not surprising given the above but outta line none the less.
You are responsible for the damage and it's repair but I don't think she's being fair.

If I were in your shoes I'd fix it, sounds like it'll cause chaos if ou don't, like she asks but never drive her car again. I couldn't respect any relative who treats someone like that.
good luck OP.

Huggles

PeakOutput wrote:

there is no reason/excuse for trying to screw him out of as much money as possible it makes no difference to her accept in her head

Look, your not his Mother and I certainly am not either but I think that in her head she sees it as a lesson well learnt. What better way to teacher her son/dughter to care for his/her possessions than a hard slap to the wallet.

its really not our place to say whether or not shes being unfair, she knows her own child and perhaps a financial sting is what is best called for here. Maybe the driver has a history of being careless behind the wheel...I dont know...we're only hearing one side.

PeakOutput

txt_mess wrote:

Have to disagree ( cause it happened to me ) when someone does damage to the car your entitled to ask for new parts as a panel beating job , even a good one can be spotted on trade in and affect the value.

You are correct up to a point...........any garage worth their salt will use new parts to replace parts that need to be replaced. in fact permission must be sought from the owner if they want to use second hand parts for any reason. a dented door does not require the replacement of the entire door therefore you have no right to demand an extra cost be incurred on whoever caused the damage to replace the entire door...........

also unless the car is less than 3years old depreciation is not taken into consideration at all.

muppetkiller

I don't suppose this is some silly way of your mum to get you to cough up the cash as a lesson learned but then buy you your own car out of the 2.5k ?

If so she's evil but clever if not she's just evil...
And that's the only lesson your learning here. Tell her you'll remember her fondly when you're choosing her retirement home

mastermind2005

Beruthiel wrote:

It's her car, if you're going to drive her car and you damage it, then you pay what she tells you and it's her decision how she want's it fixed.
If you don't want owing to your mother, get your own car, it's as simple as that.
Personally, I wouldn't let my kid within forty feet of my car, but hey, that's just me.

What rubbish

milkerman

Hi
Your mother assumed a degree of risk when she lent you the car. Did she for instance insist that the lend was subject to a 'new for old' replacement policy.

On the other side, this might be a very fine car worth €30000 or more and represents a lot of scrimping by your mum to afford it. Would you be happy with some filler and paint if you had to scrimp and save hard for years?

Twenty years ago my Dad did something similiar to me. I had to pay him £1000 back in 1985. That caused me a lot of pain. Later when I married he gave me a post office savings book with the money in it- he said I needed a lesson on the value of money.
Sometimes Mother does know best.

sweet-rasmus

ah, sure it is a bit much, but it is your mother's car. parents always win; no matter the situation. just accept it.

LegacyUser

I think some people were asking about the value of the car. It's 5 years old and worth €6000. She won't be planning on trading it in or anything anytime soon, she'll drive it to death.

I'm not a careless driver, I've never even had a near miss before.

A while ago she put a huge dent in the boot of the car. It was about 3 times as deep as the dent I have put in it. She drove around like that for at least a year before she got it repaired...for €20. She didn't pay for a whole new boot so why should I pay for a whole new door? Looking at it today as well, the dent is VERY shallow, barely noticable. There's no way it warrants a new door so I'm refusing. I don't have €2000 because I'm in college. I've paid my whole way through college, she never contributed a penny (Off topic and a bit of sour grapes here but she paid my two sisters through college but I was told I'd be getting nothing) and as a result I'm very much in debt. I'm not complaining, I need my education. But she also knows how I'm struggling to get through college and I think it's highly unreasonable for her to make me pay for a new door. TBH if I pay for this door I don't know how I'll pay for college. So basically, I'm going to put my foot down and say no. I'll happily pay out for any repairs and that was never an issue but I'm not paying for a door when she knows I can't afford it and knows it can be done cheaper.

oneeyedsnake

money07 wrote:

I think some people were asking about the value of the car. It's 5 years old and worth €6000. She won't be planning on trading it in or anything anytime soon, she'll drive it to death.

I'm not a careless driver, I've never even had a near miss before.

A while ago she put a huge dent in the boot of the car. It was about 3 times as deep as the dent I have put in it. She drove around like that for at least a year before she got it repaired...for €20. She didn't pay for a whole new boot so why should I pay for a whole new door? Looking at it today as well, the dent is VERY shallow, barely noticable. There's no way it warrants a new door so I'm refusing. I don't have €2000 because I'm in college. I've paid my whole way through college, she never contributed a penny (Off topic and a bit of sour grapes here but she paid my two sisters through college but I was told I'd be getting nothing) and as a result I'm very much in debt. I'm not complaining, I need my education. But she also knows how I'm struggling to get through college and I think it's highly unreasonable for her to make me pay for a new door. TBH if I pay for this door I don't know how I'll pay for college. So basically, I'm going to put my foot down and say no. I'll happily pay out for any repairs and that was never an issue but I'm not paying for a door when she knows I can't afford it and knows it can be done cheaper.

Mate your mother is a complete battle axe!Sorry but its true.Did she ever give you any reason why she gave your sisters a free ride?You are completely right just say no,get the panel beating and if she complains give her a PFO.

oneeyedsnake

mastermind2005 wrote:

What rubbish

I agree.Complete rubbish.

ali.c

Tell her you dont have the money to pay for it.

Honestly if i was that concerned about my car i wouldnt let a learner driver drive it.

Also i dont see how allowing you to crash the car did anything less to damage your confidences that her warning you that you were going to.

Scramps and dents happen, sure i lent my car to my mam's partner for about a month ago, its been crashed twice at this stage, once into the pillar in the driveway and once into a poll. The person in question has been driving for years.

When it comes to driving though if no one was hurt its all good. Cars can be replaced people cant.

Edit: sorry only seen the second page of posts now. Your dead right priortise your education. Though if i were you i would seriously look at not driving her car anymore. It doesnt sound like its worth the hassle.

milkerman

Mmmmm,
It appears you may have bigger issues to deal with than a car door.

As it happens, I worked in an associated field for some years and assessed several thousand vehicles in that time. Personally, I would find it difficult to justify spending one third of the total value on a door repair.
However, it may be that doing an invisible repair needs a new door skin and possibly to spray in the whole side of the car. Door skins tend to be a weak 'bongy' panel and not a sufficiently secure basis for a filler. A nasty impact may have twisted the door frame and these are difficult to straighten out requiring an entire new door (or a good second hand).

It is sadly your mum's right to carry a dent in her boot for as long as she wishes, its her car.

I think you will just have to put this down as an expensive lesson and cough up as much as you can.

I equally think you are entitled to ask her why you did not get the same assistance as your siblings, but that is another issue.