Am I being unreasonable ?

LegacyUser

Hi Everyone,
Im hoping I can get some advice from all you boards people on something thats been on my mind quite a while.
Will keep it as short as possible, basically I've been going out with my boyfriend for 6 years and living together for the last yr.
Ive always been the type that knows i want to settle down, house, kids etc. but even though ive been going out with him this long im still not 100% sure of what he wants.

When we first started going out it used to come up the odd time and we would joke about it when having a few drinks and talk about kids names etc.
But its a long time since the subject has been mentioned on his part anyway.
The odd time i do try to bring it up , like recently at a wedding i said oh that'll be us one day and he went really weird and quiet.
I tried to talk to him about this the next day and again he tried to change the subject.

Now i do believe he loves me and wants to be with me but im starting to think that the whole commitment thing is maybe not for him.
I just want to know am i wasting my time hanging around any longer waiting for him to decide or do i confront him about whats on my mind?

I get jealous when i hear of people going out way less time than us and getting engaged. Its like lately im obsessed with the whole engagement thing and cant get it out of my head. I dont want to completely frighten him off either by putting him under pressure??. We are very happy as we are but i just need some sort of commitment from him
Wondering what other people think,
Thnks

junkster12345

you didnt mention how old you guy/gal were, im guessing mid 20's, if so and ye have been going out 6 years then maybe he is just over-awed by the whole engagment - wedding - commitment thing etc, best bet is sit him down and speak to him in a non confrontational way and make sure the 2 of ye are sober so it dont get outta hand as these differences sometimes do.

if he refuses to speak about it or walks away then you might have to tackle it a different way, but thats for another day, try what i said and let me know how you get on,

paul.

Berbatov

Could be just a case of him not being ready at this stage of his life to begin thinking about marraige etc. could be that he's quite happy with the way the two of ye are at the moment and so the thoughts of marriage and such stuff are not really at the fore of hid thoughts.

I wouldn't jusge it as a commitment issue - in my mind if you're going out with someone for 6 yrs then that in itself is a farily strong commitment.

But I would say you should talk to him an try to find out what his goals are for the two of ye in the future - maybe he's just like I am - happy withthe way things are going and so not giving any thought to making things more formal - i.e. wedding.

My sister went out with a guy for 6 yrs - never any mention of marriage, kids etc, then one day out of the blue he got down on one knee and proposed - he said to me that just in the months before he had thought about it and it what was he really wanted. Anyway she said no - just kidding they're both delighted with how it all panned out.

Carrigart Exile

Women have '5 year plans for relationships' men enjoy the here and now. Sounds like he is enjoying being with you and doesn't want to change that. What will happen to him is that one day it will dawn on him that life without you is inconceivable and then he will be the one pushing for marraige and kids.

Cut him some slack, enjoy the here and now and try not to fret your relationship to death worrying about what others get up to.

LegacyUser

'Thanks for all the advice really helpful.
I realise i prob do think about it too much and feel that there is some sort of schedule couples hav to go by which is a load of rubbish!
Should just be happy with how things are and everything else will come in time. will have a chat with him anyway just to make sure we are on the same wave length and then try and go with the flow!
cheers again for the replys'