Song of my songs.

Thelikefaneire

Hi i just tought i share some of my lyrics with you since ive written a lot. By a lot i mean over 220 of them. Ok so that doesnt mean they're all good but its helped me make good ones by writting a lot. I hope to maybe start a band, well ive been trying but me and my friend havent really advertised it that much so we havent gotten it off the ground.

Tell me what you think and i might share more with you. This song is just a jelous type song and when i wrote it it was the second of this type i had written but this time it was all true so i just nicked a few old ideas and some humour and came up with this.

Your BF= My Bemused Face

Come here guys listen closely,
I’ve got some sad news you see,
the thing is I’ve been pipped to the post
and headed off at the pass,
there was no way I could make this situation last,
the "one" has found her "one",
and I’ve been left in the cold,
left with the false hopes to hold.

chorus
I’ve found my rival, I’ll ring his neck dry,
I’ll make him dead on arrival, or at least try,
if only he was a heartbreaker, a sandbox traitor,
my choices of:
Smear his image or take up Spinach,
forever the jealous type,
I’m the one falling for zealous hype,

But I’ve got my cards close to my chest,
however I’m holding them in jest,
you see I’ve learned of a rumour,
and here steps in my vicious humour,
you se I’m the subject and here’s the subtext,
I saw it coming, but wasn’t forthcoming,
and now I could use that to my advantage,
or just use a clubbed faced sand wedge,

chorus

break
What if he's better,
what if I’m bitter,
what if I’m the one mother warn about,
and he's the good guy, that I doubt,
cause why's the good guy fresh news,
why does being with her give no clues,
I can over analyse, or look to the skies,
Or maybe I’ll shut the doors on my dream,
open the freezer and the ice cream.

nervous_twitch

I'm not one to comment on other peoples writing, cos if you're happy I'm happy, but I just thought I'd point out (constructively!) that rhyming for the sake of rhyming isnt always the smartest move.. I dont think I ever hear the word 'zealous' in real conversation (or prose for that matter), and advantage>sand wedge, dream>ice cream, image>spinach have you in really dodgy territory!!

However, thats just one opinion, and everything sounds better with music anyway g'luck

Thelikefaneire

True i usually just rhyme the words as i hear them in my head. And okay my vocab is allways overstretched and i pull out odd words, but usually its to fit an image idea that i have. But a lot of them are wierd and if someone tried to sing them as you said, i am in a bit of a dodgy area. But as i write them it sounds right. This is no where near finished, hell its basically a first draft i havent changed it since the day i wrote it.


PS, i appologise for the name of this thread, i wrote it at like 5 am and its supposed to be "Some of my songs", i guess i wasnt awake.

Paligulus

I like it. I'd like to hear that with music.

I like all the tongue in cheek undertones. I really appreciate competant lyrics - But I appreciate them even more if they dont take themselves too seriously.

Thats an interesting point that nervous twitch makes. That style of rhythming really is a knife edge style of writing. On one hand it can sound sharp and witty but then on the other hand sometimes it can drag down the other lyrics when it dosn't quite come off.

Keep it up and through up some other songs/lyrics when you get a chance

little nell

I seen her weep i seen her cry and i seen her baby die for the want of one more fix she needs so much. Oh she tried but its the same all her talking was in vain cos shes so hooked so much she cannot give it up. Its very hard you know when you see her at the door and shes crying for the want of just one, fix and you ofter wish she,d die o but then you,d start to cry and the tears run down to which theres no control. Oh pusher ill get you if it takes my whole life through,ill search in every corner of the world and you;ll curse the f

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g day that you ever came her way and took everything she had her pride away. Why do i stay here with you but your love will see me through ,and junkie as you may be i love you,and we laugh and we cry o but now you;r going to die so goodbye my darling junkie i love you. Oh pusher i;ll get you if it takes my whole life through,i;ll search in every corner of the world,and you;ll course the f

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g day that you ever came her way ,and took everything she had her Life away