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Friday Morning Quickies

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  • 26-07-2007 9:37pm
    #1
    mickrourke
    Registered Users Posts: 686 ✭✭✭


    Just a few Friday morning quickies...

    I went to the 24 hour shop. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said "Hey, the sign says your open 24 hours?"
    He said "Yes, but not all at once"

    I went to the shops yesterday (yes, I go to a lot of shops) and treated myself to a toilet brush. It's no good though, I'm going to have to go back to toilet paper.

    A man walks into the DIY store and asks for some bolts.
    "How long do you want them?", asks the assistant.
    "To tell you the truth", says the man, "I was rather hoping to keep them"

    Harry invited us round to his house to see the "little woman". We thought he wanted us to see his wife, but it turns out his lodger is a midget.

    "The toughest time in anyones life is when you have to kill a loved one just because they are the devil"

    A man goes into a bookshop. He approaches a woman behind the counter and says "Do you keep stationary here?" "No", replies the woman. "Sometimes I wriggle around for a bit"

    What happened to the short-sighted Circumcisor?
    He got the sack.

    A girl brings her boyfiend home after a night on the town. Her parents are in bed so she tells him to be quiet. Unfortunately the boyfriend is desparate to use the loo, but rather than send him upstairs and risk waking the parents, she tells him to use the kitchen sink. A few minutes later he sticks his head round the corner. "Have you finished?", she whispers, ""Yes", he replies, "Have you got any toilet paper?"

    Ok so maybe they should have gone into the bad joke section.....


Comments

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    #2
    Fremen
    Registered Users Posts: 2,481 ✭✭✭Fremen


    Get off the stage!


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    #3
    mickrourke
    Registered Users Posts: 686 ✭✭✭mickrourke


    Fremen wrote:
    Get off the stage!

    Fine then, you tell a few jokes (Folds arms and taps foot)


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    #4
    Hagar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar


    Good jokes. :D I liked them.
    Fremen, that's your second negative comment,read the Charter.
    If you don't like the Forum PFO.


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    #5
    Zapp Brannigan
    Registered Users Posts: 8,326 ✭✭✭Zapp Brannigan


    mickrourke wrote:
    "The toughest time in anyones life is when you have to kill a loved one just because they are the devil"
      That was the only one I didnt get.

      I actually got freaked out when I read the title. Thought I missed a day...again


    1. Options
      #6
      Mr Magnolia
      Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 10,435 Mod ✭✭✭✭Mr Magnolia


      LOL, nice one OP.
      A man walks into the DIY store and asks for some bolts.
      "How long do you want them?", asks the assistant.
      "To tell you the truth", says the man, "I was rather hoping to keep them"
      I'll have to try and remember that.


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      #7
      Plug
      Registered Users Posts: 9,248 ✭✭✭Plug


      Hagar wrote:
      If you don't like the Forum PFO.

      Good one:D


    4. Options
      #8
      h57xiucj2z946q
      Closed Accounts Posts: 2,267 ✭✭✭h57xiucj2z946q


      im still locked so i find anything funny


    5. Options
      #9
      Plug
      Registered Users Posts: 9,248 ✭✭✭Plug


      Daleyza Clean Opium wrote:
      im still locked so i find anything funny
      I love when that happens!


    6. Options
      #10
      Mr Magnolia
      Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 10,435 Mod ✭✭✭✭Mr Magnolia


      Daleyza Clean Opium wrote:
      im still locked so i find anything funny


      Very funny! Bravo sir


    7. Options
      #11
      BKtje
      Registered Users Posts: 8,053 ✭✭✭BKtje


      What happened to the short-sighted Circumcisor?
      He got the sack.
      Thought that was quite good.


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      #12
      r3nu4l
      Registered Users Posts: 17,399 ✭✭✭✭r3nu4l


      Yeah, I liked them, very good :)


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      #13
      h57xiucj2z946q
      Closed Accounts Posts: 2,267 ✭✭✭h57xiucj2z946q


      Plug wrote:
      I love when that happens!

      not good when u have 2 computers at ur desk and supposed to have 100% attention while reading the humour thread on boards!


    11. Options
      #14
      darkskol
      Registered Users Posts: 1,233 ✭✭✭darkskol


      mickrourke wrote:

      What happened to the short-sighted Circumcisor?
      He got the sack.

      :eek:
      :D:D:D


    12. Options
      #15
      mukki
      Closed Accounts Posts: 2,669 ✭✭✭mukki


      What happened to the short-sighted Circumcisor?
      He got the sack.


      brilliant, best joke i read in a long time, the simplest ones are the best



      the post was like reading notes from a good stand up act


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      #16
      Anto McC
      Registered Users Posts: 1,060 ✭✭✭Anto McC


      Brilliant :D


    14. Options
      #17
      Mahatma coat
      Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 6,869 ✭✭✭Mahatma coat


      some good ones there alright I'll ave ta remember, specialy the bolts and the stationary ones , I would change that other one to Moyle (sp?) tho, instead of Circumcisor, makes it a little more , dunno 'cleverer' i'dthink, in tellin, if they dont know then the joke will have retro effect and kick in when they figure out the wrd, ok no more ramblin from me :D
      The toughest time in anyones life is when you have to kill a loved one just because they are the devil"
      its funny cos its true :D


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