No manners to announce new arrival- how would you feel?

Ginger83

Hi, I have been with my partner for 4.5 years and living with her for 2. Last week a stranger broke news to us that her only sister was expecting and... Due Next Week! They did not have the manners to tell any of her side of the family but told his and expect to bring the newborn to live in the home-place after their behaviour.
Now regardless of me but am I the only one to think this was the height of insult to my partner and her family?
Any replies? many thanks.

ArthurDent

What are you upset about - your partners sister having a baby? You not knowing or you finding out from a stranger?

if you or your partner haven't been in contact for the past while with her sister - why is it such a big deal that you are only finding out now?

What is wrong with them wanting to move close to hime when they have a kid?

I'm sorry I just don't het what you're upset about

WindSock

I find your post confusing to read

embee

Its their baby, their life, their own family unit.

Who, when and the manner in which they decide to tell anyone that they're expecting is their business.

Nevyn

Some people will formally announce and other's will not.
Most people would assume that siblings would be close enough to be in touch with each other at least once a month, but this is not always the case.
Maybe they assume that other family member or the grandparents to be would have spread the news.

the_syco

I think the issue is that they only announced that the baby will pop next week, but expect to be able to live at home. But, tbh, 9 months preggers is kinda hard to hide.

Shelli

I'd understand that your partner may be hurt, but I'd say it's more becuase she now realises that she has no decent relationship with her only sister. It's much easier to hide that with anger and blame, "i can't believe she didn't tell me", rather than accept she must have had some part in the communication break down.

silja

It's a little odd, but I don't think it is an insult- the "happy couple" must be living far away or be estranged from the parents and rest of the family, to not tell them and be able to hide the physical evidence!

What I do find odd- and insulting- is that if I understand you right, they have not told the grandparents on hr side, but expect to live with them when the baby is born, ie ina couple of weeks....

kelle

Could it be that your partner's sister is a teenager and was too ashamed to tell her parents and siblings - correct me if I'm wrong. Maybe she deliberately told strangers as they wouldn't be as judgemental, in the hope they would relay this news to her family, saving her the trouble.
When I was 8 months pregnant, I still had to tell people I was pregnant - your partner's sister might not have looked pregnant either.

Beruthiel

Ginger83 wrote:

Last week a stranger broke news to us that her only sister was expecting and... Due Next Week!

I'm curious, what is their relationship like? Do they visit/chat on a regular basis?
I feel there is something missing from what you're telling us.

Ginger83

Maybe I did not make it clear enough!

My partners sister is 31 years old, her guy is 30. They are both living in my partners home place 10 years now with both her parents and 2 brothers. From what I am told she does not look pregnant, I dont see them that often as I live 15mile away with my partner and with the shifts I work.

Now, maybe I am the only one who can see this was very selfish and insulting. My partner let fly at the whole family about this and realised they had no idea. She is due today or tomorrow I dont know, I have not heard any more. The mother then realised why the bedroom was being decorated but said still to this day she has not been directly told by them.

ArthurDent

Having been as big as a house on all three of my pregnancies, I'm amazed that at 9 months she doesn't look pregnant - but maybe. Anyway what strikes me as really odd is that she didn't tell her parents who she lives with, didn't disucss anything to do with it - what sort of relationship does she have with everyone in the family that no-one knew - personally I couldn't wait to tell my sister and parents. It just seems very strange to me. Why is your partner so annoyed about it though - it doesn't seem like she has the best of relationships with her sister (well if they don't get on well enough for her to be told about a pregnancy) ?
Given that she doesn't live in the house with her paretns and siblings I'm not sure how its that much of her concern (I don't mean to be rude), but how does it effect her, other than the fact that she didn't know.

Ginger83

This is no concern to me as I am no relation (other than having to listen to it) but she thinks it would have been mannerly to have had the family sat down to hear the news instead of the way it did happen.

How about if I ask this question-has anybody from experience ever even heardof something like this? I know I have not and the people I have spoken to have not. I think most people would have had the respect to let their family know.

kelle

That throws a different light on things. It is actually odd, and very selfish considering it's going to be a major disruption in her parents house, yet they didn't have the manners to prepare them in advance. It was cheeky preparing the bedroom (in her parent's house) and still not saying anythng.
We thought it was odd when our next door neighbours, who we have a lot of dealings with and get on very well with didn't, on three ocassions, tell us they were expecting babies until a few days before each birth! And they're not related to us....

Ginger83

At least I know it happened someone else. I was beginning to think I was the odd one here. I am sure your were slightly disappointed not to have been told the good news after all your relations with your neighbours even though you are not related. I suppose my partner is annoyed more so that his side of the family were good enough to be told, they are not returning home to that house!

Shelli

I find it very odd, in fact I would say it's practically unheard of, to be living with anyone family or not, and not to tell them your pregnant, and for them not to notice at all?? Very very weird.

EDIT: I just thought of something, has your partner confronted her sister about this? The fact that the rest of the family, whom she lives with, don't know about it, and the sister doesn't look pregnant even though she is supposedly due to give birth??? Could it be just a bad rumour that got out of hand and she is not actually pregnant at all?

littlebug

I agree that this is a bit strange but I also agree with Shelli that maybe this is a rumour of half truth that has got out of hand.

Example: I recently heard that a friend was pregnant. Speaking to another friend a few days later: ME: " Did you hear so and so is having a baby?" Friend: "Yes have they had it yet?". ME: "errr, no she's only 3 months pregnant".

Has anyone spoken to directly to your partners sister about it? If not then I would suspect that she is either not pregnant at all or is a bit pregnant but is waiting til after her scan/ hearing heartbeat etc to tell or is just waiting for the right moment, maybe feeling a bit nervous about telling since they will be expecting to live at home. It could be that she has mentioned it in, um, confidence, to one friend and the rumour mill spread and she's suddenly 9 months pregnant.

The way rumours can spread in a small town(land) is dreadful. Within an hour of my mam cutting her hand with a chainsaw and requiring a few stitches my uncle arrived at the house having heard from someone 3 miles away that she had lost half her hand.:eek:

Chinese whispers etc....

Is there any chance anyone would actually talk to her (without flying off the handle)...if the rumour isn't true she deserves to know that it's out there so she can put the story straight. If it is true then it gives her the chance to talk about it.

luckat

Yeah, I'd be hurt - very hurt - if my sister didn't tell me something so personal and let me rejoice with her.

But all you can do is say "Nowt so queer as folk", shrug and welcome the new baby. In years to come you may find out why she behaved so oddly.

Ginger83

My parnter spoke with her sister on the phone, wanting to know why she wasnt told, the only reply she got was its no big deal.
She then confronted her mother and the mother said she knew nothing about it, realised why the bedroom was being decorated and said they have not directly told her about the pregnancy.

She was due yesterday, thats as far as i know, i wasnt over that way but anyone i have mentioned it to were shocked and wondered which was worse, her not announcing the news or nobody noticing it!

I will let you all know how things going should anything happen. Many thanks for the replies.

Elen

Ginger, I just cant imagine any of my relations being pregnant and not telling me! Specially living in the same house.

I would definitely be very very annoyed...