Am I sick or just a man?

Collie D

I enjoy a good auld session of wind. However, my gf thinks its a bit disgusting, especially when I do it in bed and have a good old sniff. Even more annoying to her and force her head under the blankets...is there something wrong with this? Equally enjoyable is letting one off in the lift in work and sending it back up to some poor sod who is none the wiser as to who was in the lift beforehand.

Pighead

Are you sick or just a man? Surely you're giving us more choices than that. Wheres the "You're a cnut" option?

admiralofthefleet

feck all wrong with it, if your missus is giving out about it pull her head under the duvet for a good 'oul dutch oven

Collie D

Pighead wrote:

Are you sick or just a man? Surely you're giving us more choices than that. Wheres the "You're a cnut" option?

Who let you in here? Go off and masturbate in the third person or something.

Pighead

Collie D wrote:

Who let you in here? Go off and masturbate in the third person or something.

Thats harsh! Whats with all the aggression? Pighead just wanted a few more options. Gonna let you cool down now and have a long hard think about what you just said.

Collie D

Pighead wrote:

Thats harsh! Whats with all the aggression? Pighead just wanted a few more options. Gonna let you cool down now and have a long hard think about what you just said.

Back down if you like, I'll say no more...

Pighead

Collie D wrote:

Back down if you like, I'll say no more...

Apology accepted. It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong. Fair play buddy. Consider it forgotten.

Collie D

Pighead wrote:

Apology accepted. It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong. Fair play buddy. Consider it forgotten.

God you're so full of it. I don't know why I'm bothering. I'm off to bed. You'vce outstayed your welcome. Leave the forum now, please.

crosstownk

Collie D wrote:

Leave the forum now, please.

Seconded

Unless pighead wants to make a formal application to join the brotherhood of BGRH.........................................:eek:

The Bollox

Collie D wrote:

Who let you in here? Go off and masturbate in the third person or something.

LOL! BUU-ZING!

Why the hate for Pighead? I personally like pigs. Especially in a sausage and bacon form, preferably stuffed into a roll.

Seriously though, does the 3rd person crap annoy you that much?

Be careful what you say about pighead Brothers, I hear he is looking to become a mod!

muboop1

Deleted User wrote:

Be careful what you say about pighead Brothers, I hear he is looking to become a mod!

even more reason to get all the abuse in now b4 he gains any power!

AlmightyCushion

Collie D wrote:

I enjoy a good auld session of wind. However, my gf thinks its a bit disgusting, especially when I do it in bed and have a good old sniff. Even more annoying to her and force her head under the blankets...is there something wrong with this? Equally enjoyable is letting one off in the lift in work and sending it back up to some poor sod who is none the wiser as to who was in the lift beforehand.

Letting out a fart is good and perfectly normal. The best place to do it is on a packed dart first thing in the morning and watch everyones face turn.

Collie D

Deleted User wrote:

Why the hate for Pighead? I personally like pigs. Especially in a sausage and bacon form, preferably stuffed into a roll.

Seriously though, does the 3rd person crap annoy you that much?

Wouldn't say hate. Not the third person thing either, that's just him being deluded. Just more annoyed by the way he pisses on everyone's threads and calls them cnuts. Unacceptable behaviour for the vast majority of Boardsies who would be banned yet the porcine one is tolerated (or felt sorry for) by the mods, much like the little senile elderly relative with a mild form of Tourette's.

Duggy747

I love letting off a breezer after a heavy session of Guinness the night before. The stench is something evil altogether!! I litterally cleared my pub last Saturday with one but I pretended I didn't do it, people made such a big deal out of the smell that all doors & windows were opened and everyone even went out the back for a fag and fresh air. Now, I couldn't own up to that could I?

It was a rancid fart alright, full of demons and trapped souls.

AlmightyCushion

Duggy747 wrote:

I love letting off a breezer after a heavy session of Guinness the night before. The stench is something evil altogether!! I litterally cleared my pub last Saturday with one but I pretended I didn't do it, people made such a big deal out of the smell that all doors & windows were opened and everyone even went out the back for a fag and fresh air. Now, I couldn't own up to that could I?

It was a rancid fart alright, full of demons and trapped souls.

Surely with all that natural gas (apologies) around that would be the last thing any one would want to do.

jester77

No harm in it at all unless she has some candles burning near by!

Duggy747

You're a man who has needs; farting! You're grand and she shouldn't mind, unless it's one of those sweaty ones that feel like they're 1000 degrees celsisus hot and you feel a strange trickle going down your leg, then you're in trouble.

The Bollox

oh god, curry farts! the smelliest, wettest, sorest farts around, only real men can make these monsters and smile afterwards

Duggy747

The Bollox wrote:

oh god, curry farts! the smelliest, wettest, sorest farts around, only real men can make these monsters and smile afterwards

They sting like a motherfúcker!! Especially when you're in public and you try to squeeze one out with minimal amount of pressure, like opening a cooling vent 1/8 of the way to let out radioactive steam. If you go all out then you're gonna be left with a white-hot brown puddle in your knickers.

Then you got your cracklers, they're my favourite ones as the noise themselves can lead to devestating effect. Usually peak first thing in the morning when you gotta release all the build-up from all that beer and kebab-like food from the night before.

AlmightyCushion

Nope the best ones have to be the really long squeaky ones. They are by far the funniest.

The Bollox

loud farts are hilarious, especially when you're on the John. if I get a burst of them before dropping the depth charges I break into fits of giggles, the sound reverberates around the bowl, classic

ladylorenzo

Duggy747 wrote:

everyone even went out the back for a fag and fresh air.

LOL..Is it just me or does anyone else find this last comment ridiculously funny - a paradox if ever i heard one!!

AlmightyCushion

ladylorenzo wrote:

LOL..Is it just me or does anyone else find this last comment ridiculously funny - a paradox if ever i heard one!!

Didn't actually notice that.

Spud83

The best farts are the ones that get a good proper reaction. The ones that make people wretch and nearly throw up. You know its a good one when they cause a wretch or two.

Blitzkrieger

TBH - if the dog doesn't leave the room in disgust you're playing in the amateur leagues....

Collie D

Blitzkrieger wrote:

TBH - if the dog doesn't leave the room in disgust you're playing in the amateur leagues....

The cat has pissed off fairly sharpish on one occassion..although I did do it right in her face

Duggy747

I can't get the dog to leave but that's probably because she's used to her own god-awful pungent dead carrot-like farts. She does notice them by waking up and smelling the air and putting on a worried face

Some of my proudest farts have cleared the back of a bus, so bad that people got off their seats to move up the aisle till it cleared. It's always fun when you don't admit and point the finger at some poor innocent shmuck!

Nowadays though if I got a serious one brewing I squat over and light it up, great party piece.

Collie D

Duggy747 wrote:

Nowadays though if I got a serious one brewing I squat over and light it up, great party piece.

You, sir, are a legend! Does that actually work? Ever got a major flame out of it?

Duggy747

Collie D wrote:

You, sir, are a legend! Does that actually work? Ever got a major flame out of it?

Yea it really does! Most of the time you'll get a middle sized flame but occassionally....*WHOOOOF!!* Big-ass yellow flames come out. I always put me legs over my head, lighter just by my ring, and then let loose!

The Bollox

I'd say it hurts like hell, and what about blow back?

Duggy747

The Bollox wrote:

I'd say it hurts like hell, and what about blow back?

Nah, doesn't hurt at all. Though if it's a big one turn you're gonna feel the heat, but that lasts for about 2 seconds. As for the blow back, I haven't had an accident yet, the trousers are great as a shield.

However, do be careful!:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x02TejnWvBU

The Bollox

sorry, I meant the fire backfiring i.e. spontanious combustion

Duggy747

The Bollox wrote:

sorry, I meant the fire backfiring i.e. spontanious combustion

Well, the trousers would offer protection and I presume your ring closes before any sort of flame get's inside you. Hmmm, I wonder what would happen, would you burn inside out?

The Bollox

it's be pretty funny if your sack caught fire... not for you though. at least you could run around roaring "GOODNESS, GRACIOUS! GREAT BALLS ON FIRE!"

Collie D

Jesus, doesn't bear thinking about it. Slightly OT, Isee you on post number 999, why not make the grand with a story of your most amazing fire-fart, a fitting use I think.

Duggy747

Collie D wrote:

Jesus, doesn't bear thinking about it. Slightly OT, Isee you on post number 999, why not make the grand with a story of your most amazing fire-fart, a fitting use I think.

Balls, I'm just after celebrating it over at the bar. I got a round for everyone *slurps on bucket of diesel* Aaaah, as for my firey arse the funniest thing that ever happened was the same time I managed to get my biggest, most orange flame. I held the light in an unusual way and when I ignited my Duggy-brand gas I ended up frying the hairs off my thumb and index finger. My hand stunk of burnt hair for ages afterwards but I was too proud of my majestic fireball to care.

Collie D

Duggy747 wrote:

I ended up frying the hairs off my thumb and index finger. QUOTE]

Thought that was going somewhere else. Count yourself lucky

Duggy747

Again, the trousers is a mighty shield. I'd advise never to try this bollock-naked, you'll soon pay the price!

J.S. Pill

The funniest fart moment I can think of was from when I was back in school. Some dude in the back of the class farted (as you do); as the blast radius slowly expanded each row of students covered their noses and started laughing. The teacher at the top of the class notices row after row following this pattern. 'What are ye all laughing at' he says as the final row succumbs. 10 seconds later: 'oh god, open the window!'. That fart traveled a good 25 feet without any discernable loss of power and believe me, t'was fierce powerful. Impressive stuff.

Collie D

I'd say that guy went on to achieve great things. Possibly a mod on the Brotherhood's forum?

FlutterinBantam

Personally I favour the repeating fart which starts in the deppest innards and rumbles out like a frikken 21 gun salute.

The "String of Pearls " I call it.

trout

While it pleases me to see this thread mutate into "Great farts I have known", I feel compelled to bring it back on-topic.

OP, you are a man. End of. To be considered sick, in this regard, you would have to do the following

• Have a feed of Guinness, and either kebabs or curries (or both)
• Let nature take it's course
• Prepare a tupperware container, with tight fitting lid.
• Add some tap water.
• Proceed to fart into the tupperware container (you may need a friend, a good friend, to assist).
• When you are drained, seal the tupperware container and place in the freezer. Allow to stand overnight.
• To deploy : Conceal the frozen fart bomb somewhere about the desk of your most hated enemy.
• Sit back and watch. Repeat as required.

If by chance, some turd droplets fall into the water during preparation ... that's OK too.

crosstownk

trout wrote:

Have a feed of Guinness, and either kebabs or curries (or both)

It works much better after a few successive nights of Guinness and kebebs. The stench should be good enough to evacuate a small village

Fey!

OP; whilst I admire your spirit, one must remember the old line "a woman is not your girlfriend until such time as her head has been trapped under the covers solely for your flatulant entertainment".

In other words, do this at your peril, for once you do it, she makes the rules!!!

Collie D

trout wrote:

While it pleases me to see this thread mutate into "Great farts I have known", I feel compelled to bring it back on-topic.

OP, you are a man. End of. To be considered sick, in this regard, you would have to do the following

• Have a feed of Guinness, and either kebabs or curries (or both)
• Let nature take it's course
• Prepare a tupperware container, with tight fitting lid.
• Add some tap water.
• Proceed to fart into the tupperware container (you may need a friend, a good friend, to assist).
• When you are drained, seal the tupperware container and place in the freezer. Allow to stand overnight.
• To deploy : Conceal the frozen fart bomb somewhere about the desk of your most hated enemy.
• Sit back and watch. Repeat as required.

If by chance, some turd droplets fall into the water during preparation ... that's OK too.

Haha, that truly is sick but somehow I am curious. I may look into this.

Fey! wrote:

OP; whilst I admire your spirit, one must remember the old line "a woman is not your girlfriend until such time as her head has been trapped under the covers solely for your flatulant entertainment".

In other words, do this at your peril, for once you do it, she makes the rules!!!

Well since I posted I think I have been dumped but life goes on...I'm really gonna miss the old head under the duvet while I let a ripper...sniff

AlmightyCushion

trout wrote:

While it pleases me to see this thread mutate into "Great farts I have known", I feel compelled to bring it back on-topic.

OP, you are a man. End of. To be considered sick, in this regard, you would have to do the following

• Have a feed of Guinness, and either kebabs or curries (or both)
• Let nature take it's course
• Prepare a tupperware container, with tight fitting lid.
• Add some tap water.
• Proceed to fart into the tupperware container (you may need a friend, a good friend, to assist).
• When you are drained, seal the tupperware container and place in the freezer. Allow to stand overnight.
• To deploy : Conceal the frozen fart bomb somewhere about the desk of your most hated enemy.
• Sit back and watch. Repeat as required.

If by chance, some turd droplets fall into the water during preparation ... that's OK too.

Holy sh!t man that is genius. Now I've gotta find me a victim.

admiralofthefleet

trout wrote:

While it pleases me to see this thread mutate into "Great farts I have known", I feel compelled to bring it back on-topic.

OP, you are a man. End of. To be considered sick, in this regard, you would have to do the following

• Have a feed of Guinness, and either kebabs or curries (or both)
• Let nature take it's course
• Prepare a tupperware container, with tight fitting lid.
• Add some tap water.
• Proceed to fart into the tupperware container (you may need a friend, a good friend, to assist).
• When you are drained, seal the tupperware container and place in the freezer. Allow to stand overnight.
• To deploy : Conceal the frozen fart bomb somewhere about the desk of your most hated enemy.
• Sit back and watch. Repeat as required.

If by chance, some turd droplets fall into the water during preparation ... that's OK too.

i find a good feed of guinness followed by a nice indian really gets a haymaker going, anyone who frequents william hill (formerly stanley's) bookies in blackrock will remember why im barred

matt-dublin

and they say the earth is running out of renewable energy!

you should have bottled it and sent it to board gais

reminds me somewhat of this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqCfVVkT2KI