one for the lads (or anyone with a penis)

GhostInTheRuins

Mmm.. sausage, mince and cream, nice

philstar

is this the most depraved thread ever??

btw masturbation is a sin...

Anto McC

Filthy bastards every last one of you. I use my penis when ****.

Reku

irishbird wrote:

yeah, we dont need to stuff things inside us you know - actually, you probably dont know

Yeah, girls like to believe that their amazing flirting gets the things to stuff themselves inside them (lets not let on that for the average lad said things will tend get stuffed into any available hole if left without a home long enough).:D

Anyway, things to keep in mind:
hazards of self pleasure

remember to wash your hands after

Collie D

WTF is a posh ****? Also, who's the lying sh!t who said he doesn't do it?

The Bollox

Collie D wrote:

WTF is a posh ****? Also, who's the lying sh!t who said he doesn't do it?

a posh **** is with a condom, hence the "I have all the money" comment afterwards

Collie D

The Bollox wrote:

a posh **** is with a condom, hence the "I have all the money" comment afterwards

Glad I asked

The Bollox

what did you think it was?

Collie D

I honestly had no idea what it was but your "money" referenc kind of made me cringe

JIZZLORD

what's not to love about leaving an auld sock like a painters radio!

2 stroke

I don't see an option for me. I use both hands. They don't call me 2 stroke for nothing.
Also wheres the warm apple pie.

Peyton Manning

Warm apple pie

Fad

the hoover option really shouldnt be there, it might inspire someone to try it out and well i cant see it being positive for the boards rep

(seriously i saw an entire website dedicated to ''accidents'' that happened when 'experimenting' with a hoover)

thefinalstage

Is shaggin mince not like getting down with a cow, quite possible a bull?

randylonghorn

The Bollox wrote:

a posh **** is with a condom, hence the "I have all the money" comment afterwards

:eek:

Jaysus, it's bad enough using them when there's a reason to use them, what tosser would use them to ****?

2 stroke wrote:

I don't see an option for me. I use both hands. They don't call me 2 stroke for nothing.

Ah ... I think we all presumed it referred to ... well, staying power, tbh! <_<

Nailz

Collie D wrote:

WTF is a posh ****? Also, who's the lying sh!t who said he doesn't do it?

Collie, I'm the sh!t that said I don't do it... BTW I'm not lying. It's too... what should I call it?... ehh, the word slipped from me... help? (and don't say "lying")

One Cold Hand

One Cold Hand wrote:

I use my mental strength. No physical contact of any sort needed here. Of course it's not that difficult, one thought of YORE MA and I'm spent.

What an appropriate name

GhostInTheRuins

thelastangryman wrote:

Is shaggin mince not like getting down with a cow, quite possible a bull?

If it is, then why not go one step further, beastiality necrophilia :eek:

In all honesty, who actually uses a sock?

randylonghorn

D.T. Jesus wrote:

If it is, then why not go one step further, beastiality necrophilia :eek:

In all honesty, who actually uses a sock?

[literary]Patrick Mahoney[/literary]

2 stroke

Warm mince dosn't do anything for me, just tried it with the morning wood. Guess I'm just not into beastiality.

FlutterinBantam

Try a nice warm jar of baby beets then if you are a veggie.

The Bollox

D.T. Jesus wrote:

If it is, then why not go one step further, beastiality necrophilia :eek:

In all honesty, who actually uses a sock?

it's handy having an old sock lying around if you run out of tissue and don't want to leave a mess

yom 1

randylonghorn wrote:

:eek:

Jaysus, it's bad enough using them when there's a reason to use them, what tosser would use them to ****?

Pissed myself to that one

Slightly disturbed though by the amount of thought and effort put in by the mince meat dude, even takes the time to heat it up. Preparation time 5 mins, cooking time 30 secs. You could crack 2 off in that time:eek:

Duggy747

I've never used a sock and I don't think I ever will. I don't like the idea of putting my foot into something I've already made sweet love to (as kinky as that may sound)

I like to crack the odd one over a hot frying pan, spices things up! *sizzle*

Collie D

Nailz wrote:

Collie, I'm the sh!t that said I don't do it... BTW I'm not lying. It's too... what should I call it?... ehh, the word slipped from me... help? (and don't say "lying")

Haha, well as pointed out by seanies32, plenty of sheep about in Cavan so I supose I can believe you.

2 stroke

Using a sheep isnt ****, its sex.

AlmightyCushion

2 stroke wrote:

Using a sheep isnt ****, its sex.

Would it not be considered rape. I doubt the sheep can consent.

The Bollox

of course it could, just ask it how bad it wants it "baaaaaaad"

AlmightyCushion

The Bollox wrote:

of course it could, just ask it how bad it wants it "baaaaaaad"

Get your goat I mean coat.

2 stroke

AlmightyCushion wrote:

Would it not be considered rape. I doubt the sheep can consent.

How come you are standing up for the sheep? The mince didn't consent, I don't think the warm apple pie did either.

popebenny16

Shake 'n' Vac.

Duct Tape.

Baseball bat.

Rope.

Those cute 9V batteries.

It's all in the planning.

AlmightyCushion

2 stroke wrote:

How come you are standing up for the sheep? The mince didn't consent, I don't think the warm apple pie did either.

Don't know about the mince but the apple pie definitely consented. every knows that pie is such a wh0re.

2 stroke

AlmightyCushion wrote:

Don't know about the mince but the apple pie definitely consented.QUOTE]
Use of chloroform does not constitute consent

AlmightyCushion

2 stroke wrote:

Use of chloroform does not constitute consent

It does in my book.

Kinetic^

Where's the bagpiping option? :rolleyes:

DonkeyStyle \o/

This poll really should be multiple choice

K-9

2 stroke wrote:

Using a sheep isnt ****, its sex.

Well men could fantasise about them! Every man each to his own and all that