What Have I Done

LegacyUser

Basically, I have turned into an obnoxious prick schizo, but only because I want to make my friends happier. I've been battling heavy depression and anxiety (which turned into mania) for the past year or so. Recently, I've just said, fcuk it. I am responsible for this, and I can change it. And I have. I am now more happier, focused, clear-minded, intuitive, stronger, more me. However, now I realise I have turned my attention to the lives of my friends. Seeing as how I was basically a sponge for the past few years, it must be very off putting for them to see me trying to make their lives better. I feel like I can, and hey maybe I'm right. And they seem happier, and this is what I wanted. But now it's like everyone is looking at me like I am trying to read their minds and using them as guinea pigs. I am battling with one of my closest friends for reason.

All of us are living in a house for the summer, and the majority of us have been together since we were 15. I'm 20 now. I just need advice as to how I can do what I need to do without causing anymore damage. I REALLY don't care about being seen as a wanker, I just don't want them to see me as a snake in their midst. I'm gay, so it goes with the territory I guess.

I have come a long way in the past few months, and i am NOT going back to the pits of depression. I just wish my friends could grasp the idea that my handle on time and mood is different to theirs, as theirs is to mine.

Anyway, ANY comment or response is much appreciated. This issue will stretch for the rest of my life, I feel. But I admit I need to get more of a handle on it right now, so that the years to come will be smoother.

I'm studying drama as well, and would appreciate any advice 'artists' may have. Because, that seems to be a big theme right now too. My 'art', ehem.

spinandscribble

... i'd like a friend to help me out if i had a problem.

then again maybe they dont have a problem and resent you telling them they cant be happy the way they are

ali.c

MyNameIs wrote:

Basically, I have turned into an obnoxious prick schizo, but only because I want to make my friends happier. I've been battling heavy depression and anxiety (which turned into mania) for the past year or so. Recently, I've just said, fcuk it. I am responsible for this, and I can change it. And I have. I am now more happier, focused, clear-minded, intuitive, stronger, more me. However, now I realise I have turned my attention to the lives of my friends. Seeing as how I was basically a sponge for the past few years, it must be very off putting for them to see me trying to make their lives better. I feel like I can, and hey maybe I'm right. And they seem happier, and this is what I wanted. But now it's like everyone is looking at me like I am trying to read their minds and using them as guinea pigs. I am battling with one of my closest friends for reason.

Nope you are wrong IMO, congrats on sorting out your depression, but that doesnt give your a carte blanche to start imforming people on how to live there lives.

MyNameIs wrote:

All of us are living in a house for the summer, and the majority of us have been together since we were 15. I'm 20 now. I just need advice as to how I can do what I need to do without causing anymore damage. I REALLY don't care about being seen as a wanker, I just don't want them to see me as a snake in their midst. I'm gay, so it goes with the territory I guess.

To limit damage i would suggest stop meddling in their affairs TBH, maybe jsut explain that you were a little out of sorts and that you realaise your behaviour was inappropriate? Honestly it doesnt sound like its anything to do with being gay.

MyNameIs wrote:

I have come a long way in the past few months, and i am NOT going back to the pits of depression. I just wish my friends could grasp the idea that my handle on time and mood is different to theirs, as theirs is to mine.

So they handle things differenty, its not right or wrong its different and tbh really none of your business

Zillah

Whoah, whoah, slow down.

You say you're over the mania? Because it really really doesn't sound like it from your post. This is how you come across:

"I was all messed up but now I'm not messed up but I'm a bastard because I'm helping all my friends and its what they want and I think its the right thing to do but they're all watching me and think I'm experimenting on them and I want to change their lives and I don't care if they hate me but they will because because I'm gay and I have to do it now because I have so much of my own stuff to sort out THEATRE!!"

Like, seriously, what are you even talking about? What exactly are you asking advice about?

Canis Lupus

Zillah wrote:

Whoah, whoah, slow down.

You say you're over the mania? Because it really really doesn't sound like it from your post. This is how you come across:

"I was all messed up but now I'm not messed up but I'm a bastard because I'm helping all my friends and its what they want and I think its the right thing to do but they're all watching me and think I'm experimenting on them and I want to change their lives and I don't care if they hate me but they will because because I'm gay and I have to do it now because I have so much of my own stuff to sort out THEATRE!!"

Like, seriously, what are you even talking about? What exactly are you asking advice about?

LOL what he said. ^^

BaZmO*

Zillah wrote:

Like, seriously, what are you even talking about? What exactly are you asking advice about?

Tbh, I'm a little puzzled myself.

While reading through your post I was thinking, "Christ! This guy is such a Drama Queen" and then I read....

I'm studying drama as well

and thought, "Yeah that'd be about right" :rolleyes:

Well done on getting over your depression and all but with regards to meddling with your friend's business the only bit of advice I can give you is, unless they specifically ask you for advice, mind your own business. And stop being such a Drama Queen.

Oryx

Like most people, you have more than enough of your own stuff to be taking care of without taking on anyone elses problems. Leave your friends alone. Be their friend, not their analyst.

LegacyUser

'Okay, I appreciate everything that you guys have said. It's pretty much impossible to describe to ye how strange I am. And I won't, that's not the reason I'm here right now.

It's like everything I do right now is getting a comment or response. Being me requires a comment on behalf of someone. This is hard to handle when I think back to a time when I couldn't even gather up the courage to utter a word in a room of people laughing their heads off.

A big reason I am acting this way is to get my friends out of danger. Yes, paranoid. But this is who I am. This is the role I play in life. And I'm not looking for your criticism on that. Please accept that. What I am looking for is people who dare to say 'Hey, that was me once. I was that guy. I did those things'. And now I am accused of being manic, schizo, whatever. But I should expect that if I expose myself in a forum.

As for me being a drama queen. It's quite predictable to gauge that from a single post, so maybe ask yourselves why I come off as a 'drama queen'. Who in here isn't playing a role.

So, if you have been in my situation. If you know how sensitive people with mental illness are to assumptions and titles, then I would like to hear from you. Otherwise, no.'

Oryx

As far as I can see, the only one who called you schizo, was you.

You did get called a drama queen, Ill give you that. But thats not a slur against a mental condition.

I am sensitive to mental illness, so please take this the right way. Your posts do not make you sound well. Your friends may see this too, I dont know. Your posts are not really asking a specific question, so its hard to figure what you actually want. I dont know you from Adam, I dont know your condition, and I really dont want to offend you. But if you are under medical supervision I would suggest that you ask them about how you are feeling right now.

lucernarian

Are all these replies meant to be helpful?? There's been far too much said by a couple of the posters on the basis of one post.

"Drama Queen" is not a slur against a mental condition, it's a slur. So how will that justify it?

Anyway, to the OP, there's a lot of analysing going on there, as KtK implied. Realise that your friends aren't there to grasp anything about you. That sort of stuff needs to be reasoned in your own head, and it's little use to anyone if you try fixing other people's lives when your own house is falling down.

I've also learned that there's not much point trying to do something now so that I'll feel better in the future. Feelings change from minute to minute and in a different way, from year to year. Do what you need to do on what gets you through the current week in one piece. It's a waste of time to plan feelings.

And I found that with depression, you can see the world around you quite clearly, but you don't get the right picture of yourself. I might look into the tiny details while the main thing slips out of focus. Being paranoid is as much about insecurity and depression as being over-protective etc. I don't think it's who you are. Nor should it be an excuse for doing the wrong thing. Your friends need a friend, not a mother, and definetely not the idea that you're helping them for your own gain.

You're digging yourself into a hole if you force the "Word of the Lord according to MyNameIS" on them. You recognise that they are responding badly to it, so why not recognise that it must stop?

P.S. being "me" doesn't require anything.

Pub07

See if they're up for a threesome.

edanto

Can you talk to your friends about this?

Here's three questions to guide you.
What's happening? (be specific)
How does it make you feel? (or at least, what's the dominant feeling?)
What would you like to be different?

rinse and repeat

ps pub07 rptd

Victor

Pub07 wrote:

See if they're up for a threesome.

Please try to be useful in you postings and please read the charter.

StupidLikeAFox

To be honest i think your way over analysing your life. Your not being yourself at all, you're deciding how you should portray yourself, what way you'd like to be seen, and going about doing things to reinforce that image. You used to be quiet, withdrawn, and somewhere along the way you decide "hey, i have to get noticed" so you start getting in peoples faces and affairs and what not.

You say "who in here isnt playing a role". And your right, everyone plays a role in some different way. But the only way you'll be able to play a role that your happy with is doing things that make you happy. If that requires volunteering at the weekend, watching a whole season of prison break in one sitting, getting good results in exams, being able to pee to a height of 6 foot, whatever! If you are overall happy in yourself it will rub off on other people and other people will like you more, and it will cause less complications and lead to a better quality life.

In other words, get busy living your life instead of thinking about life.